Happy Stinky Saturday Everyone!
We’ve got another Stinker Review for you this week, where I look at a show with a bad reputation and then decide whether that reputation is deserved. This week we’ve got WWE Royal Rumble 2006, a show renowned for being pretty awful from a general match quality perspective with a Rumble match itself that way under delivers.
I remember disliking it a lot back in the day and I never really wanted to go back to it, but maybe time has been kinder to it?
You can view the card by clicking below;
https://www.cagematch.net/?id=1&nr=5231&page=2
, 2006
The event is emanating from Miami, Florida on the 29th of January 2006
Calling the action are Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole and Tazz
We get the usual well-made opening video package focusing on the big matches tonight. It certainly makes the show seem like a big deal.
They’ve gone for a roman coliseum theme to the show tonight, and knowing Vince McMahon it wouldn’t surprise me if the semi-main ends up being some Christians getting fed to the lions.
Opening Match
WWE Cruiserweight Title
Champ: Kid Kash Vs Gregory Helms Vs Nunzio Vs Jamie Noble Vs Funaki Vs Paul London
The idea here is that this is an “invitational” match, which allows Helms to jump over from Raw and compete due to meeting the Cruiserweight designation. Nunzio’s “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” rip off is dubbed out here, and they had no real option than to do that as it’s basically the instrumental without the lyrics.
This one is all-action and it’s good fun, with all six wrestlers being good in the ring and knowing how to work the fast-paced Cruiserweight style. Everyone gets a chance to hit a big move until we move into Finisher Madness™, which sees the wrestlers taking it in turns to deliver a signature attack before getting a near fall.
Helms is presented as the true Heel of the bout, as all of the Smackdown guys hate him due to Helms repping for Raw. The crowd gradually gets more into the action as the bout progresses, but it still doesn’t have especially great heat due to the Cruiserweight’s being treated as second class citizens so much in WWE during this era.
We of course get some dives to the floor at one stage, because how could we not in a match like this, with Paul London getting the most impressive one with a Shooting Star Press out onto everyone. That does at least get a great reaction from the crowd. Noble gets pretty over during the final moments by running wild but Helms bundles him out of the ring and then gets the Shining Black on Funaki in order to win the belt.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: GREGORY HELMS
RATING: ***
Fun opener. Helms would go on to hold the belt for over a year, although he spent a chunk of that reign wrestling the heavyweights
Teddy Long and Vince McMahon are talking backstage about observing the rumble draw, but Vince says he has it covered and reveals Torrie Wilson, Victoria and Candice Michelle as the drawers, which of course gives him an opportunity to lech because Vince. Randy Orton comes in and draws his number, and it ends up being a good one. Triple H then comes in and draws his number, but he’s considerably less happy with his. Triple H did a great job selling his number, at first being shocked before then becoming disgusted.
Trish Stratus is warming up backstage, which leads to Mickie James coming over and telling Trish that she loves her.
Match Two
Guest Referee: WWE Women’s Champ Trish Stratus
Ashley Massaro Vs Mickie James
James was doing the obsessed fan gimmick with Stratus with increasing elements of lesbian overtones, whilst Massaro was a Diva Search winner who had been Stratus’ friend in storyline, meaning that Stratus has a bit of a conflict going on here due to her connection to both wrestlers. James professing her love will no doubt be messing with Stratus’ head though.
Joey Styles having to be all worried out about potential lesbian overtones going on when he was the former commentator for ECW is a bit out of character to be honest. Massaro has generic rock music dubbed in here as I believe she was using the “Be Yourself” song at the time that they used for the series of Diva Search that she won.
I don’t wish to speak ill of the dead and I have a lot of appreciation for Mickie James’ wrestling ability over the years, but this is a pretty awful match, mostly down to Massaro being greener than a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle at this stage in her career. James takes a lot of bumps in an effort to make the match good, but Massaro is running through everything in super slow motion, to the point that it makes James look bad that she’s just standing there waiting for the attacks to come.
