Texas Tornado

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a hell of a find- a Mirror Match between Bruiser Brody and the guy who lifted all his stuff- Nord the Barbarian! Turns out they were old tag partners and occasional opponents, making that less of a theft and more of a “trainee” thing! But come see a mega-roided future Berzerker take on his elder self in Windy City Wrestling in 1988!

Next up, I have the most “1994” match ever, as Adam Bomb and the Smoking Gunns take on Kwang & Well Dunn- the Wippleman Dream Team. Next up is “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich in his final televised WWF match against the Repo Man! Finally, I knock out a lucha match I reviewed ages ago as El Hijo Del Santo, Latin Lover & Heavy Metal face La Parka, Fuerza Guerrera & Blue Panther!

KING KONG BRUISER BRODY vs. NORD THE BARBARIAN:
(Windy City Wrestling, 1988?)
* !!!!!!!!!!! Completely wild! Bruiser Brody, shortly before he died, and he’s up against the guy who lifted nearly all his shit in John Nord (aka The Berzerker). They were actually tag partners in 1986 AWA, mentioned here, so it’s actually somewhat natural that Nord became one of the “Brody Clones”. The video quality here is NOT good, but Brody has black trunks and longer hair, and is less toned than a 25-ish Nord, who has short curly hair and brown trunks.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time we’re starting off with a request, as Bret “Hitman” Hart takes on Paul Roma in 1991 WWF! When Bret REALLY started impressive people with how excellent his execution truly was. Then it’s a truly whacky 6-man tag, as the WWF’s lowest-level babyfaces team up against a new team and the bottom-tier heel- it’s Kerry Von Erich, Greg Valentine & “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka against the Beverly Brothers and Pat Tanaka! Then it’s over to WCW, as Harlem Heat take on the Fantastics in a pretty good generational tag team match! And some more obscure goodness, as four of WCW’s British wrestlers face off- it’s Steven Regal & Dave Taylor vs. “Gentleman” Chris Adams & Norman Smiley! Finally, we end with a couple of random Tokyo Magnum WCW contests- with such varied competition as “Hole In One” Barry Darsow and Eddie Guerrero!

BRET “HIT MAN” HART vs. PAUL ROMA (w/ Slick):
(WWF Prime Time, July 1st 1991)
* Bret Hart’s new singles push continues as he faces a very “Jobbing Face” Paul Roma, frowning and wearing the long Power & Glory tights. Sean Mooney declares that Bret Hart would NEVER brag, which is rich considering his primary catchphrase is to declare himself the greatest wrestler there is, was and ever will be.

The Battle Royal: in an era of jobber vs. jobber matches making up almost all TV wrestling, this iwas the only way to get to see a TON of big stars in one place!

It’s another Dream Matches column! This time I find a Battle Royal from 1992 with a very unexpected victor! A 40-man battle royal with an incredible SEVENTEEN jobbers getting paydays, and extended runs by guys like Kato and a beyond-done Texas Tornado! Read on!

I also find some disparate stuff- Crush vs. Damian Demento from a 1992 WWF Mania, as I find an incredible smorgasbord of horrible low-grade matches on that program! Essa Rios vs. Jeff Hardy from 2000, as the Hardyz push REALLY starts to get in gear and “Team Extreme” is ready to form! WCW midcard glory as Glacier faces Lash Leroux! Then it’s a request, as we see a very young MIKE AWESOME in late ’80s WCW, as he faces the “Z-Man” Tom Zenk! And finally, some throwaway lucha stuff as Juventud Guerrera & Super Calo face Silver King & El Dandy in a match that ends in a REAL mess of miscommunication!

BATTLE ROYAL:
(Bret Hart, The British Bulldog, Sgt. Slaughter, Rick “The Model” Martel, “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, I.R.S., The Nasty Boys, “El Matador” Tito Santana, “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich, Virgil, High Energy, Skinner, The Beverly Brothers, The Berzerker, Kato, Jim Powers, Barry Horowitz, Jumping Jim Brunzell, Duane Gill, Joe Milano, Rick Johnson, John/Tom Star, J.K. Goodman, Chico Martinez, Bob Bradley, Bruce Mitchell, Bob Knight, Terry Davis, Joe McMullen, Al Tucker, Barry Hardy, Nick Danger, Scott Palontonio?)
(WWF Prime Time, July 6th 1992)
* Okay, so while Scott Keith HATES Battle Royals, I LOVE them. I mean, in an era where your weekly main event was like Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Koko B. Ware, seeing THIRTY GUYS in one match? That was incredible! Plus it was fun to see guys go out almost in the exact order of importance. This one’s a real mish-mash of the most “1992” acts possible, including Kato as a singles act, the Beverlies, High Energy & Skinner. I don’t recognize most of the seventeen (!) jobbers, but there’s a pudgy short guy in a red singlet who is AMAZINGLY bad-looking, and Johnson is some huge, ripped dude. Bruce & Bob look like a tag team in matching black tights & white boots. LOL some asshole fan on the right is grabbing all the babyfaces by the arm and not letting go, resulting in a bunch of dudes (Virgil, Kerry) spinning around, probably giving him an earful.

