Paul Diamond

So with the sad news of Lanny Poffo’s passing, a couple people recommended I review Hogan/Genius, given it was Poffo’s peak in the business- I figured I’d make a special short Friday Dream Matches column out of it, getting that and his one PPV match- The Genius vs. Brutus Beefcake from the 1990 Royal Rumble (with an all-time quip from Jesse Ventura)! Also I’ll toss in one of his last WWF bouts (in fact, I’m sure it’s his last TV match), as he teams up with his charges the Beverly Brothers against Max Moon & High Energy!

WWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
HULK HOGAN vs. THE GENIUS:
(WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event, Oct. 31st 1989)
* This is a bizarre one- a total mismatch featuring Hogan going up against the former “Leapin'” Lanny Poffo, a low-tier babyface with a penchant for acrobatic moves like the futuristic “Moonsault”, now reimagined as a mincing, effeminate heel (I’ve heard tell this was Lanny’s idea to avoid getting fired). Hulk Hogan and his cocainey best proclaims to Mean Gene that “if he’s so darn smart, how come he doesn’t know that mathematically, he can’t win, brother?” See, it turns out that the “three demandments” (training/prayer/vitamins), plus the 24 inch pythons, times the millions of Hulkamaniacs = Victory. Dang he’s as good at math as Steiner. Good diction too, as he sputters “POETIC PROWESS?!” at Mean Gene’s assertion. Then counters with a Longfellowian poem “Roses are red/violets are blue/the Hulkster’s a wrestler- Genius WHAT ARE YOU?!”.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a pretty spectacular bout from Mexico to lead off with, as all you nay-sayers shucking on El Dandy all the time will have to eat crow as he has an amazing, bloody Hair vs. Hair Match against El Satanico! I also take a look at a random WCW match, as the Road Warriors take on Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck in 1996. Also, my nightmare is your nightmare, as I subject you all to a SEVENTEEN MINUTE Ted DiBiase vs. Tatanka match, as the Million Dollar Man faces a green-ass Chris Chavis in a 1991 house show match that’s either a giant rib or a big test of what this kid can do (translation: nothing).

HAIR vs. HAIR MATCH:
EL DANDY vs. EL SATANICO:
(Empresa Mexicana De La Lucha Libre, Mexico, Dec. 16th 1990)
* This match is rated ****1/2 by the WON, so it seems to be El Dandy’s most jam-up match ever! I am completely unfamiliar with Satanico, but he’s been wrestling for a billion years and was about 37 here. His list of titles is as long as your arm, but I don’t know if any of these belts mean much- he’s the founder of the “Los Infernales” stable and Fandom says he’s one of the best trainers in Mexico. Dandy’s actually pretty muscular here (though he has a bad steroid belly), wearing long white tights, while Satanico has the same doughy pregnant physique El Dandy had in WCW seven years later, and he’s in a black singlet with flame designs on the legs. Satanico attacks El Dandy as soon as he hits the ring, smashing him into the post- he’s already busted open!

There’s something to be said when a guy is still talked about as a great “Shoulda-Been” almost 20 years after he stopped wrestling.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today, I have a very “2001 WCW” pairing, as a washed-up, immobile Lex Luger has to lead hot rookie Sean O’Haire through a match! Then I check out some Rockers/Orient Express stuff… but 3-4 years before their WWF feuds, as it’s Badd Company vs. The Midnight Rockers in the AWA! Come see the double-teams and a very young Shawn & Marty, as well as their “infuriated Southern babyface” energy! Then it’s not one, but TWO matches of High Energy versus the Beverly Brothers! I can barely contain my excitement!

LEX LUGER vs. SEAN O’HAIRE:
(WCW Nitro, 3/5/2001)
* I decided to try and find more old Sean O’Haire stuff to see if the wild potential we’d all guessed for him was actually there in the first place. So naturally the first thing I found is a 2001 Lex Luger match, lol. At this point, O’Haire was getting a lot of hype online- with a FANTASTIC look (check that 2001-era spiky hair and chin beard!) and Jeff Hardy’s Swanton, he seemed supernatural and like a “sure thing”. Here he’s in shiny black shorts with blue fire on them, while Lex is in the same-old black trunks. The two are about the same size, which is part of why O’Haire seemed so awesome- if he was in AEW today, he’d be near Lance Archer’s height and would be flipping and flying around.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for another edition of Prime Time Wrestling.  Monsoon announces that Sergeant Slaughter is the new WWF champion.