James eventually cuts Massaro off and works some heat, keeping it basic with holds and strikes, and Massaro doesn’t do too bad a job selling in all fairness, although her bumping, selling and feeding is pretty bad. James does some good character work as she keeps looking at Stratus and getting increasingly more violent as the match wears on. It’s a shame they didn’t have someone more competent in the ring to play the Massaro role as this match isn’t telling a bad story.
The match does go on for too long and the longer it goes the more it exposes poor Massaro as being way out of her league. She’d be lucky to be in the lower card of an independent promotion with her level of aptitude here, and she’s certainly miles off being good enough to work a match on one of the “Big Four” WWE pay per views. This is highlighted by the fans brutally booing Massaro’s comeback because it looks so bad, with James eventually getting a pull of the tights for the three count from a reluctant Stratus
WINNER: MICKIE JAMES
RATING: ½*
James’ character work was really good, but Massaro was really bad here, bless her. She couldn’t have been thrown out there like this. I’d honestly be shocked to see her even get a match on NXT TV these days with her level of ability
James celebrates with Stratus following the match but Stratus isn’t into it.
Vince continues to be a lecherous old man with the women until Big Show thankfully shows up to draw his number, although his hand is too big to fit into the container. He seems mildly happy with his number. Rey Mysterio Jr. then joins us and draws his number before looking to the heaven’s and laughing that Eddy Guerrero has seemingly played a prank on him.
Match Three
John Bradshaw Layfield w/ Jillian Hall Vs The Boogeyman
Boogeyman had recently debuted and had been terrorising JBL, including going to the lengths of ripping a mole off of Hall’s face and then eating it in one of the grosser moments of this era. JBL doesn’t even have his limo for this one, which highlights just how little effort he’s putting into this particular feud.
Boogeyman had been on Tough Enough but had got in trouble for lying about is age. However, he had charisma and was freakishly muscular, so of course WWE decided to lost past his fibbing and agreed to bring him in. He’d barely even been in development prior to this but he was already in his 40’s so they probably felt they had to strike whilst the iron was lukewarm I guess.
JBL flings Hall into Boogeyman to start, which leads to Boogeyman stalking her like a villain from a slasher movie until JBL attacks him from behind and laying in some punches. Boogeyman doesn’t even know to fight back when JBL gives him openings to do so, making him the second person in a row who was on television and nowhere near ready for prime time.
Boogeyman may have been very muscular but he was also pretty short, something that is extenuated when he’s in there with someone as deceptively tall as JBL. Eventually JBL misses a charge in the corner and Boogeyman mercifully takes this one home with a sloppy Pump Handle Slam to win one of the worst pay per view matches in WWE history.
WINNER: THE BOOGEYMAN
LOSERS: THE REST OF HUMANITY
RATING: DUD
This was absolutely appalling and for a while pretty much every Boogeyman match was like this because he wasn’t capable of doing any more than this. It was weird seeing JBL in this role as he would win the US Title at WrestleMania 22 and then get some shots at World Champ Rey Mysterio post-Mania, so having him get destroyed like this in such a one sided feud didn’t really make any sense, but then again Booker T ended up getting saddled with Boogeyman at Mania and then won the King of the Ring so it’s almost like his feuds were non-canon most of the time
Vince McMahon meets Shelton Benjamin’s mama (it’s an actor and not his real mother) leading to Shelton drawing his number and then promising to eliminate Shawn Michaels in the Rumble later. Melina Perez then joins us with Johnny Nitro and Joey Mercury to draw their numbers. Melina and the other women all instantly hate one another of course, because this was wrestling in 2006. Melina promises her men will try and eliminate Michaels and Vince continues to letch, because Vince.
We get the Royal Rumble video package, which introduces us to the entrants and their motivations. I would have preferred the old interview montage that they used to do, but this still did a good job of hyping up the match and letting you know who was in it.