The legendary Jimmy Graffiti, the finest gimmick of “Gigolo” Jimmy Del Ray.

This week in the “Dream Matches”, here’s the most disappointing match between two all-time great workers possible! Plus Shawn Michaels trying to crawl up the WWF card in 1992 against the Texas Tornado! One of those matches only WCW could have, featuring Jimmy Del Ray as a rebellious young street tagger and Prince Nakamaki in a cheap Tiger Mask outfit! Oh, and New Japan legendary asshole Shinjiro Otani fights Jerry Lynn in his Luchadore/Power Rangers ripoff gear!

“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE vs. “STUNNING” STEVE AUSTIN (w/ Col. Robert Parker):
(WCW Saturday Night, 27.05.1995)
* Yes, an ultra-rare meeting between two of the greatest stars in the history of the business… passing like two ships in the night because Austin’s about to get dumped. “Stunning Steve” has a terrible receding hairline, wispy blond hair, black trunks & leather jacket, and no goatee, while Savage is in full Mega Powers colors, but with Slim Jim décor on his cowboy outfit. The winner of the match will face the winner of Ric Flair & Alex Wright. And before you get too excited and search this out, the YouTube video is only 7 minutes long and half of it’s pre-match bullshit.

Austin pokes the bear with a slap to start, and eats a back elbow and gets choked over the ropes for it. Austin goes to the eyes and brawls, but misses a flying splash (?!?) and Savage rams him into the Slim Jim post coverings (those don’t look painful at all) and the guardrail, then finishes with the Flying Elbow in the ring at (2:19). Haha, jesus christ.

Rating: * (TWO MINUTES. That’s all it got. Nice moves, as Austin was very smooth back in the day, but TWO MINUTES)

I have literally no memory of this guy ever being a thing. I wasn’t watching regularly enough.

Welcome back to more “Dream Matches”! This time with more weird, forgotten one-off characters who actually made TV in the Big Two! Short-lived weirdos like Battle Kat! Phantasio, the wrestling magician who had one WWF appearance and then vanished! Plus a match with Nick Dinsmore, pre-OVW- in WCW against Wrath! The Godwinns fight former stars under embarrassing identities in Who & TL Hopper! And the return of Big Bully Busick as he faces off against Kerry Von Erich!

BATTLE KAT vs. PAUL DIAMOND:
(WWF TV, Nov. 18 1990)
* So Battle Kat’s another “quickly done” gimmick I’ve no familiarity with- the first was Brady Boone, a short roided-up guy who was done very fast- his WWF matches under this gimmick run from September to October before he’s gone- I have no idea why. He largely ended up doing jobs for the rest of his career, so it’s probably a combination of size and lack of charisma- his “gymnastic cat-man” thing didn’t seem to get over anywhere. He died in a car accident in 1998, but was the inspiration to Rob Van Dam with his athleticism. Oh man, but the shiny purple cape and kitty ears… no, dude. Another jobber was given the role- Bob Bradley. I’m not sure which was which in the following two matches. Diamond has a GREAT mullet and is a jobber in silver tights here (we’re a ways away from Kato).

“You know the Texas Tornado’s the only guy I know who can hide his own Easter eggs?”.
-Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich

WWF SUMMERSLAM SPECTACULAR 1991:
* Did you ever know that the Orient Express once had ALL THREE members fighting in a match at the same time? I sure didn’t! Yet here it is tonight! I’m oddly more excited for that than anything else on here- another prelude to a big PPV, in this case being SummerSlam ’91. Also up: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter for the WWF Title! Hawk vs. Brian Knobbs! Bret Hart vs. The Barbarian! Virgil versus a mystery man of Ted DiBiase’s choosing!

Vince makes a timely Annette Funnicello reference (who in their target audience would get THAT?) and Bobby Heenan’s in a ridiculous early ’90s “beach bum” get-up. Some douchebag fan has a whistle and they blow that sucker REPEATEDLY at certain points during the show.

The Nasty Boys: The Rocksteady & Bebop of the wrestling industry.

Live from Philadelphia, PA

Airdate: August 27, 1990

Attendance:  19,304 (18,703 paid)

Hosted by Vince McMahon & “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

Can Hogan get revenge on Earthquake? Or will tremors cause a bigger crack in the Liberty Bell?