The SmarK Rant for WWE No Mercy 2002 – 10.20.02

So here’s my story.

I was planning on reviewing this on Thursday night on the way back from my conference in Vancouver, since I had a five hour wait in the airport between the end of the day and our flight back to Saskatoon at 9:30pm and needed something to occupy me anyway. It was actually a rarity for me because we were booked on a direct flight on Air Canada instead of the usual desperate rush to make it through the Calgary airport in time to get a Westjet connecting flight 40 minutes later. I actually noted to the head office person that it was nice to get a decent flight plan this year, and she ominously warned me that Air Canada wasn’t always the best in her experience. Insert dramatic music here. So anyway, the group of us from work get through security and head over to the food court in the airport for supper. Sidenote: The meals for the week were provided by the hotel, and since it’s Vancouver it was all very basic and bland vegetarian fare, or sometimes there would be dry turkey sandwiches on fancy bread if we were really lucky. Wow, bean soup, so luxurious. So needless to say, the highlight of my night was getting a real goddamn BURGER from Carl’s Jr, a fast good chain which we don’t actually have back home. We ARE getting a Hot Topic next week, so suck it, Regina! The burger was great, by the way. Anyway, while waiting in line to pick up the food, I got a text message from Air Canada informing me that my flight to Saskatoon was canceled due to the pilots having used up all their available hours for the week. And then shortly I was informed that the flight was rescheduled for 8am the next morning and we’re very sorry for the inconvenience. Oh and all the hotel rooms around the airport were booked full so presumably we’d have to live in the airport for the next day like Tom Hanks in that movie about the guy in the airport. Thankfully, someone from head office made a call and we went back out of the airport and talked to Air Canada, who magically found out that there was actually a hotel with multiple rooms available for the night, which we could have for free along with transportation there and meals at the airport as needed. But not before the taxi driver tried to scam us out of $5 because the voucher apparently didn’t cover some fee that he made up. However, thankfully we got an actual hotel to sleep in (such as it was) and after rolling out of bed at 4am and then going back through security again while half-asleep, I finally made it home a day later than planned so my dogs could stop worrying about me. And my family, I guess.

Anyway, that’s why I didn’t post anything for Friday morning. In case you worried about me as well.

Live from Little Rock, AK, drawing 9000 and a 0.58 buyrate. Another show I don’t remember whatsoever aside from two matches.

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole & Tazz

Meanwhile, Undertaker and Kane meet up in the dressing room as Kane quips “So, how was your week?” Oh yeah, THAT. Man the RAW side of this promotion was nearly unwatchable at this point.

RAW World tag team titles: Chris Jericho & Christian v. Booker T & Goldust

This was the regrettable period where Christian was wearing tights that made him look like a Superstars jobber in 1992. Also I barely remember Christian & Jericho as tag team champions and I only really associate them with the 2004 period with Trish. We had some really weird combinations of midcarders teamed up as champions for much of the first years of the brand extension. I do recall this was early in the run for Booker & Goldust as a team and they were really taking off, but they waited way too long to pull the trigger on them and completely missed the peak. BookDust double-teams Christian to start and Goldust hits both heels with the butt-butts and chases them to the floor. BookDust was a lazy and stupid portmanteau. I would have went with Son of a Booker. More craziness in that 75% of the participants in this match are not only still active but were on AEW TV within the past week. Christian takes over on Goldust with a legsweep for two and Goldust fights them off and makes the hot tag to Booker. Spinebuster on Jericho gets two. Rollup gets two. But then Booker tries the ax kick and crotches himself on the top, so Goldust comes in and fights off the heels alone. Shattered Dreams on Christian and he runs Jericho into Christian’s babymaker for two. He’ll never be a dad at this rate! They all brawl outside as everyone has lost track of who’s legal and Booker hits Jericho with a missile dropkick. But Christian runs in with the belt and misses, and then Jericho tries a Lionsault and the middle rope breaks. So Goldust improvises a bulldog for two, but Jericho bulldogs Goldust on the belt and goes up with a moonsault for the pin at 8:45 to retain. Man I wouldn’t have trusted that top rope. The ring literally falling apart at the end was an apt metaphor for this mess of a match. **

Meanwhile, Funaki interviews Al Wilson as the charisma leaps off the screen. Funaki recaps the storyline thus far, such as it is, and Al Wilson stammers like Jim Jordan being asked a reasonable question. This builds to Funaki asking the big question: Why were you wearing your clothes in the shower? Al goes with the Bill Clinton joke in response. Well I guess they had to fill time during the ring repairs.