Before the Rumble match starts, The Spirit Squad joins us for a Rumble cheer, because what this show needed was more filler. The Squad were male cheerleaders, which of course made them Heels even before we even knew anything about them or their motivations. Nick “Dolph Ziggler” Nemeth was the most successful member of the group as he got to win the World Title, but Kenny Doane ended up securing a role as a Road Agent so he ended up doing okay as well. John Jeter might possible have been the most talented member of the group, but he was also one of the smallest members and had some personal issues, hence why he never really did anything on the main roster following the end of the gimmick.
Match Four
Royal Rumble
Entrant #1 – Triple H
Entrant #2 – Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rey is entering this one in honour of Eddy Guerrero who had passed away in the autumn of 2005, and he enters in a lowrider to a good pop. Triple H and Rey do a nice segment together, although Rey is stupid enough to try a 10 punch in a battle royal and it almost costs him.
Entrant #3 – Simon Dean
Dean would perhaps be better known as Nova from ECW, and he gets some stomps in on Rey but tries to make friends with Triple H and that goes about as well as you’d expect, with Triple H and Rey teaming up to throw Dean out.
Elimination #1 – Simon Dean via Rey Mysterio Jr (1) and Triple H (1)
Triple H and Rey go back to fighting following that, and they actually have some decent chemistry together. I don’t think they ever worked a proper program together and this makes me think that might have been a missed opportunity.
Entrant #4 – Psicosis
Psi doesn’t have his lawnmower with him here, but he does go straight after Rey before briefly working with Triple H as well in what I think might have been the only time we got to see that particular combination. Psi actually gets a decent chunk of offence in on both guys, but ends up taking too long to give Rey a Splash Mountain and ends up getting rana’d out.
Elimination #2 – Psicosis via Rey Mysterio Jr (2)
Entrant #5 – Ric Flair
Triple H and Flair had been feuding for quite a while prior to this, so Flair runs wild on Triple H the moment he enters the ring and the crowd is really into it. Flair was obviously way past his prime by this stage but he could still be entertaining in the right setting, as this little section shows. Triple H eventually manages to eliminate Flair but Flair gets a decent amount of offence first.
Elimination #3 – Ric Flair via Triple H (2)
Entrant #6 – The Big Show
Big Show had also been feuding with Triple H recently, so Triple H is in for it now. Big Show gets some big chops in on Triple H, with Triple H doing his Flair tribute by flopping down to the mat at one stage.
Entrant #7 – The Coach
Coach stupidly attacks Big Show for some reason, leading to his immediate elimination. Hopefully the clumsy Coach didn’t injure himself somehow doing that.
Elimination #4 – The Coach via Big Show (1)
Big Show continues to clobber Triple H, with Michael Cole comparing his hand to a skillet. You know Cole was really trying to get Big Show over when he started comparing parts of his body to cooking equipment. That’s when you know Cole was really trying.
Entrant #8 – Bobby Lashley
Lashley was still pretty green at this stage and he’s aged extraordinarily well. Lashley hadn’t lost in a singles match yet, although that would eventually happen the following month against Fit Finlay. Lashley actually manages to knock Big Show out of the ring, but it’s under the rope, which means that Big Show hasn’t been eliminated.
Entrant #9 – Kane
Kane and Big Show were the Raw Tag Champs at the time, and Kane is none-too-pleased that Lashley just walloped his partner. Lashley nearly kills Kane with an over head belly to belly suplex and then almost hurts Triple H with a press slam. Yeah, Lashley needed quite a bit of work until he became good, but he got there in the end.
Entrant #10 – Sylvan Grenier
Grenier was doing a model gimmick during this period, and he was improving in the ring somewhat, but he doesn’t get a chance to show that here as Lashley throws him out almost instantly. However, that allows Big Show and Kane to then fling Lashley out.