Taped from Las Vegas, NV

Airdate: April 9, 1988 (taped 3/19)

Attendance: 1,500

Hosted by Larry Nelson, Ron Trongard, & Lee Marshall

Can the Midnight Rockers avenge their previous loss to Badd Company? Let’s turn it up and find out!

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are calling the action, still broadcasting from Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper are in the booth, still broadcasting from Indianapolis, Indiana.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in charge of studio duties.

The Tito Santana-Rick Martel match from Wrestling Challenge airs.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for another episode.  Heenan says he cannot wear his suits anymore because he never knows when the Big Bossman is coming after him.

The British Bulldog’s debut from Superstars is shown.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in charge of commentary, beginning a new television taping in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.  According to thehistoryofwwe.com, this taping took place on October 10.

Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper are in the booth, concluding the taping cycle in Toledo, Ohio.

The Legion of Doom’s squash from Prime Time Wrestling starts the telecast.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in charge of the studio for tonight’s show.  Heenan says he knows nothing about Battle Kat but knows that the Big Bossman’s mother used to wrestle as “Battle Sow.”

Battle Kat’s debut on Wrestling Challenge is the first bout on the show.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are doing commentary, still taped in Flint, Michigan.

Make sure to vote for your nominations for the Doomies.  Nomination poll closes on Sunday at midnight.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for tonight’s show.

Make sure to vote for the Doomies.  Nomination period ends on Sunday at midnight.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are doing commentary, kicking off a television taping in Flint, Michigan.  According to thehistoryofwwe.com, the taping took place on September 19.

Welcome back for more Dream Matches! This time we got to a sorta-request- a PPV match between Brock Lesnar & Rob Van Dam! Then a powerhouse bout between Scott Norton and the One Man Gang from 1996 WCW! Also, more of Freddie Joe Floyd, as he takes on a post-KOTR Steve Austin in 1996 WWF! More of High Energy, as they fight the jobber due of Barry Horowitz & Kato! The Powers of Pain in WCW as the Super Assassins against JTTS duo the State Patrol! And finally, we get the all-time greatest dream match of all: THE BEVERLY BROTHERS vs. DISORDERLY CONDUCT! Can WCW Saturday Night contain that level of star powers? Read on!

2002 KING OF THE RING FINAL:
BROCK LESNAR (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. ROB VAN DAM:
(6/23/02)
* So someone recommended I review the Vengeance match between these two, but it’s not on YouTube I think- but hey! Another KOTR match! This is the Finals to 2002’s show, during the Year of Lesnar’s Mega-Push. This tourney led to Steve Austin temporarily quitting as well as Chris Jericho turning on the IWC, ripping on fans for giving his RVD match on this same show only ***1/2 or so. Something like “If you don’t like this, then you’ll never like anything we ever give you” because he had an elevated opinion of that bout. Brock’s in black trunks and looks like absolute MONEY with that huge, bulky muscular physique, while RVD’s in great tiger-striped tights.

Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are in the booth, still broadcasting from Omaha, Nebraska.

The Legion of Doom squash from Prime Time Wrestling begins the show.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are doing their usual studio duties for tonight’s telecast.

High Energy AND Max Moon! In one match! It’s the most 1992 thing in wrestling!

Here’s an extra Dream Matches column for the week! Mainly because I had an extra couple of Steiners/Fire & Ice matches to post, plus I found this other bizarre one- a rare Genius match from 1992… AND a Max Moon appearance! In the same match! These would be posted MONTHS apart if I did the usual thing, so I give a little extra this week. I also threw in a short Giant/Ice Train match from the same time.

MAX MOON & HIGH ENERGY (Owen Hart & Koko B. Ware) vs. THE GENIUS & THE BEVERLY BROTHERS (Beau & Blake)
(Dec. 7th 1992)
* Wow, now THIS is a weird one. The Genius in a rare 1992 wrestling appearance, along with the short-lived Max Moon teaming up with fellow high-fliers Owen & Koko! The Genius is ultra-pasty in his black jobber trunks. Monsoon jokes about the twelve Hart children before the match, “Stu was certainly busy, wasn’t he?”, cracking up Lord Alfred.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan host tonight’s program, weighing in on how Hulk Hogan will handle getting back into the ring at SummerSlam.

The Legion of Doom’s debut on Wrestling Challenge is shown.  Heenan admits that they will be a tough team for anyone to beat.