saturday — page 3

BoD Saturday Night Thread

15th February 2015 by Scott Keith

On tap for tonight:

NBA All-Star Saturday Night begins at 8:30pm EST on TNT. It features the Shooting Stars, Skills Challenge, 3pt Contest, and the Slam Dunk Contest

UFC Fight Night starts at 8pm EST on FS1 with the preliminaries as the main card starts at 10pm EST.

The NHL has several games on tonight, with the Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Montreal Canadiens having started at 7pm EST on theNHL Network

College Basketball has several Nationally televised games on as well

Also, the D’Lo Brown shoot interview defeated the Butch Reed interview by one vote. That recap will be posted on Thursday.

And as usual, talk about anything else going on tonight here.

Rants →

BoD Saturday Night Thread

8th February 2015 by Scott Keith

On tap for tonight:

The NBA has seven games on the schedule with the Chicago Bulls vs. New Orleans Pelicans at 7pm on NBA TV.

In the NHL there are 10 games on tonight with the Colorado Avalanche vs. Minnesota Wild at 8pm EST on the NHL Network

College Basketball has several Nationally Televised games tonight highlighted by #9 Louisville vs. #3 Virginia at 7pm EST on ESPN

Also, I will finally have my review of the RoH Death Before Dishonor show up tonight and that will happen at 8pm EST.

And for tonight, check out Place to be Nation’s Live Watch of the 3/1/86 Episode of “Saturday Night’s Main Event” by clicking on the link below

http://placetobenation.com/place-to-be-podcast-episode-361-network-live-watch-wwf-saturday-nights-main-event-5/

Rants →

WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event March 14th, 1987

6th February 2015 by Scott Keith

March 14, 1987

From the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, MI

Your hosts are Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon

The hosts put over the fact that both Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan will be in the 20-Man Battle Royal.

Gene Okerlund is with Hulk Hogan, who doesn’t care how many men are in this battle royal because he is coming after Andre the Giant. Good promo from Hogan.

Recap of George Steele taking Elizabeth away during the last episode of SNME.

Okerlund is with Elizabeth and Savage, who says he is “psyched up” and will hurt Steele real bad as the camera zooms in on Elizabeth, who is worried. Per the rules of the Savage/Steele match, Elizabeth enters the match last as the winner leaves with her as their manager. Savage heads to the ring as Steele comes in and says he will win Elizabeth.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match
Randy “Macho Man” Savage vs. George “The Animal” Steele

Elizabeth comes out with security as Jesse accuses Okerlund of being a “pervert” for checking her out as she walked away. She sits on a lifeguards chair as Savage hits Steele from behind with a double axe handle then takes her to the back but Ricky Steamboat’s music hits as he comes down as Savage retreats. He goes in the ring as he looks at Steamboat but that allows Steele to attack him from behind. Steele roughs up Savage then goes over and bites open the turnbuckle but takes too long as that allows Savage to hit him with a running knee smash from behind. He slams him down and heads up top connecting with a double axe handle. Steele fights back then bites Savage on the arm before using a lifting chokehold. Steele bites open another turnbuckle and throws the stuffing into the face of Savage. Steele heads outside and helps Elizabeth off of the chair but Savage attacks him from behind then slams the chair on him and rolls back inside to get the win via countout (4:30) *. After the match, Steele comes in the ring and hits Savage with the chair before tossing him to the floor. Steele then puts the Intercontinental Title over his shoulder then opens up a poster of Elizabeth.

Thoughts: Not bad for what it was, which was a match filled with smoke and mirrors to further along the Elizabeth/Steele and the Steamboat/Savage stories heading into WrestleMania. It succeeded in doing just that.

An insert promo of Hogan pumping iron yelling out Andre’s name along with others.

20 Man Battle Royal
Hillbilly Jim, “The Outlaw” Ron Bass, Sika, The Islanders, “Leaping” Lanny Poffo, Hercules, “The Natural” Butch Reed, Paul Orndorff, Billy Jack Haynes, Koko B. Ware, Nikolai Volkoff, Blackjack Mulligan, Demolition, The Honky Tonk Man, Killer Bees, Andre the Giant, and Hulk Hogan

Andre blocks Hogan from entering the ring as Hogan shows him the belt. He then finally enters as he tears off his shirt and eggs on Andre but Orndorff attacks him from behind as the match begins. Honky is out first and Hogan dumps him over the top rope. Andre then dumps Sika and fights off Mulligan and Hillbilly before tossing Haku out of the ring. He then drags Poffo by the hair as he tosses him over the top rope. Hogan is halfway out as Ax and Reed work him over. The camera shows Poffo busted open on the floor after Andre headbutted him then they take him away on a stretcher with blood all over his face. Back to the match as Hogan backdrops Bass to the floor then Andre takes out Mulligan with a hip toss as Andre and Hogan have accounted for all of the eliminations so far. Volkoff is gone courtesy of Hogan then Blair gets tossed by Andre. Hogan and Orndorff are going at it as Andre chokes out Koko with his foot. Hercules and Orndorff are now double-teaming Hogan but fail to get him out. Hogan gets whipped into Andre as they have a stare down. They then trade punches but Orndorff attacks Hogan then Demolition beats on him too. Hogan eventually fights out and dumps Orndorff but Andre hits him then headbutts him down before eliminating Hogan as Jesse is ecstatic on commentary. Andre then does a “brush away” gesture as he looks at Hogan on the floor. Several referees take Hogan to the back as we go to commercial. Back from break as Andre tosses Brunzell to the floor then everyone else besides Hercules, who failed to stop, dump Andre over the top rope. Smash then eliminates Hillbilly in sloppy fashion then Koko ducks an attack before sending Reed over the top rope with a dropkick. The final four are now set: Hercules, Billy Jack Haynes, Smash, and Koko. Haynes makes the save for Koko  but Hercules is able to dump him after that. Hercules and Smash double-team Haynes, who comes back and takes out Smash. Hercules and Haynes start brawling until Heenan jumps up onto the apron. Haynes chases im away but that allowed Hercules to eliminate him and win the Battle Royal (11:16) **.

Thoughts: This told a good story with Hogan and Andre taking turns tossing guys out in order to be in the ring alone with each other. It also left doubt that Hogan could beat Andre, who eliminated him from the match. Their confrontation was fun though and a good tease for their WrestleMania III match. As for this match, it was pretty standard as far as battle royal’s are concerned but it really died off once Andre got eliminated and understandably so as no one else in the match could follow the Andre/Hogan dynamic.



Okerlund is with Andre the Giant, who said that it took 8 wrestlers to get him out of the ring but it only takes one giant to get rid of Hogan. Heenan then comes in and gloats over the fact that Andre took out Hogan, accusing him of hiding during the match. Heenan then says that Andre will remain undefeated and become the next Heavyweight Champion.

Now, Okerlund is with Jake Roberts, who will be facing King Kong Bundy. Roberts says that both he and Damien are ready for King Kong Bundy. He leaves before saying that its time for both of them to satisfy their hunger.

A quick insert promo from the Hart Foundation and Jimmy Hart about how they are defending their titles for the first time. At least they are on television.

King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

Roberts uses his quickness to elude Bundy, who is afraid of Damien. Bundy gets increasingly frustrated before taking down Roberts with a test of strength. He holds him down on the mat until Roberts fights out. Bundy beats on Roberts in the corner then grabs a front facelock as the fans are behind Roberts. Bundy ducks his head for a backdrop but gets caught with a knee lift. Roberts knocks Bundy down with a punch then Heenan runs off with the snake bag, causing Roberts to chase him. Back from break as Roberts is walking down the aisle with the bag but Bundy attacks him as he re-enters the ring. Clothesline by Bundy who then runs him over with a shoulder block a few times. Bundy charges at Roberts in the corner but misses as both men are down. Roberts gets up first and fires away then goes to grab the snake but the ref intervenes. Roberts then knees the referee, who signals for the DQ (6:14) 1/2*. Bundy tries to attack Roberts, who fights back as Vince weirdly defends Roberts for hitting the referee, saying that he should not have interfered. Bundy goes for an elbow drop but misses and after that Roberts hits the DDT as the fans go nuts. Heenan runs out as Roberts goes after him and Bundy with the snake but the ref trips up Roberts, who then chases him out with the snake as Vince is pissed because he did not get to see the snake on top of somebody.

Thoughts: Bad match. This was all about hyping Jake here as Vince was really trying to get over the snake and even defending him for attacking the referee. A year after headlining WrestleMania 2 Bundy had nothing at all going on here.



We get a goofy promo from Steamboat about how will be “breathing fire” before making some odd “karate” noise. 80’s WWF Steamboat promos were usually so bad they were funny.



WWF Tag Team Championship Match
Tito Santana & Danny Spivey vs. Hart Foundation w/ Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis

Match starts with Spivey getting two off of a crossbody. Neidhart works him over for a bit but Spivey catches him with an atomic drop before tagging Tito. Bret and Tito work a nice sequence then Spivey tags back and gets two off of a shoulder block as Neidhart broke up the pin. The Hart Foundation are now beating on Spivey as they neutralize him in their corner. Neidhart gets two with a slingshot splash that looked sweet then Brett chokes him out against the ropes. Spivey tries and fails to fight out of the corner then gets attacked from behind as the ref orders Tito back on the apron. Tito gets tagged behind the referee’s back but as he goes back to the apron, Spivey ducks an attack that knocks Neidhart off of the apron. Tito cleans house and even knocks Davis off of the apron. he hits Brett with the flying forearm then applies the figure four but as Spivey and Neidhart fight, Davis sneaks in and whacks Tito off of the head with the megaphone and Brett  covers for the win (5:31) *1/2.

Thoughts: Decent action. This was the end of Spivey as a tag team wrestler as he was taken off of TV then became a singles heel wrestler that never got past the opening match level at house shows. He beat the likes of Lanny Poffo and Sam Houston for a year until leaving the company in 1988.



Okerlund is with Steamboat, who claims that he is 100%. Steamboat also says that he breathes fires and it gets hotter and hotter as he knows that everyone is going after his throat. Better than the promo right before this as he got over the injured throat storyline.

Iron Sheik w/ Slick vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Savage comes out on the apron to distract Steamboat, allowing Sheik to attack him from behind. Savage then joins on commentary as Vince yells at him. Savage then tells us that Steamboat can’t even tie his shoes and that he does not have what it takes to win. Steamboat skins the cat then hits Sheik with a back suplex as Savage tells us that neither guy is in his class. Steamboat hits a shoulder block and a hiptoss before grabbing a chinlock. Sheik goes on the attack then suplexes Steamboat back into the ring for two. Sheik rakes the eyes then uses an abdominal stretch but Steamboat breaks that up with a hiptoss as Savage promises that will not happen to him. Steamboat then slams Sheik and heads up top with a flying chop for the win (3:29) *. Savage then screams about how Steamboat cannot do that to him as Steamboat waves him on but Savage grabs a chair as Steamboat attempts to hop the guardrail to get to Savage but the referee prevents him.

Thoughts: Basic action but the confrontation between Savage and Steamboat here was excellent as that feud remained red hot heading into WrestleMania III



Okerlund is with Hogan and asks him about Heenan’s comments on Andre staying undefeated. Hogan then questions Andre if he cheated to get everyone of his wins and that his whole life has been a gigantic lie. Hogan says that now the whole world knows about Andre attacking people from behind.

Roddy Piper is now with Okerlund, who introduces him before his tribute. Piper thanks the fans and the WWF before saying that he always gave 110% and will do the same as he gives Hollywood a try. The video is then shown, set to Frank Sinatra’s “My Way,” as all of his WWF career highlights are shown. Great video. The 80’s WWF music videos were done to perfection.

Final Thoughts: As a stand-alone show this was nothing special but in the grand scheme of things it did a fine job hyping up WrestleMania III. There was not any memorable matches or anything but the battle royal was fine leading up to the Hulk/Andre confrontation and they kept the Savage/Steamboat feud really strong and that was really all they needed to do here.

Rants →

WCW Saturday Night: January 18, 1997

2nd February 2015 by Scott Keith
It’s so bloody easy to fall behind in these recaps when you’re covering 3 shows, that I had to go back and give myself a refresher tonight. I’d bank on WCW to keep me abreast of all critical information, but their opinion of critical information is speculating on what Roddy Piper might be doing at this very moment in time. (Likeliest scenario: Trying to figure out how to incorporate Cindy Lauper into his Hogan feud.)
How I managed to forget about Hogan and Giant’s 46 minute classic during Robin Hood is beyond me – but I’m sure everything will be jogged up to speed quickly. If TONY SCHIAVONE won’t do it, I feel I’ve learned enough DUSTY RHODES speak to put it all together.