Elimination #5 – Sylvan Grenier via Bobby Lashley (1)
Elimination #6 – Bobby Lashley via Big Show (1) and Kane (1)
Big Show and Kane then start going at it, which allows Triple H to sneak up and dump them both out whilst they are fighting on the ropes.
Eliminations #7 and #8 – Big Show and Kane via Triple H (4)
Entrant #11 – Carlito Caribbean Cool
Carlito gets a decent pop for his entrance music and he probably could have been a bigger deal in WWE if he’d actually cared enough to try harder. Carlito runs wild on both Triple H and Rey, catching Rey with a Back Cracker at one stage.
Entrant #12 – Chris Benoit
Benoit of course unloads with chops and suplexes onto everyone, because Benoit, and the crowd enjoys that. Benoit also works into his trademark chest first bump into the turnbuckle from Triple H at one stage, and it looks as good as ever. Benoit was perennially over as an upper-mid-carder who could be moved into Main Events if necessary by this stage in his career, and the crowd reacts to all of his trademark spots, including the diving head butt onto Triple H.
Entrant #13 – Booker T
Booker has long tights here because he’d suffered an injured groin, which is possibly why they gave him the Boogeyman feud for Mania as it meant he just had to focus on doing skits and then a quick match. Booker and Benoit were feuding at the time, so Benoit dumps Booker out to keep that cooking and Booker doesn’t have to do much so as not to aggravate his injury any further.
Elimination #9 – Booker T via Chris Benoit (1)
Entrant #14 – Joey Mercury
Mercury looks decent here, but the crowd doesn’t really buy that he has any chance due to being a tag guy and he doesn’t get much of a reaction.
Entrant #15 – Tatanka
This felt like a super random entrant, but Tatanka actually stuck around for a bit following this and even did a brief Heel run. Tatanka runs wild with his tomahawk chops and the crowd seems to enjoy it, so Tatanka already justified his inclusion. After that though we move into guys just fighting on the ropes, with Carlito/Rey, Benoit/Truple and Tatanka/Mercury being the pairings.
Entrant #16 – Johnny Nitro
Nitro and Mercury line up to get chopped and knocked down by Tatanka, whilst Benoit nearly manages to eliminate Triple H. Rey hasn’t really done much since those early eliminations, but he does get to do a couple of elimination teases to remind us that he’s still in this.
Entrant #17 – Trevor Murdoch
We’ve got 8 guys in the ring now with Murdoch entering, which is probably at least 2 too many really, as it’s getting kind of crowded and guys aren’t really doing much. It was a reasonably hot start but now it’s just becoming your standard battle royal.
Entrant #18 – Eugene
Eugene tries to shake hands with Murdoch but finds only a punch waiting for him, which leads to Eugene Hulking Up before delivering the Airplane Spin. Both wrestlers are of course dizzy following that though, leading to Rey getting a double bulldog for the best spot the match has seen in a while.
Entrant #19 – Road Warrior Animal
Animal had come back to win the tag belts with Heidenreich, but he was way past his best, which is highlighted when he can barely power slam Triple H. Johnny Ace (Animal’s brother) had a lot of pull at the time, which is why Animal got this run, despite him being out of shape and way past his best. We now have 10 guys in there, which is just way too many and the match has kind of ground to a halt as a result.
Entrant #20 – Rob Van Dam
RVD was making his return here and would eventually win the WWE Title in the summer until he was stupid enough to get busted by the cops whilst carrying drugs. RVD is way over with the crowd and runs wild on everyone, but there are so many guys in there that he can’t really do as much as he’d probably like. Animal gets dumped to bring the numbers down at least.
Elimination #10 – Road Warrior Animal via Rob Van Dam (1)
Entrant #21 – Orlando Boredom
Yes I know it’s a lame nickname, but that’s how I used to refer to Orlando Jordan at the time so I thought it only right to bring it back. As my name for him would suggest, OJ doesn’t really do much and the ring has got so full now that a lot of guys are just standing around unsure as to what to do.
