Jumbo, Taue & Fuchi vs. Misawa, Kawada & Kobashi (Match Two!)

* It’s time for a rarity! A Friday Dream Matches, this one with just one bout! The sequel to the one I just did! Next week I’ll complete the trilogy!

JUMBO TSURUTA, AKIRA TAUE & MASANOBU FUCHI vs. THE KIDS WHO WON’T GET THE FUCK OFF JUMBO’S LAWN (Mitsuharu Misawa, Toshiaki Kawada & Kenta Kobashi):
(All Japan Pro Wrestling, April 20th 1991)
* Six months after their last classic, the six men come together once more! Last match, Fuchi kept vulturing on on vulnerable opponents, Taue kept provoking Kawada (who himself likes to provoke others, but is ill-tempered too), who kept losing his temper and pummeling him, and Kobashi was a total dumbass charging into the big guys and paying for it, while his partners were smarter and learned from his mistakes. But Jumbo was just too much for them, directing traffic and letting the guys punch themselves out and destroyed Kobashi with repeated big moves.

So it’s established that Fuchi is clever and can tie people up, Taue means well but is in over his head against his opponents (often relying on his sumo training origins whenever he’s pressed), and both guys require Jumbo to come in and mop up for them. Jumbo is more than any of the babies can handle, but he himself is an aging veteran and as soon as the pace quickens, he starts getting battered- and he’s grumpy and easily annoyed by their adventures across his lawn. But he can still get any one of them to punch themselves out, and he and his squad are MUCH smarter and more strategic. Now it’s the rematch! And what happens is an all-timer.

It’s Kenta/Taue… and ONCE AGAIN, Taue swats Kawada off the apron in a cheapshot, this time with a slap! Kawada has to be calmed down by Kobashi (Misawa is blank-faced as ever), but Taue lariats him down and then knocks Kawada off the apron AGAIN. Kawada’s totally dead, having hit the railing, and soon Jumbo calls out Misawa! Misawa gets the best of an elbow battle by being faster, so Jumbo’s just “alright, then” and hits knees to the gut instead. Fuchi tries to follow his lead, but Misawa catches his knee and stretches him… but Taue nails him… and knocks Kawada off again! Oh you motherfucker. Jumbo’s clapping makes the spot. Misawa gets pummeled by Jumbo in the corner, but as soon as Jumbo picks up the pace Misawa nails him off the turnbuckles and Kobashi lights him up. Jumbo slows him by weighing him down and getting a dirty break on the ropes. Fuchi twists at Kobashi’s arm, then Taue takes over… and IN COMES KAWADA to murder his ass for all that apron bullshit! Eat those kicks, you pig! Taue decks him going back to the corner and now it’s just a full-blown fistfight while the referee desperately tries to restore order and everyone hits the ring to try and interfere! Kawada of course gets a MASSIVE reaction for this as he beats Taue into goo, even as his teammates are like “oh NOOOOOOO” and try to break it up.

Taue gets worked with a few holds as they’re obviously going long, and finally, Kawada gets his prey! He chops away at the giant, but Taue again reverts to SUMO SLAPS and pushes Kawada off the ropes for a DDT and escapes! They work the brain with Fuchi’s enzuigiri and Jumbo hitting a piledriver on the floor, then two big boots and just stands on his head. Taue with the facecrusher, and he stomps Kawada down when he tries to kick at him from the ground, then assists Fuchi with a SPIKE piledriver on the floor! Piledrivers are weaksauce in Japan, but still that’s big. They keep working headscissors to grind him down, and Jumbo’s sleeper- Kawada’s partners repeatedly having to save him. Taue lariats him down and Kawada rolls out because he’s so dead, but just gets lariated over the guardrail. Taue Samoan drops him for two, but comes off the ropes into a turning kick and Kobashi dropkicks everyone off the hot tag! Shoulderblock, powerslam & rolling cradle work over Fuchi and Misawa clobbers him with a flying elbow- Jumbo breaks it up and Kobashi clears the apron so Misawa hits a Bridging German for two. Taue lariats him out of a Tiger Driver and in comes Jumbo for mop-up- but he picks up the pace too much and Misawa avoids him and nails him with elbows, sending Jumbo stumbling! He goes for the Tiger Feint and Fuchi the dick comes in to cheapshot him, but eats an elbow while Kobashi pescados Jumbo!