Dawn Marie v. Torrie Wilson

Thankfully the ring is now fixed again in case these two unleash their aerial skills. Torrie attacks to start, but charges and hits Dawn’s boot in the corner. Torrie with a sunset flip for two, but Dawn necks her on the top rope to take over. Back in, Dawn beats on her with clubbing forearms and a headbutt to the gut for two. So Torrie comes back with the catfight spot as the ref rolls around with them in a spot out of a midget match, but Dawn clotheslines Torrie to cut her off. Torrie with a suplex for two and a dropkick gets two. Dawn gets slingshotted into the corner and can barely run into the turnbuckles properly, and that gets two. Torrie with a neckbreaker to finish at 4:40. Thank god they finally went home because they were getting worse and worse as the match went on. DUD

Meanwhile, RVD discusses his upcoming match with Ric Flair and does this embarrassing over-the-top Flair imitation that is completely out of character for him.

Rob Van Dam v. Ric Flair

Rob attacks on the floor and gets the spinkick in the ring for two, but Ric goes low behind the ref’s back and takes out the knee to take over. Flair chokes him out in the corner and works on the knee. Flair with the figure-four, but RVD makes the ropes and gets a sunset flip for two. Backslide gets two. These guys have zero chemistry together and they’re just kind of doing a normal Flair match. Flair tries another figure-four and Rob cradles for two. Flair goes up and gets slammed off and Rob gets Rolling Thunder for two, and the Five Star Frog Splash finishes at 7:53. This was just Flair doing his usual match at half-speed. Wasn’t BAD I guess but this kind of stuff isn’t what got RVD over. **

Meanwhile, Big Show complains to Steph about how he’s being treated on RAW and hasn’t headlined a PPV in years, and he blames it on his treatment at the hands of Bischoff. So Bischoff tells him never to talk to Steph again, and Show roughs him up and demands better treatment OR ELSE. Yeah this didn’t go anywhere that was good for anyone.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the history of the Intercontinental title, which comes to an end tonight one way or another.

Cruiserweight title: Jamie Noble v. Tajiri

So I’ve been rewatching the Smackdown shows week to week and I don’t recall them ever announcing this match. I guess you can fill in the blanks because Tajiri refereed the “match” between Nidia and Noble but that’s kind of sloppy on their part and the cracks are showing in this storyline. Obviously Vince was losing interest in the Noble/Nidia stuff. Noble sends Tajiri to the floor and back in for a backbreaker that gets two, before going to a surfboard. Noble runs him into the corner and goes to work on the back. They fight to the top and Tajiri fights him off and makes the comeback with a tornado DDT for the double down. Tajiri makes the comeback with kicks and the handspring elbow. German suplex gets two. Tajiri catapults him into the post and follows with the Buzzsaw kick, but Nidia takes the ref and Noble hits the tiger bomb for two. Tajiri tries a victory roll, but Nidia hooks Noble’s leg and he falls on top for the pin at 8:45. Just a match. **

Meanwhile, Chris Benoit runs into Eddie and lets him know that someone is beating up Chavo in the supply closet. Eddie is pretty sure that he’s being set up by Kurt Angle and mocks Benoit’s attempts to fool him. “That’s a little girl’s voice!” But of course, it really was Chavo getting beat up by Angle. Eddie is such a delight in these, it’s no wonder he got over so big.

World title v. Intercontinental title unification match: HHH v. Kane

So of course the unification of the #2 belt in the promotion wasn’t a big enough hook for this match, so they also had to make it “personal” with…sigh…Katie Vick. That one really makes me long for the acting of Tracy over on Smackdown. Kane beats on HHH in the corner and sends him to the floor, and back in for a clothesline that gets two. HHH fights back and threatens the MAIN EVENT SLEEPER, but Kane powerslams him for two and slugs away on him. So HHH puts him on the floor with a clothesline and then stomps away on him in the ring to take over, and a neckbreaker (cough) gets two. And that wasn’t exciting enough so a second one gets two as well. You’d think he blew the spot and had to repeat it, but HHH doesn’t blow spots. Hunter with the long chinlock, but Kane escapes and fights back with a sideslam and the crowd is deader than Katie Vick. Kane with the flying clothesline, but now Flair runs in and takes the ref, allowing HHH to use the belt for two. So then the Hurricane runs in and chases Flair off, but unsurprisingly gets laid out by HHH like a complete geek and Pedigreed on the floor. Kane makes the comeback with a powerslam for two. They fight to the top and Kane goes down first, but then HHH lands on his boot and that allows Kane to make another comeback. And then the ref is bumped to pile another layer of bullshit on top of the other smoke and mirrors. Like is anyone gonna check on Hurricane? Flair didn’t even leave ringside and poor Hurricane has to lie there playing dead for the rest of the match. So Kane chokeslams HHH through the table, but the ref is still out, so Flair brings the sledgehammer into the ring and Kane steals that. But then HHH kicks him in the nuts to complete the bingo card, and hits him with the hammer. Kane shrugs that off and hits the chokeslam for ANOTHER visual pinfall, but a second ref comes out and Flair takes out THAT ref. So Kane chokeslams Flair, but it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE and HHH unifies the titles at 16:10, forever ending the legacy of the Intercontinental title once and for all. Oh, sorry, I meant until a few months later when they brought it back again, my mistake. Also I legit laughed at Kane surviving a sledgehammer to the head and low blows but being unable to kick out from a Pedigree. That’s our Hunter! It used to make me mad but now the petty games are just hilarious in hindsight. This was like they had no actual ideas for the match and so just kept piling more and more tired nonsense on top of the ** TV match until they got to a finish. **1/4.