Entrant #22 – Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Chavo gets a decent pop due to also repping for Eddy Guerrero here, and he gets to run wild on everyone for a bit, although the ring is so full now that he doesn’t have a lot of space to work with. This Rumble started pretty good but it’s getting ridiculous with how many people are in there now. Chavo stupidly heads up top and that allows Triple H to shove him out.
Elimination #11 – Chavo Guerrero Jr. via Triple H (5)
Entrant #23 – Matt Hardy
Matt gets a good pop, as this was during a period where he was pretty over but WWE were steadfastly refusing to push him in any real meaningful manner. Matt looks good here and gives OJ and Twist of Fate, but that sadly doesn’t lead to OJ’s elimination. Please, for the love of cheese and crackers, THROW SOME PEOPLE OUT!!! As I type that, Tatanka gets flung out by Mercury and Nitro. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING!!!
Elimination #12 – Tatanka via Johnny Nitro (1) and Joey Mercury (1)
Entrant #24 – Super Crazy
We’ve got some decent ECW representation in there right now actually with Rey, Benoit, RVD, Crazy and Mercury. Crazy does a quick cross body onto Mercury and Nitro but that’s about it.
Entrant #25 – Shawn Michaels
Michaels is way over and was feuding with Vince McMahon at the time, which would eventually lead to a match between the two at Mania. Michaels runs wild a little bit but soon finds himself bogged down the same way everyone has been in this one. He does manage to low bridge Murdoch out at least.
Elimination #13 – Trevor Murdoch via Shawn Michaels (1)
Entrant #26 – The Masterpiece Chris Masters
Masters was kind of doing a modern day version of Lex Luger’s old narcissist gimmick here and he was getting pushed before he was ready due to his impressive physique. He ended up becoming a solid wrestler but by that point WWE had no further interest in him.
Entrant #27 – The World’s Largest Love Machine Viscera
Viscera quickly violates poor Matt Hardy and then throws him out, in a mystifying booking decision. I mean, couldn’t he have done that to someone like Eugene or Masters instead of someone like Matt who was actually over and should have been protected more.
Elimination #14 – Matt Hardy via Viscera (1)
Entrant #28 – Shelton Benjamin
Benoit finally throws out Eugene in order to create a bit more space in there, but it’s still chock-a-block.
Elimination #15 – Eugene via Chris Benoit (2)
Viscera tries to throw out Crazy but Crazy manages to hold on and survive.
Entrant #29 – Goldust
Goldust is another surprise entrant I believe, as he was in and out of WWE during this period and even had a miserable stint in TNA that he doesn’t even acknowledge anymore. Very little continues to happen, although we do get a bit where Benjamin, Viscera and OJ do the man’s work for him by all fighting with one another. Somewhere I believe Rey and RVD dump out Crazy, although I can’t remember seeing it.
Elimination #16 – Super Crazy via Rob Van Dam (2) and Rey Mysterio Jr. (3)
Entrant #30 – Randy Orton
So we have every entrant entered and still roughly half the field in the ring. Orton quickly throws out Benoit though, which seems like a weird guy to start with when you consider who is still in there. As I type that though, some of the deadwood does get cleared out as Viscera is thrown out by Masters and Carlito, only for Carlito to screw his buddy Masters for the second pay per view in a row by chucking him out.
Elimination #17 – Chris Benoit via Randy Orton (1)
Elimination #18 – Viscera via Carlito (1) and Chris Masters (1)
Elimination #19 – Chris Masters via Carlito (2)
Goldust gives Carlito some Shattered Dreams following that, but RVD then knocks him out for another elimination, which Orton ends OJ’s night on the other side of the ring.
Elimination #20 – Goldust via Rob Van Dam (3)
Elimination #21 – Orlando Jordan via Randy Orton (2)
Carlito and Benjamin do a good elimination tease on the apron, whilst Triple H and Michaels do a nice segment together for old times’ sake until Mercury and Nitro break it up and work over Michaels. Michaels manages to fight them off though and throws them out for a nice pop.
