Rikishi vs. The British Bulldog & Rollerball Rocco vs. Johnny Saint (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, my looking at Rikishi Phatu’s early WWF career leads to a Metal match against the British Bulldog of all people, during that short bit of crossover where the two were up north at the same time! Actually they probably shared space a lot given the Headshrinkers & Sultan’s runs, but I can’t remember lots of matches they had. Then it’s time for some WORLD OF SPORT, as I review Johnny Saint vs. Rollerball Rocco from the UK in the 1980s!

Next up, it’s a look at Shelton Benjamin in Ohio Valley Wrestling as he takes on Smooth Johnny Spade, an indie lifer meant to carry the rookie through a quick TV match! Then I check out more of the Dying Days of ECW with its most bottom-feeder gimmicks: Bilvis Wesley and Chilly Willy! In particular, Bilvis teams up with Tom Marquez against the rising babyface duo of Danny “spending more time naming my mid-match moves than learning how to get over” Doring and Roadkill! Then Chilly Willy makes a Southern indie taking on the promotion’s top heel, Tracy Smothers!

RIKISHI PHATU (w/ Too Cool) vs. “THE BRITISH BULLDOG” DAVEY-BOY SMITH (w/ The Mean Street Posse):
(WWF Metal, Dec. 18th 1999)
* So it’s one more Rikishi match! Well maybe. I was gonna see how much interesting stuff there was, but once he hits his formula all his matches are pretty much the same, haha. This one’s interesting because his opponent is the BULLDOG- a very brief period between him quitting WCW and rejoining the WWF as a midcarder (Bret Hart was predictably kind-hearted and understanding about this turn of events). Bulldog’s wearing BLUE JEANS and coming out to the sound of dogs barking and “ugh, Jim Johnston was tired that day, alright?” butt-rock. This being two midcarders on Metal with five dudes hanging around ringside, I’m imagining Fuck Finish.

Bulldog attacks from behind to start, gets shoved off, but charges in with the clothesline for RIkishi’s 360 sell. Rikishi reverses a corner whip and hits a belly-to-belly, ass avalanche and regular-ass punch (instead of the superkick), but when he tries the Banzai Drop, Pete Gas fights Too Cool to distract the ref against the other two charging into the ring and fighting Rikishi. He clotheslines both guys and superkicks Bulldog to the floor. This leaves Rodney to eat the Rikishi Driver as Bulldog walks out at (2:21)- no bell. haha that was even less intensive than I was expecting- Bulldog takes five bumps and leaves, giving Rikishi almost no fight at all. Everyone dances and we’re out.

Rating: 1/4* (barely even a match)

JOHNNY SAINT vs. MARK “ROLLERBALL” ROCCO:
(World of Sport, i dunno, the ’80s?)
* Yes it’s time for some WORLD OF SPORT! A style I have zero familiarity with (I’ve never even heard of Johnny Saint), but there’s Rollerball! Rocco is the first Black Tiger in New Japan and is a legend in his own right… so of course I’ve never seen him wrestle either, haha. But time to fix that! This style is apparently heavy on technical mat stuff with lots of theatrics but not a lot of dirty fighting. Rocco is an IMMENSELY roided mid-sized dude with huge arms and U.S. flag-lookin’ gear covering the whole chest and back. Saint is a middle-aged looking guy in that “doesn’t look like much yet 100% believable as a shooter” sort of zone as far as physique goes. Saint is apparently the dude Toni Storm and Saraya were mimicking with their infamously bad “World of Sport” routine in that Dynamite match.

Round Two: We’re JIP with Round 2 just beginning, Rocco headbutting Saint’s shoulder and slapping his tits as commentary discusses his nature as a horseman in a very British manner. Rocco tries a huge elevated kneedrop but only smashes the mat, and gets tripped about as Saint kicks out his leg repeatedly, just SAILING all over the place. They do some Internationals and then Saint hilariously just curls into a ball on the mat- commentary going “ohhhh yeah” as this is an unbeatable defensive posture. Sure enough, Rocco tries to grab him and gets completely flipped by a quick leg-twist. The best part is Saint didn’t actually do anything yet Rocco’s like “OH MY GOD HE’S GOT ME ARM, BOLLOCKS!” and flips over. Johnny effortlessly lands on his feet from a snapmare and then go-behind trips Rocco for two, causing Rocco to stall for time and disingenuously claps for his opponent. Saint then falls for the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE and gets popped (Rocco deftly putting his back to the ref to hide it), and Rollerball elbowdrops him, then whines as the ref penalizes him. Saint then reverses a corner-whip and Rollerball CRASHES into it and flips over to the floor. He pops Johnny in the head and leaps off the top to avoid him- another hidden punch and time’s up.