Kawada, finally recovered after lying down for five minutes, hits the Repeater Face Kicks on a flummoxed Jumbo, who blocks them with his hand and does the “HOHHHH!” power-up, only to be taken into more, but he has the experience to counter another turn kick from Kawada. Kawada manages to counter a suplex to a Fujiwara armbar while his boys block the goons, leading to a dramatic struggle- however, he decides to get into a striking war, which is NEVER a good idea with Jumbo, and gets knocked down, but Jumbo misses a lariat and gets taken down again! Jumbo finally trips him up to escape the onslaught and Taue backdrop suplexes Kawada for two. But he tries the atomic drop/backdrop suplex and Kawada gets behind him for the sleeper! Fuchi breaks it up with head-stomps (fuck you, Fuchi) so Kenta comes in with a crab, and just like last match, Jumbo goes for a Lariat to interfere but gets clobbered by Kobashi’s! Lariats for everyone and Misawa’s frog splash gets two, then hits an elbow-senton for the same. Kobashi with a rolling fireman’s and tries a cloverleaf, but Jumbo is wise and just boots him this time. Kawada slams Taue on the floor and spams kicks, setting up Misawa’s Running Elbow for two. Jumbo breaks up ANOTHER hold so Kawada comes in with a lariat for two.

Kenta’s fangirls react with either amusement or horror to the predation of the vicious, nasty Tsuruta-Gun wrestlers on that precious boy.

Kawada tries a revenge piledriver on the floor but the vets keep stopping it, protecting their guy. Kawada has to stop and finally they just kick Taue into paste and he crumbles- normal piledriver gets two and they grind him down with holds. Fuchi comes in to break one up, but Kawada just releases it himself and flips him off, haha. Taue tries to fire back on Misawa, but he gets flattened by elbows and then Kobashi drills him with a corner clothesline into a DDT, then they ROCKET LAUNCHER him from the apron to the floor! Man, Taue is getting his ASS KICKED here- just flopping around and dying. And then, in an all-time dick move, Fuchi takes out Kobashi’s knee on a suplex and flips off Kawada in return, completely turning the tide. Fuck you, Fuchi. The crowd chants Fuchi’s name while he points at Kawada and dropkicks the knee again, and Kobashi’s clutching it in agony as it’s destroyed. Jumbo kneecrushers him on the guardrail (hilariously, a gaggle of teenager girls leap up and ogle sexy boy Kenta), then beats on him in the ring- Kenta tries to use the momentum to throw shots, but keeps collapsing and so Jumbo just stomps the shit out of his knee and dramatically gestures to the booing fans like “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?” and absolutely ENDS HIS EXISTENCE with a mother of a Jumbo Lariat. But it only gets two!

Ugly-ass Fuchi, 35 going on 50, latches onto pretty-boy Kobashi like a lamprey and grinds the shit out of his leg to torture him. I love how Fuchi has no real power or big moves, and only knows how to capitalize on what others have done. It makes him so infuriating. It’s like a smarter Honky Tonk Man.