MR. JL vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.
Keeping up with JL’s theme music is becoming a chore, but we’ve flipped back to the Jerry Flynn / Jerry Lynn beat, as heard here on Youtube for all of those who are no doubt dying to hear its groovy beat just one more time. I can’t decide if the title “Greatest WCW Themes” is sarcasm, or fact. My favorite comment comes from someone named Furry Senpai, who writes: “rocking to this now as i make a quick breakfast before heading out to Tang Soo Do class.” For starters, Tang Soo Do sounds like something Glacier came up with to add to his already preposterous background. And, Rocking Out? To WCW’s Generic Jerry F/Lynn track? You, sir, are someone I want to know. Do you headbang to “Not Evenflow”, the theme song of Chris Jericho circa 1998? Do you well up every time you listen to “Fit Finlay’s Stolen Theme Song RIP” knowing what could have been if not for that awful Ron Studd? Am I wasting time that could be dedicated to this match? Yes, probably. Moonsault finishes at 2:16. This was okay, but since I didn’t provide play-by-play, I can tell you anything. *
BIG BUBBER vs. KONAN (with Jimmy Hart) (in a Chain match)
Speaking of rotating music, Bubba’s moved on to “Stunning Steve Austin”, which is passed around with more frequency than a young Missy Hyatt. Konan seems to have permanently lost his second N, but not his third. Konna would be a lot more fun, but I ain’t the booker. The rules are the same as the Strap Match which these two have inexplicably been continually having for weeks now. I’m disappointed that Jim Duggan’s lost his regular sparring partner with this new distraction. Konan crotches Bubba with the chain, and Dusty tells us “he let out a high thqueak!” complete with high pitched squeak of his own. Konan starts whipping Bubba on the floor, and he hightails it out, drawing a double count-out at 2:03. Chop another 90 seconds off, and we have the greatest Konan match of all time. DUD
PSYCHOSIS vs. “LORD” STEVEN REGAL (for the WCW world television title)
I’ve decided I don’t like Regal’s switch from the old Bluebloods theme to Trumpet Voluntary. The other one was so bloody catchy, this one just sucks the air right out of the crowd faster than a cold afternoon in Lucas Oil Stadium. This is the fourth Regal / Psychosis matchup for the TV title. Can Psychosis finally capitalize and capture his first gold? While I like the IDEA, not at the expense of my Lord, no sir. Regal works over the wrist of Psychosis, before laying in his massive English fists. Psychosis fires back with a dropkick, and heads up for a super spinning heel kick! Regal, livid, lands some stiff ass punches, and sends Psychosis to the top. Psychosis punches loose, and hits a moonsault off the top for 2! A headscissors takeover sets up another spinning heel kick, and Regal rolls to the floor. Psychosis is right behind him with a guillotine over the top, and all the way to the mats, and that probably hurt an AWFUL lot more than it looked. Psychosis sells the leg a little, but manages to roll Regal in. A splash is blocked with a dropkick to the midsection, and Regal nails a reverse suplex to set up the Regal Stretch, and Regal FINALLY beats his nemesis at 3:15. Don’t hate, appreciate. **
Marked Man is coming out on VHS soon starring Roddy Piper, and if I could find a bloody Youtube trailer you’d see what I see, but the only clips available are The Entire Movie. Seek it out if you like awful.
RICK STEINER (with Scott Steiner) vs. MIKE ENOS
That awful Mean Mike rushes up the aisle before “Steinerized” even stops, and attacks the Gremlin from behind – how terrible! A swinging neckbreaker from Enos sets up the end of his offense, and Rick starts throwing him around. On the floor, Enos gets into a shoving match with Scott Steiner, which is a big mistake considering Scotty’s arms have recently developed their own zip code. I’m not suggesting Scott’s taking any kind of illegal supplements … I’m flat out saying it. A quick ass whoopin’ sends Enos back in for the top rope bulldog, and Ricky wins at 1:38. 1/2*
LEE MARSHALL stops the brothers for his first interview of the night. Thank goodness, I was thinking old Stagger wasn’t here, and since Gene doesn’t work Saturdays anymore apparently, we’d be short on mustachioed announcers. I mean, we COULD ask Tony to appease us, but … well …
Scott screams about facing the nWo for the first time, and they’re gonna find out “soonalatah” what he’s got. Rick can’t even get his thoughts out, because he doesn’t get enough oxygen to his brain. His words.
THE GAMBLER vs. JIM DUGGAN
I probably don’t even have to tell you how happy I am right now. I could have sworn Duggan JUST finished trading in his Old Glory for the Purple and Gold, but here he is swinging around the US flag – the traitor. Duggan goes for the 3 Point Stance right away, so Gambler takes the bump before the move gets anywhere near him, and rolls to the safety of the floor. Brilliance! Duggan follows him, and throws Gambler face first to the ring post. Back in, Gambler gets in a couple of shots, but Duggan winds up and beats on Gambler’s face. The roll of tape is whipped out, but the referee see it, so he’s forced to use a 3 Point Stance instead. Then he punches Gambler with the illegal fist anyway, and gets the pin at 2:26. What kind of crap is that?!? Gambler played him straight up, and the referee (or dealer) SAW the cheating outright, and ALLOWED it? I recommend he change Casino’s, this WCW is crooked. 1/2*
DISCO INFERNO vs. BOBBY EATON
Disco promises us that the new leg hold will be shown tonight. He’s also wearing new tights, with “LE FREAK” tattooed across the ass – classy and stylish! He shows a little aggression, going after Bobby right off the bell and slamming him face first to the buckle, but Eaton fires back with a series of rights. A backbreaker leaves Disco crumpled, but he comes back and sweeps out Eaton’s legs. He whips out his Cheat Sheet that covers how the leg hold is applied, but he leaves the paper upside down, confusing him. Once he corrects matters, it’s been ages, and Eaton shoves him off and nails a neckbreaker for the pin at 1:34. In tears: “I HAD MY CHEAT SHEET AND ALL, I HAD IT UPSIDE DOWN, I HAD HIS LEGS AND … AWW HECK!” Soon, Disco, soon! DUD
ERIC BISCHOFF is granted his own segment, where he humbly thanks the fans and everyone in WCW for their great support over the last year. Just kidding, he brags about his new life as the King of wrestling. ELIZABETH films this on the camcorder, against her will as usual. Bischoff brags about his new motorcycle courtesy of Hogan, before shedding a few tears for the careers of Ric Flair and Roddy Piper. Liz looks thoroughly annoyed by the whole thing, which would be a nice touch of her role in the nWo made *any sense*. On to Savage, Bischoff figures the only things he ever wanted was Liz and Eric’s hair, and he has neither. I’ll say this, he understands the traits of being a great heel performer, but he has no idea how to FOCUS it to bring attention to the babyfaces who should be working off his heat. That leaves us with a greasy jackass, who gets to gloat with no comeuppance headed his way anytime soon. Sorry Eric, not loving the turn so far.
The Giant / Hogan footage from Monday is replayed. Still with about 44 minutes of footage missing, SHAAAAAAAAAAAME.
EDDIE GUERRERO (with ladder) vs. SYXX (in a non-title match?)
WCW’s decidedly unclear about whether or not the title is up for grabs, but Syxx is wearing it during his entrance. Eddie stands perched atop the ladder in the corner, watching Syxx like a hawk … and he pounces as soon as Syxx stops the pose. Syxx gets back to his feet quickly and kicks Guerrero in the head, and drags the ladder to the floor. A swing like mighty Casey misses – but that’s probably for the best because that would have left Eddie in need of reconstructive surgery. NICK PATRICK shows up in the ring, wearing an nWo shirt, as the two brawl to the back, and reclaims the belt on behalf of the group. Does that make him the US Champion? Because I’m ok with that.
MARK STARR vs. MAXX (with Jimmy Hart)
Maxx lives!!! Did Jimmy go back to the Dungeon and re-teach him how to use the portals? Was he dealing with a bad case of the gout? Is he DDP’s secret benefactor? Is he the secret muscle working for the Construction Workers Union, and has been sent on an urgent mission to eliminate scab Mark Starr by Union Stewards Chris Kanyon and Mike Winner? I like that last option. Maxx finishes Starr with the Masterlock Challenge, and doing a fine job of it, at 2:11. Six stars, one for each member of the Dungeon of Doom who continue to fight the good fight to eliminate Hulkamania.
The Horsemen dysfunction is replayed in an attempt to explain why Debra yields any kind of influence, before we shift gears to ARN ANDERSON with LEE MARSHALL in the locker room. In fact, Anderson says that no woman has ever told the Horsemen what to do, and he showed Rick Steiner that he’s still got as much credibility as he’s ever had. The Horsemen are FOUR-MEN, and women do NOT run their business. He orders Debra to keep their problems at home, and Woman and Benoit do the same. And, fired up, Arn vows to kill the Barbarian. WHOA – ease up cowboy.
THE BARBARIAN vs. ARN ANDERSON
Arn is absolutely fired up, which gets him positively nowhere when the Barbarian starts whoopin him in the corner. An atomic drop takes them to the floor, and MENG heads down to check out the carnage. Anderson might be looking at a life of soup and straw-based meals. Back in, a powerslam gets 2, but I suspect it’s because Barbarian let him get up. Dusty talks about the domination of Barbarian to this point, “with the help of Meng”. Yooooo, Meng ain’t done a damn thing, and if you think Barbarian needs ANYONE’S help, you best step off. This man could build the Pyramids in a day. As in multiple Pyramids, not one, that’s how much man he is. Arn manages an elbow to fight loose, but he’s promptly thwomped with the Kick of Fear. JEFF JARRETT rushes in to break up the inevitable pin and draws a DQ at 3:07. Squaaaaash!
Jarrett tosses Anderson to the floor to “save him” and takes the fight to the Fear. Hah, you’ve got more balls than brains Jeffy. CHRIS BENOIT comes down to remind Arn that Jarrett’s a “waste of time, and waste of effort”, and urges him to come to the back to talk about it. Which Arn’s cool with, while Jarrett takes a double beating at the hands of the most savage warriors mankind has ever known.
And now a Special Look at Red Hot Lex Luger. WCW busts out all of the Windows Movie Maker special effects for this one. Now that’s quality.
SCOTT NORTON vs. LEX LUGER
Norton has also been gifted “Stunning Steve Austin” as his theme, I guess the nWo are willing to steal ANYTHING. Norton powers Luger back to the corner while Tony drops some naughty words, specifically “by Golly!” Relax Schiavone, be a professional. A running knee something or other gets a 2 count, but I’m not entirely sure why it was supposed to hurt / incapacitate Luger. They slowly brawl to the floor, and Luger’s gently nudged into the ring post. God, Lex might just have to retaliate with a one armed hug, or maybe an earnest pat on the head. Back in the ring, Luger fights back, but Norton no-sells, which causes Luger to double over in horror. Norton goes for the shoulderbreaker, but Luger rolls off the back, and accidentally clips the ref. The referee says it’s cool though, despite Norton’s request for a DQ, and a Torture Rack ends things rapidly at 4:32. Not your finest night, Lex. DUD
LEE MARSHALL closes us out, by asking LEX LUGER what Sting has been whispering to him lately. Lex iterates that his relationship with Sting has always been private, and he’d like to keep it that way. Regarding the Giant, they’ve had their differences, but he’d like to extend the olive branch and maybe make a truce in light of his current fight with the nWo. And finally, he looks ahead to the Clash of Champions this coming week, and he gets to face Scott Hall, the only man he hasn’t Racked in that group. That … sounds like maybe the worst on-paper main event match I could have possibly come up with. I truly don’t think I could have picked anything worse if I’d made an effort to do so.
While they live up to my lofty expectations? Who cares, because the PATRIOTS WON THE SUPERBOWL and nobody’s bringing me down from this high, baybee.
Rants →

BoD Saturday Night Thread

1st February 2015 by Scott Keith

On tap for tonight:

UFC 183 is tonight live on PPV at 10pm EST, highlighted by Anderson Silva vs. Nick Diaz. You can catch the undercard now on Fight Pass then on FS1 at 8pm EST.

There are 11 games in the NBA tonight with the Los Angeles Clippers vs. San Antonio Spurs at 9pm EST on ESPN

The NHL also has 11 games on the schedule and at 7pm EST you can catch the Los Angeles Kings vs. Boston Bruins.

College Basketball has multiple Nationally televised games tonight, highlighted by Memphis vs. #3 Gonzaga at 10pm ET on ESPN 2.

Saturday Night Live is all new tonight at 11:29pm EST with host JK Simmons and musical guest D’Angelo.

The Ernie Ladd shoot interview edged Brickhouse Brown by two votes to win the shoot interview poll and that recap will be posted Thursday at noon.

And as usual, talk about anything else going on tonight here.

Rants →

Saturday Syndies (sort of): Jan 31, 2015

31st January 2015 by Scott Keith
Since the weather appears to have
cancelled Superstars, Part 2 of the Saturday Syndies will instead be
dedicated to the Rumble. Namely, I’m giving myself a challenge: make
the Rumble not suck. However, I’m imposing two restrictions. One, I
can’t swap anyone out or in the Rumble (which, by this definition,
means Curtis Axel is in); and two, Roman Reigns still has to win.
Could I do a Rumble that gets all the points across without causing
Philadelphia to riot? We’ll find out… but first, Main Event.
From Hartford, CT, on a delay. Your
hosts are Tom Phillips and Jerry Lawler, as JBL is probably snowed in
with any luck.