Round Three: Rocco immediately headbutts Saint in the ribs and drops him with a front piledriver (!) and a snap elbowdrop. Both guys go into the corner but Rocco keeps getting kicks and slams Johnny, but goes up and misses a flying back elbow, splatting and flipping over with impressive speed. Man this is one springy-ass ring. Saint misses a charge and openly gets into place for a rolling senton, then puts him up side-down for a precision Tombstone for a pinfall at (1:47). Uh, I guess you add up points with pins! Saint’s selling style is amusing, lolling his tongue out and doing open-mouthed gasping while writhing around like an infant- he looks like he’s just tasted something gross.

Round Four: Rocco immediately pops Johnny with a forearm, then a clothesline as Johnny keeps plopping down stiff as a plank to sell- how could ANYONE mistake this for real, lol? Rocco with a neckbreaker to stay on the neck, then drops his neck across the top rope and kneedrops it again, setting up a Canadian backbreaker that has Johnny windmilling his feet around and going “no” until he pops a surprised Mark’s hands apart and clotheslines him, immediately halting all selling to tear around the ring! Monkey flip for Rocco and he rolls to the floor off a dropkick, and when he tries to come in again, he gets Flair Tossed (lol Saint’s arms were a foot away from him and Mark went FLYING on his own). Rocco gets tied in the ropes but back-elbows Johnny for a double-down. Johnny rapidly hits an inverted atomic drop, but the ref SCOLDS HIM and that’s a penalty, presumably for testicle-based offense.

Round Five: Rocco immediately whips Johnny over the ropes by his hair, then bashes him into the corner post but eats the same thing himself, but he’s able to dodge a flying clothesline and Johnny’s again retching. But Rollerball gets dropkicked and backdropped, and when he tries another Tombstone, Johnny rolls out sideways and does it himself for the pin (1:06)! We’re tied!

Part two!

Round Six: Rocco immediately pops Saint to start, but a suplex sends them BOTH flying over the top- they both roll in at “9” and Rocco goes for the finish with a slam and misses a flying senton! But Saint does another international and Rocco runs head-first RIGHT into his dick and both men collapse! The ref has to call it at (1:03) for Rollerball Rocco, as Johnny is unable to continue!

Man, Rocco’s stuff looked AMAZING. Like, every move was done with laser-precision and with great snap- he was spinning and rolling (… hey is that the source of his nickname?) off of everything to give it something extra. S-tier bumper, too, judging from how he’s flying and flipping off of every little thing (that “defensive posture” kick is great- Johnny merely grabs a wrist and sorta kicks his foot out and Rocco goes completely flips over like it was some advanced maneuver). Saint has a very precise, stiff style of working that’s remarkable in its speed- like he turtles in and holds his arms close to his body at all times, which both looks weird but makes him look extra slithery and hard to get a hold. Though actually, most everything in the match is Rocco flinging himself around off of NOTHING, Johnny merely standing there so Rocco can bump himself and bounce off the mat on impact. The style here seems based around the heels acting like boobs so Johnny can make fools of them, as they lumber around and end up in perfect position to get tripped. Saint’s selling could be a bit “miracle comeback with no accumulated damage”, probably because he hits everything at the same speed no matter what. Overall, a very fun little match- makes me wonder how much of Saint’s vaunted technical skill is due to his opponents being great at acting like lummoxes, but that’s the nature of a super-bumper like Rocco.

