Minus-Star Match Reviews: John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis – WWE Over The Limit 2012

Anyone who has followed WWE since the dawn of the 21^st century knows of John Cena and all the good – and bad – that has followed him.

These days Cena is widely seen as a respected legend who has contributed a lot to the company’s success. But nostalgia is a powerful drug and going into the past too often can taint one’s perception of how things happened. That’s the case with Cena: he has done such a great job with PR that many people forget just how hated he was in his prime.

Long before the name Roman Reigns even existed, Cena was the hated superhero who polarized audiences with his goody-two-shoes act. He was a hero to millions for his never-say-die attitude which, while commendable, was made into something annoying by being so white meat that he came across as preposterous.

As a wrestler, though, Cena wasn’t bad per se; he was serviceable so long as he had the right opponent. During his prime, though, truly outstanding Cena matches were few and far between. More often than not he was shoehorned into average-or-worse matches depending on WWE creative which, by and large, stunk at the time. And today we revisit one of Cena’s worst matches, an abomination created by whatever inept fools brought Vince McMahon’s twisted ideas to life at the time.

The Story

Before we get into the particulars of this feud we need to understand how Johnny Ace became the corporate stooge to end all corporate stooges.

Jon Laurinaitis entered wrestling in 1986, four years after his more famous brother Joseph, a.k.a. Road Warrior Animal. But unlike Animal, who had a dimes gimmick and looked like he could snap you in half if you so much as looked at him crossways, Laurinaitis (Johnny Ace hereafter), lacked both. He was bland, blonde, and lanky. He had little in the way of charisma or overall presence. And so, since he lacked the superstar presence expected of a big star in North America, Ace went to Japan, where technical skill was considered to be more important, and found steady work in Baba’s All Japan.

Ace worked in AJPW for twelve years as a reliable yet largely unremarkable wrestler. He spent most of his time in on-again-off-again tag matches alongside Kenta Kobashi (a.k.a. one of the greatest wrestlers to ever live) and was bounced around as a second or third man (read: fall guy) for gaijins in multi-man matches. As the 90s progressed, AJPW’s foreign roster thinned as Hansen grew older and Terry Gordy’s physical condition worsened from the fallout of his lifestyle decisions. With ‘Dr. Death’ Steve Williams positioned as the new top American, Ace needed to be pushed into a more prominent position as his #2. And so, Ace began rubbing shoulders with the main-eventers more often. He even took part in three of the best tag matches of the 1990s: with Doc against Misawa & Kobashi in December 1994, against those two again in March 1995, and in June 1996 against Misawa & Akiyama. That ’96 match was actually voted Match of the Year by the Observer’s readers, though personally I have a hard time agreeing with that since, a) 1/3 of the match is clipped and hasn’t survived to the present day so it’s hard to judge it all these years later; and b) matches like Michaels vs. Mankind at IYH: Mind Games, Misawa & Akiyama vs The Holy Demon Army, and Kobashi vs. Kawada, all exist.

Anyways, Ace stayed with All Japan right up to 2000 when the NOAH Exodus happened. Rather than pick a side, Ace chose to retire from in-ring competition and instead went back to the US to work as a backstage figure. Though considering how many ex-WWE guys ended up in All Japan during the 2000s after their contracts with Vince ended, it’s safe to say that he chose Team Baba in the end. I’m guessing part of this stems from the fact that he was widely known to be Motoko Baba’s favorite wrestler, to the point that she convinced her husband to stop booking Cactus Jack after he hurt Ace in a match in 1991.

Ace was tasked with trying to salvage whatever he could from WCW in 2000 which was dealing with the fallout of an out-of-control Vince Russo running wild. Though he couldn’t right the ship in the end, he did at least receive some positive recognition as a guy good with match finishes from a one-night single elimination tournament for WCW’s US title that was won by Lance Storm in his WCW debut.

Once WCW was acquired by WWF/E Ace became a road agent and then a few years after that he got involved in the Talent Relations department. Come 2004 he replaced Jim Ross as head of that department and then his infamy as a middle management type grew far and wide. Though he was no longer in front of the cameras his influence was still felt up and down the roster. Word spread that he was an ineffectual Talent Relations manager with his first mention of any sort coming from an early shoot interview from Jim Cornette who decried Laurinaitis for being far harder to work with as he ran OVW for WWE as its main developmental territory. He also earned a reputation for questionable hiring practices, especially when it came to women, as he allegedly favored swimsuit models and other unathletic types who looked good but couldn’t necessarily perform adeptly in the ring.

Years went by with Laurinaitis enjoying his position without much in the way of consequences until June 27, 2011 when CM Punk mentioned him by name in his now-famous pipebomb promo. That promo launched Punk into the stratosphere as the hottest act in the company at a time when WWE was in a creative quagmire. Desperate to capitalize on this new act (and to re-hash the highly fetishized corrupt authority gimmick once again) Laurinaitis made his on-screen debut alongside Vince McMahon at Money in the Bank 2011 when he tried to screw Punk out of the title but failed.

