Cactus Jack vs. Kenta Kobashi (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this week, I have for you another wild All Japan dream match of future stars, as KENTA KOBASHI takes on CACTUS JACK in 1991! Neither guy meant shit at this point, but how often do you see two 100% bona fide main eventer World Champions have a dream match this long before they were big stars?

Next up, it’s another Owen Hart/Yokozuna dream match, as the WWF Tag Team Champions take on The Headshrinkers, Sionne & Fatu! The latter of course being Yokozuna’s cousin in real life. And it’s weirdo babyface boots-wearing “Barbarian repackaged as the worse of a tag team” Headshrinkers, too, which is EXTRA interesting! But makes for a worse match! Also HOLY SHIT is Yoko in bad shape here! Then it’s some classic “1999 WCW” nonsense as ERIK WATTS shows up as a giant midcarder and takes on Eddie Guerrero, one of the best in the world in a meaningless D-Show!

Then it’s more WCW Worldwide, as Psychosis (led by Juventud Guerrera) takes on former Master Blaster, Al Greene! Finally, it’s a look at the troubles of a match reviewer, as I desperately looked for Michinoku-Pro multi-man matches to review, found one with some super-famous, excellent workers SURE to have a fantastic match, and ended up realizing halfway through… well, you’ll see! It’s Great Sasuke, Gran Hamada & Gran Naniwa against Kaientai- Dick Togo, Shoichi Funaki & Hanzo Nakajima!

KENTA KOBASHI vs. CACTUS JACK:
(All Japan Fancam Show, April 16th 1991)
* Yes, KOBASHI vs. FOLEY! In Japan! This is from one of Cactus Jack’s foreign forays just as he was beginning to figure out what kind of wrestler he was going to be. In All Japan, he’s basically a glorified jobber- a Western guy to come over to job to Japanese dudes in “safe” losses since he’s not gonna be there forever. But it provides some delightful “Future Dream Match” stuff, considering both of these dudes went on to become iconic World Champions and huge stars in their respective countries. But as of 1991, it’s “Pretty boy dumb rookie” vs. “American JTTS”. This is filmed on some fan’s camera at an arena show where only the big matches were filmed. Like, I can’t even tell what color their outfits are. Foley’s fat ass is still readily apparent, however.

They each take turns winning Internationals to start, then Cactus holds a front facelock- when he makes the rope to stop Kenta’s counter, Kobashi won’t offer a clean break and kicks him. He throws kicks and a punch, then a bulldog when Cactus comes back. Rope-assisted legdrop gets two, and Cactus finally comes back with an inverted atomic drop and the Cactus Clothesline gets a good reaction as both hit the floor. But Kobashi backdrops him over the guardrail and suplexes him in the stands in some of Mick’s signature wild bumping, hitting a shoulderblock in the ring for two. They trade basic stuff and Cactus gets a regular clothesline for two, tosses him, slams him on the floor, then hits a big spot with an elbowdrop off a table. The crowd’s pretty mind-blown by some of that- that is NOT regular offense for 1991. Another Cactus Clothesline over the RAILING ramps up the bumping, and a “Ko-ba-shi!” chant breaks out as a Russian legsweep gets two on the troubled Kenta, and right on cue Cactus climbs to the top and gets superplexed off for two. Kobashi follows with a running lariat in the corner and sweeps his leg out for a weird Double-Arm DDT, pinning Foley with his future finisher at (7:29).

Fun little House Show match, as neither guy is working up THAT big a sweat, but Foley throws in some signature crowd-pleasing spots that always work and were a bigger deal in 1991- Cactus Clotheslines and flying elbows to the floor were NOT in most guy’s recurring offense back then. And you sure as shit didn’t see a lot of huge floor bumps in house show matches, but that’ll happen when both guys are goddamn lunatics. It was a simple match threaded around that, of course, with Foley seemingly leading it and just feeding Kobashi a few comebacks right at the end. So it’s simple and pretty short, but has enough big bumps to make it feel worth it to the fans. Because only Mick Foley was insane enough to take 3-4 big back bumps on the floor in a house show, haha.

Rating: **1/4 (high-impact for a house show match- pretty simple but Foley was good to bump around and lead offense)

WWF TAG TEAM TITLES:
OWEN HART & YOKOZUNA (w/ Jim Cornette & Mr. Fuji) vs. THE HEADSHRINKERS (Fatu & Sionne):
(WWF Superstars, May 6th 1995)
* It’s Owen & Yoko defending the tag titles against the Headshrinkers! Except it’s the lame babyface Headshrinkers, when the Barbarian was repackaged as a replacement for Samu. I wasn’t actively watching during the previous run- I just rented tapes sometimes- so I didn’t recognize him, but it’s pretty clear now. They’re wearing giant conspicuous boots and are in some VERY “1996” deep blue long tights, still using their “jungle savage” music. Yoko, who was once a big deal singles wrestler, now has almost zero presence and appears disinterested hanging out behind a braying Owen. He & Fatu are of course real-life cousins.