Rating: *** (a masterclass of bumping by Rocco, who was also a great heel. Saint’s speed is remarkable)

SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. SMOOTH JOHNNY SPADE (w/ Sly Scraper):
(Ohio Valley Wrestling, May 21st 2001)
* So if you’re anything like me, you have 400 tabs open on your browser at all times and forget what’s on most of them! One I forgot about had my DM column about Eric Angle vs. Johnny Spade, and XQDad44 suggested MORE SPADE, so here he is! He’s a skinny, twerpy guy now taking on a pre-WWF Shelton, out in yellow shorts with a do-rag on. Spade’s in green slacks. Scraper is… Sylvester Terkay? Wait, I know that name. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him, though. Looks like he actually made WWF TV, but on SmackDown before I was able to get that channel. He was around less than a year. He is VERY obviously doing a “Bruiser Brody” riff here, with furry boots, wild mannerisms with his arms out at his sides, and the same hair/beard.

Spade goes for the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE and gets thrown around to start, and thrashes around after eating a chop & backdrop suplex. He pokes the eyes to take over and throws the single wimpiest punch combo of all time (the camera is MUCH too close and the worst possible angle too, haha), but Shelton slingshots him to the corner and hits a press-slam & Michinoku driver, but tries for a cannonball and lands ass-first on the mat. Cornette goes all-out on commentary dismissing Spade every way he knows how (so his current hatred of scrawny weakling-looking wrestlers is nothing new), but indicates that the cowardly prick will take every shortcut to justify his spot. He does a Road Dogg shimmy into an elbowdrop, but Shelton fires back, missing a dropkick. He’s also shoved off the top, Spade missing a Swanton- Shelton fires away and hits a soft spinebuster into a GREAT full-extension superkick, but Spade hits the floor. Synn (the evil Disciples of Synn manager- yes that is Cornette’s wife… six years after this?) then sneaks out and they do the Warrior/Rude finish, as she trips up Shelton on a suplex and Spade lands on him for the three when she grabs the leg at (4:16). Not exactly believable given Shelton’s strength and how late she was on that grab, but heelish cheating carries the day. Shelton knocks out Spade at the end, but gets beaten down by Sly Scraper, who himself gets fought off by Damaja and Crash.

Rating: * (This came off a fair bit like a young “veteran” carrying a rookie through a match, giving him just a few comebacks. Spade sold pretty well and Shelton’s offense looks good, but Spade’s offense is TERRIBLE and can’t really carry a bout. Not great cheating, either)

Possibly the most Indieriffic of all ECW’s tag teams, it’s “Guy dressed like a 1980s WWF Jobber” teaming with “Amish Fat Guy”.

DANNY DORING & ROADKILL vs. BILVIS WESLEY & “THE PRODIGY” TOM MARQUEZ (w/ Elektra):
(ECW Hardcore TV, Nov. 11th 2000)
* so this one has the up & coming babyface duo take on Bilvis & the Prodigy (when he was just plain “Tom Marquez”). Tom is hilariously short and squat, probably fitting in more with today’s wrestling than 2000’s, as Roadkill makes him look like a midget. The hot pants and black shirt with no sleeves isn’t helping. Doring’s in a simply hideous combination of yellow tights with a blue top.

Roadkill works over Marquez while Bilvis at least makes an effort on the apron to play things up (though complaining about closed fists being used in ECW feels a bit odd considering I’ve seen dudes use VCRs as melee weapons and not get DQ’d). Roadkill wins an International with a shoulderblock as Joel Gertner explains that Marquez is called “The Prodigy” because he was trained by Taz. Oh damn, he’s got the same pedigree as CHRIS CHETTI- I hope the babyfaces are ready for his offensive onslaught. Roadkill brings him into the ring the hard way, then hits a falling powerslam & Vader Bomb elbow as Styles explains that the babyfaces were also trained at the House of Hardcore by Taz & Perry Saturn. Doring comes in and they hit the Lancaster Lariat of Lust (Hart Attack- with Doring giving a really loose, wimpy clothesline), then they dodge Bilvis and nail him with a double-back elbow into an assisted avalanche and the Bareback (inverted stunner), just squashing these geeks. But Elektra distracts Doring enough for him to give chase, and he runs into Wesley’s spinkick (the ECW camera guys are actually good enough to mostly avoid showing Bilvis miss completely and basically do a Spinning Nothing).