From there it was off to the races. Ace had a naturally unlikable air about him so it was easy to hate him as a corporate stooge cut from the same cloth as Pat Patterson or Gerald Brisco. But unlike those two, who were highly creative and knew how to be entertaining (evening gown match notwithstanding), Ace lacked the TV presence needed to be a compelling TV character. What little personality he had shown in his wrestling days were long gone (and in those cases most of the charisma came from his tag partner). And yet there was something…real…about him. He was a genuine, honest-to-God despicable middle management type with a chip on his shoulder and the ability to abuse power he didn’t deserve. While he was much more subdued and less animated than Vince McMahon and his stooges during their over-the-top primes opposite Steve Austin, he was still easy to hate because there were real examples of his decisions affecting wrestlers’ careers, both on-screen and backstage.

Now, one would expect a gimmick like this to be used as a vehicle to get someone new and young over as a star. After all, anyone, no matter how bland or inexperienced, would be over by default of they challenged the abusive and corrupt authority figure. Or maybe he should’ve been put in some kind of angle with CM Punk since, after all, it was Punk that namedropped him and exposed him to the world as Vince McMahon’s “glad-handing, nonsensical, douchebag yes man who would tell Vince McMahon everything he wants to hear.” Sadly WWE missed the boat with this one and instead used Ace as a placeholder feud for the already-established John Cena.

WWE put together a flimsy justification for having Cena feud with Ace. It was said that Ace was the one who brought Brock Lesnar back to WWE for the sole purpose of having Lesnar replace Cena as the face of WWE. It was an obvious attempt at reinforcing Cena’s status as a babyface and to be quite honest it was quite brilliant even if it was uninspiring: what better way to get Cena’s detractors to rally behind him than by putting him against the one person against whom any opponent would be cheered by default?

Anyway, Ace became the General Manager of both RAW and SmackDown and abused his authority on both shows. Things took a particularly awkward turn when he humiliated The Big Show and made him cry before firing him on the spot, all because Show allegedly made fun of Ace’s voice. Cena couldn’t let this abuse of power stand and started confronting Ace whenever possible. Eventually WWE’s own Board of Directors grew tired of Ace’s behavior and announced that he’d be in a match with Cena. But it wouldn’t be a normal match: it was stipulated that Ace would be fired if he lost and – here’s the important part – anyone who interfered on Ace’s behalf would be fired as well.

Ace looked to be screwed going into this. He hadn’t wrestled a match in well over a decade and none of the people he had brownnosed before would be there to help him. He was an authority figure long past his prime (whatever that means) going against an in-his-physical-prime John Cena who was itching for an opportunity to play Superman and dish out justice to the evil in his company. There was no way Ace would survive this…or was there?

The Match

This took place on May 20, 2012. It was rated DUD by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer and his readers voted it the Worst Match of the Year. With that, both of these guys became among the rare few that were voted in both the Best and Worst Match of the Year. Though I think this was a bit worse for Cena since he went from BMOTY in 2011 (vs. CM Punk) to WMOTY in the span of less than twelve full months.

Cena has a hard time holding in his laughter at the sight of Ace’s bodysuit but then gets all serious when the bell rings. He has to because Ace runs for his life but Cena catches him and lands a big punch. In the ring Cena catches his foot and hits a clothesline. Cena jerseys Ace and smacks his pale white back. He teases an AA but then switches to an airplane spin. Ace falls to ringside so Cena grabs the ring bell. Not to use it as a weapon, but to ring it in Ace’s ears. I’m guessing he must be appealing to all those who’ve suffered from tinnitus over the years with that particular visual.

Cena smashes Ace into the commentary tables and then props him up to do a silly skit about Michael Cole and Booker T on commentary. He tosses Ace into the ring and Ace is begging for mercy, which causes Cena to grin like it’s the first time he’s ever seen a boob. They do a long handshake tease and get the crowd riled up and it ends with Cena bitchslapping Ace as hard as he can. Cena follows with a scoop slam/elbow drop combo. Then he grabs a microphone and offers Ace a proposition: either tap out to his STF and get fired, or last ten seconds. The crowd counts along as Ace manages to survive in Cena’s (somewhat clumsily executed) STF so Cena grabs the mic again (instead of covering the barely conscious body next to him to get the three-count). Cena decides to do the STF again and Ace survives once more with his cheerleader Michael Cole acting all giddy on commentary.

Justin Roberts give Cena some water and so Cena opts to bring some water bottles for Ace. He pours two bottles over Ace’s head and one down his pants (because, PISS JOKE) and then sprays him with a fire extinguisher and dumps a bin full of trash over him. Ace tries escaping but Cena catches him, at which point Ace drapes Cena’s bad arm on the barricade. Then he smashes it into a table and some steps before pulling out a steel chair. He hits Cena pretty hard with the chair and then covers for a two-count.

