prime:

It’s always hard to say goodbye, and tonight is no exception. Please stay tuned for a photographic ode to WCW Prime at the end of this recap.

Yes, that’s right. This is it. The end. The finale. We’ve been together for so long. But all amazing things must come to an end, and our never ending line of colorful jobbers, and the smiling face of Johnny B Badd months after his departure will never grace our screens again. It feels almost blasphemous that he was replaced with Lex Luger last week.

CHRIS CRUISE returns for his last hurrah. DUSTY RHODES may have one more moo left in his belly welly.

HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart and Maxx) vs. LEROY HOWARD

NICK PATRICK referees this one – but if you’re worried about shenanigans, it’s important to note that he is without an evil goatee and his neckbrace, so it’s likely this was taped at some point in mid ’93. I have no idea what WCW is going to do with its years of unaired syndication without this program, but if WCW Pro expands into a second hour, I wouldn’t argue with it. Leroy’s been on the receiving end of more than one Hugh Morrus assault in the past, but we’re going to the well one more time for old time’s sake. It’s a party here on the Prime, with all our old favorites! Morrus wins with No Laughing Matter into the splits for a pin at 2:40. 1/2*

JIM POWERS and THE RENEGADE (with Teddy Long) vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel Robert Parker and Sista Sherri) (in a non-title match)

Dusty starts openly eating on the air, because he couldn’t give less of a crap about this show, or Chris Cruise. He’s usually incomprehensible either way, so it doesn’t change much. I wonder what it is that prompts the bookers of this company to put Harlem Heat on every single show. Did they conduct some sort of marketing study that found viewers were really into seeing Harlem Heat 5 times a week? Do Harlem Heat help with varying demographics? Are they just really fun to wrestle, and all the boys are lined up for matches with them? I’m trying to find a reasonable explanation for the 100+ matches I’ve recapped this year featuring them, without them breaking the *** barrier even one time. Booker hits the Harlem sidekick on Jim Powers, and Stevie locks on his move, the chinlock. Booker starts yelling about the sucka Powers, which really offends Cruise for some reason, and he sets out on a personal mission to defend the fact that he is not, in fact, a sucka. Renegade gets the hot tag in here, but Booker drops a leg across the back of his head quickly to stop any momentum. A double team powerbomb scores the easy pin for the Heat at 5:21. *

M. WALLSTREET vs. JOHNNY BOONE

Cruise asks what the M stands for, which is a GREAT question since he up and changed his name. Dusty goes with “mon-ay!” which is probably not a bad guess since this is WCW. Boone almost scores an upset with a schoolboy for 2. Wallstreet lives to bore, and works a chinlock. For god knows what reason, Dusty starts talking about dikes (and not dykes, which would have served as a quality reason why the show was cancelled), as Wallstreet scores the pin with the Stock Market Crash at 2:59. DUD

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. DISCO INFERNO

I was about to question what this was doing on the PRIME, but I have to sadly admit that Disco has been little more than a comedy jobber for nearly 8 months now. Page attacks before the bell, stomping Disco like he’s applying for the lead role in American History X. Disco blocks a kick, but takes a discus punch. He goes for a pancake slam, but Disco winds up sunset flipping him instead for 2. Page clotheslines him for daring to show a little offense. After a little more choking, cuz he’s kinky like that, Page drops an elbow right on the penis! He claims it was in the gut, but the camera showed otherwise. Disco finally decides cheating’s his only hope, with a poke to the eye and whips out the Flip Flop n Fly to Dusty’s delight. Swinging neckbreaker nearly gets the win, but Page gets a foot on the rope. Disco celebrates like he won, and starts celebrating … right into a Diamond Cutter at 4:21. *1/2

THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. CHRIS BENOIT and ARN ANDERSON (in the Prime Cuts Moo Match of the Week)

These guys must be involved in some sort of polygamous relationship, because I can’t remember the last time the RnR fought anyone else. The fans, under strict military orders, give some love to the RnR. Morton snaps off a rana against Benoit, but that just makes Chris mad, and you DON’T want to make him mad. Morton recognizes, and gets out of Dodge. Gibson hits an enzuigiri, which translated into Dusty is called the “LouGehrig”. On the floor, Arn tries to take off Gibson’s head, but he punches the ring post. Gibson gives it a second shove, just for the hell of it. Back in, Morton dives in off the top, and Gibson drops a knee across the arm. Arn finals has enough of this crap and delivers a little snake eyes, before turning Benoit loose. Ricky is beaten in the corner, and given a back elbow right to the mush. A quick toss sends Morton into the waiting hands of Arn Anderson, who introduces him to the ring post. Arn then takes to distracting the referee for Benoit to slam him face first to the ring steps. Morton tries a sunset flip on his way back in, and after a long struggle and several Arn Anderson punches, it hits and gets 2. Anderson puts Morton in a front facelock to prevent a pin, but Morton fights, so Arn releases and punches Gibson in the face to knock him off the apron. Benoit enters with a quick backdrop suplex, but Morton still has a little life in him which is unusual against Chris. They trade blows, which Benoit wins, and we check back in with Arn. He tries an axehandle blow, but Morton blocks with a kick to the face, allowing Morton to tag in a red hot Gibson. Horsemen are laid out all over the ring! A double dropkick connects, but Morton won’t leave the ring fast enough while Gibson covers, and Benoit flies in with the swandive, Anderson is rolled on top, and the Horsemen win once again at 8:50. Good main event to close out the show’s history. **1/2

And it ends with a final plug for Halloween Havoc.

But I don’t want it to end on this note, oh no. Let’s take one last look back at the 1996 run of WCW Prime, in pictures.

RIP WCW Prime.