MATCH: The Miz and Damien Mizdow
v. Kofi Kingston and Big E Langston.
The hatred for New Day appears to have just been a Philadelphia
thing. Langston and Miz start. Langston stops a waistlock and judo
throws Miz, who stalls as the crowd wants Mizdow. Miz fires away,
upset at the chant, but gets tackled by Langston after some
reversals. A creative double-team high kick gets Kofi two. Miz with
a headlock and tackle, but runs into a back elbow for two. Miz gets
a jawbreaker as the announcers point out Miz is using the stunt
double wrong (much the way Scott Keith did elsewhere). Miz tries a
monkey flip, but Kofi lands on his feet and returns the favor for
two. Kofi is whipped in for a forearm to Miz, and Langston gets a
lariat for two as the heels “regroup”. Langston tosses Miz in
(and Mizdow by proxy), and he rolls all the way out (and Mizdow by
proxy), only to get tossed back in (as well as Mizdow by proxy).
Langston with multiple backbreakers, as Mizdow uses the ropes to
imitate this – even holding up on a few fake-outs in a great spot.
It gets two as well as an ovation. Langston with a cross-corner
shoulder ram, but Miz with a chop block on the second try as we go to
break.
That
Mizdow spot deserved to be on Raw.
We
return with Miz working Langston over in the corner and refusing to
tag, getting a front facelock. Langston throws him off, but Miz
comes back with a DDT for two. Miz stomps away and fakes a tag-in to
Mizdow, getting himself rolled up for two. Back to a low dropkick by
Miz and he works the knee viciously, into a kneebar. Langston fights
out, kicking Miz away, but Miz returns with a big boot for two. The
announcers are stunned Miz won’t tag as he works a chinlock.
Langston fights out, but his boot attempt is caught and Miz with a
hamstring kick and Figure-Four try. Langston kicks Miz into the
post, hot tag Kofi. Dropkick, leaping lariat, and New Day Boom Drop
follow. Cross-corner knee floors Miz and he goes up, but he’s
distracted by Mizdow and the crossbody misses. Miz tries the Million
Dollar Move, but Kofi shoves him off into Mizdow. Mizdow does the
move and tries the running clothesline, but Miz cuts him off and tags
him in, chastising him. Predictably, this leads to Trouble In
Paradise and the Midnight Hour to end it at 10:38 shown. Perfectly
Acceptable Wrestling. **1/2,
with the Mizdow backbreaker spot getting a half-star by itself.
MATCH: Curtis Axel v. Erick
Rowan.
Whoa, continuity! They even explain it in the intros. Axel offers
a handshake, but changes it to a slap and bails. (Axel even calls
himself the Royal Rumble winner during trash talk.) Rowan out, Axel
in, and Rowan returns with a clothesline. Rowan with a bulldog
buckle smash, then another. Axel slips out of a slam and bails, then
pulls on Rowan’s beard to get a Hotshot. Back in, he clips Rowan and
pounds away. Axel taunts Rowan in the ropes. Rowan fights to his
feet, but runs into a dropkick for one. Axel goes to the chinlock.
Blind charge eats elbow, and Rowan headbutts Axel down. A beal
follows, then an avalanche, and a few more for taste. Tackle leads
to the full nelson slam for the pin at 3:43. 1/2*
More of a Superstars match, if that makes sense, but Rowan needed
this win.
Sidenote:
the announcers are surprised Rowan did what he did at the Rumble and
are searching for answers. The fact that Harper and Wyatt were in
the ring waiting for him was seen as a nice side effect, but never
the main reason.
ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER enters the Celebrity Wing of the Hall of Fame.
Apparently, making HHH sell a beating is so rare that it puts you in
the Hall. (Sorry, easy joke.)
RAW Recap.
Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns have a side-by-side sitdown interview,
conducted by Paul Heyman. How will Reigns handle losing? Reigns
tells Lesnar instead: he knows who Lesnar is, but Lesnar doesn’t know
who Reigns is. So Reigns will win. A brawl nearly breaks out, but
it’s a staredown instead, followed by an angry handshake. “I don’t
respect you.” “But you will.” Nice.
Stone
Cold will interview HHH on Monday. I don’t think I’m exaggerating
too much when I say this could be more important than Raw.
MATCH: Dolph Ziggler v. Luke
Harper.
Commentary during intros: “Network Network Network Network
Network.” Crowd is behind Dolph right from the bell. Harper with
a kick to start, and he ragdolls Ziggler into the buckle. European
Uppercut follows, then a headlock. He gets a tackle on Dolph, and
after some reversals, misses a clothesine before turning a backslide
attempt into a throat thrust. Crowd begins a Wash Your Shirt chant,
which Lawler gets a kick out of. Blind charge eats the middle
buckle, and Dolph with a Stinger Splash and dropkick. Neckbreaker
follows, then the Heart Attack Elbow for two. Harper gets a big
elbow to send Dolph packing. On the outside, Harper catches a
superkick and slingshots Dolph into the post as we go to break.
We
return with a headlock on Dolph on the ground. Dolph looks like he’s
going to pass out in it, but fights to his feet. Harper shoves aside
a dropkick, though, to keep control. Guillotine slingshot follows,
getting two. Harper goes to the eyes, then uppercuts Dolph down. An
elbowdrop misses, and again as Dolph keeps rolling away. Dolph with
a jawbreaker and superkick for two. He avoids a charge and rolls
Harper up for two. Sky High DDT gets two (after a few reversals).
Zig Zag gets shoved away, and Harper tries a powerbomb only to get
sunset flipped for two. Big boot by Harper sets up an uppercut and
powerbomb for two. Harper’s up first and points the guns, but walks
into a superkick only to recover with a lariat for two. Not a fan of
that spot, but if it’s just Harper I guess I’ll live with it. Harper
misses a charge, and Dolph with the Famouser and Zig Zag for the pin
at 9:27 shown. Not their best effort. *3/4
Dolph celebrates with the crowd as the show ends.
*****
Now,
Andy PG attempts to fix the Royal Rumble. I’m putting my ego on the
line – again – so you can pick me apart the way you pick the WWE
apart. Let’s see how I do.
Luke
Harper
draws #1, but before #2 comes out, Erick Rowan emerges to attack his
former partner. After a minute or so of brawling, referees separate
the two and send Rowan to the back. Harper tries to recover as Dolph
Ziggler
gets sent out for #2. The two wear each other down, with Harper
getting a few elimination tries, but never fully succeeding. Big
E Langston
is next at #3 (the crowd inexplicably frosty towards him). He and
Harper exchange power moves like crazy as Dolph rests a little before
jumping on Harper’s back for a Zig Zag. R-Truth
is
#4 and forgoes his rap in order to charge into the ring. Harper goes
for the discus clothesline, but Dolph superkicks Harper and fires
him out of the ring, the first elimination.
Kane
enters at #5 and pinballs Ziggler around before everyone gathers up
on him. But they can’t get him out.
Bubba
Ray Dudley
fires up the crowd at #6, as he and Langston team up to do the Dudley
moves on Truth. 3-D flattens him, and Bubba eliminates
Truth from the match.
Bubba and Kane square off in the ring, face to face, before Big
Show
enters at #7 and the Authority go nuts. Dolph is first to try, but
he gets punched right
over the top rope and out.
Kane grabs Big E and fires
him out of the ring. It’s
down to Bubba Ray being pinballed by the Authority as the crowd is
begging for D-Von to be next, but it’s not going to happen as Big
Show press slams
Bubba Ray to the floor,
leaving just the Authority in the ring.
Tyson
Kidd
is #8 and yeah, he’s not going to get much going here. Kane
chokeslams him and throws
him out of the ring, getting him the new record.
Stardust
is #9, continuing his streak of never drawing a double-digit number.
Usually, it’s because Cody has good stamina, but this time, he’s
getting sent out
by Kane in under a minute.
Zack Ryder
returns from injury at #10, though he’s reluctant to get in. Kane
slides out and throws him in, but Ryder gets a dropkick on Show to
tie him in the ropes. Ryder gets his offense in on Kane, including
the Broski Boot and Ruff Ryder, but he can’t get Kane out, as Kane
boots Ryder down. But Ryder has help… sort of, as Curtis
Axel
arrives at #11. This doesn’t change anything, as Kane catches Axel
in a chokeslam and frees up Show. Show KO Punches Axel and tosses
him to the floor.
Ryder is on the top rope and dives onto Show, who merely catches him
and throws him
onto Axel.
Can anyone stop the Authority?
Daniel
Bryan
is going to try at #12. He gets a huge flurry of offense, kicking
both men repeatedly, but attempting the running knee on Show leads
into a chokeslam from Kane. It looks like the Authority will dispose
of Bryan, but Dean
Ambrose
is in at #13 for the save. It revitalizes Bryan into trying to fire
back, including his corner flip into a dropkick as Ambrose gets his
tangle clothesline on Kane. But still, it doesn’t seem like enough.
Maybe #14 will help? Ryback
gets that number, and it looks good. In fact, it looks even better
when Ryback gets Show up and, in an incredible feat of strength,
tosses him out of
the ring for the elimination!
Kane is alone against three people who don’t like him, and that goes
poorly as he eats running knee, Shell Shock, and Dirty Deeds, with
Ambrose getting
the elimination of the Director of Operations.
The
Miz
draws #15, but is hesitant to enter given the star power in the ring.
Thankfully for him, Ambrose attacks Ryback first, meaning it’s not a
handicap match. Miz renews hostilities with Bryan in one corner.
Damien Mizdow
is next at #16 and immediately aids Miz on Bryan. Ryback and Ambrose
get the majority of the ring to show off, with the crowd likely
behind Ambrose as they go back and forth. Goldust
draws #17 and tries to pick off Ambrose to no avail. Meanwhile,
Daniel Bryan separates the Hollywood boys and manages to toss
Miz out of the ring.
Mizdow sees Miz on the floor and panics, wondering what he’s
supposed to do next, but before we find out, Bryan
tosses him out as well.
Cesaro
enters at #18 and goes right after Goldust, swinging him for 20+
rotations. But he can’t quite get Goldust out of the ring, as
Ambrose begins pounding away. Ryback and Bryan have a mini-match in
the corner. Adam
Rose
is next at #19 and helps his friend Cesaro attack Ambrose. Goldust
grabs Rose and tries to toss him out, but the Rosebuds surround the
area of elimination. No matter where Goldust goes, it does no good.
Cesaro nearly sneaks up on Goldust, but Ambrose stops him. Kofi
Kingston enters
at #20 as Ambrose finally gets Rose over, but on the apron. Ryback
tosses Kofi over everyone and onto the Rosebuds, who surf him around
the ring and back in. However, this means that they forget about
Rose, who is
finally knocked to the floor by Ambrose.
Meanwhile, Cesaro gets the Neutralizer on Goldust and finally
eliminates the
painted one.
Diamond
Dallas Page returns
at #21 and it’s Diamond Cutters all around, ending with Cesaro.
Fandango
is in next at #22 and takes advantage, attacking Ryback, Ambrose, and
Bryan in turn. He dances in the ring, but this allows Cesaro to
catch him from behind and swing him, too.  Kofi leaps for a monkey flip, but is caught by DDP and eliminated.  DDP gives the sign of the Cutter, but as he does, Ambrose charges and clotheslines him out. Boogeyman
draws #23 as the participants stare at him in confusion. Fandango
gets an alarm clock to the head as Boogeyman stands over him,
spitting worms on him. Sin
Cara
is next at #24 and doesn’t change much. So let’s go ahead to Rusev
at #25, who clears some deadwood. Boogeyman
is first out. Sin Cara soon follows.
Rusev stands over Ambrose and seems ready to eliminate him next, but
Roman Reigns
is in at #26 to save his Shield brother. People begin to charge the
prohibitive favorite, but it doesn’t help. Fandango’s
out. Cesaro’s out.
Reigns turns his attention to Rusev, but Ryback tries to get both
men eliminated. It doesn’t work, as Reigns Superman Punches Ryback
and tosses him out
too.
Jack
Swagger
draws the lucky #27 and goes right after Rusev, reliving their summer
rivalry. Bryan and Ambrose get to the center of the ring as everyone
else goes to a corner. The two exchange blows in a slugfest to fire
up the crowd. Bad
News Barrett,
though, slides in at #28 and attacks both men with punches to take
over. He turns the pad inside out, but Bryan catches the Bull Hammer
and slaps on the Yes Lock. Titus
O’Neil
is in at #29… for only a few seconds, as Reigns
charges and knocks him right back out.
Ambrose breaks the Yes Lock, while Rusev slaps the Accolade on
Swagger… until Reigns comes off the ropes and spears Rusev
mid-hold. Bray
Wyatt
draws #30, so the final field is Bryan, Ambrose, Rusev, Reigns,
Swagger, Barrett, and Wyatt (in order of entry).
Wyatt
goes right after Bryan, knocking him down. He gives Sister Abigail’s
Kiss to Ambrose, then goes to the corner and does the Inverted Look.
Meanwhile, Rusev recovers and gets a big dropkick on Reigns, followed
by a leaping superkick that knocks Reigns to the floor THROUGH the
ropes. Rusev shouts at Reigns, which is his last mistake as Swagger
recovers and scores
a stunning elimination of Rusev!
Reigns slides in as Swagger does WE THE PEOPLE and tosses
him out,
and now Rusev is furious and keeps the attack on Swagger. He clears
the main announce table, puts Swagger on it, climbs the barricade,
and splashes Swagger through the table. Officials send Rusev to the
back and check on Swagger, who is put on a stretcher for precaution.
Meanwhile, Bray Wyatt hits Reigns with Sister Abigail’s Kiss, then
climbs to the middle rope and conducts the crowd in song… which
allows Bryan to pop up and
dropkick Wyatt over and out.
Final
Four: Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Bad News Barrett
Barrett
is the first one up, and this time, the Bull Hammer connects on
Bryan. Ambrose dives onto Barrett, but Barrett catches him in
Wasteland. A Bossman Slam connects with Reigns, but Ambrose is back
up and gets a clothesline. He tries Dirty Deeds, but it’s too close
to the ropes, and Barrett
backdrops Ambrose out of the ring.
He waves good-bye to Ambrose, but when he turns around, he gets
Superman Punched by Reigns. Reigns slides out of the ring and lands
the Drive-By Dropkick on Barrett. Bryan’s in the corner, waiting for
Barrett to stand up, and when he does, it’s the running kneesmash.
Bryan winds up again, delivering a clothesline to
send Barrett over and out.
It’s Bryan against Reigns, and Bryan opens the ante with a tope
suicida through the ropes to Reigns.
The
two brawl around the ring before returning to it. They exchange
shots, and it looks like Reigns gets the better of it. He whips
Bryan into the ropes, but a double clothesline leads to a Double KO
as the Authority – with Rollins, Kane, and Show in tow – head to
ringside. Bryan is up first and stares at the Authority. It almost
costs him, as Reigns comes up from behind for the elimination, but
Bryan holds on. Now it’s Reigns that sees why and begins yelling at
Rollins. Bryan nearly tosses Reigns, too, but Roman holds on. It’s
back to square one, but Bryan keeps the advantage. Bryan lands the
kicks, but as he bounces off the ropes for the exclamation point,
Rollins catches Bryan and
drags him over and out!
Roman Reigns is the Rumble winner… but I don’t think he wants it
that way.
Reigns
proves it when he jumps outside the ring and confronts Rollins. The
two are nose-to-nose, but HHH tries to separate the two. Allegedly –
in reality, he’s setting Reigns up to be jumped from behind by Show
and Kane. They roll Reigns into the ring and it’s a 3 on 1. Bryan
recovers on the outside and, after realizing what happened, jumps in
off the top to knock over all three men. It doesn’t last, as Big
Show picks Bryan up and KO Punches him. It looks like a massive
beating…
…but
here comes Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to even the odds! HHH and
Stephanie run for cover (as Rock races past them not giving them a
second thought) while Rock goes to town on Show and Kane. A big
spinebuster on Kane leads to the People’s Elbow. Bryan lands the
running knee on Show, which staggers him into a Rock Bottom. Seth
Rollins is all alone and slowly gets up, staring first at Rock, then
at Bryan. He turns around just in time for Reigns to spear him in
half. Bryan and Reigns team up to throw Rollins onto Show and Kane
on the outside, and it’s Rock, Bryan, and Reigns in the ring
celebrating. Reigns then shakes Bryan’s hand and whispers something
to him. We find out on Raw that he said “I’ll try to fix this
injustice.”
So
what do we get out of this? First, you have a six-man main event of
Reigns, Bryan, and Rock against Rollins, Kane, and Show, with the
stipulation added that if Bryan or Rock gets a pinfall, they are
added to WrestleMania’s main event. Meanwhile, Swagger and Rusev
have a Tables Match for the US Title (which is designed to get the US
Title off of Rusev so that it can be defended at Mania and Rusev can
go to face Cena). Bad News Barrett and Dean Ambrose have an
Intercontinental Title match. Meanwhile, the unpinned John Cena gets
one last shot at Brock Lesnar.  If neither Rock nor Brock will do Fastlane, slide Cena into Dwayne’s spot in the match.
And this is the lineup you throw out
to get people to stick around after a free month. Maybe not the
strongest, but it’s what I’d do.
*****
Matt
Perri will give you Raw. Tommy Hall has NXT, SmackDown, and Impact.
Scott Keith looks into his mailbag. Brian Bayless and Logan Scisco
go back in time. Dock Muraco reports from Japan. And all of you
continue the talk in the daily threads.
See
you in seven!
Rants →

WWF Shotgun Saturday Night: January 18, 1997

31st January 2015 by Scott Keith
Greetings from sunny Florida, where my wife and I am vacationing for the next week. Updates through our timeline may be sporadic, dependent on how much writing I can get done in the early mornings on the veranda – but I’ll be back at it full tilt before long.
Last week on Shotgun Saturday Night, nobody had a match go above *. But it’s not about the wrestling, because Sunny “made love”, according to Todd Pettengill, to Fondle Me Elmo. Elmo, showing all the resistance of a young man in bed with … well, 1997 Sunny, lasted about 4 seconds.
This week, Goldust gives birth, and there’s a good chance I’ll say some bad words in response to it. ALL THAT AND MORE!
Live from Shawn Michaels’ ass-crack in San Antonio, the site of the Royal Rumble, we have a pretty loaded show. Goldust takes on Steve Austin, while Triple H and Rocky Maivia meet (for the first time? A glimpse into our future?). VINCE MCMAHON compliments JIM ROSS on his lovely new cowboy hat; a gimmick he wasn’t taking a particular liking to but would wind up being his defining trait. SUNNY dances on a nearby bar, potentially getting liquored up for a date with Bert and Ernie later. Boy is SHE gonna be disappointed.

HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. ROCKY MAIVIA (in a non-title match)
TODD PETTENGILL stops Hunter on his way to the ring, and in light of his title defense against Goldust tomorrow, he calls this one a “Tuna Match”. Enunciation is nobody’s friend in Texas tonight! A huge “ROCKY” chant takes over the bar, with everyone plastered enough to forget they hate everyone’s favorite Sunshine Boy.
The elbow Kleenex is a particularly fine touch. Rock powerslams Hunter, and takes over with an armdrag. “HOWSE O FIRE!” crows Vince McMahon, while a mustachioed BLACKJACK BRADSHAW pounds on the apron in support of something. Hunter gets to his feet, but misses an elbow and winds up stuck in that firey house armdrag again. Atomic drop changes matters, but running in is JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS with the snake in hand. Vince screams that Hunter is afraid of snakes, completely ignoring the fact that Rock bounced out of there at warp speed. This calls for a commercial break.
Back from a timeout, Jake has joined the commentary team, and Hunter has Rocky trapped in a headlock. Apparently Jake has an exceptionally large snake ready to debut at the Rumble – oh my! How was he never offered a spot in DX with talk like that? He’ll be competing in his record 6th Rumble, how weird does THAT sound now? Hunter uses the high knee, but Rocky kicks out to loud cheers. A headlock features a little cheating via Helmsley’s feet on the ropes, but he’s caught and told to knock that off by the referee because using that position from a horizontal base adds absolutely no advantage at all. While Hunter ponders this theory, Rocky powerslams him, and that brings out MARLENA. She’s working over a lit cigar, and Jake offers to show her his snake. I ain’t putting nothin’ past THIS show. The boys hit the floor, and after Rock is slammed into the ring steps, Hunter puts the moves all over Marlena. GOLDUST charges in, because apparently Helmsley is far too stupid to spy a set up, and he takes off into the street for the count out at 9:30. This was clearly a rough draft of their future wars, the kind you’d bring to your boss and be told “start over, this is garbage”. 1/2*
SUNNY does the Macarena with SEVERAL IMBRED LOCALS.
Over at a Blackjack table, THE HONKY TONK MAN is dealing to MINI MANKIND and HISTERIA, who are rapidly losing their formerly fat stacks. Honky cleans them out by flipping over a 25 on the final hand; a fine Blackjack score if I ever saw one. I’d be real curious to find out what the story behind all the copy-cat mini wrestlers was. Just the result of too many lines of cocaine, or an actual effort to put the midgets over with Genuine WWF Gimmickry.
BOB BACKLUND is back in New York City, stopping traffic and wondering where the hell Shotgun Saturday Night went.
MINI MANKIND and HISTERIA vs. MASCARITA SAGRADA and VENOM
TODD PETTENGILL asks Mankind for his strategy, which is delivered completely in Spanish. The wrestlers are given by-lines here, such as Mankind’s “How big is his Paul Bearer?” and Sagrada’s “2-Parts tequila, 1-Part lime juice”. Neither Venom nor Histeria are midgets, and appear to be far taller than the likes of Rey Mysterio Jr or Billy Kidman on the other channel. Venom snaps off a rana on Histeria, and follows with a springboard headscissors takeover that sends Histeria to the floor. Venom is rapidly behind with an Asai Moonsalt, and Sagrada is finally tagged in to a big pop. He armdrags Mankind to the floor, and is right behind with a plancha off the top. Back to the big guys, while STEVE AUSTIN joins the announce booth. Steve’s tired of being censored on RAW, and explains he uses 4-letter words so that there’s no way to misconstrue his messages. Austin: “Now what the hell is this in the ring? Are these cats in the Royal Rumble? I wish these guys were in the ring, because that’s the most colorful garbage I’ve ever seen in my life.” JR starts sucking his kneecaps, to no surprise. Max Mini hits a super rana on Mankind, and follows with a triple jump senton from the apron to the floor, and a HUGE pop. Great crowd tonight. Histeria finishes Venom out of nowhere with a powerbomb, and for the first time that I EVER remember, Max Mini’s on the losing end of a match at 6:01. *1/2
In the Alamo Dome, WWF Superfans GEORGE and ADAM have taken their seats and are holding up their signs, with their energy level set to their usual “near seizure”. I’m fairly sure they’ve been waiting for the Rumble for going on 6 weeks now? Yikes.
TERRY FUNK comes bursting through the crowd, set to make his WWF return in the Rumble tomorrow night. Funk: “This is my state!” Austin: “Wrong!” Funk: “This is my town!” Austin: “Wrong!” Funk: “This is where I wanna be!” Austin: “Ain’t gonna be here very long!” Austin needs a permanent job behind the desk, let’s start by replacing JBL. He prefers to know what number he’s going to be given, and ideally he’d start at #1 and be the last man standing. Austin: “Don’t let yer teeth fall out.” He says there’s nobody in the WWF, and none of the “snake sucking scumbags” in WCW that want a part of him. He challenges TODD PETTENGILL to a fight, and calls his mother a whore. Austin: “Shut up you old bag of wind.” He starts looking for the “Okie Asshole”, before setting his eyes on Austin. Austin: “He’s a senile old man, don’t cross the guardrail stupid! How ‘bout a couple of Geritol tabs son? You don’t need to lay down for me son, I’ll knock your ass down.” Eventually Steve has enough of his mouth, and gets all up in Funk’s grill. Funk starts bitch slapping him and asking to rumble, so Austin obliges by beating the ever loving shit out of Terry before the referees knock it off. Fantastic stuff, Austin is so much money at this point, putting out even better stuff than his eventual (and much more fondly remembered) babyface work a year later.
FAAROOQ (with Clarence Mason, Kona Crush, and D’Lo Brown) vs. DOUBLE-J
Faarooq and Crush have absolutely no desire to chat with TODD PETTENGILL when asked, piefacing him. Faarooq “Loves Vowels” according to his by-line. Jesse’s microphone fails to start properly, making for an embarrassing live karaoke session of “With My Baby Tonight” with Todd on his way in. Which is fine with me, I don’t need a third week of the Todd Pettengill Karaoke Power Hour. James drops Faarooq with a backdrop suplex, while Vince theorizes we’re not likely to see a lot of “scientific wrestling” here. Dominator quickly finishes at 1:54. DUD
GOLDUST (with Marlena) vs. STEVE AUSTIN
The boys lock up, and Goldust holds on JUST a little too long, causing Austin to flip out and stomp his ass in the corner. Goldust fires back with an elbow, and drops Austin with a clothesline. Austin goes low, right into the Golden Globes, and spears Goldust repeatedly in the corner. This crowd is decidedly pro-Austin, which is interesting considering they were playing by the “rules” by giving Rocky a hero’s welcome earlier in the night.
After a quick break, Austin’s reading the referee the riot act for god knows what reason, giving Goldust a chance to sneak up and deliver an uppercut. TERRY FUNK rushes back in for the early DQ at 3:10, and while he brawls with Austin, bloody EVERYONE hits the ring. THE HEADBANGERS, THE GODWINNS, FAAROOQ, ROCKY MAIVIA, and SAVIO VEGA all start brawling. HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY sneaks up on Goldust with a pool cue and smacks him over the back of the head. Austin and Funk start trading punches in the beer tent, and in the grand tradition of WCW, WE ARE OUT OF TIME!
This was easily the best of the Shotgun series to date, with more emphasis on trash talking and storyline progression, and ZERO mention of Goldust’s alleged giving of birth. Just centre more shows around Austin, and we’re rock solid.
Rants →

Saturday Syndies: Jan. 24, 2015

25th January 2015 by Scott Keith
So I’m going to post them both in one post to make it easier on
everyone. Main Event airs first, so it’ll go first. Superstars
follows. This way, you can clock out after the important matches if
you want. Also, Hulu Plus flows me from Main Event to Superstars, so
it’s easier on me. And that’s what really matters.