Owen jumps Fatu when he gets distracted by Fuji, but can’t budge him with a shoulderblock and gets powerslammed for two. He makes the mistake of ramming Fatu’s head into the turnbuckle, leading to a funky dance and another ass-kicking from Fatu. Yeah, someone wants to be repackaged with a push, alright. Owen rolls out to tag Yoko, but the cousins make no contact and Sionne comes in. Yoko backs him into the corner and throws some shots, but puts his head down and they do a really bad “boot & hairpull him down” spot- not only is it mis-timed but how do you justify putting YOKOZUNA on his ass with one motion? Owen comes in and gets clotheslined and a big boot puts Yoko on the floor- back from break and Yoko pulls Sionne into the corner for a beatdown, but Owen ends up whipped into the corner and backbreakered, then a double-back body drop hits, a double-headbutt and they make a wish on him. Owen tries a comeback but accidentally nails Yokozuna, who tumbles to the floor, but Yoko trips Fatu and Owen takes advantage. Fatu gets double-teamed and worked over by Owen a while, but gets a big piledriver and it’s double-tags- Sionne teeters Yokozuna with clotheslines and the Headshrinkers put him on his ass with a double one. Yoko slides out and nearly gets counted out, and the Headshrinkers just switch to Owen- he takes the big boot into Fatu’s Flying Splash, just for Yoko to recover and slide in with the Hulkbuster Legdrop. Yoko is clearly EXHAUSTED, and has to lumber over to the corner where Sionne is fighting Owen and hits the avalanche, setting up the Banzai Drop (off the FIRST rope!) for the pin (8:12).

A pretty basic “Owen/Yoko Formula” match- Owen eats offense, Yoko cleans up, Owen does the heat segment, eats a comeback, then we hit the finishing stretch- it makes things look extra unfair and hard for the babyfaces when the heels can cheat AND use the former WWF Champion as a mop-up guy. Yokozuna was just badly out of shape at this point, doing stuff like the “Andre lean” after every move, doing super-light running to the corner, and he couldn’t even do a proper Banzai Drop. Like, he can’t even STEP UP at this point. Someone in the comments points out there’s an edit (Owen teleports to the other corner in one second), which means he might have even botched it the first time. The Headshrinkers looked okay, but leading the whole match with Sionne (the worst worker of the two and with zero babyface charisma at all) wasn’t great. Looking it up, the Headshrinkers are done within a month- Fatu spends a while as a JTTS before being repackaged as the dreadful, infamous “Makin’ a Difference” Fatu before getting repackaged AGAIN as The Sultan. Of course sticking his ass in people’s faces is what made him a big star. Wrestling is weird.

Rating: **1/4 (pretty good in parts, but Yokozuna was looking sad at this point and Sionne isn’t exactly scintillating on offense)

I remind people of the time Erik Watts returned dressed like a 6’5″ Hardy Boy every chance I get.

EDDIE GUERRERO vs. ERIK WATTS:
(WCW Worldwide, Nov. 13th 1999)
* Oh man, WEIRD. I knew Erik Watts returned to WCW in the waning years, but didn’t realize there was overlap with Eddie, who left early the next year. So this is a VERY brief overlap, but it’s still bizarre. Watts is dressed like a Hardy Boy at this point, with his big flared jeans and skin-tight black t-shirt. Eddie’s in black tights and is completely dwarfed by his 6’5″ opponent.

Eddie locks up to start and it’s immediately clear just how dramatic the height difference is- he manages a leapfrog but blows out his knee… but of course was FAKING it, so he makes sure Watts isn’t looking at him and dropkicks his knee. Eddie throws some shots, but Watts reverses a whip and hits an uranage when Eddie resists a hiptoss. He wastes too much time building his SmackDown! meter and only gets “1”, so settles for Attitude Era-style punching and kicking, hitting a Buckle Bomb (Erik is how I discovered this move, in fact) into a clothesline- Eddie wisely grabs the ropes for two to save himself. Watts throws some punches but gets distracted by the ref and charges into a stun-gun, and Eddie finishes with the Frog Splash at (2:43). Lol, Watts is like twice his size and goes down like a jobber. A pretty run of the mill basic match, fit for Worldwide– Eddie does a thing, Watts controls and gets his shit in, then makes one mistake and loses.

Rating: * (basic as it gets and quite short, but Eddie always makes his stuff look good and quick)

PSYCHOSIS (w/ Juventud Guerrera) vs. AL GREENE:
(WCW Worldwide, 10/09/1999)
* Oh, AMAZING. One of my favorite things is weirdo WCW matches between luchadores and people with zero training in that style. In this case, it’s Nash’s roided up former Master Blaster partner. He’s in yellow trunks, while Psychosis is in his black gear and has just lost his mask to Kidman in a Hair vs. Mask match, revealing a hawkish nose and otherwise forgettable face. He kinda lost something without the Liger cosplay, I dunno.