Who knew the asshole of
Jerry Sags could generate so much discussion?

I wasn’t a member of the
IWC in 1996, but some of you were, and despite the passage of time, like sands
through the hourglass, those were the days of your lives. CRZ started the discussion:

It was enough of a big deal to scuttle the Nastys’
role in the NWO and start them down the road of their eventual WCW demise. I
tried to find a good r.s.p-w thread about it, but came up with this
one (groups.google.com) instead, which has two retellings of (I’m sure)
whatever Meltzer said about it, including Micasa’s. It also has a reply from
THE RICK in there, so be sure to expand the other posts! The sad thing is Sags
was probably just too hip for the room by aping something as timely as
“Ace Ventura” in 1996.

thecubsfan also thumbed through his virtual library of the Observer to bring us:

1996-10-07: NWO stuff looked like public
access TV although there were a few funny lines. Nasty Boys joined the NWO and
Jerry Sags bent over and spread his cheeks saying he was doing an impression of
Eric Bischoff on last week’s TV show. Bischoff walked off the set early into
the second hour for no explainable reason although what Sags did may not have
been planned (although there is so much swerving going on these days that you
never know) and nobody seemed to know ahead of time that Bischoff was going to
walk off.

1996-10-14: Eric Bischoff did make a hot
phone call to the hotel room where Hogan and company were hanging out regarding
Jerry Sags bending over and spreading his cheeks (and he didn’t even know at
the time what happened to the ratings after that).

1996-10-21: At the Nitro from Cleveland on
9/30, if you had a dish, you could find the back-haul feed from the hotel room
and see Kevin Sullivan after the NWO segments handing the guys their scripts,
telling them where to sit and what to say. It’s amazing something that bad was
actually scripted. Anyway, after the show ended those watching on dishes could
see Savage and Liz walk back into the room where Eric Bischoff, Sullivan and
the NWO guys were all talking about what a great job they’d done.

So Jerry Sags, in the
shootiest room of shooty shooters that’s ever graced our television screens, is
given the scapegoat treatment because he bent over and talked with his ass? He
was wearing his pants for god sakes, it’s not like his brown eye made its WCW
debut (tonight on Prime, Brown Eye takes on Braun the Leprechaun – does he have
the stomach to try and eat it?).

I have absolutely no use
for the Nastys (I’m sure you’re SHOCKED to read this, I know I try very hard to
play it straight and never share my feelings) – but this is just petty. Was
Bischoff mad because the ratings dropped and could blame it on Sags, or more
likely, was he mad that somebody made Bischoff look bad … unapproved.

WCW in all its glory
never ever ceases to focus on all the wrong things while ignoring the bigger
picture. Like, for example, that the entire nWo thing is becoming a little
overdone? That maybe it’s time for a hint of some comeuppance? That maybe WCW
should stop being booked like buffoons? And maybe, just maybe, it’s high time
to edit Johnny B Badd out of the Prime opening credits? (Or Hulk Hogan for that
matter who has appeared on this show exactly as often as he appeared on RAW in
1996)

Well thank the lord, MIKE TENAY has replaced Chris Cruise,
but DUSTY RHODES continues to loom
large.

JOHN TENTA vs. KONAN

Tenta enters to “Not Evenflow”,
later used by Chris Jericho. Konan has once again been stripped of an “N”, but
based on his entrance music this was taped before he joined the Dungeon of
Doom, but after he started wearing flannel, so … a month ago? Tenay talks about
Konan like he’s a blooming flower, cuz he can’t stop talking ‘bout his ROOTS.
Tenta goes through his usual, hitting a hurricanrana off the bell, but misses
the 450 splash. Konan comes back with the Space Flying Tiger Drop, which Tenta
sells by flying backwards into the crowd. He leaps the guardrail with lightning
speed, and gives Konan something to think about with the spear and jackhammer
combo. Okay, I made all that up, Tenta misses a crappy splash and Konan wins
with a senton at 3:09. 1/2*

THE RENEGADE vs. THE GAMBLER

I’m thoroughly confused,
there’s a vortex of suck and amazing in the same ring, and I truly don’t know
what the heck is going to happen. Gambler isn’t dressed as suave as he was the
last time we saw him, but he does have his oversized card deck, which he
smartly uses as a weapon. The fans boo him because they are all going to hell.
Renegade uses all his moves, like punches, and … well, that’s about it. Gambler
tries to break the Gambler’s shoulder, but he’s far too smart for that and goes
to the ropes. He shakes it off as best he can, while the referee insists
Renegade stay in the ring. Gambler calls for time out, but it’s a trick!
Eyerake for YOU! That gives him a solid advantage for no less than 2 and a half
seconds before Gambler finds himself trapped in an armbar. Tenay trips over his
words by saying Renegade continues to “apply pleasure” to the Gambler’s
shoulder. He might want to consider opening a rub n tug, and stay off my TV.
Gambler shoots a back elbow for 1, so he tries a choke instead. We move to a
rear chinlock, in what seems to be the slowest moving match of all time. I won’t
even acknowledge the audience screaming for Renegade with the ferocity of 1000
constipated bowels. Renegade finally hits the handspring back elbow and
finishes with a bulldog at, and I wish I was making this up, 7:26. Renegade declares he’s back and
better than ever. I agree, this might be his highest rated match ever. -**

VK WALLSTREET vs. JOHNNY BOONE

NICK PATRICK is your referee, and Johnny Boone is a future referee, so don’t rule
out shenanigans, even if this was taped at some point in late 1989, as
evidenced by Patrick’s lack of moustache. Wallstreet hits a butterfly suplex,
and locks Boone in an abdominal stretch, cheating like he’s Ric Flair (which he’s
not). Stock Market Crash finishes at 2:51.
Match of the night so far! *

THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHRIS
BENOIT and ARN ANDERSON (in the Prime Cut Moo Match of the Week)

If you don’t know who I’m
rooting for here, then this is the first of my recaps you’ve ever read. Arn
rakes the Barbarian’s eyes, but he doesn’t even feel it and powerslams Arn.
Benoit runs in to save, and he just eats a clothesline, while Barbarian bounces
around like he’s a young Brock Lesnar. Benoit and Meng pair off now, and trade
blows. Benoit throws some of the hardest chops of his life, which just make
Meng madder and madder. He plans Benoit with a dropkick, but misses a leaping
headbutt allowing Benoit to hit a German suplex. The Horsemen double team with
stomps, so Meng just starts karate chopping Arn in the head to make it stop.
Benoit throws more chops, but now Meng has his own, and that doesn’t go well
for our Canadian friend. Twin headbutts from the Fear brings Barbarian back in.
He goes for snakeyes, but Benoit slides off the back and now they double stomp
Barbarian. Barbarian isn’t Meng, so he sells, just a little. Benoit hits a
cannonball, while Arn works on Barbarian’s inner thigh. Of course, as soon as
he picks Barbarian up, he takes a suplex, and here comes Meng again. He pounds
the ever loving shit out of Arn, who rolls to the floor and brings Meng’s leg
with him. He wraps it around the post, but before he can follow up an irate
Barbarian is already chasing him off. Benoit comes in to follow up, but quoting
Dusty, “Meng just wants to beat the snot out of him!” Tag to Barbarian who hits
the pumphandle slam, and Arn has to save at 2. Thrust kick connects, and
Barbarian puts on a chinlock. It doesn’t last long before Benoit fights loose and
hits an overhead belly to belly. Barbarian is up first anyway, and tags Meng.
Meng hits an awesome spike piledriver, and as Barbarian hits a powerslam, both
guys go up for the double swandive. It hits, but Arn saves from the pin. Meng’s
had enough of that, and attacks, but Arn knocks him to the floor! Benoit hits
Barbarian with a German suplex and heads up, but Meng’s already back up and
crotches Chris! Barbarian hits an overhead superplex, but he walks right into
Arn’s DDT. He drapes Benoit on top, holds off Meng, and the stupid Horsemen win
the stupid match at 9:23. Stupid, stupid, frickin’ awesome match. ****

Back to the studio, where
Tenay reminds us that Randy Savage has a title shot at Halloween Havoc. Dusty
says he’s been a part of a lot of marquee matches, but the biggest matches in
history have had Hogan or Savage either together, or against each other. It’s
the biggest matchup in the last 5 years, if you wheel. And that’s a wrap.

You know, that match
deserved a lot more press than the asshole of Jerry Sags. Those Faces of Fear
are pretty damn good.

Yesterday’s Nitro recap
generated some counter-arguments to my Sting stance. Look, I *know* that the
end game is amazing, and from a writing perspective, everything surrounding
Sting right now is fantastic. My stance, however, is that Sting, as a character,
right now is behaving like, and I say this respectfully, a giant pussy.

Sting was immediately
vindicated, not after a month of back and forth, but within about 10 minutes of
him announcing “yo friends, I’m not nWo”. Can’t cooler heads prevail here? Sting
sulking around for a week, silently steaming and carefully watching his friends’
reactions to see if maybe, just maybe, he might catch a twinkle in their eye
for old Sting? This move is not only out of Every Wife’s Playbook, it is the
first chapter.

Sting needs to
understand, that when you hear his voice clearly state his loyalty to the nWo,
followed by Luger getting assaulted by someone who looks just like Sting, that all
things considered, “IT WAS MY EVIL TWIN~!” usually isn’t going to cut it in the
real world.

Of course, none of this
matters TODAY, because this is WCW Prime. A show, as always, brought to you by
the smiling face of Johnny B Badd in the opening credits.

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES are all
talk about Halloween Havoc. Yo, Fall Brawl just ended YESTERDAY, you think
maybe we can touch on that a little? Wait, you mean they don’t have the results
because this was pre-taped about 4 years ago? Well then!

THE ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. BUTCH LONG and
BILL PAYNE

I am greatly saddened
that, in the strange world of WCW Prime, that we aren’t treated to footage of
Ricky Morton crossing paths with Todd Morton backstage. Would Todd seek support
from his unwilling mentor? Might Ricky tremble, believing to be staring into a
mirror from 2 decades earlier? Would they just lie around, desperately trying
to crawl to the buffet table for a snack, just coming up short time and again?
Payne and Long continue to impress, using each other as weapons, suplexing each
other on the ever-selling Morton. Alas, they are not rewarded for their steady
improvement, as Long misses a top rope guillotine legdrop, bringing in the
fresh Gibson. Double dropkick at 5:02 sends
the Express to the pay windah. **

JIM POWERS vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ

Dusty Rhodes doesn’t have
a lot of use for anyone who wrestles Fernandez, though he tries to throw a
little love to Powers, as a guy who “came in through the back door”. That’s how
Triple H rose to power, you know. Cruise is so enthralled by this A-level
matchup, that he starts listing upcoming house shows. Powers uses all his
favorite moves, the headfirst slam to the buckle, the punch to the gut, and his
finisher, the powerslam at 3:14. DUD