Meanwhile, Stephanie chats with Tracy in the office after throwing her off the show last week and telling her never to come back. Did they just forget about writing her off the show three days earlier? So Steph uses her righteous acting ability to get Tracy to admit that she was lying about everything, and then fires her…uh…again. Hopefully this one sticks. This was so painfully bad and Stephanie is really bad and ill-suited to this role as well.

Smackdown World tag team title finals: Chris Benoit & Kurt Angle v. Edge & Rey Mysterio

Angle gets some takedowns on Rey to play with him, so Rey comes back with a rana and slaps Angle around on the mat in retaliation. Over to Benoit and Edge and they trade takedowns before Benoit takes him down with a headlock and gets two. Edge with a knee to the gut and gutbuster for two. Backbreaker gets two. Edge flapjacks him for two, but Angle gets a cheapshot from the apron. So Edge spears him off the apron and rolls up Benoit for two. But then Angle gets revenge with a necksnap from the floor and the Bickersons take over. Benoit with a neckbreaker and it’s over to Angle for a stomping in the corner. Edge fights back, but Angle puts him down for two and goes to a bodyscissors on the mat. Edge fights out of that, but Angle suplexes him out of the corner and it’s over to Benoit for some more beatings in the corner. Benoit with the rolling germans while Rey is cheering his partner on like the king of babyfaces, so Benoit smacks him off the apron to teach him a lesson. Benoit goes up and Edge brings him down with a superplex for a double down. Hot tag Mysterio and he takes Benoit down with a flying headscissors and shotgun dropkick in the corner, setting up a guillotine legdrop in the ropes that gets two. Angle saves and Edge takes him to the floor, but Benoit faceplants Rey and puts him in the crossface until Edge saves. Rey with the 619, but Benoit catches him, so Edge dropkicks them over and Rey gets two. Benoit catching him with bad intentions on his face was pretty badass. Rey goes up and Angle brings him down with the pop up superplex, and Benoit gets two from that. So now Rey is your face in peril and Angle holds him down with a facelock. Benoit comes in and nails him with a back suplex for two. Now he’s getting annoyed, so he blasts Rey with chops in the corner, with a look on his face like “Look what you made me do to you”. Man the more we learned about Benoit, the more disturbing some of this stuff gets in retrospect. Rey manages to fight him off and dodges a blind charge, and it’s hot tag Edge, as he gets the Edge O Matic on Angle for two. Rey with the broncobuster on Benoit and Edge puts Angle on the top rope and then launches Rey up with a rana for two. Man if they could work out the timing so that Edge was able to spear Angle out of the air, that would a finisher for the ages. I don’t think physics would allow it, though. Benoit saves with the diving headbutt, but hits Angle by mistake and Edge gets two. Angle hits Edge with the Angle Slam and goes to the anklelock, but Edge cradles for two. Edge with the spear for two. Benoit makes the save, but Edge dumps him and then tosses Rey onto him outside. But Angle takes Edge down and anklelocks him, so Edge counters into his own anklelock. And then Angle picks the ankle again to escape and Edge taps out at 22:00 to make Benoit and Angle the first champion. I was legit surprised at that finish, I didn’t think they’d go that straightforward with it. This was an all-timer tag match with multiple hot tags and multiple periods where it looked like they were doing all the crazy near-falls leading to the finish. *****

Meanwhile, Undertaker asks a “doctor” to inject him with some stuff so he can win his match tonight. They said the quiet part out loud.