HOUR ONE: Main Event. Your hosts are Tom Phillips and JBL.
MATCH: Kofi Kingston v. Tyson
Kidd.
New Day has mics and does some firing up on the way to the ring. We
see the results from Raw that brought this match about. The Royal
Rumble Kickoff is now an elimination match. Some switch-offs to
start, with Kidd getting an arm only for Kofi to sweep the leg into a
stalemate. Kidd gets advice from Cesaro, then wins a test of
strength and gets a slam. Kidd gets a headscissors off the mat
before working the arm. Kofi’s blind charge eats boot, and he chokes
with the shin. When did Tyson Kidd start wearing long gloves? Kidd
works Kofi over in the corner and gets a snapmare and chinlock. Kofi
flips out and gets chops and a dropkick, then a clothesline. New
Boom Drop follows, and Kofi claps it up, but Kidd bails before
Trouble in Paradise. So Kofi does a flip senton onto Rose and
Cesaro, only to run into an apron kneesmash from Kidd. Kidd
celebrates as we go to break.
We
return with Kidd choking Kofi with the apron before stomping away.
Back to the chinlock now as we get replays of the senton and
kneesmash. Kofi fights out with an armdrag, then sends Kidd to the
apron before landing a running knee to send Kidd to the floor. All
the extras start talking to each other as Kidd tosses Kofi in, and in
there, it gets two. Would’ve gotten three for Daniel Bryan. Kofi
goes up, but Kidd with a running kick and draping swinging
neckbreaker. Kofi makes the ropes at two. Kidd with more choking,
but a legdrop misses and the SOS gets 2 before Kidd grabs the ropes.
Rose jumps onto the apron, Big E pulls him down, Cesaro knocks HIM
down, Kofi kicks Cesaro, and Kidd floors Koi and hooks the
Sharpshooter… but Kofi with a small package for the pin at 7:01
shown. Cesaro and Rose jump in and attack Kofi, Big E runs in for
the save, but Rose gets the Party Foul on Big E. Kidd and Cesaro
with the Code Blue Bomb to Kofi (Woods was run over by Cesaro on the
outside before this melee began). Just a preview for Royal Rumble,
which is a shame because the match itself was well done. **1/2
Royal
Rumble by the numbers bit. Never not fun.
So since it’s
an elimination match, I think the rules say that if Adam Rose beats
anyone by pinfall or submission, the Loserweight Championship changes
hands.
MATCH: The Miz and Damien Mizdow
v. Los Matadores.
Miz and Primo start. Miz with a tackle and a criss-cross, but Primo
OLE’s to stop it and gets a tilt-a-whirl headscissors and dropkick.
Del Rio dive by Primo, and Epico gets the tope atomico. Miz goes low
to take over, and he works the knee. He drops his weight on the
knee, then works a kneebar. Epico elbows out, but Miz dropkicks the
knee. Miz refuses a tag and keeps on the knee. He fakes out another
tag and stomps away, and a running kick gets two. More working the
knee, setting up the Figure Four, but Epico kicks out and dodges an
elbowdrop. Hot tag Primo, and he unloads back elbows and a flapjack.
And Mizdow takes a phantom bump in the ring from the flapjack, which
allows Miz to throw Mizdow into Primo (and El Torito into Epico).
Skull Crushing Finale wins it at 4:07. Mizdow did nothing. 3/4*
MATCH: Summer Rae v. Natalya.
So Natalya is a heel with Tyson Kidd and Cesaro, but she’s face when
teamed with Paige against the Bellas, facing Summer Rae who was a
face last week on Superstars, but is heel today and on Raw. Who
books the Divas so I can send them some cyanide? Natalya with a
quick cradle for one, but Summer slaps Natalya off a lockup. Natalya
fires back and goes to the mount, with Summer in the full guard.
Summer with a jack-knife pin for two, but Natalya bridges to a
backslide for two. Summer with a kneelift, but a blind charge misses
and Natalya gets a slingshot atomic drop and running dropkick for
two. Summer slips out the back of a slam and yanks Natalya down by
the hair, then kicks away and gets a surfboard in the ropes.
Alley-Oop bomb (allegedly) and Summer hits the chinlock. More hair
pulling by Summer, and the Celtic Knot follows. I see ya, Fit. She
turns it into a pinning predicament for two, reversed for two, and
Natalya gets the Sharpshooter for the tapout at 2:52. Natalya is
better than Cameron. This is not news. 1/2*
RAW RECAP.
From January 19, as John Cena is faced with a Sadistic Choice: win a
handicap match and get his teammates their job back; lose and lose
his title shot from Sunday; or refuse the match and keep the status
quo. Then HHH tells the fans to vote on if John Cena should refuse
or not – and the fans loudly say to take the risk. Then the match
begins, and it’s a one-sided slaughter… until Sting of all people
shows up on the stage. It’s enough to distract Rollins and allow
Cena to win the match and get everyone back.
Cena
runs through the crowd, exiting stage left, as HHH demands Sting
return and face the music… except it’s Brock Lesnar and not Sting.
Lesnar steamrolls the entire Authority, which, uh, is that a face
turn or insurance for Philadelphia?
MATCH: Bray Wyatt v. Jack
Swagger.
WE THE PEOPLE! JBL is amazed that an Oklahoma athlete would be
cheered in Austin, TX – the equivalent for you Euros of a Real
Madrid legend getting cheered in Barcelona. Swagger’s in the Rumble,
by the way. Lockup, and Swagger shoves Bray into the corner just to
get the INVERTED LOOK OF DOOM. Swagger with a waistlock takedown and
WE THE PEOPLE, but Bray smokes him with a right hand and headbutts.
Swagger knocks Bray down off of a headlock, but Bray bails of a whip.
Swagger follows and smashes Bray into the apron, but Bray pulls
Swagger into the post. Running senton on the floor follows (“Don’t
you know who I am!?”), and back in, it gets two. Bray to the
headlock as we get replays. Swagger punches out, but he runs into a
lariat (“GET UP!”). Avalanche in the corner by Bray, but on a
second try, Swagger gets a chop block. Swagger with a big boot as
he’s fired up then an avalanche, Hammer Throw, clothesline, and
Vaderbomb follow in quick succession. It gets two. Bray with an
uppercut, but a charge eats boot and Swagger dives… into a thumb to
the throat. But Bray runs into a leg trip and Patriot Lock. Bray
escapes and gets a flying running elbow and spiders up. Sister
Abigail’s Kiss ends it at 5:30. Could’ve used another 3 minutes, as
the ending sequence was rushed. *3/4
HOUR
TWO: Superstars. Your hosts are Tom Phillips again and Byron Saxton.
MATCH: Naomi v. Cameron.
Naomi feigns sickness over Cameron’s vanity. Then she attacks as
Cameron sets the mirror down, which freaks her out. Naomi with
dropkicks and a back elbow, causing Cameron to bail. And check the
mirror. Naomi dropkicks Cameron repeatedly through the ropes, and
Cameron fakes a walkout only to clothesline Naomi. Cameron with a
splits kick for two (Naomi was on her back this time). Cameron with
a hairpull slam and kicks, then a spinning hair slam for two.
Cameron chokes Naomi on the second rope, then another mat slam before
she goes to a butterfly lock. Naomi kicks Cameron to break (!!),
then gets a Thesz Press and mounted shots. Cameron cuts it off with
a clothesline for one. Bow and arrow lock follows, with another
hairpull when Naomi’s about to reverse. Naomi gets a springboard
enzuigiri in the corner to cue the comeback. Something butt-involved
in the corner happens, then the Rear View ends it at 4:07. Cameron’s
continued appearance on WWE instead of NXT baffles me. 1/4*
RAW REWIND: Daniel Bryan v. Bray
Wyatt.
Joined in progress as Bray hits the senton for two. Bray chokes
Bryan in the corner, but Bryan vaults over Bray and begins his
comeback. Corner dropkick and YES kicks follow, then they go up top
for a Frankensteiner by Bryan for two. Crowd declares this Awesome.
Bryan with more YES kicks in the middle of the ring, but the
roundhouse misses. Bryan low-bridges Bray out and follows with a
tope suicida. But Kane drops Bryan on the apron, distracting Bryan
enough that Bray sends him head-first into the middle corner. Sister
Abigail’s Kiss ends it. I know they want to protect both men, so…
yeah, isn’t that why disqualifications exist?
Post-match,
Kane applauds Bray before giving Bryan a chokeslam to prove a point.
UFC ground and pound follows as the ref begs for Kane to stop. He
does… to adjust his tie, then goes at it again.
The
Royal Rumble Pre-Game show is on Pinterest??
RAW REWIND.
The Hall of Fame Panel on the Royal Rumble. Shawn Michaels picks
Bray Wyatt (admitting it’s a dark horse pick). Hulk Hogan (after
getting into a bit of a face-off with Shawn) picks Daniel Bryan. Ric
Flair picks Dean Ambrose and WHOOs in Hogan’s face for good measure.
Big Show interrupts, wondering why no one picked him and declaring
he’ll win, because nobody is going to throw him out. He tells
everyone to leave, but Ric Flair wants to pick a fight. He fires
away on Big Show… to no effect as he runs into the KO Punch. Roman
Reigns saunters in as the Hall of Famers clear out and help Flair…
and Show promises bad things if something gets started. Reigns,
instead, fires away, but runs into a chokeslam… that he escapes.
Reigns clotheslines Show over and out, which is as good as throwing
him out.
This
leads us to Royal Rumble By The Numbers.
MATCH: Fandango v. Sin Cara.
Breaking news: Sin Cara has his trampoline back! I guess being NXT
Tag Team Champion has its perks. Fandango with an arm drag and he
dances and gets a kiss from Rosa. Cara with a hammerlock, but
Fandango makes the ropes. Cara works the arm into a judo throw, and
they trade wristlocks until Cara gets a flying mare. A huge armdrag
follows, but Fandango rolls through into a headlock in a neat
counter. Cara with a tackle and headscissors, and he tosses Fandango
outside. Cara with a tope suicida and his LUCHA cheer as we go to
break.
PS
– Don’t try this at home.
Fandango
with a whip, but Cara catches him with a leg-scissors and armdrag
into a top wristlock. Cara is elevated to the apron, getting his
hop-up kick and going up top. Rosa distracts on the apron, allowing
Fandango to get up and send Cara into the barricade. On the outside,
Fandango slams Cara’s arm into the apron, and inside it gets one.
Fandango keeps working the arm, and half-butterfly suplex gets one.
To the Fujiwara armbar as the crowd says Fandango can’t dance. Cara
fights out and gets a sunset flip for two. Fandango with the
Armstabber (Del Rio’s old move) for two, and he goes to a wristlock
of his own. Cara fights out only to run into a dropkick, but the
diving knee misses and a double clothesline follows. Cara with the
comeback, getting a springboard crossbody and standing springboard
moonsault press for two. Blind charge misses, but Cara recovers with
his armbar powerbomb from his Hunico days. Senton bomb is set up,
but it hits the knees. Fandango goes up now, and the Ballroom Jam
wins it at 7:58 shown. Shockingly good match considering Fandango
was in it. **1/4
RAW REWIND: John Cena v. Seth
Rollins, Kane, and Big Show.
As a reminder, if Cena wins Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan, and Ryback
are re-instated, but if he loses, it’s just Lesnar v. Rollins at the
Rumble. They show the opening segment build-up, but we recapped it
earlier. Joined in progress as Show misses a Vaderbomb. Rollins in,
but the flying knee misses and Cena begins the comeback (with Kane
knocked off the apron). Five Knuckle Shuffle hits Rollins, but
security pulls Rollins out of the AA. Cena clears the apron, and
Rollins gets a cradle for two and a superkick for two. Cena with an
AA out of nowhere for two, Kane breaks. Show spears Cena on the
outside, and HHH taunts Cena’s prone body. Cena was playing possum,
though, and rolls in at 9, but he can’t follow up. Kane in, and the
chokeslam gets two. Rollins in, and he wants the Curbstomp… but
Sting is on the TitanTron! Needless to say, everyone is distracted
by this, more so when his music starts and it’s clear he’s in the
building and on the stage. Cena takes advantage of everyone wanting
to kill Sting by cradling Rollins for the pin to get everyone’s job
back. While for once a distraction finish makes perfect sense,
couldn’t he have pinned Big Show instead of, you know, the designated
#1 contender?
HHH
is furious after the match, understandably so, as Sting returns to
the back… and HERE COMES THE PAIN. Lesnar storms the ring and
spears Rollins into a full mount, but Kane and Big Show pull him off.
So Kane gets an F-5. He double-legs Rollins and goes to side
control, but this time Show breaks up only to get an F-5. Rollins
has learned enough by now and races to the back with Security.
Lesnar gets a huge ovation as the show ends.
HOW
I’D BOOK IT:
Yes,
I’m still doing this. Royal Rumble look:
  1. The
    New Day win the elimination match: Woods pins Rose; Cesaro pins
    Woods; Kofi pins Cesaro; Big E pins Kidd.
  2. The
    Usos defeat The Miz and Damien Mizdow when Jimmy pins Miz. Mizdow
    is too busy pretending to be hurt to make the save.
  3. The
    Ascension destroys the New Age Outlaws when Road Dogg takes the Fall
    of Man.
  4. John
    Cena wins the WWE Title from Brock Lesnar after he pins Seth
    Rollins, but Lesnar goes crazy after the match and destroys Cena,
    leading to…
  5. Seth
    Rollins cashes in the Money in the Bank contract and defeats John
    Cena to become WWE Champion.
  6. Natalya
    and Paige defeat the Bella Twins when Natalya makes Nikki submit to
    the Sharpshooter; Brie walks out on Nikki during the match.
  7. Daniel
    Bryan wins the 2015 Royal Rumble, last eliminating Big Show.
Enjoy
the Rumble, and see you next weekend!
Rants →

Saturday Evening Thread

25th January 2015 by Scott Keith

UFC Fight Night tonight on FOX beginning 8/7c. The main event is Alexander Gustaffson vs. Anthony Johnson, with an undercard of Dan Henderson vs. Gegard Mousasi and Phil Davis vs. Ryan Bader.

WWE Network will air Hulk Hogan’s Unreleased Collector’s Series at 8/7c.

There are also five games on the NBA schedule, highlighted by Washington @ Portland at 10/9c on NBA TV.

As usual, talk about whatever else is going on tonight.