Bilvis works the back semi-decently, then puts on a sloppy Muta Lock-adjacent move until Roadkill stomps him. Marquez works over Doring and stops a comeback, but keeps making ridiculous “lurch” motions, seemingly having no control of what his body is doing because he looks stupid. Bilvis throws a punch but eats The Stroke (given some name by Joey I didn’t hear) and Doring gets the hot tag to Roadkill- side slam to Marquez! Eyepoke and powerslam to Welsey! A big springboard double clothesline takes out both guys, but Wesley stops the pin so Doring hits Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am (double-arm ddt) to him and they finish Marquez with the Buggy Bang (wheelbarrow lift & guillotine enzuilegdrop) at (6:15).

Actually not a bad Tag Team Formula Match/Squash, with the babyfaces getting a bit of crowd-pleasing stuff, the heels doing some… well, plodding brawling but fine enough stuff, and then some more crowd-pleasing moves for the win. My big takeaway here is how much better Roadkill clearly is than Doring- his stuff is smoother, tighter and flows better, while Doring wrestles like he just has a list of movez he came up with funny names for and wants to make sure he fits them all in. His shit is sloppy and just not good to look at- it’s no mystery why he never got a big look outside of ECW. The opponents just came off like jobbers, but they mostly were so that’s fine.

Rating: ** (inoffensive- hardly GREAT and only Roadkill looked like he was any good, though)

TRACY SMOTHERS (w/ Scotty Ace) vs. CHILLY WILLY:
(Southern States Wrestling, 8/3/01)
* Thank goodness, I found more Chilly Willy content! Here, they’re fighting in a puny warehouse in Tennessee, longtime also-ran Tracy Smothers taking on the bleach-blond, muscular Willy sometime in 2001 according to the video.

They do the most basic of basics to start, Smothers complaining of a hairpull while Willy does a “booty-shaking” dance, then Smothers wiggles his hips, then Willy again. Smothers, working heel, gives Willy a shove and gets put on his ass for it, but suckers him in with a knee and begins the beatdown. Willy ducks under some shots and hits a good leaping forearm, dropkicking Smothers and clotheslining him to the floor, actually looking very athletic. He baseballs slides Smothers down, but gets distracted by manager Scotty Ace and goes into the post. Smothers smashes Willy in the face with the cane a few times while Ace distracts the ref, and keeps blocking comebacks with either cheating (Ace helps choke Willy on the ropes) or a DDT. Smothers acts like a heel, raking the tits (like, a backrake, but to the chest), doing a rope-rake, and more, all keeping this odd stance where he’s bolt-upright but his arms are held tight in and his head is down. It makes him look extra-scampery and is kinda weird. Oh man, the turnbuckles are half falling off this ring, lol. The announcers are also way too into naming every podunk indie company in the U.S., proclaiming Curt Hennig to be a “World Champion”. The ref misses a Willy backslide thanks to Ace, and Smothers ends up getting a clothesline for two. Smothers adds goofy offense like palm-thrusting the chest and short throat-chops in the corner- Willy fires back with chops of his own and a back elbow, then rolls Smothers up during a “nearly hits his manager but they stop and celebrate” spot. Smothers manages his leaping heel kick for two, but Ace accidentally trips him after a double-whip reversal and Willy hits a shitty Falcon Arrow for the pin at (6:40). Oh man, poor Smothers was doing jobs to Chilly Willy in warehouses in 2001?

A perfectly acceptable Indie Wrestling Match- nothing fancy and a lot of the classic spots without doing any huge bumps or crazy effort. Willy actually impressed me with his movements- he seems very much like those dudes who came out of 1980s wrestling with the quick leaps, tight offense and roided physique. Not that he got a lot to do- Smothers was using a lot of basic heel mannerisms to control and give the guy only a few comebacks. Neither he nor Smothers really maintained any good mannerisms, however, and the match wasn’t remotely over- I barely saw a single one of the 40 people in attendance move until the finish (which is, unfortunately, the only move that looked bad- either Willy was too tired to hold him or Smothers didn’t get a good leap up, so it was herky-jerky).

Rating: *3/4 (fine enough indie “Main Event”)