Matt Striker — page 5

Another new intro, this time set to Marilyn Manson’s This Is The New Shit. Weird choice of song, not only was it four years old by this point and heavily censored (ARE YOU MOTHERblubblubs READY FOR THE NEW blubHIT?) but the themes of the song & album were about how everything had been done before and nothing was new (including Manson, who turned to shite after this) which is sending mixed messages for the brand with old ECW guys and the dudes Smackdown didn’t want. Manson’s a good metaphor for ECW, great in 1997 but damaged goods after 2001.

Sorry for the lateness of this getting posted, got invited to go to a tattoo convention and spent the day planning a Simpsons design. It’s still between Groundskeeper Willie as Freddy Kruger or Bret Hart (with OLD MAN SMELL writing underneath). Anyway, back to ECW on Sci-Fi as things are about to become very interesting on-screen and off for all the wrong reasons.

One Night Stand 2007 was last Sunday so in relevant news:

Rob Van Dam surprisingly beat Randy Orton in a stretcher match which would end up being RVD’s last match for WWE for several years. RVD sold a concussion as if he was drunk for most of the match so he could keep up with Orton’s pace. After dangerously flubbing a dive outside, RVD punched Orton a few times and rolled him across the finishing line.

We’re in (not named), One Night Stand: A Night of Extreme Rules is this Sunday and here’s Raw’s Randy Orton! Dramatic MV covers Orton concussing HBK with The Punt at Judgement Day. RVD claimed Orton lacked respect so Orton punted him too. I always like when feuds segue-way into other feuds. RVD decided to plant himself head-first on the RKO too because he’s Rob Points At Self Van Points At Self Dam Spin-Kick Pose To Crowd.

We’re in Des Moines, Iowa and we’re two weeks away from One Night Stand. Judgement Day was last Sunday and you’re already plugging the next one? I’m glad they eventually narrowed it down to only Extreme Rules after Wrestlemania. Speaking of which, in relevant matches from Judgement Day:

We start with Armando threatening Lashley and tells him if he lays a finger on him, he’s arrested. Lashley shoves his wheelchair into a wall and tells the police ”well, looks like you guys have to arrest me.”

At Backlash, Vince McMahon won the ECW Title in a handicap match from Bobby Lashley. I remember this annoying a lot of people, even in the yeah-I’m-a-smark-and-read-the-pre-taped-results-and-watch-the-show-anyway crowd were up in arms about the DISRESPECT TO ECW’S LEGACY so well done Vince.

This is the episode after Wrestlemania 23 so let’s have a quick look at the relevant bits: ECW on Sci-Fi’s CM Punk was involved in the Money In The Bank opener but ended up being the guy Ken Kennedy bashed off a ladder to win the briefcase. Some stuff happened with Kennedy’s MITB, but he’s not in ECW so fuck him.

Recap of Vince picking Umaga for the Battle of The Billionaires and Trump choosing Lashley. It made sense from a storyline perspective as Vince was messing with ECW, even though Vince’s issue was with the old guys from the original company. So I guess what I’m trying to say is Trump should have chosen The Sandman.

Tonight it’s OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE Lashley vs. Holly again. Lashley’s beaten him three consecutive times but he gets another title shot. Oh and it’s in a Steel Cage because adding Ranch to stale bread makes it edible.

edit: well I don’t know what’s happened here but the GIFs and images aren’t showing. Bare with me.

edit 2: I’m using Chrome like I always do and I can’t see anything, ditto on Firefox. Apparently some can see this on other browsers, I’m not doing anything different than normal so I’ve no idea.

We’re in Seattle, Wa. (waaaaah?) and Lashley starts the show to a booming reaction. It’s Extreme Rules and he’s wrestling…Holly? Not Snitsky then, the guy who attacked him last week? Aye well OK then.

Sorry about no recap last week, went up to Glasgow for ICW’s biggest ever show and due to bad management I had no time to watch an episode of a C-show from nearly ten years ago. Er I mean ”in the spirit of the original ECW I decided to take the show off the air for a week due to the controversy of er…Sandman smoking indoors. Yeah that’ll work.”

When we last joined ECW, Test earned a title shot against Lashley by losing to Lashley.

Because Test interfered in the RVD vs. Lashley main event last week, the main event tonight is RVD vs. Lashley vs. Test. His punishment is getting a title shot?

We start with a dramatic re-telling of Show vs. RVD from last week but even Martin Scorsese would have his work cut out here. The Gimme Shelter-less package reminds us RVD pinned Show so he’s earned a title shot. Will he get it? Click the link to find out and see some GIFs.

It’s a Double Main Event tonight as we get The Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam plus The Sandman vs. Matt Striker in a Singapore Cane On A Pole Match.

The Cane match is opening the show so you know it’s a big deal. It’s like Wrestlemania X.

Tonight it’s EXTREEEME TITTIES as we get ready for ECW Strip Poker. WWE did a better job of hyping this segment than anything else on the show, they may as well have had Lex Luger drive his Express around the country shouting ”Get ready for tits!” out the window. Because posting screenshots of women in their bikinis gets Scott into trouble with the site hosts, here’s the presenter instead:

”I promise you one of these Divas WILL get naked” Balls Mahoney tells us, right before auditioning for the role of Fagin in a Philly Production of Oliver Twist.

We’re in Arkansa and we have The Sandman & Sabu vs. The Big Show & Matt Striker. Oh.

We’re in Tulsa, Oklahoma and our main event is The Sandman vs. Big Show. That’s out of nowhere, like the rest of the headline feuds on this program as WWE juggles Show as both a world-beater and a large arse for Vince to be thrown in.