FMW/ZEN Cluster Battle 02/13/98

Attendance: 2,170
Broadcast date: 22/03/98

Previously in FMW…

It’s another watchalong episode at Samurai TV, this time with Ricky Fuji. The host plays with his leather jacket and asks how he was able to stick around in wrestling for so long. We’re all trying to figure that one out.

Mr. Pogo #2 vs. Yoshinori Sasaki

I already did the “they stuck the young lion with Pogo #2 as they both have the same level of experience” joke last time so I might as well recycle it as Pogo #2 is rubbish so it’s good for the environment. Sasaki shows promise with some well-timed kick-outs drawing decent pops for a newbie until Pogo #2 wins with a Thesz Press at 8:22.

Crusher Maedomari vs. Miss Mongol (Team No Respect)

Shark has declared WAR on FMW but someone pointed out that’s Tenryu’s thing so she instead she has declared CONFLICT. Shark still isn’t here so these two are wrestling each other again instead.

Similar to last time with Mongol doing every quick move and pin attempt she can to keep the bruiser away from her. Mongol collides with a Tumbling Body Attack off the top but missing a Moonsault. Crusher struggles to put away Mongol with her Implant Buster and Michinoku Driver getting kicked out of because she insists on hamming it up barely going for her pins. So when she smashes Mongol daft with a Superplex, she holds her down in a choking position…which is easy for Mongol to roll her up into a sunset flip…for two. Oh that was a wonderful tease. Crusher immediately chokeslams her to win at 8:29. Much better match this time with Crusher nearly beating herself due to her cockiness.

Oh and immediately after the bell, Shark Tsuchiya finally arrives to lariat Crusher Maedomari and say she will be returning to the ring… on the next tour! Oh. Whitebeard showed up in One Piece quicker than Shark did.

Super Leather (Team No Respect) vs. Hido (Team No Respect)

Leather may be a shadow of his former self but the crowd still scatter for his chainsaw crotch entrance.

Leather tries to fight the ref to start off, with team-mate Hido happy to let him. Leather throws elbows to start but Hido clotheslines the star of the Mortal Kombat games outside and follows with a top rope crossbody. Leather takes chair-shots to the knees so he doesn’t have to do much. He should watch out, Jake Roberts has that spot patented. Leather is able to overcome this sound psychology to ignore it completely and start hitting moves. Well OK. This hot crowd cools down as they watch Leather’s inability to figure out how wrestling works after fifteen years in the sport. Hido decides to start landing piledrivers and moonsaults because fuck it. Leather ignores all that to deliver two Falling Forward Powerbombs to win at 15:10.

Just a bunch of moves. Started off promising but ended up messier than the toilets from Trainspotting.

Kodo Fuyuki & Gedo (Team No Respect) vs. The Gladiator Mike Awesome & Hideki Hosaka (ZEN)

Hosaka and Gedo start off as the battle of the unqualified junior heavyweights is won by Gedo. Fuyuki tags in to start his yelling which is really over with this crowd. Fuyuki and Awesome go at it with the massive shoulder tackles and lack of selling. Awesome smashes the loud one with an over-the-ropes shoulder tackle and running splash. Hosaka’s slaps aren’t quite as effective on Fuyuki who is able to take over easily so Gedo can deck him some more. The crowd is waiting for Awesome and he doesn’t disappoint as he catches Hido running and throws him with a magnificent overhead belly-to-back.

Fuyuki throw some chairs so Hosaka can tag in for some actual offence on Gedo. Fat Bret Hart can’t put him away though, no matter how many top rope Frankensteiners he throws at him. Awesome Bomb and Awesome Splash flatten Gedo but he still kicks out because he thinks it’s the Super J Cup. Gedo low blows Awesome so Fuyuki can waddle in and land some lariats like a pissed-up Jemima Puddle Duck. Hosaka gets a Frankensteiner out of nowhere to tease us before walking directly into another waddling lariat and a Stretch Plumb ends it via submission at 12:01.

Decent match here. Got nothing else to add.