WWE Women’s title: Trish Stratus v. Victoria

JR describes Victoria as “chronically pre-menstrual” in an eye-rolling line even by the standards of this show’s low standards thus far. Victoria works a headlock to start and puts the boots to Trish in the corner, but Trish takes her down for two. Trish with kicks that miss by a foot as the normally crack directors manage to shoot it from exactly the wrong angle. They fight to the floor and Victoria drops her on the railing and back in with a slingshot legdrop that gets two. Trish comes back with the handstand rana for two. You can see Trish starting to put together some pieces of the puzzle, but it really wasn’t until the heel turn that she figured it out for good. Victoria with a slam and she follows with a convoluted sideslam, but Trish cuts her off with an electric chair for two. They slug it out and Trish puts her down with the Chick Kick for two and a pair of neckbreakers as the crowd is paying no interest. Really they couldn’t follow that tag match anyway. Trish with the rollup to finish at 5:45. Moving on. *

WWE title, Hell in a Cell: Brock Lesnar v. Undertaker

The build for this one was of course all over the damn place, with one group of people pushing for a hardcore heel heat build via the broken hand angle, and the other group pushing for a soap opera with a supposed cheating Undertaker. So we got the Bruce Pritchard-esque “They’re both great ideas!” solution. Last time I watched this match was for the Hell in a Cell DVD set, at which point Brock was UFC champion and I thought it might be interesting to see them work together again someday. Taker beats on Brock to start and clubs him in the gut with the cast. Given what we know now, working on the gut might have been the way to beat him. Brock bails to the floor and tries to get out the door. Normally I don’t like the door’s chances in that situation, but the lock holds. Back in the ring, Brock decides to work on the cast hand with an armbar. Taker slugs back with the cast while Heyman has an epic meltdown outside of the cage, and Brock is busted open. So they fight on the floor and Taker runs him into the cage and jumps on his head before giving us some cheese grater action and a clothesline on the floor for two. Wait, what? Since when can you do that? Cole quickly clarifies that this is a thing you can do, but I don’t think anyone ever did that again. Taker bashes him down with the cast again and runs him into the cage before booting Heyman from inside the cage and then running Brock into the stairs. Even Heyman is bleeding here, so Taker grabs his tie through the cage and manages to kick his ass from the other side, before Taker charges and Brock stunguns him into the cage. Into the cage with a spinebuster and everyone is out on the floor. That whole thing with Heyman was kind of a wacky spot for a blood feud. Next up, Paul lends Brock his belt and they use it to tie Taker to the cage so that Brock can beat him like a red-headed stepchild with a chair. Wait, can we still make fun of soulless ginger freaks here in 2023? I mean the Ed Sheeran kind, not the worthwhile ones like Bryce Dallas Howard. Anyway, if not, my bad. Dr. Brock tears off the cast until Taker fights back, but Brock rips it off and works on the broken hand in the ring. Taker tries to get to the top rope, so Brock grabs the ceiling beam and swings into Taker’s face with kicks. Taker finally goes low to put him down and then goes really old school with a ropewalk elbow drop that gets two. Brock necks him on the top rope, but Taker boots him off the apron and into the cage while Heyman pleads with Brock to make the comeback. So Brock runs Taker into the cage and hits him with a lariat on the floor and then smashes the stairs into his head, and you KNOW Taker is bleeding from that. Back in the ring, Brock hits a spinebuster for two as Taker is bleeding a gusher. So Brock beats him down in the corner and they slug it out until Taker wins the battle and puts him down with a clothesline before stomping on Brock’s hand to get some revenge. Taker with the old school ropewalk, but Brock yanks him down with an armdrag and Taker is just pouring blood on the mat in a horrifying shot. Taker escapes the F5 and chokeslams him for two. Corner clothesline and he backdrops out of a powerbomb attempt from Brock, and follows with a DDT that gets two. Last Ride is countered by Brock and he slugs away in the corner, but of course Taker hits the powerbomb on the second attempt and gets two. Why would anyone try punching Undertaker in the corner? So Undertaker goes to finish things off, but Brock counters the tombstone into the F5 and that finishes at 27:16. Well that definitely made up for the shit finish from Unforgiven. ****1/2. And then after that career-making performance for Brock that made him look like the most dominant champion in wrestling thanks to Undertaker sacrificing himself to put him over…well we’ll get to that next month I guess.

A definite two-match show, but the two matches were two all time classics, so that’s an easy thumbs up for it. Still though, there’s little reason to watch anything but the tag title match and the main event.