Eliminations #22 and #23 – Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro via Shawn Michaels (3)
Shelton Benjamin tries to fulfil the promise to Vince McMahon next by chucking out Michaels, but Michaels manages to fight him off and throw him out.
Elimination #24 – Shelton Benjamin via Shawn Michaels (4)
Vince McMahon joins following that to distract Michaels so that Shane McMahon can come through the crowd to throw Michaels out and keep that feud continuing.
Elimination #25 – Shawn Michaels by Shane McMahon
Michaels is of course furious about that and gives Triple H some Chin Music before chasing Shane to the back whilst Vince begs off. This leaves us with a Final Five of Carlito, Orton, RVD, Triple H and Rey, with Carlito soon getting knocked out by RVD as a payoff to Carlito attacking RVD on his talk show back in the summer of 2005.
Elimination #26 – Carlito Caribbean Cool via Rob Van Dam (4)
Triple H, Orton, Rey and RVD are all potential winners that the crowd would buy and all four of them have been made to look good in this one so far, so it works as a Final Four and they do a good segment, with Rey and RVD teaming up to work over the Heels. Eventually though RVD stupidly goes up top and that leads to Triple H throwing Rey into him to send him to the floor. I think this has officially been registered as an elimination for Rey as well as Triple because Rey technically was the one to knock RVD out to the floor, but it feels like a bit of a stretch if I’m honest.
Elimination #27 – Rob Van Dam via Triple H (6) and Rey Mysterio Jr. (4)
So now we have entrants #1, #2 and #30 in there battling it out, which I think might have also happened in 1995 as well with Shawn Michaels, Davey Boy Smith and Crush, but don’t quote me on that one as it’s been a while since I watched that Rumble. Rey gets the double 619 on the Heels for a nice pop, as the crowd is in full support of Rey here. Triple H manages to cut Rey off though, but then Rey counters a Triple H spine buster to drag Triple H out for a big pop.
Elimination #28 – Triple H via Rey Mysterio Jr. (5)
Triple H attacks Rey before leaving in a typical display of bad sportsmanship, which is a good tease to suggest that Orton might now be able to win, with Rey then feuding with Triple H over Mania. However, it’s not Orton’s Rumble to win, as Rey manages to survive and head scissor Orton out for the improbable win to pop the crowd.
Elimination #29 – Randy Orton via Rey Mysterio Jr. (6)
WINNER: REY MYSTERIO JR
MOST ELIMINATIONS: TRIPLE H & REY MYSTERIO JR (6)
RATING: **1/2
First off I’ll cover the good aspects of this Rumble, with those being that they did a good job throughout to make the Final Four guys in there look like potential winners by giving them plenty of eliminations. When you consider that Triple H, Rey and Orton all wrestled in Title matches at Mania whilst RVD competed in Money in the Bank, they set the table well for the biggest show of the year by giving four guys who would have key roles at the event some credibility going in. the first 15 minutes or so were action packed and well done, with Triple H and Rey both getting the chance to throw some guys out, and when it got down to the Final Four it was a solid entertaining ending stretch with the big underdog upset win being executed nicely.
However, there were way too many slow periods in the middle of the match with the ring getting too full and the action being at a premium. Some of the eliminations were weird, such as Matt Hardy getting sacrificed to Viscera in a manner that was bordering on a burial whilst Benoit was chucked out whilst a host of lesser stars were still in there when he could have been part of the closing stretch and really contributed.
The mystery entrants (Tatanka and Goldust) though not bad weren’t exactly exciting either and they didn’t really add anything to the match. Overall the match just felt flat and was even kind of dull when there were 12 guys lying around with no space for anyone to do any interesting spots or moves. It wasn’t terrible and the closing section was executed very well and did a good job of getting Rey over, but overall this was a pretty weak Rumble
Rey celebrates following that, although he’d lose his Title shot at the following pay per view and would end up getting re-entered to the match thanks to Teddy Long when he really should have earned his way back in by winning a match.