Rants →

WCW Saturday Night: January 11, 1997

21st January 2015 by Scott Keith
Roughly a week ago, I asked you for your best suggestions to a domain I could register to house my writing. It’s clear that some of you know me better than others, and I got some fantastic responses. Some of my favorites that I considered included:
·         siderussianlegsweep.com
·         nitrogrill.com
·         supergiantninja.com (man oh man did this take some restraint)
·         Glacieriscoming.com (which was tempting but it would never get delivered)
·         FitFinlayIsMissing.com (too soon, I’m still hurting)
·         yeteh.com (along with a recommendation to stay away from GoDaddy – whoops, I’d already picked the winner and registered the domain by this point, please don’t disown me)
·         soberbobbyheenan.com
·         facesoffearforever.com (we’re getting closer)
·         FOFO.com (Faces of Fear Online – sadly already registered, the scum!)
·         mengbarbarianandchrisanadventureunchained.com (too easy to remember)
·         recappingdeadwrestlingpromotionsforeeasons.net (hey, that’s mean)

At the end of the day, it seemed apropos that both my favorite suggestion was the one that came from someone who’s been reading and providing feedback on this manic game from the start (cue the love-in), and I thank BigDaddyLoco for brilliantly coming up with KickOfFear.com.
Ultimately, it’s simply an easy archive to find your favorite shows that I’ve covered, and nothing more. It’ll take a bit of time to move everything over, but as soon as it’s all done you’ll be the first to know.
But enough about plugs; you’re here for the jobbers, and I’m here for YOU. LIVE from the TAPED Cyborg Factory, it’s Saturday Night! TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES have some great wrestling action, which will serve as the ketchup to our main course; which is non-stop talk about The Giant and nWo.
SUPER CALO vs. ALEX WRIGHT
Calo’s back from injury – good recovery time! I guess he’s a heel tonight? I don’t remember him doing anything particularly evil, but Wright’s from Germany and they’ve got a solid track record. Meanwhile, it looks like Calo got a new hat for Christmas, and it’s pimpin’.
Calo looks limber, as he circles Wright like a shark, waiting to be hit with a European uppercut. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker keeps my man Calo down, and Wright gets 1. A powerbomb connects, but again Calo ain’t having that and kicks out at 1. He’s squirmy tonight, maybe refocused after having his career threatened. Wright applies a half crap, but Super hits the ropes for safety. Tilt-a-whirl slam sends Wright up top, but he takes a little over half an hour and Calo cuts him off. A super forward headscissors gets 2! Wright gets up and charges, right into a monkey flip and he’s sent to the floor! Slingshot senton doesn’t rotate completely, and Calo lands on his head. Dusty: “HE’S SWOLLEN UP TOP!” – which is of course his toque. Calo shakes it off, but comes back in with a top rope senton that misses, and Wright levels him with a pair of European uppercuts. German suplex with a bridge finishes at 3:47. Calo actually appeared to kick out; gotta wonder if he didn’t realize that was the finish. Important to note: the hat never fell off. *1/2
TOMBSTONE vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long)
Oh god yes, you have NO idea how excited I am to see this pairing. It’s rare you’re able to present a straight up, 1-on-1 affair, with such strong potential for record setting negative stars. Train pumps his forearm, blowing that imaginary whistle like a boss. Tombstone hits him with a dropkick (he can dropkick?!?), but the second one confirms my suspicion it was a fluke, because Train hooks the ropes to avoid it, and Tombstone falls right on his head. Fantastic. Train delivers a quick slam and finishes with a variation on the Train Wreck (Vaderbomb style) at 1:45. Such high hopes, such a letdown.
LEE MARSHALL stalks the winning team in the back, and Teddy is so fired up that he decides Ice Train is going to stop the nWo all by himself. Points for enthusiasm! Train vows to spend extra time in the Power Plant to draw up a winning game plan. Sounds Smooth.
HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE CHEETAH KID
I think this is the first time Jimmy’s spent any time with Morrus in months. Maybe Hart, realizing his empire is crumbling around him, needs to refocus his energy on the loyal soldiers he has left. Rally the troops for a comeback, remind the world why they want to play on Team Dungeon. Perhaps even offer them a nice cold place to sleep inside their dank cave, if it strikes their fancy. Dungeon of Doom Expert Dr. Unlikely also provides us an update on another forgotten member:
Maxx! How long has it been since we’ve seen him now? Maybe this is what happened to him – he doesn’t know how to travel through the portals in to and out of the Master’s Cave like Sullivan, the Giant and Hogan, so maybe Maxx lagged behind during a Dungeon meeting and has spent the last 17 years trapped in a cave where the water is surprisingly not hot.
You know, THIS is why I need to be tracking results on an Excel spreadsheet somewhere. It’s 2015, I have absolutely no excuse to be this disorganized and unable to pinpoint the moment Maxx officially got lost. Maybe he figured after the Leprechaun died that he was safe to eat, catching the Kuru himself and is no longer with us? It bothers me that the New World Order are granted 45 minutes of camera time every Monday Night, but we can’t ask Jimmy Hart to give us a state of the union once in awhile. Morrus, meanwhile, seems to be sporting something of a mean streak tonight, adding a little extra oomph to his moves, including a phenomenal puffed chest block of a crossbody. Morrus finishes with a fantastic routine, where he hits the No Laughing Matter, and then rolls Cheetah Kid back and forth, trading a series of “pinfall reversals” with his limp corpse, before finally finishing him off in a fit of laughter at 1:53. Entertainment factor was a high four stars here.
BOBBY EATON vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE
This is DDP’s first appearance since the nWo announced his membership, but he’s not dressed in the colors. A confused Dusty sums it up as a “Hawse of a different colah!” You can’t argue with the man, primarily because his counter-points make no sense. Eaton stops the Page squash by hitting a jawbreaker, and takes him down with a hammerlock. That ends abruptly with a Diamond Cutter for the Page victory at 3:11. *
PSYCHOSIS vs. “LORD” STEVEN REGAL (for the WCW world television title)
This is Psychosis’ third TV title shot in the last 2 months, most recently losing a fantastic fight against Regal on the 12/16 Nitro. A fan in a home-made nWo shirt stops Regal to call him stupid on the way to the ring. Regal turns to the camera and tells us: “He has the audacity to call me stupid? He looks like he’s from Deliverance. Go back there, Sunshine.” Psychosis somehow leads a USA chant – what the hell? The fans aren’t even buying it, giving up on the chant in under 10 seconds. After struggling to take down Regal, Psychosis finally hits a legsweep and grapevines the leg – but Regal uses the free one to kick him in the face. Psychosis rolls to the floor, in front of a fan in a Superman t-shirt who tells him “IT’S ALL YOU MAN, IT’S ALL YOU!” Psychosis, not a native speaker of English and unable to use this strategy to his advantage, decides to walk into a European uppercut. He manages to hit a big boot, and dropkicks Regal for a 2 count. Psychosis heads up, and manages to successfully hit a flying elbow – but Regal kicks out at 2 again. Regal wiggles out of a headscissors submission hold, but takes a clothesline. Realizing he’s being outclassed, Regal takes a powder. Back in, a spinning heel kick rocks Regal, so he heads out again. Psychosis makes him pay this time, with a baseball slide, and follows with the rarely seen Senton Psicosis. With Regal back in, Psychosis goes for a splash off the top, but Regal blocks with his knees! The cocky head bobble makes its way out, but Psychosis locks Regal in an abdominal stretch mid-ring with nowhere to go! The referee leans in to ask Regal if he taps … so Regal grabs him and smashes his head into Psychosis’, and that’s a DQ at 6:05! Brilliant retention plan from your hero and mine. **1/2
Demanding answers, LEE MARSHALL stops Regal. Regal declares himself WCW’s heavyweight champion, as the highest ranking champion in the company, and thus he’s the most important person in WCW. He doesn’t care if Psychosis wants a 4th match, or anyone for that matter. Neither Roddy Piper or Hulk Hogan are “The Icon”, and the only reason he’s not acknowledged in that role is because in 1983 he was in Blackpool beating people up for a living instead of farting around in America. He challenges the entire company to fight, and vows to hang on to the belt so long he’ll just retire it someday. I hope Meng and Barbarian don’t find out about my infidelity with the Lord.
Tony has a huge announcement for Nitro: Chris Benoit returns. Pfft, not as big an announcement as that would be TODAY.
DISCO INFERNO vs. MIKE ENOS
Here’s a fresh new matchup I have absolutely no interest in seeing! Disco dances his way right into a clothesline. Enos puts Disco in a seated position, and grabs Disco’s hand, forcing him to mock his own dance. A big legdrop is followed with a powerslam, and Enos has Disco on the ropes. He gets too fancy, and misses a slingshot senton, giving Disco a chance to go for his leglock. However, he keeps picking the wrong leg in the wrong direction, eventually giving way to a package from Enos for the win at 2:05. Disco promises he’s going to learn that leg-lock if it kills him. Geez, by the time he figures it out he’s gonna be working as Honky Tonk Man’s protégé in the WWF if the Internet is to be believed. 1/2*
SCOTT ARMSTRONG vs. LA PARKA
I’ll give WCW credit, they have a million different combinations of guys they can put in 1-on-1 slots, and they’re proving it here with this positively random styles clash. Parka applies a package early for 2. Speaking of packages, Armstrong might consider making an alliance with High Voltage. Parka hits a mule kick, and follows with a boot to the face and spinning heel kick. For a big guy, he’s damn quick. La Parkinator finishes the squash at 2:01. Nobody’s getting time tonight. 1/2*
Tony excitedly announces that WCW has a new segment!

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DEBRA MCMICHAEL (as Narrated by former coach Mike Ditka)
I’m kidding on the last point; but the rest is on the up and up. She takes us back to the press school she attended, where she wasn’t well liked because she was so beautiful. But, she can’t help herself, she just is. She walks us around the yard to show us some special places; declaring herself the queen of the school. Apparently we can look forward to seeing this every week.
JIM POWERS and “HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER (with Teddy Long) vs. THE RENEGADE and JOE GOMEZ
Good to see Walker’s back. I think it’s safe to officially dub him The Future Of Cruiserweight Wrestling Before Mexico Arrived. Sharp viewers will note that this is a landmark match. Yes, with Jim Powers defecting, Team Nipples have officially broken up. I’m a little upset we aren’t provided with any reason, but I guess when you’re a Nipples Man, you’re subject to a little privacy. Who will Alex Wright side with? Is this match for his custody? Because, Bobby Walker pins Gomez after a crossbody at 2:04, which could lead to some very important decisions in the future. And hey, Teddy Long is 2-for-2 tonight, when was the last time THAT happened? Powered by Nipples.
CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (for custody of the Jr.)
Don’t laugh; this would actually be a thing in about 3 years when Booker T fought Big T for control of the T. There’s still like 30 minutes left on this show, and we’re already on our 9th match of the night. Rey drops Chavo with a shoulderblock, and follows with a spinning heel kick. He calls for the West Coast Pop, and I’m surprised he doesn’t follow through since every other match tonight is ending at the 2 minute mark. Rey goes for a rana, but Chavo turns it into a powerbomb and gets 2. The camel clutch is applied, and Rey sells that puppy better than anyone outside a gymnast. Off the release, Chavo hits a clothesline for 2. Next up, the Boston Crab, but Rey won’t tap. A snap suplex gets 2. Rey tries to slip through Chavo’s legs, but gets caught and powerbombed once more. A standing vertical suplex sends the blood rushing to Rey’s head, but only gets 2. Chavo goes for a moonsault, but trips on the top rope and falls on his face. That gives Rey a chance to hit West Coast Pop and score the pin at 3:24. Rey hobbles out, and appears to have legit hurt his knee. *
THE AMAZING FRENCH CANADIANS (with Colonel Robert Parker) vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri)
Rougeau demands the respect of the fans while they sing the national anthem, but Tony starts criticizing them before they even open their mouths. Colonel: “I have to hand it to ya, that was some amazing singing. Beautiful anthem!” After over a year of watching Harlem Heat several times a week, I am beyond ready for them to split this team up and move on. I have seen everything that Booker T (fine kicks, mad charisma) and Stevie Ray (nothing at all) have to offer as a tag-team. In fact, a full revamping of the tag-team division is in order. Booker hits a nice Harlem Sidekick out of nowhere after several minutes of a beating, and scores a shocking pin at 3:32. The rest was standard fare. *1/2
With 11 minutes left in the show, Tony takes us back to the closing segment of Nitro to chew up all the time. You and I don’t care to go over that again, so we’ll close with something a lot more fun instead. It answers the question that burns inside many of us: Do people actually still answer the phone? Love grease and hair piece.
Rants →

WWF Shotgun Saturday Night: January 11, 1997

18th January 2015 by Scott Keith
It’s False: Is Marlena pulling her top down the most underrated moment of the pre-Attitude era? It’s barely a blip on our radars today, but I remember this being a huge deal at the time.
It’s definitely on the list. I actually hadn’t even thought about it for over a decade, and I can’t even remember the last time anyone talked about it on a message board or blog post. I was 14 when it happened, so forgive me if my mammary memory is a little biased, but I distinctly remember all the Hot Newz websites exploding in a collective orgasm of “DID I JUST SEE IMPLIED TITTIES?” If nothing else, it changed everything we knew about divas for the next 10 years.
The only question is whether or not Sunny is going to top that with her promised sex tape? If she delivers the goods, the ratings for this show might hit near Superbowl numbers seeing as how she was already AOL’s top downloaded woman. Also, the WWF is probably going to face lifetime bans from every cable channel in existence, but sometimes, it’s worth the risk.