As usual with these style differences, they keep it simple with the 260-ish lb. Greene powering Psychosis around until losing an international, but he quickly gets a shoulderblock and press-slam, then takes out Juventud when he interferes. Hahaha it’s AL GREENE and they’re giving Psychosis excuses as to how he wins. Psychosis of course gets the wheel kick, but gets crotched on the top rope. But while the ref is checking on him, Juvi runs in with the JUVI DRIVER and the Guillotine Legdrop thus finishes for Psychosis at (3:15). Get on that Psychosis hype train beating Al Greene with tons of interference!

Just the simplest possible match- Greene doing some basic chain wrestling and shoving the smaller guy around, then getting distracted. He even comes back AGAIN but now a direct finishing move stuns him for the finisher. Almost like they had to placate him for jobbing to a midcard Cruiserweight. Like, it’s Al Greene! Granted heels should cheat whenever possible, but against the JTTS squad? I like to imagine Al whining to the show’s one booker/agent (Jimmy Hart?) and the booker just rolling his eyes and booking this finish.

Rating: * (a simple, short, basic match- almost more posing and circling than actual contact)

THE GREAT SASUKE, GRAN HAMADA & GRAN NANIWA vs. KAIENTAI (Dick Togo, Shoichi Funaki & Hanzo Nakajima):
(Michinoku Pro, some gym, May 5th 1997)
* It’s time for more M-Pro! There’s a billion assortments of these guys on YouTube, so I have no idea which ones are the “good ones”, but I’ve had another match on the docket for ages now. Hanzo has black & white tights and has a dad-stache. Togo’s a portly guy with an “All Japan Beefy Guy” physique but is short, and is in blue spatter-tights, and Funaki’s in black shorts and carrying a belt. Naniwa’s the crab-guy dressed in black, Hamada’s a billion years old and in black trunks & Sasuke’s in the usual black. There’s a pair of fans in an “ECW” and “bWo” t-shirts on the floor- is that the Japanese equivalent of puro elitist dweebs? “Man Misawa sucks and Kawada is boring- these guys need to watch some Chris Chetti tapes”.

Everyone brawls immediately, and Sasuke promptly grabs Hanzo and drags him outside the gym into the outdoors and throws him into a tree while still dressed in his robe. Hanzo comes back to ringside with a chair and they argue about it, clearly doing “indie show spots”- Sasuke complains and the ref takes away the chair, but Togo throws it at Sasuke from the apron, but Sasuke promptly freaks out and just takes Hanzo down. Naniwa is hilariously useless, doing only a camel clutch for a second and then tagging out, then tries his Crabwalk Elbow and misses- Kaientai do running attacks on his downed body and pose. Repeated triple-teams (helped by Funaki’s lightning-fast dropkicks) knock Naniwa to the floor, Sasuke takes a fisherman’s suplex from Funaki for two, but Hamada easily beats the kid up with headbutts and lariats. Funaki gets beaten on for a while, but Togo jumps Sasuke and now he gets worked over- run-up cannonball gets two.

Sasuke’s dumped by Hanzo, and now it’s Hamada’s turn- Togo chokes him with a string. They do a thing where a guy runs in to break up an pin and now he gets beat up- Naniwa & Sasuke both get this. Mostly generic “fuckin’ around” offense like dropkicks and stuff. Triple powerbomb on Naniwa, but the babyfaces save and we finally get Sasuke’s Quebrada. Hanzo hits a flying crossbody on Naniwa for our first nearfall, then a suplex into a flying splash. Man what is this ’80s offense doing in M-Pro? But Naniwa hits a Doctor Bomb into a SPINNING Doctor Bomb (gutwrench sit-out powerbomb) for two. They immediately bail so Sasuke/Togo can go- Sasuke gets a Lionsault press for two, but Togo lands on his feet from a German and nails him in the balls, pointing to his head to indicate intelligence (I love how that’s the most universal wrestling spot) and hitting a powerbomb, but Hamada catches him up top for the OLD MAN SUPER RANA. Funaki saves the pin in a close call, but eats a Spike Piledriver- Hanzo saves, backdrop suplex- Togo saves, and Hamada hits a Flying Tornado DDT for two, then comes off the ropes with a rana for three at (17:44).

This was a total House Show Special, with guys doing time-killing spots, restholds interspersed, Naniwa being his usual “just the basics” self, etc. Hanzo appeared to be doing the lion’s share of the work for his team, almost like it was to give him experience, but Funaki went harder and Togo’s stuff was very precise and looked good. They’d all do bits where they’d go hard for a sec and then settle down- like Funaki’s brainbuster and then it’s just more clubbering or dropkicks. VERY boring and skippable… but of course it’s M-Pro so the pedal hits the gas with 3 minutes to go and guys exchange their big offense- Hanzo kinda stinks, being Generic Puro Dude #271 with 1980s-tier high-flying, which looks outta place in a more state-of-the-art company, but even NANIWA starts pulling out cool stuff like a spinning Doctor Bomb. Then everyone carefully leaves the ring for the next dudes to hit cool stuff and Hamada & Funaki- the two guys who did the least in the match- are our ending pair.

Rating: **1/4 (totally boring filler House Show Match until the very end, at which point it gets very good and you realize how long everyone has been working together)