HIGH VOLTAGE SUCKS vs. PRINCE IAUKEA and LEROY
HOWARD

Dusty admits he has no
idea who Iaukea and Howard are, even though they wrestle semi-regularly on this
program. Howard channels his inner Brock Lesnar, unleashing a flurry of
hiptosses. Cruise starts selling Iaukea as a Power Plant success, just based on
the fact that only 10% of guys who apply are still there after a week. Of
course, that’s likely due to the fact that the head trainer is a wrestling
cannibal, and the only reason Iaukea’s been left alone is because of his Samoan
blood (which is poisonous to leprechauns). Cruise starts openly questioning
which guy is Kaos, and which one is Rage – asking how in the hell he could
possibly tell them apart? Of course, Dusty Rhodes is no genius, and even HE
points out that Kaos has a lot of blonde hair, and Rage does not have much hair
at all. Cruise: “How am I supposed to remember that?” For the love of god.
Doomsday Device finishes at 6:53. *

JOHN TENTA vs. FIDEL “BARRIO” SIERRA

Tenta continues to sport
the half-shaved look, because it’s how he “remembers”. I’d prefer to forget
everything about that insipid feud, not to mention that even Bubba has moved on
to worrying about “Glacier”. Tenta is not at his finest here, moving at the
speed of a “glacier”. Shark Attack finishes at 2:34. DUD

SERGEANT CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. CHRIS
BENOIT (in the Prime Cut Moo Match of the Week)

Yuck – we’ve done this to
death, and it’s been no good. I don’t even have Nick Patrick to referee here,
with the lingering threat of something dastardly. Which is unfortunate, now
would be an ideal time to do something, nobody is watching at home, and the
fans in attendance are transported pieces of Disney’s “It’s A Small World”
ride. Pittman works Benoit on the mat, while Cruise starts reading from the TV
Guide (on this day, Perry Mason, Jackie Gleason, and M*A*S*H* debuted, he
informs us). I have to imagine at this point, Cruise and Dusty were well aware
that Prime had been cancelled, and were at the point of verbal constipation –
no shits given. Benoit starts stomping on limbs, but Pittman just gets mad,
selling nothing. Benoit moves to a rear chinlock, which is pointless because
Pittman’s head was allegedly formed by rocks according to announcer lore.
Brains too, I reckon. The fans are totally into this, yelling and screaming,
because the big sign that reads “STAND AND CHEER” are lit up like a Christmas
tree. Fans start chanting USA, which is technically correct but I don’t imagine
they know this. Pittman hits a sunset flip, but Benoit’s in the ropes. He keeps
coming, with a “balleh to balleh”, but Benoit kicks out at 2. The battering ram
knocks the wind out of Benoit, and Pittman calls for Code Red, but Benoit
squirms to safety. Pittman charges with an avalanche, but Benoit awkwardly
lifts his legs to block it, and pins Pittman with his feet on the ropes at 11:20. I totally understand that
Pittman and Benoit are probably the biggest stars to ever show up for these
tapings, but we don’t need to book them together anymore. Or Pittman at all.
*1/2

The announcers go back to
their Halloween Havoc talk. Cruise believes Savage will defeat Hogan at the
PPV. I don’t want predictions unless they’re ludicrous; like maybe Hogan shows
up wearing the wig/mullet from his 3 Ninjas Movie. Ha ha, that would never
happen, which is a real shame.

No Prime next week,
because apparently my collection is missing it. Which is a real shame, that’s
the show that features the 30-minute Iron Man between Benoit and Guerrero in a
5-star barn burner, and the main event is Ric Flair and Arn Anderson against
the Steiners inside Hell in a Cell. I wouldn’t lie to you, would I?

As the nWo continues to
expand like Joey Chestnut’s stomach on the 4th of July, at least
there is consistency in our lives. Knowing that Johnny B Badd, who is weeks
away from winning the WWF Intercontinental Title, is still able to blow me a
kiss every week during the opening of WCW Prime is enough to keep my heart a
flutter and maintain a steady pace of churning out the recaps.

Oh WCW Prime – what will
I do when you meet your untimely demise next month? Where will the jobberist
jobbers go? What of Todd Morton, The Gambler, and Buddy Valentine? Will we ever
find out the final chapter of Super Giant Ninja? Will fans be allowed to bid on
eBay for the chance to push the plunger that detonates Chris Cruise, or is that
not happening because eBay is still in its infancy and we haven’t truly
embraced it yet?

So many questions. So
many squashes.

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES have
taken the happy pills, because they can’t scream about Fall Brawl loud enough!
Dusty talks about the Giant having a tongue the length of the Nile, which I don’t
understand, but we’ll add to the chalkboard as another reason I’ll miss this
show.

CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. BILLY KIDMAN

What the heck is this
semi-competitive nonsense doing on my show? I realize Vegas has Chavo listed as
a 17-1 favorite, but that’s simply far too close for this show. They have a
test of strength because nothing smells like Cruiserweights more than watching
guys with arms like Gumby try and prove which one is more man than the other. Kidman
hits a dropkick, and then ducks a blind charge which sends Chavo crashing to
the floor. Kidman quickly rolls him in, hits a slingshot guillotine, but it’s
only 2. Kidman laughable tries a pin off a scoop slam because apparently he
thinks it’s 1917, and then moves to an armbar. Kidman nails a victory roll, but
Chavo wriggles loose. Chavo then gets one of his own out of nowhere, and scores
the pin at 5:42. If it’s taking 6
minutes AND a fluke finish to beat Kidman, Chavo hasn’t got a hope in hell at
Fall Brawl against DDP. **

I usually ignore the
commercials, but the GNC Pro Performance 2200 is one of the least responsible
things I’ve seen that aired during My Era. We all know about the cigarette ads
and sexist commercials from the 50’s and 60’s, but let me take you through this
(since I can’t find it on YouTube). Some scrawny pimply faced teenager is
unable to get girls, because all he dines on is fast food chalk full of fat and
cholesterol. The answer? GNC Pro Performance 2200, with 2200 calories per
glass. Not only is it chalked full of creatine and vitamins, but you’ll grow to
be about 6’6” with hulking muscles and a beautiful head of hair. It boggles my
mind that this stuff was green-lit when we all should have known better, but
then again we’re talking about a time when Brady Anderson hit 50 home runs and
it all made sense.