THE HONKY TONK MAN is in … what, a barber shop? He’s seated next to SOME DUDE whose face is covered by the New York Post. Is this his protégé? And why does seeing a headline about Kenny Rogers in pinstripes make me feel 100 years old?
Arriving to the show are SABLE, and WCW Executive in charge of Prime Relations, JOHNNY B BADD.
LIVE from the All-Star Café in New York City, THIS is Shotgun. Yes, through the infinite wisdom of Vince, somehow he decided that rather than take RAW live more than once a month, that he’d be better served to give that kind of treatment to his new top B-show. And speaking of, VINCE MCMAHON and DANCIN’ SUNNY are your hosts. She reminds us that she has a sexy home video for later tonight. “Just like Mookie Wilson did when he hit the baseball through Buckner’s legs!” says TODD PETTENGILL; who is about as likely to appear on Sunny’s home video as I am.
Earlier today, THE SISTERS OF LOVE were arrested for solicitation in front of the Disney Store in downtown Manhattan. This could have only been better if they’d been making jazz hands.
NOT DIESEL vs. MARC MERO (with Sable)
The Mero’s need a ton of security, because, and you won’t believe this, drunken bystanders start trying to grope Sable as she makes her way through them. I didn’t see it coming either. In all seriousness, I never actually got the whole Sable thing, even as a teenage walking hormone. She always looked trashy, like she’d just finished her shift at Pinky’s House of Grind, and probably smelled like a mix of cheap vanilla perfume and whiskey. Sunny came across as the real deal, and there was no contest in my household. (We’ll let the next 100 comments that follow this article sort it out on a mainstream level.) Diesel gives chase to Sable right away, and she shoves her creampie in his face. Whoops, sorry, that was cake. Blinded by icing, Mero’s able to capitalize with a faceplant. He’s such a wild man! Diesel comes back with a big boot, while Pettengill checks in with Sable. “DIESEL TAKES THE CAKE!” she tells us. Sunny responds by suggesting she performed with Mero in her sex-tape; Marc, not Rena. I’m only okay with this if he awkwardly offers her a mustache ride to set up the scene. Diesel knocks Mero to the floor, and NOT RAZOR RAMON rushes in to stomp on Mero. ROCKY MAIVIA saves the day by the power of his Chia Hair, as we take a commercial break.
DOK HENDRIX YELLS.
Diesel is working over Mero, but because we can’t go 3 seconds without Sportz Entertainment, THE HONKY TONK MAN is given split screen time. And why? FOR NO REASON AT ALL. He promises to play music, which is the GREATEST thing Vince has ever heard if his reaction is to be believed. Diesel delivers a vertical suplex and beats Mero down in the corner. However, that pesky Mero just won’t give, because he’s WILD! Diesel heads up top, which completely destroys any illusion that he’s supposed to be anything like Kevin Nash. Clothesline connects, and Mero starts hobbling around. A completely botched and awful sidewalk slam gets 2. He goes for another, but Mero snaps off a quick rana. A clothesline knocks Diesel to the mat, and he heads up – nailing a Merosault! No time for a pin, however, because he spies Honky Tonk with his lady, and apparently is so threatened by a 60 year old fat guy in an Elvis jumpsuit, that he HAS to rush down and get involved. Diesel pulls him back in and finishes with the Truckstop at 12:17. So let’s sum this up: You have Marc Mero, fresh off an IC title run, and sitting with the highest guaranteed contract in the entire company. He’s facing a green, and absolutely awful Kevin Nash impersonator – which is some sort of giant rib against WCW stealing their stars or something (you’d have to check with Vince). You put them together, giving them 12 minutes, on your secondary show, and the PUNCHLINE spends the entire match on offense and wins cleanly. I don’t even have the words for the boneheadedness of everything I just saw. -***
The Mero’s fight after the match, which makes Sunny horny. Rocky Maivia returns to save the day, and a brawl erupts. The referees break that up quickly, while the fans chant “LET THEM GO!”
Some fine mugshots of The Sisters of Love are shared.
SAVIO VEGA vs. FAAROOQ (with PG-13, Clarence Mason, and D’Lo Brown)
Considering the edge the WWF was adopting at this point, it’s a little surprising they never pushed the envelope to have the Nation wear colors; but then, that might have been crossing the line a little too far into real life and putting the performers lives in jeopardy. Still, it would have been downright balls to have Faarooq come out with a blue bandana, and force Rocky to change his name to The Rocc. A commercial airs during the entrances, and we return with Faarooq working over Vega on the mat. Vince suggests we whip out our VCR’s and set them to record, because Sunny’s sex tape is coming up.
In fact, TODD PETTENGILL is with fans to discuss “who do you think Sunny is making love with tonight?” Making love?!? For god sakes Todd. One young guy starts shaking uncontrollably and wishes it was him. I’m assuming, just looking at him, that rule applies to any woman and not just Sunny.
Back in the ring, Vega gives Faarooq the electric chair, but he kicks out at 2. The fans are really into this, screaming “NWO” with great enthusiasm. Vega chops Faarooq in the ropes, and follows with a superkick for 2. Wolfie D starts getting into it with the referee, allowing JC Ice to come off the top with an axehandle to give the advantage back to Faarooq. Snap suplex gets 2, and Faarooq angrily barks at anyone white. Vega retaliates with a jawbreaker, but misses a Stinger splash, and the Spinebuster gets the win for Faarooq at 5:55. He’ll be taking on Ahmed Johnson at the Royal Rumble. 1/2*
And now, following all the hype … it’s SUNNY’s Lair of Love. She’s lying in a bathrobe, with the hottest Christmas gift in the world – Tickle Me Elmo. After some quick teases, she introduces her lover.
It’s not Tickle Me Elmo; this is Fondle Me Elmo. And, after promising to take him to “Space Mountain” (oh Jesus), she claps off the lights, and following a cartoon “BOINGGGGGG”, they start screaming like the tail end of a Shania Twain song. Elmo, showing the gusto of a 17-year old virgin, lasts about 14 seconds.
“The Energizer Bunny has nothing on you”, coos Sunny. “Where’s Fondle Me Elmo’s pants?” asks the muppet, waiting a moment, and pondering further. “Where’s Fondle Me Elmo’s … (BOINGGGGGGG)?”
So I think we need a minute to digest this. Following the debut of this show a week earlier, which featured Marlena taking off her top and showing off her very real (well, “real”) breasts to the audience, the WWF spends a whole week hyping a bigger, badder, raunchier show the following week, with the number one Spank Bank model in the company. Now, of course this is a company that once baited us with the Gobbledygooker, but you would HOPE in the 6 years since then that they’d learned a little something about bait and switch. Granted, if anyone was stupid enough to tune in specifically thinking they were going to witness Sunny’s adult debut for FREE, on a CABLE network, they probably got exactly what they deserved. But for the rest of us, this is mind-numbingly embarrassing crap that pretty much keeps our wrestling viewership a secret from the rest of civilized society. Sleazy, stupid ratings ploy, and all involved should be taken out back and shot.
And what does Vince McMahon think?
“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! TODD PETTENGILL TAKE US AWAY!”
THE HONKY TONK MAN promises to sing; but in fact it’s TODD PETTENGILL who takes over the song. This is two weeks in a row; if Todd is so itchy for karaoke amateur hour, can I suggest he ask McMahon for weekends off and tackle his newfound hobby at bars that aren’t taping wrestling television?
ROCKY MAIVIA vs. NOT RAZOR RAMON
Rocky hits a sweet series of dropkick that remind just how flexible he used to be, before the 180 pounds of muscle were added. The fans start chanting “WE WANT HALL” which Vince tries to talk over loudly thinking it’ll go away. We take a commercial break as Honky starts skulking around ringside.
“Razor has been battering Rocky Maivia!” is how we’re welcomed back. Sunny cites Razor’s years of experience. For fuck sakes, now they’re pretending he’s the SAME guy he used to be? A few noticeable fans start a “ROCKY SUCKS” chant, which is unfortunate, as he’s a man of the people. McMahon gives us our Todd Pettengill update: he’s on his way to Times Square. This is good news, I’m not sure what I’d have done if I wasn’t getting my round the clock Rodd updates. Rocky is sent to the floor where Honky gets in a few cheapshots. Back in, Razor goes to finish with the Razor’s Edge, but Rocky slides down off the back and finishes with a shoulderbreaker at 5:02. I can’t decide if that was an upset or not. Match of the night. *
TODD PETTENGILL is in the middle of Times Square, and feels like Dick Clark, but “without the ball dropping”. Check your pants, Todd. He’s found a homeless box, where they have “cable” and “heat” apparently. Inside is NIKOLAI VOLKOFF. Is this supposed to be funny? Any of this? Who is this appealing to? Anyone old enough to remember Nikolai is too old to be amused by homeless jokes (or whatever they’re doing), and anyone young enough to giggle at “BUMS ON THE STREET LOL” have no idea who on earth he is. This show has to be a contender for one of the 10 worst of all time, right? I may need to poll you, the audience at a future date to make a list; but I can’t think of any night more cringe worthy than everything I’ve seen here thus far. Of course, I’ve got a mental block on anything Russo.
                                                           
Annnnnnd … The hits just keep on coming:
He will give birth LIVE on Shotgun next week. DUDE NO. JUST STOP.
DOUG FURNAS and PHILLIP LAFON vs. THE HEADBANGERS
We’re joined in progress for this one, watching Mosh get thrown across the ring with an overhead belly to belly from Furnas. “ECW! ECW!” shout the loyal crowd. Thrasher blows something or other, and gets the requisite “YOU FUCKED UP” chant, and well deserved. And on the topic of blowing, Sunny figures she’s due to have sex with Doug Furnas. “BWO! BWO!” Off to commercial.
Todd brings us back by celebrating in Times Square about god knows what, with a bunch of drunken Yankees fans. In the arena, Furnas kills Mosh with a jumping DDT – and lest you want a finish, WE’RE OUTTA TIME!!!
If you can make lemonade out of this pile; then be my guest.
Rants →

The PG Era Saturday Syndies: Superstars, 1.16.15

18th January 2015 by Scott Keith
So after thinking about it, here’s how
I think it’s gonna be: I work Wednesday and Thursday evenings, which
Scott knows. Friday is Impact Day, so I won’t step on Tommy’s toes
there. This means Saturday will be the day I watch and recap the two
B shows. With Main Event on Hulu Plus, this is a non-factor. Plus,
by that time it’ll have been added to the archive probably.
And really, watching Superstars on a
Saturday just makes sense, doesn’t it?
From New Orleans, LA.
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Tony
Schiavone… I mean, Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton. Sorry, had a
1989 flashback for a second.

MATCH: Cameron v. Summer Rae.
Wait,
who am I rooting for? Cameron makes sure her make-up’s in place to
start, then Summer Rae mocks that. Cameron attacks off of that, and
they botch a leapfrog (!!) before Summer lands a back elbow. Cameron
escapes a blind charge, but catches the knees and slams Summer down.
Stomping gets one. Cameron chokes Summer against the middle rope and
mocks her – so I guess Summer’s the face by default – and an
alley-oop in the corner gets one. Bow and arrow follows. Summer
bridges out, so Cameron covers for one. To a surfboard, as Cameron
works the arms. Cameron releases to send Summer to the mat, getting
two off of it. Mat slam (“Does it hurt, Summer, huh!?”) sets up
another surfboard. Summer gets out of this one, but a hairpull slam
and walkover by Cameron keeps her in charge. Legdrop misses, and
Summer with clotheslines for a comeback. DDT into mounted punches
follows. Spinning heel kick ends it at 4:17. Explain to me why
Cameron gets so much offense. DUD
RAW REWIND. From
January 5, the Authority are back and fire Dolph Ziggler, Erick
Rowan, and Ryback. But on January 12, Cena got the chance to get
them re-hired – if he could beat Seth Rollins in a Lumberjack
Match. The twist? The heel side of the locker room brings all the
Lumberjacks.
RAW MATCH: Lumberjack Match, John
Cena v. Seth Rollins.
If Cena wins, then the Corpus Christi Trio are re-hired. JIP as
Cena launches himself onto the pile. Back in, it gets two. Rollins
with a small package for two. Big kick gets two. Rollins goes up,
but Cena catches him and follows. They brawl up top, and Rollins
sunset flips off into a turnbuckle bomb for two. Rollins argues with
the ref, which gives Cena a chance for a catch powerbomb for two.
Slugfest breaks out, with Cena ducking a roundhouse. AA misses, and
Rollins gets the Sliced Bread for two. Stinger Splash by Rollins
airballs, and AA gets two before Noble and Mercury pull Cena out and
the lumberjacks mug Cena. Cesaro with the icing on the cake,
swinging Cena into the barricade, and they throw him back in. But
Rollins’ Curbstomp is caught in mid-air and changed to the STF. Kane
pulls Rollins to the ropes, but Cena pulls him back. Rollins kicks
out, and Big Show delivers the KO Punch to Cena to give Rollins the
win. Not that I expected less from this match, but would it hurt for
Rollins to deliver the coup de grace?
Renee
Young interviews Fandango and Rosa Mendes. Fandango talks about how
he got a new Pec-Tec machine, so his whole body is ready. A few more
push-ups and he’ll be at peak strength.
RAW REWIND.
From January 12, Daniel Bryan returns to the scene of the crime and
says he’ll win the Royal Rumble. Stephanie McMahon interrupts and
declares his first match back will be against Kane on SmackDown. But
Bryan takes the brawl to Kane, only to eat stairs. Kane wants to
Tombstone Bryan on the steps, but Bryan escapes and sends Kane into
the post to take over before refs break it up. Or try to, as Bryan
gets the Knee Plus on Kane, then hits a tope suicida for good
measure. Referees finally break it up as the crowd chants Bryan’s
name.
SUPERSTARS REWIND.
From last week, Stardust accidentally hits the Beautiful Disaster to
Goldust, allowing Los Matadores to win. A six-man is next!
MATCH: Justin Gabriel and Los
Matadores v. The Dust Brothers and Fandango.
Fandango and Gabriel start. Gabriel gets an armdrag, but Fandango
with a tackle. Criss-cross, but Gabriel with a round-off and hiptoss
to work the arm. Northern Lights suplex gets one. Fandango escapes,
and Stardust tags in. Gabriel catches him with a right, and the
Dusts talk strategy. Gabriel with a drop toehold into an armbar, and
Epico comes in. Chops in the corner, and Epico with left jabs before
Primo comes in. Swinging neckbreaker by Primo gets one. Stardust
bails as we go to break.
We
return with Fandango smacking Primo around but falling into the
ropes. Epico in with a Del Rio attack, and Primo adds a tope
atomico. Stardust distracts Primo, and Fandango takes over. Goldust
tags himself in and gets a spinebuster for two. Stadust in, and a
back rake and big stomp gets two. Goldust back in, and a fistdrop
and elbowdrop lead to the chinlock. Primo fights out, but a charge
eats elbow and we’re back to the chinlock. C’mon, Dustin, it’s a tag
match! Primo again fights out, but Goldust with a kneeling uppercut
and atomic drop. Double clothesline means Double KO. Hot tag Epico
and he runs over Stardust. Back elbows and chops lead to a monkey
flip. Gore in the corner and a twisting senton gets two, Goldust
saves. Gabriel dumps Goldust, Fandango dumps Gabriel, Primo dumps
Fandango, Torito dives onto Fandango with Primo shoveing him over,
and Stardust tags in to hit the Disaster Kick for the pin at 7:23.
*3/4
Good callback to the previous week.
Randy
Savage Hall of Fame package.
Raw
Reunion on January 19! Hogan! Michaels! Flair! Hall!
RAW REWIND.
There was a contract signing on Raw for the main event. Rollins
makes it clear: he has two chances to be champ while everyone else
has one. Brock Lesnar takes the mic and says he’s a conqueror. Cena
says he will go out of his way to pin Brock, not Seth – because
Cena and Brock will annihilate Rollins before Cena pins Brock.
Rollins points out that Cena’s plans backfire all the time –
assuming Cena has a plan. And the brawl is on, with Brock suplexing
everyone until Cena with an AA to Brock through the table. He
eyeballs HHH, which is a mistake as Rollins nails him from behind and
gets the Curbstomp to him. And to Brock, just because. And that’s
how we end this episode.
So
– let me ask the readers. When I do the Saturday recaps, should I
do them as two posts or one? And which one should be reviewed first:
Main Event or Superstars? I’m open to suggestions.
Rants →

BoD Saturday Night Thread

18th January 2015 by Scott Keith

On tap for tonight:

The NBA has 8 games on the schedule. At 8pm EST the Golden State Warriors visit the Houston Rockets on NBA TV

The NHL has 12 games tonight. At 7pm EST on the NHL Network the Toronto Maple Leafs visit the St. Louis Blues while the Anaheim Ducks visit the Los Angeles Kings at 10pm EST

Lots of College Basketball tonight, highlighted by #9 Kansas vs. #11 Iowa St. at 9pm EST on ESPN

Boxing returns to Showtime tonight at 10pm EST as WBC Heavyweight World Champion Bermane Stiverne defends against the undefeated Deontay Wilder

The World Series of Fighting starts at 9m EST on NBC Sports.

And the Kimberly Page shoot interview won the poll with 30% of the vote. That recap will be posted Thursday at noon.

Rants →

New E-Book: History of Saturday Night’s Main Event

16th January 2015 by Scott Keith

One of the most common complaints wrestling fans have today is how
much content there is to watch.  WWE alone has at least seven hours of
wrestling TV a week.  For over twenty years, we’ve gotten used to
wrestling airing every Monday night with some of the biggest stars in
the sport squaring off.  However, things weren’t always the same.  Back
in the 1980’s, wrestling television was based around the idea of squash
matches.  Most shows featured a big name against an unknown and matches
against other stars were almost unheard of.

Things began to change in 1985.  Powered by the strength of
Wrestlemania and Hulkamania, the WWF was able to air a series of
specials on NBC, featuring matches between big name stars and even title
matches, all for free.  The shows were major successes and helped push
the company into their golden era, sending professional wrestling to
heights no one had ever seen possible.

In this book, I’ll be looking at all thirty six episodes of the
series, as well as the five Main Event specials, breaking down every
match, segment and show as a whole.  As usual I’ll be providing play by
play, historical context and analysis of every show.

The books runs over 300 pages on a Kindle and only costs $3.99, or
the equivalent in other currencies. If you don’t have a Kindle or e-book
reader, there are several FREE apps you can use to read it on pretty much any electronic device. You can find those from Amazon here.

You can pick up the book from Amazon here.

From the UK Amazon here.

From the Canadian Amazon here.

Or if you’re in another country with its own Amazon page, just search
“KB’ Saturday” and my book will be the first thing that pop up.

Also you can still get any of my previous books on the WWE
Championship, Monday Night Raw from 1998 and 2001, Monday Nitro from
1995-97, In Your House, Summerslam, Starrcade, ECW Pay Per Views, Royal
Rumble and Clash of the Champions at my author’s page here.

I hope you like it and shoot me any questions you might have.

Thomas Hall

Rants →

WWF Shotgun Saturday Night: January 4, 1997

10th January 2015 by Scott Keith
While we have just completed the entire run of sometimes great, sometimes awful, but never dull WCW programming in 1996, it’s easy to forget there was still another game in town. Over at Titan Towers, things were not promising.
RAW was in the dumps, regularly drawing less than 5000 fans per crowd. They’d managed to crawl out of the rock bottom high school gyms of 1995, but they still had a long way to go. Many of their top draws had run off to the greener pastures of WCW, and they were left with a bare bones staff of wrestlers who were hungry, and happy to be employed. WCW cast-offs like Steve Austin and Mick Foley were finding themselves under new characters, and enjoying success. Brian Pillman was a shell of himself physically, but his charisma was off the charts. They had gone all-in on Shawn Michaels through 1996, and while ratings fell further as WCW monopolized the Monday Night Crowd, it was through no fault of his effort; able to put on a **** match with himself if he needed to.
Bret Hart had sat out most of 1996, taking some time to heal up after 13 consecutive years on the road, and figure out his future. Ultimately, he chose loyalty over money, and signed a 20 year deal to keep himself in the WWF for the rest of his life. Not everyone was happy to see him, however, and Bret was immediately tested by the young upstarts who were waiting to get their hands on him; specifically in the guise of a pissed off Steve Austin.
The trouble with the WWF was, after all the defections, the company didn’t really know who they were anymore. The campy 80’s had clearly passed them by, and WCW was putting on a smarter product every week, with strong undercard wrestling, and a hot nWo storyline. They needed a full-fledged makeover. Shows like Jerry Springer were all the rage on TV, and the WWF, in a desperation attempt to reclaim their lost fanbase, decided to move in a trashier direction. If it failed, they were cooked. But if they were right … the sky was the limit.
Queue Shotgun Saturday Night; a late night concept devised from the insanity we know as Vince McMahon. By moving the show to a late night slot, they had the creative freedom to do more “adult oriented” content than the norm. As such, this is the debut edition. On with the show.
A graphic violence warning is provided, before cutting over to the lineup of fans (all 30 of them?) waiting to get into the Mirage Nightclub in New York City – home of Shotgun Saturday Night. An amped BOB BACKLUND encourages everyone to go home, due to the sexual activity, violence, and crime taking place inside. “WHO’S THAT GOOD FOR? IT SHOULD BE BANNED! NEW YORK CITY SHOULD BE BANNED! SATURDAY NIGHT SHOULD BE BANNED!”