Now Fuchi kneecrushers Kenta on a chair lying on the apron and drills the knee with it while a female fan screams in horror, being picked up by the arena mic. Then Fuchi just calmly unfolds the chair and puts it back. Fuck you, Fuchi. Kenta keeps trying to fight up as they do close-ups of the screaming teenage girls, but Fuchi’s on him like a lamprey. Watching ugly-ass Fuchi rake his forearm across pretty Kenta’s face in an STF is epic, haha. He resorts to the most basic stuff (just pulling on the leg), as does Taue. Jumbo tries to rip the knee off with a half-crab (check the face of effort he has), then stops a hot tag after Kenta sunset flips him. Fuchi tears at the knee in the ropes while alternating between hair-pulling and punching and Taue follows with another guardrail-kneecrusher, also spikes the knee with a chair, and rolls him back in. Kobashi nearly escapes again, but Jumbo breaks hearts by hauling him back down and sets up Taue’s ungainly-ass flying elbow to the knee. Jumbo & Taue work legholds but Kobashi counters a suplex and DRAMATICALLY… gets his foot caught by Fuchi so Jumbo can mop up again. Big boot! Powerbo– Kawada comes in and boots him in the head!

Jumbo knocks Kobashi back down but has to tag out, leading to Taue’s kneecrusher/crab combo, and then Fuchi tries the same thing, Kenta clobbers him with an elbow and FINALLY… FINALLY… makes the hot tag! Kawada comes in hot! Fuchi actually batters him back as an equal, but Kawada counters a whip to a short-arm lariat and gets repeated chops for two! Misawa comes in with some elbows, but Fuchi actually heroically stops a leaping elbow with a punch, then slugs Kobashi down and gestures to the fans! Jumbo gets called in to mop up again, hitting an elbow and the jumping knee for two on Misawa. Powerbomb- two! Backdrop Suplex combined with Taue coming off the top with a Chokeslam- foot in the ropes at two! Taue hauls Misawa up for the over-the-shoulder backbreaker submission while the vets block for him, but Kobashi sneaks behind Jumbo to break it up. Misawa scores a spinkick, but runs right into a thrust kick from Taue, who TAKES SUMO STANCE and charges… right into the Tiger Driver! Holy shit what a two-count! Kobashi MOOONSAAAAUUULLLLLTTTT and that fucker Fuchi breaks up the pin! FUCK YOU, FUCHI I HOPE YOU DIE! Jumbo comes in to nail Misawa and he gets DDT’d- TAUE CHOKESLAM! But Kawada returns the favor with a break! And when the ref’s directing traffic Kawada just blasts Taue in the back of the head with a huge lariat, and that lures in Jumbo to beat his ass and get him off his lawn for good… but that was the plan! TIGER SUPLEX GETS THE PIN ON TAUE at (48:33 of 51:32 shown) as the crowd goes crazy! Jumbo was too late getting back in!

What the fuck this was so good! Slow start but all the character stuff builds, establishing that Taue won’t stop going for cheapshots on Kawada, which endlessly provokes him. This sets off a massive brawl that kills time and looks awesome, establishing the hate going on here. Fuchi, meanwhile, is a complete asshole, always interfering in pins or being extra mean in submissions even though a “fair fight” would get his ass kicked. Then they target Kawada’s neck for a lot of work, grinding him down, then poor KOBASHI gets a turn as his knee is destroyed for like fifteen straight minutes. This gives all the restholds tons of focus, and the guys just CRANK on them so it’s not just lying around (notably, none last the full minute that’s used for typical resting). Frequent tags keep the match active even during slow moments, and you get stuff like Kawada walking in for a break, flipping off Fuchi, and walking out. Again the hate gets set up, especially when Fuchi does the same thing at the upstart.

And all that pays off in the end of the match, as Fuchi breaks a pin for the last time, Kawada pays it back, and interferes so bad he provokes JUMBO to kick his ass, which means Misawa now has an opening to nail Taue with a pinning combination finisher! So Kawada being a total asshole to the veterans plays out repeatedly during the match, and even the FINISH, as the dishonorable little fucker even gets the veterans so hot they make mistakes in their attempts to get him off their lawn, and leave their young boy high and dry.

Rating: ***** (one of the best ever- Spot after spot, some based off of counters, and some based off of character stuff)