RON THE LEPRECHAUN vs. CHAD BROCK

Braun is all over the
bloody place, with absolutely no ebb or flow because he’s CRAZY you see. He
sadly doesn’t resort to cannibalism during the match, and even works in a semi
tree-of-woe submission thing. A top rope kneedrop gets the win at 1:40. THEN he resorts to cannibalism,
and eats Chad Brock. He even gets a chunk out of NICK PATRICK, who isn’t sporting a mustache, so either he shaved or
this has been sitting in the can since August. Of 1994. DUD

DISCO INFERNO vs. JOHNNY BOONE

DAVE PENZER is a good sport and shows off the gold record to everyone in
attendance. Yes, all 6 fans get a good strong look. Had their paid for the
premium package, they would have been able to touch it, AND get their ticket
stubs signed by the legendary RANDY
ELLER (who is also our referee!). Disco hotshots future referee Boone, and
stops to dance. He points out his hair hasn’t moved an inch, always important.
Chartbuster finishes at 3:04. A lot
of Disco’s initial charm has worn off at this point, largely because he hasn’t
had an angle since, what, stealing the Colonel’s champagne in February? DUD

“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. STEVE STORM

Dusty talks about the
importance of Sting’s role on Team WCW, proving he does not watching Nitro, or
talk to anyone who isn’t interested in discussing Dusty Rhodes. It’s the usual
80’s cartoon from Duggan here, with plenty of exaggerated stomping and
screaming of USA. Duggan missed a blind charge and slams his face against the
buckle, but with no brain cells to damage, he is right back on his feet and
throwing headbutts. 3 point stance finishes at 2:59. Duggan then wraps his fist and clocks Strong for the hell of
it. Unbelievably this is one of the best matches of the night. 1/2*

THE FACES OF FEAR (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE NASTY
BOYS (in the Prime Cuts Moo Match of the Week)

There is a PILE of time
left in this show, and I’m really concerned it’s going to be for naught since I
can’t see either one of these teams jobbing on a WCW J-show. Dusty’s looking
for clubberin’ here, and I think he just might be rewarded. Lo and behold, Meng
and Knobbs let the fists fly at a rapid pace, but Dusty declares it’s not
clubberin’ because all 4 fists were hitting opposite heads. The Nastys then
show off a little Super Clubberin, by teeing off on Meng’s cranium. He no
sells, which I will forever love him for. Saggs attacks the groin, which might
be the only way to get any kind of reaction for Meng, and he’s obviously in
pain because he stares blankly and stands right up. Hart gets the guys to
regroup, giving clear (and racist) instructions of, and I quote, “Ooka manga! Ooka
managa!” The Barbarian goes in to get him some, and get him some he does, on
the receiving end of a clothesline/chop block combo. Knobbs hits a big splash,
and starts working on Barbarian’s leg. I assume a smart wrestler would be trying
to neutralize the Kick of Fear, but we’re talking about someone who’s trying to
make hay against a team that hangs out with RON THE LEPRECHAUN who is running around ringside again. If Dusty
Rhodes were able to achieve orgasm (let’s all assume he can’t for the sake of
our collective imaginations), this match would undoubtedly be on his favorites
list as required viewing. Meng starts paintbrushing Saggs’ face, but with a
little more oomph than your usual insult, and he hits a spike piledriver for 2.
Saggs is sent face first into the ringpost, and left for dead. The Fear hit a
double headbutt, Meng hits a scoop slam, but he misses an elbowdrop and he
makes the big tag to Knobbs. Slams for you, slams for me, slams for Meng, and
family. Duelling avalanche splashes hit Meng, but Hart makes noise and Knobbs
attachs. Meng dumps him, and it’s an over the top rope DQ at 9:39. The Faces of Fear hit the double
swandive headbutt off the top on Saggs because they’re pricks, and I’m now at a
point where I don’t want to see these guys job another match until roughly
2014. **

Cruise makes a final pitch
to buy Fall Brawl, and he might be the only person in the company who makes me
NOT want to see the show after the absolutely flawless build-up to WarGames.
Dusty declares Bah Humbug on the nWo, and we is out.

Before we get started
(and mournfully acknowledge that Prime is down just 6 episodes), I had
mentioned at the end of the Nitro-cap that I wanted to discuss the Giant’s turn
a little.

Look, it’s not the first
stupid heel turn I’ve ever seen, and in terms of execution, it was done ok. My
issue is that as a viewer, however, I want to be rewarded by slick writing.
This was lazy, akin to the Booty Man working as a secret agent on behalf of Hulkamania
for 2 years inside the Dungeon of Doom.

Some people are able to
point out that Giant did hint to it a little. He was frustrated that Savage did
nothing to help him at Hog Wild. Which, if he’d cited on Nitro, I’d find it a
LITTLE easier to stomach. But the writers seemed to forget their own prep work,
because Giant immediately started carrying on about owning a million cars and
getting movie parts, which would not seem to appeal much to the man. His pride came
from dominance. Nevertheless, here we are – The Giant is nWo, and Prime is
still on the air. Also still on the air? Johnny B Badd’s mug in the opening
credits.

CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES can’t
wait for Fall Brawl where we’ll see the nWo against WCW! Dusty is concerned
about the well-being of this 100 year old company (here we go…). Dusty insists
that this is the final chapter. He also challenges them to try and show up on
Prime. Which of course would be impossible, since most of these matches were
taped a decade ago.

MAXX vs. ICE TRAIN

Train announces “I’m
WCW!” on the way to the ring. I’m starting to see where the company went to
hell. Dusty promises we won’t see no twists and turns and flip flop n fly’s in
this match. NICK PATRICK is
refereeing here, though he’s clean shaven, despite the fact we just saw a giant
bushy moustache on Nitro. Also captivating is the “WCW WORLDWIDE” sign that
keeps sneaking into the frame atop the entranceway. I’m really going to miss
WCW Prime – where they couldn’t give less of a shit about any kind of
continuity or regular taping schedule, but STILL insisted the announcers try
and glue it into ongoing storylines. We have a double clothesline spot, but
Train recovers first and hulks up. Train Wreck finishes at 3:24. 1/2*

HIGH VOLTAGE vs. THE PUBLIC ENEMY

You know what jobber team
I loved? Disorderly Conduct. THEY should be on every show, NOT High Voltage. I
would ask the WCW booking committee to please stop putting them TV. Unless of
course they’re prepared to rip off the Festrunk brothers, what with their extra
tight singlet that enhances their bulges. Then I can go for it, ONLY if it
means Kimberly is back on TV. Rock uses a series of armdrags on Kaos
(“whirleeburlee!” announces Dusty), and Grunge hits a short arm clothesline for
2. Rage takes a double clothesline, but a Kaos distraction lets the neon green
team take over. Butterfly suplex gets 2. Kaos nearly scores an upset with a
dropkick on Rock, but Grunge saves. Rage calls for some high flying, but he
misses a pretty good looking swanton bomb. Grunge comes in with the hot tag,
and runs High Voltage over. Drive By finishes at 4:58. This was about 4:58 too long for my liking, though Dusty
salvages it by trying to sing TPE’s theme song. *

HUGH MORRUS (with Jimmy Hart) vs. LEROY HOWARD

It should come as no
surprise that RON THE LEPRECHAUN
runs around the ring, because Dusty Rhodes is in the booth and he needs to
start squealing. And speaking of Dusty-isms, his calling of “The Laughing Man”
Leroy Howard gets a quality grin from me. The usual from Morrus, who refuses to
finish during the multiple times he has Howard down for the count, until he
hits No Laughing Matter at 2:06. DUD

THE STEINER BROTHERS vs. HARLEM HEAT (with Colonel
Robert Parker) (for the WCW world tag-team titles) (in the Prime Cuts Moo Match
of the Week)

Short edition this week,
as an early nWo promo (the Denver Post one), and Dungeon of Doom segment (the
intro to Braun the Leprechaun) chewed up a lot of time. And my reward, is my
9000th viewing of the Steiners and Harlem Heat in the last month,
none of which have produced any fruit for me to date. Dusty and Cruise discuss
the merits of keeping Larry Zbyszko off the program, which is a nice
distraction from the actual match. Stevie starts with Scott, which is a change
to the usual formula since Booker often starts. Scotty powerslams him, and
turns things over to Rick, who immediately locks on a chinlock. Stevie thumbs
the eyes, and has run through his move-set already, so he tags in Booker.
Booker tries a leapfrog, but gets powerslammed mid-air. He steps out for some
air from the Colonel, while Rick bites the bottom rope. Back in, Booker does
the spinaroonie and nails Scott with the Harlem sidekick. Scott doesn’t care
for that nonsense, and hits a pumphandle slam for 2. The Heat use questionable
tactics to take control back while the referee is tied up with a whiny Rick
Steiner, and a powerslam from Stevie gets 2. Sidewalk slam brings in Booker,
who hits a legdrop off the second rope for 2. He goes to the well a second time,
and misses the second rope headbutt – giving Scotty enough time to tag in Rick.
Rick and Booker wind up alone, and he hits the top rope bulldog, but as always
that draws in the Colonel for the DQ at 5:49.
Make it stop, PLEASE make it stop. *1/2

Chris Cruise promises
next week we’ll talk a lot more about the New World Order. So, basically, it’ll
be the same thing as Nitro. Dusty tells the nWo this is where the big boys
play, and offers up Chris Cruise if they have the guts to collect. PLEASE let
this happen! We’ll find out next week if my wish comes true.

So what did we learn this
week?

Hello CHRIS CRUISE and DUSTY RHODES – the worst two-man team this side of Mark Madden and
Stevie Ray! It’s all talk about War Games. Will anything that happens in the
ring tonight have any bearing on this? Seeing as how it probably taped in late
1994, probably not!

HIGH VOLTAGE vs. LOS GUERREROS

Robbie Rage is introduced
as “Ruckus” – so this puts it back at least 2-3 months. I love that the
Guerreros co-exist in a super family tag-team unit on the G-shows, but on any
relevant TV, they cannot acknowledge each other unless DDP is being a scum bag.
Dusty talks about the best athletes in WCW, and suggests that nobody should be
held back just because they have a famous name like Guerrero, or Rhodes. A
little bitterness there, Dust? Chavo nearly scores a pin on Rage, by hitting a
slingshot splash off an Eddie powerslam. Kaos beats down Eddie, but please do
not kid yourself. Rage hits a military slam, and vows to finish the Guerreros,
like an early template of JBL. Once he traded in the far too tight pink singlet
for a cowboy hat and GW parody, things got a lot better. Kaos backdrops Chavo,
and tries to keep him in the heel corner. An inverted Doomsday Device draws in
Eddie to save, and all hell breaks loose. Eddie hits the Rock Bottom on Kaos,
and Chavo finishes with a springboard moonsault for the pin at 6:36. *1/2