Who’s to say he’s wrong? Cue the opening montage, featuring all sorts of adult activities such as porno theatres, Sunny, Shawn Michaels’ bare ass, and the Undertaker who apparently lives in the sewer now.
A grunting VINCE MCMAHON and dancing SUNNY are your hosts from inside the night club. The wild scene is unlike anything you’ve ever seen in pro wrestling to this point; with a smaller ring than your typical WWF fare sitting in the middle of a dance party. And I’m not talking about this kind of dance party, I mean a legitimate Saturday night out on the town.
A completely out of place TODD PETTINGILL has managed to track down a handful of wrestling fans, who excitedly check out a couple of Klan members in the middle of the ring. Sorry, my mistake, they’re a new tag-team apparently, and they look ridiculous.
THE FLYING NUNS vs. THE GODWINNS (with Hillbilly Jim)
The Nuns are “Sister Angelica” and “Mother Smucker”, decidedly non-Catholic I’d reckon since they start throwing punches at the hog farmers. Sister Angelica starts with Phineas, drawing a “HOLY SHIT” chance for some reason. The ever hip McMahon agrees: “Holy cow indeed, ha ha ha!” Henry tags in and hits Angelica with a shoulderblock. Smucker gets the tag, and they give each other the sign of the cross – what the hell man? Phineas tries to woo Smucker until Henry smacks sense in to him. We’re like 4 minutes into this match, and absolutely nothing has happened, with the exception of the rowdy fans who’ve started a “GO TO HELL” chant. BROTHER LOVE hits ringside, and the Nuns hit the deck to kneel before him. Thankfully, we take a commercial break.
We’re back, and the “fight” is back on, and Henry hits a backdrop to FINALLY give us something resembling a wrestling match. Angelica prays for Henry, and the Nuns return for a conference with Brother Love. Angelica comes off the top with a karate chop to the shoulder, and the Nuns stomp down Henry in the corner. The fans start an “ECW” chant, which seems apropos since this is completely low rent indy garbage. The Nuns continue their double team work on Henry, drawing the ire of the referee who yells a lot and does absolutely nothing about it. Smucker goes to finish with the guillotine legdrop, but Henry rolls away (all 18 inches) to his corner to get the hot tag. The fans completely turn on this, and start booing it. Not to worry though, because the Nuns inject Phineas with the Holy Spirit, stopping him in his tracks. A dropkick, and a shot from Brother Love’s giant bible is all it takes for the Nuns to score the upset at 9:28. For those of you who weren’t around in 1997 to see it; the Nuns are a still relatively new “Headbangers”. If this is what the WWF had in mind to kick off its hot new edgy program, then this show’s already on death watch. -**
TODD PETTINGILL asks Brother Love what the deal with the Nuns are. He loves them because they’re virginal, having never been touched by anyone but their own hands. Going forward, they’ll be known as the Sisters of Love, and all tag-teams best watch their back.
ROCKY MAIVIA is hanging out with all the young cats down in the VIP lounge, but so are GOLDUST and MARLENA. An irate BOB BACKLUND bursts in on the scene to scream that neither one of them are beautiful, demanding Marlena cover up and asking where her mother is? “THAT’S CLEAVAGE LADY! KEEP THAT OUT OF YOUR LIVES!” This is what the RTC needed in 2000. Give that man a World Title!
GOLDUST (with Marlena) vs. THE SULTAN (with Bob Backlund)
Goldust knocks Sultan to the floor and rubs his nipples. Vince notes that a number of ex-champions have endorsed the Sultan to this point, which may have him on the fast track to the big belt himself. I think he actually believes this stuff. Goldust hits a clothesline for 2. A sleeper is applied, and the announce crew tries to get a word with Backlund. “I CAN’T HEAR WITHOUT MY GLASSES ON!” Sultan clotheslines Goldust, and splashes him in the corner. A couple of kneedrops to the face, while Vince spews his favorite tagline: “You never know what will happen in the World Wrestling Federation!” Sultan drops a leg, getting 2. A powerslam gets all of 1, and Goldust goes into his cat pose. Sultan works a nerve hold, while Mr. Bob works to repair the fabric of America. The fans start getting into this, with a rowdy “FATU SUCKS” chant. Goldust hits a butt butt, and misses an axehandle. Sultan nails a falling headbutt for 2. They head to the outside, and Sultan grabs a chair but the referee is quick to take it away. They head back in, where Sultan misses a blind charge and takes a neckbreaker. Goldust gets a 6-count of punches in the corner, but he can’t get to 10 because he desperately feels the urge to rub himself. Is he on ecstasy or something? A bulldog looks to finish, but Sultan kicks out because this match is never going to end apparently. A hard clothesline gets 2. Sultan turns things around with a Samoan drop, and slaps on the camel clutch. Marlena jumps to the apron, and takes off her top causing Sunny to start making high pitched screams. Backlund goes completely insane, flapping around like he’s gone into a seizure, and Sultan hits the floor. Goldust appears to start masturbating through his tights, while Sultan is counted out at 9:39. Who the hell gave these two 10 minutes? Pettingill declares the winner of this match to be Marlena. DUD
Sunny loses her business, reminding us she’s still the sexiest woman in the WWF and promises a special surprise to all her fans next week; one of her personal sex tapes. “That’s right Vince, I’m gonna show you all a tape of me doing the wild thing baby! If Pam Anderson can do it, so can I.”
KONA CRUSH (with Clarence Mason) vs. AHMED JOHNSON
With 15 minutes left on the show, there’s an excellent chance we won’t see any positive snowflakes tonight. Johnson spears Crush, and powerslams him. Crush is tossed to the outside, but this ain’t WCW so it’s legal. Crush is dropped face first on the guardrail, while Vince gets shooty: “Crush is doing some hard time in there with Ahmed Johnson”. Crush is sent back in, and Ahmed rears back from the dance floor, and manages to jump from the floor, over the top rope and hit a flying clothesline. Crush throws a couple of punches to gain control, while Clarence Mason is asked about his relationship with Crush. He feels Crush has been used and abused, but today’s a new day, and the Nation of Domination will overtake the WWF. The fans start a “JAIL BIRD” chant, while Crush applies a full nelson. Ahmed breaks out of the hold with little effort, and hits an axe kick. Ahmed sets up the Pearl River Plunge, but D’LO BROWN attacks and we have a DQ at 4:00. 1/2*
Ahmed kills D’Lo with a spinebuster, but can’t get the Pearl River Plunge because Crush clotheslines him from behind. They double team Ahmed, and Crush grabs a chair, smacking him full force in the face. GOLDUST and THE GODWINNS dive into the ring to protect Ahmed from any more abuse … except Ahmed’s back up and chases the Nation right out the back door. Out on to 56th Street, the fight continues, and poor D’Lo Brown is given the Pearl River Plunge on the roof of a parked car!
MASCARITA SAGRADA vs. MINI VADER (with Jim Cornette)
Sagrada was on Nitro this past Monday, but has since come to terms with the WWF. Quite frankly, they can have him. Before the match, Sunny joins her favorite midget in the ring, and they do the Macarena while Todd Pettingill makes up his own lyrics.
He comes from a place where you shouldn’t drink the water /
Not much taller than my two year old daughter /
He’ll bite later, like a gator /
When he steps into the ring with Mini Vader /
He’s no igit, he’s a midget /
And his favorite TV show is Pitch It /
He’s got the powers and the quickness of a cheetah /
Small enough to swallow like a human picadita /
He’s getting more attention than Madonna in a Evita /
He’s Mascarida /
His only preparation is to drink a margarita /
He’s Mascarida … HEY!
I … just … well … sigh. It should come as no surprise that this is the funniest thing Vince has EVER heard. Vader finally has enough and kicks Max in the face. A senton misses, and Max hits a springboard armdrag. Another armdrag sends Vader to the floor, while Cornette joins commentary and complains about Vader being the biggest pain in the ass he’s ever dealt with. With that, he hits the ring, and calls time-out. And thus we do, with a commercial break.
We return with Max flying to the outside with a springboard plancha. Back in, Vader hits a superkick that Max takes about 3 seconds to start selling. Vader hits a clothesline, and nails a powerbomb. A corner senton misses, and Max comes off the top with a rana that sends Vader to the floor. A 360 corkscrew plancha is on point, but it hurts Max more than Vader. Back in, Max nails a Frankensteiner, and follows with a missile dropkick for the pin at 3:54. Match of the night! *
Cornette tosses Vader out of the ring, and challenges Max to a brawl himself. Vader gets back in and lies in wait behind Jimmy, while Max shoves him backwards to trip him up. And since ANYTHING can happen in the World Wrestling Federation, they rip his pants off.
Let’s not kid ourselves. If this aired today, it would widely be recognized as the worst concept in wrestling history. They’re still trotting out the same stupid gimmicked characters of yesteryear, but trying to put them in an adult environment, and it simply doesn’t mesh. The only people who could even remotely appear to be with this kind of snuff environment were Goldust, Marlena, and Sunny. (And of course, an outraged Bob Backlund is never a bad idea.)
However, the WWF was in dire straits, as we noted at the top – and I’ll give them credit for trying anything different as opposed to rolling over and letting WCW walk all over them. They were on the right track by recognizing they had an untapped adult audience that was waiting for them; but it was simply a matter of figuring out how to massage the product to them. This DEFINITELY wasn’t it, but we’re headed places.
Rants →

WCW Saturday Night: January 4, 1997

10th January 2015 by Scott Keith
After compiling over 180 recaps dedicated to 1996 alone, I had to ask myself, “do I really want to do this again?” I sought advice from a higher power, but my wife just looked at me disgusted and informed me “you’re wasting your time”. However, not once have I denied my time wastefulness, so she was of no help at all.
When it came down to it, however, I knew I needed to continue to move forward. Not for me. Not for you. But for Fit Finlay. He deserves answers, and closure.
Our year starts with all systems operating within normal designed parameters. Translated for you, John Q Reader, the Cyborg Machine is working overtime.
TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES talk about the biggest news of the week: the multiple losses by the Faces of Fear Roddy Piper. Or, “Rod-ah Paipah”, if you weel.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. JIM RICHLAND
With Scott Norton’s defection to the nWo, a new Scott Norton was clearly needed, and that’s where Jim Richland comes in, complete with haircut and matching Scott Norton tights.
Now, it’s important to note, that Richland is roughly half the size of the Real Scott Norton, and can’t even capture the appropriate scruff in his facial hair, but a solid C-minus for his effort. Now, what he lacks in personal appearance, he makes up for in wrestling ability; matching Norton almost spot for spot, by hitting a powerbomb, and staring up at the lights following a missile dropkick at 4:41. This match was quite good, and probably deserved my play-by-play, but I was too busy trying to decide whether or not Leroy Howard could make a quality half-Ice Train if he threw on a blue singlet, just to beef up the tag-team division. **1/2
LEE MARSHALL is hanging out in Chris Jericho’s private locker room, but Chris doesn’t appear surprised to see him. What kind of relationship do they have where that’s ok? I don’t imagine they travel together, seeing as how Lee’s usually off doing the Road Report. On the surface, they appear to be complete opposites, but maybe that’s what’s drawn them close enough to share locker room space. If nothing else, Lee likely has a never-ending supply of Frosted Flakes, and they’re great. Jericho challenges Masahiro Chono for nWo Souled Out, the first ever nWo-sanctioned event. I have feelings about that, which we’ll explore over the next few weeks.
ARN ANDERSON vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.
Dusty breaks the news that Lee Marshall dressed up as “a woman” at the New Year’s party, telling the crowd “I’m so pretty I should have been born a girl!” Seriously? I just spent days working Johnny B Badd jokes into my year end recap; but if we run this for another year, I’m going to look stale. WCW, I’m begging you, I need some fresh material. Do something ridiculous like giving Prince Iaukea the TV title. (Of course, they’d never be that silly.) Arn offers the hand of friendship, but is rebuffed. That disrespect shouldn’t be tolerated, and Arn rightly takes him down. He breaks cleanly, and Chavo applies a headlock. Arn shoves the move off, but Chavo hits a scoop slam and re-applies the headlock. Anderson tries to fight it off, but Chavo hits a tornado bulldog, holding the move tightly. Arn battles to the corner a second time, and Chavo tries the same sequence, but all that does is put him on the receiving end of a backdrop suplex. An elbow to the throat reminds Chavo who’s boss, as does the subsequent catapult throat first to the bottom rope. Avalanche misses, and Chavo throws a dropkick. A butt butt drops Anderson, getting 2. Chavo uses a 180 senton backsplash, but Anderson doesn’t sell for flippy floppy nonsense. DDT finishes at 4:02. *1/2 Arn Anderson is brought to you by Valvoline.
ARN ANDERSON stops for a chat with LEE MARSHALL. Anderson’s still irritated that Benoit’s weak in the knees for Woman, and ultimately she’s the seed of all their problems. Regarding Jarrett, he still has a vote in the Horsemen, and Flair alone doesn’t run the group. And as long as Flair’s injured, his vote doesn’t matter. You know, the concept of this angle is smart. You have Anderson and Flair, blood brothers to the end, on completely opposite ends of the spectrum regarding a potential new body in their group – and the friction leaves you with no idea which way it’ll turn out; especially given the fact everyone’s pissy with Benoit and Woman these days. An eventual Anderson/Jarrett showdown would probably be money if anyone gave a crap about Jeff Jarrett – and ultimately, he’s the reason this angle isn’t going to succeed.
DEAN MALENKO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (in a non-title match)
Eddie is of course the recognized US champion, but is without his title belt because Syxx stole it at Starrcade. Eddie will have a chance to reclaim it, because he’s been signed to battle Syxx in a ladder match at nWo Souled Out. I think that’ll be Syxx’s second match since joining the promotion 4 months ago, which is a total waste considering he’s in his prime years. Malenko powerbombs Eddie, and starts to stretch him out. Eddie has little interest in that, and kicks Malenko in the knee. A backdrop suplex smacks Dean on the back of the head, but he’s still the first one up because concussions wut? He gives Eddie a double leg slam, and goes for the Cloverleaf. Eddie cradles him, and gets 2. A brainbuster from Guerrero has Dean trying to shake off the cobwebs, and Eddie heads up top. Malenko cuts him off, and brings him back in with a superplex. They start to scrap, and Eddie decides to sacrifice himself by taking Dean out with a rana to the floor. They’re counted out together at 5:43. Malenko and Guerrero is one of those “legendary” feuds that absolutely bores me to tears. I never felt they had strong chemistry; not like Dean did with so many of the other lightweights. Plus, Eddie is just death as a vanilla babyface. **
MARK STARR vs. MASAHIRO CHONO
Starr’s New Year’s resolutions clearly included a better attitude, because he cheers “WCW #1!!!” on the way to the ring. Hey, a good attitude is an employable attitude, and Starr needs all the help he can get after quitting his fine union construction job last fall. DOCTOR X is assigned to this match. Chono hits Starr with a shoulderblock, but he fails to go down. Then Starr does the same, and Chono refuses to move. Starr tries again, so Chono just kicks him in the gut. Chono appears to choke Starr in the ropes, but Doctor X checks and deems it legal. Starr hits a dropkick, sending Chono to the outside, and he’s pretty upsets as evidenced by his assault on the guardrail. Starr follows behind, but misses his attack and hits his shoulder in the guardrail. Back in, a side Russian legsweep sets up Chono’s climb to the top, but Starr recovers quickly and attacks. Chono shoves him off and goes for an axehandle, but Starr sidesteps and punches him in the midsection. Chono comes right back with a superkick, and hits an ugly looking spike piledriver. STF finishes at 3:54. Dusty eyeballs Nick Patrick, and starts thinking far more thoughts than his mouth can handle, saying “somebody get me a baseball gun!” *
I don’t mean to create uncontrollable primal screams of excitement, but …
LEE MARSHALL interviews MADUSA, who competed this morning on the Main Event against Hokuto. Madusa feels it’s critical she capture the title, because the belt lay dormant for over 10 years. She’s tired of Sonny Onoo getting involved, and she figures the only way she can get her way is to go to Japan and fight Hokuto on her home turf. THAT’S how she’s planning to avoid evil Japanese interference? I get the feeling Madusa traded in her brains for G-cups.
MR. JL vs. BIG BUBBER
The music production team has taken their trolling to a quality new step, by giving Jerry Lynn and Jerry Flynn’s shared music to Mr. JL. I applaud this team, and encourage them to keep finding new ways to keep me entertained. DOCTOR X is assigned here once more. Doctor X stands in JL’s way from doing anything dastardly, like trying to wrestle, and Bubba leaps over X to clothesline him. Then he heads up the aisle to grab a bicycle?!? JL is beaten down in front of Doctor X, who turns to the camera and admits “now that’s one way to ride a bicycle!” No foul. Back in, a big boot takes down JL, and Bubba stands on his throat using the ropes for leverage. Doctor X, responsible as ever, asks Bubba if he’s choking that man. Bubba says no, he’s not, and X accepts that. JL somehow finds enough to come off the top with a missile dropkick and that staggers Bubba. A follow up crossbody takes him down, but that’s all he’s getting because the Bossman Slam finishes this at 2:48. 1/2*
THE ARMSTRONG BROTHERS vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY
It’s a new year, and we’re still trudging out this dog-shit huh? Can’t we just agree to send the Public Enemy back to ECW where I’ll never watch them and get it over with? Grunge gives both guys atomic drops, and they wave their hands in the air. Steve comes back with something or other, but I’m distracted by his protruding penis that’s wrapped far too tightly by his shiny gold ring attire. Even Goldust didn’t have a bulge that apparent. What is with these tag-teams and their plum smugglers? If they ever faced High Voltage, it could easily be sold to an early fetish website, where excited viewers could dial in to their ISP, and download still-shots, 5 minutes at a time. Drive-By finishes at 3:56. DUD
MIKE ENOS vs. LEX LUGER
It’s a new year, declares one Dusty Rhodes, as we’re treated to a replay of every Lex Luger match from 1996. Rack, rinse, repeat, Luger wins at 3:44. *
“LORD” STEVEN REGAL vs. ICE TRAIN (with Teddy Long) (for the WCW world television title)
There’s still well over 15 minutes in this show, but don’t expect it to be dispersed in our main event. Not when there’s EXCITING footage of Roddy Piper they can replay! Lord Regal reads Teddy Long the riot act, and Teddy throws his hands in the air like he’s an innocent bystander. Sorry Ted, anyone who saw you with Doom knows better, and Regal ain’t no rook. Regal throws a series of palm thrusts to the forehead of Train, but he’s rockin’ the “head of stone” gimmick that’s usually reserved for Samoans, and no-sells. Regal takes a shoulder block, and sells it like every ligament in his upper body has been ripped directly out of his core. Still, he has the power of the European uppercut in his disposal, and promptly makes me proud by taking a moment to shake off his shoulder after every punch – because it’s still hurting from the shoulder block. Thattaboy! Regal starts the palm thrusts again, but Train hiptosses him, and Regal begs off in the corner. Teddy gives important advice from the corner, like “that’s it, stay on him”. Regal tries a test of strength from a ground position, and finds himself screaming mercy within seconds. Train lets go, and stomps on his hands, causing Regal to wail. He rolls to the floor to blow on his hands, and spies Teddy who needs a good lecture. He follows him around for awhile, but Train throws him back in. Regal goes for an uppercut, but Train shucks and jives, rolling Regal up for 2. Regal mounts Train, and palm thrusts him in the face a bunch of times. He can’t keep the shoulders down though, so he jumps on Train’s face. Fantastic. Regal throws more uppercuts, but Train starts hulking up. Regal changes strategy, hitting a drop toe hold, and applying a facelock. He releases, but that’s just to start punching him again. Train hits an awful sunset flip and fails to even hook the legs, but Regal’s a pro and somehow falls backwards and puts himself in a pinfall, and then kicks out of it at 2. His Lordship goes back to more stall tactics, working a long headlock. Train fights out, so Regal calmly moves him right back to his knees, and starts grinding his elbow into Train’s ear. Train tries to make something happen, and gets clotheslined by the wily vet. Train won’t die, and takes Regal down. The clotheslines start, so Regal throws a double knee shot. Train doesn’t sell, and hits a vertical suplex for 2. Train Wreck connects, and the bell rings at 10:04 because the time limit expired. Teddy Long questions Dave Penzer, and when he realizes what happens, let’s out an exasperated “ohhhhhh nooooo”. This was a mess of two different worlds, Planet Regal and Planet Awful. **
The Piper/Hogan confrontation, complete with The Giant getting kicked out of the nWo is replayed. But you and I already talked about this on Monday, so there’s no need to relive it now. That’s all we’ve got for this week’s show; back tomorrow with Worldwide. B’lee dat, playa.
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Saturday Night Thread