Mickie James is still trying to be friendly with Trish Stratus but Stratus isn’t digging it.
Rey Mysterio Jr. is celebrating with Benoit, Chavo and Dean Malenko, but Edge walks up to say Rey better not challenge for his belt at Mania.
Semi-Main
Raw Title
Champ: Edge w/ Lita Vs John Cena
Edge had been the first ever to cash in Money in the Bank, defeating John Cena in the process. This led to ratings growing as fans were interested to see Edge in the role, but plans for Triple H Vs John Cena at WrestleMania were already in place so Edge has to show up and transition the belt back here. Don’t worry though, things turned out alright for him in the end.
Cena gets the special entrance here where he descends from above the ring on a kind of platform. Though it’s a cool entrance it does sort of highlight why Cena was struggling to get over as the underdog everyman babyface when he was getting such lavish treatment so often. Austin got to break through a wall of glass a couple of times but that was about it as far as pageantry went because otherwise he couldn’t have been much of a rebel if the company was laying on special entrances for him on the regular.
Cena actually has to jump into the ring from the platform and it honestly would have been so Pro Wrestling if he’d twisted his knee or ankle upon landing and then needed months off to recover. Edge and Cena would go on to have some very good matches, with the best probably being their TLC match later on in 2006, but this is kind of just two fellers having a match and the crowd isn’t especially into it either. It’s not actively bad or anything, but it’s not especially good either.
Cena gets the shine to start but Edge uses Lita as a human shield and then gives Cena a Spear into the ring steps for the cut off. Watching this makes me think they should have probably kept the belt on Edge and done a triple threat at Mania 22, just because it seemed like an abrupt way to take the belt from Edge and they could have probably milked him deviously retaining it for a couple of months until Cena finally won it back at Mania, and there’d still be Cena Vs Triple H singles matches to do in the post-Mania season.
Edge’s heat is pretty basic, as he mostly just stomps away at Cena whilst being an arrogant jerk. Cena sells it well and Edge is very good at playing an unlikable scum bag, but this still doesn’t really feel like a big pay per view match. If you got this as a Raw Main Event you’d be reasonably happy, but for what is one of the Big Four WWE events you really do expect more, especially when you watch it with hindsight and know the level the two could actually reach in their better matches.
Edge does eventually start adding in some more flashy and intricate offence as the match progresses, including a very nice Missile Dropkick at one stage, and Cena continues to do a reasonable job selling everything, so the match remains solid if not completely thrilling. Cena gets the odd brief hope spot to show that he’s still alive in the match, including when he misses a West Newbury Jam at one stage, but Edge ultimately always ends up cutting him off.
Edge has taken most of the match really, probably because he’s going to lose in the end and they want to make him look strong in defeat, which is a usual technique used in these sorts of settings. Cena eventually manages to dodge a Spear and gets a DDT for the double down, as the crowd is starting to get a bit more invested. Lita distracts the ref whilst Cena potentially has the bout won, which leads to the Heels colliding and the STFU following for the Cena victory.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: JOHN CENA
RATING: **1/2
A decent outing but it never really felt like a pay per view calibre bout. Edge was working very hard here because he possibly wasn’t sure if he’d ever get to hold the belt again and wanted to enter a strong performance on the way out, and he mostly succeeded. At the time I thought for sure the finish was going to be a DQ Cena win just so they could stretch the feud out a bit longer, but they were instead going with Triple H/Cena and Edge/Foley for Mania, and both of those matches were great in the end to be fair
Cena celebrates with his belt now he’s regained it.