Cena stops another chair-shot and hits a Five Knuckle Shuffle using the chair but Ace hits back with a low blow. Ace leaves through the crowd and seemingly disappears…until Big Show comes out carrying Ace by the throat. He throws Ace into the ring and then Ace finds himself stuck between a rock and a hard place: Cena on one side and Big Show on the other. He tries to crawl away but Show stomps on his hand. Show goozles him, softens his grip, shoves him into Cena who lifts him onto his shoulders for an AA…and Big Show punches Cena. Cena goes down and doesn’t move for over a minute. Ace is able to crawl over and get the three-count to win the match and retain his job.

Winner after 16:57: John Laurinaitis/Johnny Ace

Review

This match got plenty of backlash when it happened and it isn’t hard to see why since there was plenty to be disappointed with here. It was a perfect example of WWE treating its audience as gullible simpletons who will accept whatever product they put out, even if some of those fans make a big stink about it first. The story, setup, execution, and fallout, all screamed of either a lack of creativity or a “they’ll-take-it-and-like-it” mentality among WWE’s figureheads. The action hardly qualified as a match per se; it was more of an extended angle with Cena beating Ace up in a comedic/slapstick sort of way. The segment was worsened by Michael Cole’s over-the-top cheerleading of Ace that was as distracting as it was grating.

Then there was Cena who, point blank, was the wrong person for this story and this match. Cena was this smiling do-no-wrong ultra-babyface on paper but here he was beating up Ace in an ungentlemanly way that was unbecoming of the character he portrayed. Cena turned this into a prolonged humiliation ritual with G-rated “contact” that barely qualified as violence or aggression. He was supposed to be the babyface yet anyone with a functioning pair of eyes could see that he was acting as the bully who extended Ace’s torture instead of ending the match quickly given the gravity of its stipulation (this match’s importance was also largely rendered moot the next night when Cena came out all smiles not selling the fallout at all; if he doesn’t care why should anyone watching?). Granted, pro-wrestling isn’t always meant to be taken seriously, but there’s a difference between giving a match a middling payoff and putting the bare minimum of effort into coming up with a storyline justification for what transpired.

When Big Show came out people in the audience acted like this was some big shock but anyone who had seen pro-wrestling before for any length of time could see what was coming next. Show’s heel turn on Cena didn’t receive the big reaction WWE envisioned it would because, newsflash, it was crystal clear what he was going to do. And on that note, WWE’s own writers created a massive plot hole in the story when Ace stated he hired Big Show back on Saturday, which, as you may recall, contradicted the Board-approved stipulation that any contracted talent interfering in the match would be fired on the spot. That they had to panic explain Ace’s statement with a flimsy “but it was an oral contract only” likewise spoke volumes to the writers’ own ineptitude and the company’s complete disregard for the fans’ intelligence.

Final Rating: -***1/2

The only reason this match doesn’t get the full MINUS FIVE STARS is because there were at least some fans who got a momentary kick out of it. The kids in the audience cheered the G-rated “action” and the sight of a middle manager getting his ass kicked for 15 minutes must’ve tickled at least a few people who felt similar desire to see the same happen to the Johnny Aces of their own lives.

But Austin versus McMahon this was not. It lacked almost all of the magic that made that whole angle work. The stakes of the match were disregarded by basically everyone involved, leaving the audience with little reason to care. Cena went from being so overconfidently in control to being knocked out with one punch, which wouldn’t’ve ever happened during Austin’s era. The whole thing came across as an extended angle with an obvious conclusion instead of something with a legitimately surprising outcome. It was clearly meant to replicate that same historic feud of the 1990s but came across as a poor imitation at best.

I think part of that came from an unwillingness to contrast Cena’s on-screen character which, as anyone who lived through that era remembers, was a draining and cheesy ripoff that marketed to not just kids but naïve ones who needed everything to be like a fairy tale. There’s a reason most people outgrow fairytales: they’re way too unrealistic and hard to believe in for anyone with an age below single-digits. There was such an overwhelming unwillingness (wither from Cena’s part of WWE creative’s part) to shift the character in a different direction, make him into more of a three-dimensional character, or to otherwise have him show seriousness, vulnerability, or a sense of growth as a character. The character’s complete disregard for consequence and the need to always smile (else his fans’ give up on their own struggles, itself a flimsy and ludicrous justification for his superman-like presentation) was one of the main reasons people gravitated away from him in droves.

Those who look back at his career these days tend to look through rose-colored lenses given his tenure in the company. What many people tend to forget is that Cena was once one of the most hated (or at least boring) characters in wrestling for many people. Though I wouldn’t say that all of that was his fault; many of the negatives surrounding his character and the matches he showcased – including this one – were the product of horrific creative input that, thankfully, isn’t likely to come back ever again.

Thanks for reading.