BIG BUBBER (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHIP MINTON

You’ll note that Jimmy
has NOT made good on his promise to prominently feature Bubba on his dress
wear. Despite this, Bubba remains loyal. We go through the usual, with the
Bossman straddle, followed by the baseball slide to the floor that sets up an
uppercut. He applies an STF, but rakes the eyes as he does it in a nice touch.
Big splash misses, and Minton throws elbows to the midsection to knock the air
out of the big man. A dropkick gives him a chance – but Bossman kicks out at 2
and gets right up to deliver a short clothesline. Lazy Pedigree variation (no
arm hook) sets up the Bossman Slam for the pin at 3:06. 1/2*

Do you like martial arts
demonstrations? Are you a fan of Mortal Kombat? Do you like dry ice? Would you
like to see all of this for another 6 consecutive months in 20 second quick
hits? Because, if so, I have news for you: GLACIER IS COMING!

SCOTT NORTON vs. MANNY FERNANDEZ

The presence of Manny
Fernandez has Dusty in a tizzy. Some of the readers on the Blog of Doom were
surprised to read that Manny was still active here – but this is actually a
different Manny Fernandez than the one who was involved with the NWA in the
early to mid-80’s. This one has the body of Colt Cabana, and the charisma of
Brie Bella. In fact, if he were a part of the WWE Super Card game that we’re
all playing (don’t pretend that you’re not), he’d be ranked somewhere between
Virgil and Tamina Snuka, and you’d simply get annoyed picking him up and
immediately use him to level up your Andre The Giant. Manny tries a springboard
something, but falls on his face, and Norton finishes him with the
shoulderbreaker at 2:04. DUD

KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. CHAD BROCK

Yes, the same Chad Brock
who would get booked in the Summer of Music for a prominent spot on Nitro,
along with KISS, and of course Master P’s No Limit Soldiers. We use him much
more effectively tonight, by finishing him fast with a double stomp at 0:51, and then send in RON THE LEPRECHAUN to give him rabies.
Mark Curtis gets a chomp too, while Dusty squeals in what he perceives to be
Leprechaun Speak. Everything about Braun the Leprechaun really needs to stop.

They air a “candid”
interview with Ric Flair. Flair talks about the fact he made millions over the
last 20 years as The Man, but even his ego never allowed him to believe he
could create his own “promotion”. Hogan never believed in what he did night
after night, the way Ric does. Concerning the beating Arn Anderson took, Flair
actually believed prior to the attack at the end of July, that the Horsemen and
nWo could work together. But the minute his best friend was attacked, it was
on. So now he understand they’re trying to take over WCW, and he’ll align with
Sting if he has to, because it’s best for the company.

JOE GOMEZ and JIM POWERS vs. ARN ANDERSON and
CHRIS BENOIT (in the Moo Match Prime Cuts Match of the Week)

Arn starts with Powers,
who actually won a match the day before, so Arn best tread carefully. He doesn’t
though, he’d rather do jumping jacks and laugh in the face of Powers for even
trying. Powers delivers the 10 punch count-a-long, and follows with an
enzuigiri. Crossbody block gets 2. Benoit comes in to try and slow Powers’
momentum down, but he gets run over. Benoit tries a backdrop, but gets stomped
in the face instead. Gomez tags in, and slams Benoit. Arn tags, but takes a
backdrop, and the Horsemen are reeling. Back to Benoit, who whips Gomez into
Arn Anderson’s awaiting arms and a cheap shot gives the power back. Head to the
buckle brings Arn back in, and he stomps on Gomez’s fingers and elbow which is
taped up and makes for an obvious target. Benoit can’t help but get his licks
in too. Gomez reaches for the tag, but Benoit keeps the ring cut off. Anderson
works the injured arm around the ropes, using them as a weapon. Gomez fights
loose, but Arn holds the leg and turns things back to Benoit. Gomez boots him
in the face, but Benoit gets up first and does the same, keeping the Desperado
down. Blind charge misses, and now Gomez is able to make the hot tag, but even
the canned heat barely reacts, which is funny because the fans actually appear
to be on their feet for the first time I remember in the history of this show.
Powers slams Benoit’s head to the buckle repeatedly, but misses a dropkick.
Benoit hits Powers with a dropkick to the back of the head, and finishes with
his new favorite submission hold, the 69, at 9:17. I honestly have NO idea what the wrestler is supposed to be
submitting to when Benoit holds him in that position, unless he’s aroused and
screaming “TEABAG OR TAP”. ***

Cruise promises us much
more with the Dungeon of Doom next week. On Prime? Wow, they’re hauling out the
big guns! Dusty wishes the nWo a big bah hum bug, and wraps.

WCW Prime is on the air – and the big question on everyone’s mind is whether or not Johnny B Badd is still in the opening credits? YES HE IS! Is he gearing up for a return as the 4th man? STAY TUNED!

DUSTY RHODES and CHRIS CRUISE are our hosts – no, you can’t have Mike Tenay, because you are NOT entitled to enjoy this show. Dusty talks about the Moo Match, but I won’t spoil it for you because it’s just that big. Also, after last week’s ridiculous joke of a main event, I also don’t want to get your hopes up.

SCOTT NORTON vs. TODD MORTON

Todd was last seen in action on WCW Main Event last Sunday. What, I don’t recap Main Event? Well, thankfully the WWE is not too ashamed to share classic matches with us, and CRZ was kind enough to link to it in the Worldwide thread.