Hayabusa & Ricky Fuji vs. Hisakatsu Oya & Masato Tanaka

Fuji is very excited to be here. Tanaka starts off with him and he’s a selfless enough worker to let Fuji get his facebuster and Moxley-style tope through the ropes in. Hayabusa and Tanaka roll around on the mat in a wonderfully unconventional way, with Hayabusa kipping up after it’s done. What a joy it is to watch him do his thing. Oya tags in to work Fuji’s back over with a Single Crab and an Indian Deathlock. Tanaka thinks he’s been softened up but it’s all a lie as Fuji dodges a corner charge and tags in Hayabusa who unleashes a stunning Asai Moonsault to the floor.

Dream Sequence kicks in which allows Fuji to make the tag to uhhh land nuggies and punches on his opponents. They’re so unimpressed that they do it right back at him AND Hayabusa. It wasn’t his fault! Fuji’s rough Tiger Driver gets two but a Finlay Roll sets up a Hayabusa tag and a strutting double team.

HAYABUSA’S HAVING FUN MAGGLE. Tanaka tries to get offence on Hayabusa who lands a Frankensteiner on a running charge but Tanaka’s had enough and lariats the Ace down before smashing him with an impressive Tornado DDT. Oya tags in to assist but Hayabusa shortens his height with a Dragon Suplex instead. 450 Splash looks to finish but Tanaka breaks up the pinfall so it’s all up to Fuji now. He obviously walks directly into a typically brutal Back Suplex from Oya leading to Hayabusa having to save him. Oya shoves Fuji into an Octopus Stretch but he makes the ropes somehow. Tanaka’s Frog Splash (called a “diving body press” by the commentators) lands for two, with Hayabusa helping Fuji bust Tanaka’s brains for two. Tanaka lands a running DVD but Fuji somehow kicks out of that too. Crowd reacted strongly to that one. Fuji tries a Rolling Elbow but Tanaka ducks and responds with his own to end it at 16:17.

Fuji being underqualified aside, this was very exciting.

FMW Six Man Street Fight Titles

Mr. Gannosuke & Yukihiro Kanemura & Jado (Team No Respect) vs. Atsushi Onita & Koji Nakagawa & Tetsuhiro Kuroda (ZEN)

ZEN getting their Six Man Street Fight Title shot after Team No Respect got it first and won them? Huh.

The tradition of having NO RESPECT continues as the champs wear their titles around their backs before debuting the silly dance that Kanemura would keep for the rest of his career.

Onita makes his entrance and the cameras do a wonderful job of capturing the sheer joy that hits fans when they spot him. FMW’s security have to launch fans out of the way so Mr. Liar can make it to the ring.

Everyone brawls to start, with Onita dodging Kanemura’s barbed wire bat to piledrive Gannosuke on the barely-cushioned concrete. Things calm down inside with Onita unleashing the fury of a fireman’s carry to Gannosuke. Onita has his chin wrapped up after the previous match he was involved in (weeks ago) but it still takes all three TNR guys choking him in the corner to slow him down. Kanemura headbutts away as this is being kept as simple as possible for some reason. Oh never mind, it turns into a brawl outside again as Onita piledrives Gannosuke through a table.

We clip ahead to Jado having to use half a table on Onita as I wonder if they’re removed all of ZEN’s offence from this match. Onita takes clotheslines in the corner before busting out a Sunset Flip of all things. Gannosuke attempts the Praying Powerbomb which is enough to cause Kuroda to run in to lariat the blasphemer. Kuroda takes a Superbomb but it’s Japan so it’s not a finisher as Onita comes swinging with half a table as the crowd finally starts reacting. Onita’s fans only sing when he’s winning. Onita busts out a surprisingly sweet Tiger Driver before a Fire Thunder Powerbomb is broken up by Kanemura. Nakagawa locks in a sleeper hold on Kanemura, which gets broken up but then ZEN take out everyone else so he’s able to lock it in again for the referee to stop the match at 10:17.

Fairly flat, weirdly edited match that at least had an exciting last few minutes.

Post-match Team No Respect are livid at losing the titles because referee Go Ito stopped it rather than Kanemura submitting. Everyone takes in turns attacking Ito’s leg before Onita runs them all off.

Just so we’re clear, Gannosuke defeated Shinzaki a few weeks ago via referee stoppage rather than submission so the idea is that they’re dick-heads. Funny dick-heads but dick-heads nonetheless.

Overall: I’d be Mr. Liar if I recommended this.

Next Week: Fuyuki Army responds to ZEN’s show with their own show!

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