4th January 2015 by Scott Keith

Tonight on the WWE Network is a showing of The Most Powerful Families in Wrestling doc at 8/7c.

NFL PLAYOFFS begin tonight! The AFC Wild Card game between Baltimore and Pittsburgh is on NBC at 8:15/7:15c. The NFC Wild Card game between Arizona and Carolina took place on ESPN earlier, still going as of this posting.

Also, UFC 182 is happening on PPV, with Jon Jones defending the UFC Light Heavyweight Championship against Daniel Cormier. That’s at 10/9c.

NBA schedule is highlighted by Atlanta @ Portland and Washington @ San Antonio.

NHL schedule is highlighted by Montreal @ Pittsburgh and Detroit @ Vancouver.

Also, check out my DailyMotion Channel at http://www.dailymotion.com/strangerinthealps. Four videos posted (three shows) and more posts to come in the next day or two. Bookmark it.

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WCW Saturday Night: December 21, 1996

30th December 2014 by Scott Keith
Starrcade is a week away, and the top babyface, the person drawing the most pops on a consistent basis is … Sting, who is not booked to work. On the plus side, top contender Roddy Piper did NOT appear on Nitro this past week, and the show was among the best they’ve done in quite some time. I choose to believe this is just a shocking coincidence, yes sir.
Meanwhile, in the Cyborg Factory, DUSTY RHODES is dressed like a human marshmallow. He vows to analyze the Sting situation, which is “stealing thunder” from Roddy Piper. You’re kidding? A compelling storyline with a beloved superstar is getting all the attention? Perish the thought. Oh yes, TONY SCHIAVONE is here too.

JEFF JARRETT vs. REX KING
I see we’re wasting absolutely no time in making zero effort tonight. Maybe I’ll mail it in TOO then, WCW. (Spoiler: Always intended to.) King misses an enzuigiri because Jarrett is just soooo much smarter than the rest of us. King does effectively use the backslide for 2, and even gets in a monkey flip for another 2. That’s pretty much a career highlight for Rex King, and he has nothing left to prove tonight. Jarrett correctly analyzes that King has won his Superbowl, and drops a knee on his face. Tony accidentally calls Dusty “Brain”, which goes over as well with Dusty as the idea of doing a job in the mid 80’s. A chop block sets up the Figure Four, and Jarrett wins at 4:27. *
Gene have gotten into the egg nog, because LEE MARSHALL is designated to talk to Jarrett. Jarrett calls out Sting, because he’s got a death wish. He tells Sting he should have been the leader of WCW, but since he’s a crybaby, Jarrett decided to take the ball himself. Meanwhile, he doesn’t care much for Chris Benoit either, who he blames for splitting up the Horsemen due to his unstoppable erection. The unstoppable erection would make for a killer finishing move, as well as a required emergency room visit 4 hours later.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. BUNKHOUSE BUCK
Buck stops to fight with a Stunt Granny on the way to the ring. I didn’t catch the wink to know she’s ok, but that’s probably because they’re all such compelling pros who know how to keep a secret. Tony angrily talks about the mixed signals he’s getting from Sting, sounding like the guy at work who’s perennially stuck in the friend zone with every girl he meets. Page pancakes Buck, and finishes with the Diamond Cutter at 3:38. DUD
LEE MARSHALL stops to answer some unanswered questions with DDP. What the hell? Page has been completely transparent, it’s his gimmick! Marshall demands that Page not “swerve” him, asking him if he’s an nWo member. Page asks him if he ever listens? He doesn’t need Hall, or Nash, or anyone else, he’s fine by himself. Regarding the US title, he doesn’t care who he faces, one Diamond Cutter and it’s all over.
“SQUIRE” DAVID TAYLOR vs. THE GAMBLER
The Gambler has adopted a very dapper look tonight. He cleans up real nice.
This is like trying to choose your favorite child. Deep down, you know who it is (sorry Gambler), but you can’t show it publically. Gambler clotheslines Taylor to the floor, who is so shocked by this display of energy from a jobber that his eyes look like that guy who saw the Undertaker lose at Wrestlemania. He manages to sneak back into the ring undetected, and dropkicks Gambler to the floor. Taylor follows right behind, and gets whipped into the guardrail. Good aggression from our favorite card player. They head back in, and Taylor hits a European uppercut. There’s probably no coming back from that, sorry. A second and third European uppercut should effectively seal his fate. The fallaway slam gets the pinfall at 2:55. Taylor makes a rare trip to the pay windah, and I like to think he brawls with the cashier for refusing his request to be paid in pounds. ****1/2
WCW takes us Up Close with Madusa! She talks about her training in Japan, including her secret sessions in learning all sorts of ancient techniques. Wait a sec, is this a recycled Glacier teaser?
Are you entirely far too uncomfortable re-living Benoit and Sullivan week after week? Good news, a 3 minute video package airs as a “recap” dedicated to them, followed by re-showing the latest home video from Nitro.
If THAT isn’t enough, we have a new video from the lovers in Germany. Drunk off their asses, they carry each other back to an elevator, where they presumably make their way to the honeymoon suite, and Benoit spends the rest of the night swearing that this never happens but the alcohol has slowed his response system. Benoit bids goodnight to Kevin Sullivan, and to “Mrs. Calabash” to further confuse us. But that’s why I’m here, to clear things up for you. Mrs. Calabash is, of course, secret code for female wrestler Zero. That should tie up any loose ends and answer all the questions you might have had.
MARK STARR vs. DEAN MALENKO (in a non-title match)
Starr was unable to secure a Cruiserweight title shot because he recently turned his back on the union to branch out on his own. He’s also about 100 pounds too heavy, but that wouldn’t have stopped them from filing a grievance had he not traded in his construction hat. Dusty notes that Malenko is often an emotionless killer, “stone cold” if you weel. The Tampa Rattlesnake scissors Starr’s throat, and uses the ropes for leverage. Starr escapes and gets a little momentum, but Malenko stops that dead with a crossbody. Starr nearly scores an upset off a backslide, but Dean comes right back with a backdrop suplex. Texas Cloverleaf finishes at 5:50. STONE COLD! STONE COLD! 1/2*
SONNY ONOO and LEE MARSHALL have a tete-a-tete. Sonny figures Starrcade will be a piece of cake for the Dragon, since he has 8 belts and Malenko only has 1. Regarding Chono, Sonny promises to bring in another Japanese wrestler to seek revenge for disgracing his family. I hope it’s the Super Giant Ninja.
SCOTT NORTON vs. SERGEANT BUDDY LEE PARKER
Norton is debuting his lovely new nWo t-shirt, as the most recent addition to the clique. Also here is DOCTOR X, who will be refereeing this one impartially under his nWo shirt. Say, what happened to Nick Patrick? We haven’t seen him in weeks. Norton beats up Parker long before they ever get to the ring, and Doctor X lectures the Sarge for being silly enough to allow it to happen. The Sarge gets into the ring eventually, and threatens to punch Norton, but the referee throws himself in front just long enough for Norton to clothesline Parker. A DDT sets up a vicious (and delicious) powerbomb, and the shoulderbreaker scores the win for Norton at some undetermined time cuz we never rang a bell. DUD
LEE MARSHALL welcomes “LORD” STEVEN REGAL and his TV title; the only heavyweight champion still under the WCW banner. Regal thanks Marshall for being the only one to recognize this fact, and challenges anyone, nWo or not, to give it their best shot. Regal says he’s been trying to get Hogan in the ring for over two and a half years, and he’s happy that Piper’s going to get a piece of him since they’re wired the same way. With that in mind, he’d like to turn Roddy from Rowdy to Vegetable in 5 minutes. I wonder if Regal would like to have my babies?
DISCO INFERNO storms the ring, carrying a mysterious video tape! He should hand it to Tony Schiavone, he’ll play ANYTHING! Apparently, this tape proves that Disco’s an embarrassment and a disgrace. However, he’s since been taught via his uncle Guido the “leg hold” they put on people who don’t pay their debts, and he’ll be putting it on Eddie Guerrero tonight.
DISCO INFERNO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
It’s kind of shocking WCW didn’t have the foresight to add Disco to the nWo at this point, since it would have totally been within his character to leech off the big boys. Granted, the group probably didn’t want the “uncool” stink of having a jobber amongst them, but that doesn’t explain Marcus Bagwell, Vincent, Scott Norton, or the Bossman. Eddie hits Disco with a spinning heel kick, and is quickly on him with a slingshot senton for 2. They mess up something, and Disco awkwardly falls backwards, so Eddie livens things up with a European uppercut. Disco can’t keep up with Eddie, walking into an armdrag while trying to catch him. Disco punches Eddie in the mush, and gets a 2 count. A beatdown in the corner ensues, but Eddie uses it to fire himself up, and beats the tar out of Disco for even trying to get one over on him. Eddie misses a dropkick in his rage, and Disco goes for his leglock thing, but he can’t figure out how it works. Hah! Eddie shoves him off easily, and dropkicks him in the chest. Frog splash finishes at 4:45. **
COLONEL ROBERT PARKER has bumped into LEE MARSHALL. Lee tries to show off his French chops, but he’d be wiser sticking to telling kids to eat their cereal because it’s grreeeeeat. Parker goes over his resume; he took Slater and Buck to the tag-team titles, as well as Harlem Heat multiple times. The French Canadians are next, and the nWo best watch out. Lee asks about the Steiners, but the Colonel laughs them off. Apparently Scotty’s been faking his injury as a means to avoid the French Canadians. That seems legit, I have no reason to doubt Parker.
M. WALLSTREET vs. BOBBY EATON
Wallstreet makes his nWo debut here, and DOCTOR X has been assigned to referee this one as well. Tony: “Mr. Wallstreet is going to win.” Dusty feels like Eaton might be able to steal a victory when he’s not supposed to, and that the “guy in the mask” is the key to victory. What the HELL is Dusty babbling about? Eaton armdrags Wallstreet to the outside, and gets admonished by the Doctor for his lack of scruples. During his long lecture, Wallstreet has fully recovered, and wastes little time throwing Eaton face first to the buckle. Eaton fights back, but Doctor X feels those fists were closed, and orders Bobby to start playing by the rules. Eaton swears he didn’t, so X asks Wallstreet who confirms the closed fist story. Eaton nails a shoulderblock, but Wallstreet calls a timeout. X grants it, and Eaton is denied the right to follow up his attack. Once recovered, Eaton quickly hits another shoulderblock, and he’s immediately given a warning for illegal use of the elbow. Wallstreet reaches into his pocket, and punches Eaton in the face with a chain. Bobby rolls to the apron, and tries telling the referee who simply doesn’t believe such a thing could be occurring. Eaton, realizing he’s fighting for his life now, hits a swinging neckbreaker, which is about a 9-count, but it only gets 2 from Doctor X, who’s a little slow. Wallstreet shoves Eaton into the referee, who casts him a cold look for the bump, before tripping Bobby up, right into an Oklahoma roll for the win at 5:41. Something tells me this is going to get real old, real quick.
Because we haven’t had enough nWo overkill, the nWo Saturday Night segment still exists. This week:
ALAN STORM
Height: 6’4”
Weight: A stout 273
Fist: 16”
Hometown: Mudlik, KY
Pro Record: 1st & Final
Achievements: Scout Medal of Honor – Local Den #29
MARCUS BAGWELL works as the ring announcer for this one. DOCTOR X is assigned referee duties, while ERIC BISCHOFF and TED DIBIASE take over commentary.
ALAN STORM vs. THE OUTSIDERS (for the WCW world tag-team titles)
Bischoff notes Storm’s lack of good sense to enter this match, but that more or less applies to anyone who appears in these segments, Pat Tanaka included. Hall launches Storm with a fallaway slam, and Nash gives him the snake eyes. Locked in a full nelson, Hall pokes Storm in the eyes anyway. Alan is given a superplex because why not, and Nash gives him the big boot. The Jackknife powerbomb finishes things at 3:26. Doctor X drops down on Storm, which is sold as the referee checking on him to see if he’s ok. Bischoff: “I think he’s got something stuck in his throat!” DiBiase: “Yes, it’s the referee’s elbow.”
LEE MARSHALL gives a pro-WCW rally cry, none more so than his next guest which is … who the hell IS that? Some enormous guy in a cowboy get up wants a piece of Lex Luger for some reason, and Lee books them on Monday. Is Lee ALLOWED to do that?
JIM POWERS (with Teddy Long) vs. LEX LUGER
Powers is completely exposed next to Luger, who towers over him, with a fraction of the body fat, and twice the muscle. Sorry Jimbo. Powers tries to hold his own, but even his clotheslines are awful, and those are the one thing Luger really excels at. Lex nails a backdrop suplex, and starts with his crisp clotheslines for 2. Powers comes back with a running kneelift, but it doesn’t matter because he misses a dropkick and finds himself locked in the Rack for the Luger win at 3:24. Didn’t even break a sweat. 1/2*
Time is short, because Tony wishes us a Merry Christmas and ushers us out the door faster than David Sammartino’s WCW career.
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