For those new to the recaps, yes, that is “Ron” Braun The Leprechaun – the Dungeon of Doom’s oversized midget cannibal. He is unlikely to be the nWo’s fourth man, unless he is a Dungeon of Doom spy not unlike the Zodiac Man. Don’t rule it out, Hulk Hogan is devious. In a hilarious spot, Norton turns to talk trash to the camera, and Morton dropkicks him which Norton doesn’t even feel – and without missing a beat he finishes his sentence. Then he goes back to the task of flattening Morton like Super Mario in a castle coming face to face with a Thwomp. Shoulderbreaker wins at 2:31. 1/2*

SGT. CRAIG PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. THE GAMBLER

The Gambler is a moral man, who tries to avoid trickery whenever possible, relying on his mind. Pittman does not abide by this code, and attacks with Gambler’s back turned, behind the bell. Pittman throws karate chops to Gambler’s head – which is literally his moneymaker, but he’s resilient and kicks out. Fans chant USA which makes absolutely no sense here, while Gambler tries a German suplex. It hits, and he celebrates like he just raked a huge pot – but Pittman pops up because his head is cement and concussions don’t exist in 1996, and hits a belly to belly. A sad looking spear sets up Code Red, and the never ending Pittman G-level show push continues at 4:43. DUD

BILLY KIDMAN vs. DEAN MALENKO

Kidman’s coming off a major win on last week’s Prime, over Psychosis because WCW is racist. He then dropped a match to Chavo on Worldwide, so it’s about time Kidman tell us who he is. Is he a hot up and coming young Cruiserweight, or a heroin addict with a bad (and public) case of the herpes? Kidman tries for a monkey flip, but Malenko easily lands on his feet, and hits a backdrop suplex. They battle in a wristlock position, which Kidman uses to go Old School into a springboard rana for 2. Malenko fires back with a double underhook powerbomb for 2. A brainbuster should scramble Kidman’s circuits, but he still manages to kick out. Malenko figures what the hell, and goes to the fallaway slam, which sets up a guillotine into the bottom rope. Backbreaker is held in place for a little something extra, and once released we move to a leg grapevine. Kidman finally can’t stands no more, and Kidman hits a top rope crossbody for 2. Malenko tries to scoot back to his feet, but he takes a dropkick to the back of the head, and a springboard bulldog gets 2! Kidman climbs to Malenko’s shoulders, and gets slammed with ease. A gorilla press is used to hit a massive gutbuster, and a fireman’s carry into a crucifix gets the pin at 6:07. Looks like it’s a life of debauchery and petty crime for you, Kidman. ***

KURASAWA vs. KONAN (with Mexican Heavyweight title)

When Dusty says Kurasawa it comes out sounding like he’s an Arabic superstar named Chris Allah. The other Chris, Cruise swoons over the fact that Konan is the only man in history to hold both the US and Mexican titles at the same time. Of course, Cruise is NOT disclosing the fact that Konan is the ONLY man to have ever held the Mexican title, and this is as legitimate as the Million Dollar belt, but facts are facts I suppose. Kurasawa hits an overhead belly to belly for 2, before turning his attention to clawing Konan’s eyes out like he’s manhandling a bowling ball. That’s fair. Konan is still smarting from Woman’s shoe at Bash at the Beach, which makes this probably the most relevant edition of Prime that’s ever aired. Where’s the year old matches that I used to know? Kurasawa misses a top rope senton, and that turns the tide for crappy Konan, who wins with what Cruise calls the “Mexican Pretzel” at 4:33. 1/2*

“HACKSAW” JIM DUGGAN vs. BUDDY VALENTINE

Two straight weeks for the lovechild of Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes! They did a little more than wrestle in the old days, if you catch my drift.

Duggan asks for silence, so he can scream “USA” at the top his lungs. Again, what are you railing against Hacksaw? The only thing I see in the ring is the picture of Type 2 Diabetes, which the last time I checked was basically the modern day Tramp Stamp of American culture. A clothesline wins for Duggan at 1:59. Post-match, Valentine angrily throws a cheap shot, so Duggan whips out a roll of tape and clocks him with his rock hard fists. DUD

THE NASTY BOYS vs. STING and LEX LUGER (in the Moo Match Prime Cut Match of the Week)

Ok, this was taped in what appears to be February because there’s still blonde in Sting’s hair. A lot of fans these days are clamouring for a proper tag-team division within the WWE, but I really could have done WITHOUT one in WCW because I am sick to DEATH of the Nastys, Harlem Heat, American Males, Road Warriors, and ESPECIALLY Public Enemy. Unless we’re prepared to run the circuit with the Steiners, the Faces of Fear, and Men At Work V1.0, I’m done with tag-team wrestling. Saggs hits Luger with a powerslam, and he’s only saved by Sting who flies off the top. They trade off, and Sting dropkicks both Nastys to the floor, where they skulk around trying to regroup. Cruise describes Sting and Luger as “so better” in contrast to the Nastys. I bet they “make thanks” for the compliment. Saggs gives Sting a shoulderbreaker, and follows with a legdrop. Knobbs hits the big splash, but Sting kicks out at 2. Sting fires back with a Stinger Splash on Saggs, and goes to finish with the Deathlock but Knobbs saves. Luger’s in now, and everyone breaks down. That draws in the PUBLIC ENEMY for the stupid DQ at 5:11. Because lord knows we have to protect the NASTYS from doing a job. Luger and Sting are declared the winners for reasons that are not explained, and we jump to break before anything is resolved. *1/2

The announcers talk about the bad blood between these three teams. Errrr, do you guys WATCH any of the other programming? We don’t have time for these silly questions, because that’s a wrap – and that’s all I’ve got til WCW Saturday Night. It’s a full 2-hour edition this week, which means Mean Gene might have to do a wardrobe change! Don’t miss it.