Todd Grisham annoys Edge, leading to Edge storming off. Lita is annoyed at Todd also, which leads to Hacksaw Duggan coming over to call her a HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ah, 2006…
Josh Matthews is with Smackdown Champ Kurt Angle, who isn’t concerned about losing his Title to Mark Henry up next. Angle slurred some of that promo actually, possibly because he was on enough pain medication to floor a diplodocus during this period of his career.
Main Event
Smackdown Title
Champ: Kurt Angle Vs The Walking Root Canal Mark Henry w/ Shawn Daivari
Angle had won the Title in a Battle Royal when Batista had to relinquish it due to injury, which led to former manager Daivari hitching his wagon to Mark Henry in an effort at revenge. This was one of the many attempts to push Henry, with it not really working until they did the Hall of Pain gimmick with him, and even then he was still pretty bleh in the ring. However, compared to how bad he used to be, Henry may as well have been prime Genichiro Tenryu when he finally did the HoP thing.
This is a pretty odd choice to close the show, but there is a reason for it which we’ll find out later on. Angle tries to stick and move to start, but he eventually can’t avoid Henry’s gravitational pull and gets sucked in for some generic power stuff. Henry is close to immobile here, with Angle having to essentially run around him in order to make the match even remotely interesting. Henry soup cans Angle to the floor at one stage and that leads to the cut off.
I’m not against big lugs who methodically wear opponents down, but Henry is certainly no Vader or John Tenta. His offence looks really sloppy and I believe he legitimately hurt some people during this period as well, so his work looks bad but still actually hurts. Vader hurt some people as well, but at least his work looked believable. Angle sells well whilst Henry is working him over and does his best to make the match watchable, but this wasn’t Angle’s peak either and it proves to be a task that is beyond him.
Angle does manage to get both a German Suplex and an Olympic Slam on Henry at certain points, with Henry taking passable bumps for both of the moves, so that gives us something decent in here at least. Ref Charles Robinson ends up taking a bump following that though, leading to Angle grabbing a chair and clocking both of the Heels with it, with it taking two of them to put Henry down for a near fall.
When it comes to booking your babyface World Champion, that’s certainly a choice. I get they want to make Henry look big and scary, but why does Angle have to cheat in order to get that across? Can’t Angle just legally throw everything he can at Henry whilst Henry keeps kicking out? Anyway, Angle exposes a turnbuckle and throws Henry into it before following up with a rope assisted roll-up for three. That was such a weird way to book that match.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: KURT ANGLE
RATING: *
Angle was a bit hit and miss during this period due the litany of personal issues that eventually led to him being released in the summer of 2006, but even at his best he would have struggled to get anything out of Henry here, especially as they booked this in a super weird way that made Angle look like an ineffectual Heel when he was supposed to be a tough babyface Champion. Henry kicking out of Angle’s big moves and having Angle seemingly near to defeat before Angle caught him with a last gasp pinning move would have been a perfectly fine way to book that match and it would have protected Henry in defeat and retained his monster image, they really didn’t need to bother with the chair and turnbuckle nonsense
Undertaker shows up post-match in a chariot in order to make the ring collapse via magic, which sets him up as Angle’s next challenger. Hence why they had to put this on last. I mean, Undertaker could have just come out and given Angle a Choke Slam or something to set up No Way Out without needing the silliness with the ring and they could have closed the show with Rey’s moment of glory, but I guess it was ESSENTIAL that Undertaker used his magic powers. The resulting match between the two wrestlers at the next pay per view was awesome at least.
Is It Really A Stinker?
An average Rumble match, two horrible bouts in the under card featuring two criminally underprepared green wrestlers, and one of the worst Main Event matches of Kurt Angle’s entire wrestling career make this one an easy thumbs down and a definite Stinker.
The Cruiserweights did their thing and didn’t disappoint, Edge and Cena had a decent outing and there were some good parts to the Rumble, but sadly the negatives far outweighed the positives and this show was a pretty difficult watch as a result. This one definitely deserves its stinky rep.
Final Rating – Stinker
