ladder match

We’re in Houston, Texas and Josh Mathews is starting the show so you’d better bring some rope to tie yourself to your chair in case you fall off with excitement.

We start with a dramatic re-telling of Show vs. RVD from last week but even Martin Scorsese would have his work cut out here. The Gimme Shelter-less package reminds us RVD pinned Show so he’s earned a title shot. Will he get it? Click the link to find out and see some GIFs.

Sorry about the delay, went travelling to see Chikara and forgot time causes days to change. Eddie Kingston attacked me so it was worth it.

Due to Rob Van Dam causing a no-contest in last week’s Kurt Angle vs. Sabu match, tonight we are cruelly teased with a three-way ladder match to declare the number one contender to Big Show’s ECW Title. Sure enough, Heyman tells us two days ago Angle tore his groin (yet was still able to win the match) and as such has been medically suspended. It must have been a groin pull the likes of which you’ve never seen before in your life.

So instead it’s Sabu vs. RVD in a ladder match. I’ve included that match twice in Botchamania and could probably do play-by-play with my eyes closed. Then again, it’s not hard typing ”and they fuck something else up” a dozen times.

The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 02.05.14 Christ, even Microsoft Word is nagging me about the “no double spaces after a period” thing. Why is this suddenly the cause celebre among internet nerds and grammar nazis? Where were all these people when I learned to type that way TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO? Trust me, there’s literally no way I’m going to be able to retrain my fingers not to do it now, so everyone can please leave me alone about it forever. DOUBLE SPACE. Taped from Orlando, FL Your hosts are Bryon Saxton, Tensai & Tom Phillips Sin Cara v. Alexander Rusev So with Rusev on his way to the main roster, along with Summer Rae going to Total Divas, and Emma doing whatever the fuck she’s doing now, the roster is getting a bit gutted and hopefully some quick elevations will be in order. Kind of weird that Hunico just kind of switches gimmicks now after weeks of being himself. Rusev overpowers him, but a bit of high-flying turns the tide, until Rusev dropkicks him right out of the air for one. He stomps Cara down in the corner and puts him down with a high kick for two. Sin Cara comes back with a crossbody for two and springboard elbow for two. He tries a victory roll and Rusev drops him on his face and finishes with the Accolade at 4:44, however. Usual Rusev squash, although Hunico shows more personality in the role than Mistico ever did. *1/2 Emma v. Alicia Fox This Emma title chase has been stalled for a while now with Paige injured with a mysterious ailment for months. Alicia Fox is not into the Emma Dance, and dropkicks her off a wristlock. Emma comes back with the Dilemma hold, but Alicia gets a northern lights suplex for two. Emma gets a clumsy rollup for two and splashes Alicia in the corner, then rolls into the EmmaLock to finish at 3:15. *1/2 Now logically they should put the belt on her when Paige returns, but now she’s on the big roster and thus it’s pointless. And then as Emma is celebrating, the BFFs storm in for a beatdown, until Natalya and Bayley save and then dance. Sylvester Lefort v. Mason Ryan Lefort looks like a guy who would get pushed in the system, so he must be pretty terrible if they’re keeping him as a manager. Unshockingly, Ryan destroys him and pins him with a cobra slam at 0:50. Well that was a tad pointless. DUD Meanwhile, Aiden English gives us a monologue and salutes Canada in song. *Sniff* Meanwhile, Lefort swears revenge on Mason Ryan. Now, if they’re going with the old Robert Parker angle from WCW, it’ll lead to him finding a Sid Vicious-level surprise monster and getting his payback. And given that Dusty Rhodes was booking WCW at the time, it might not be far off. Aiden English v. Tyson Kidd Thankfully English is getting over more as a heel now that the fans know how to react to him. Kidd charges and misses quickly, and English pounds him down for two. Backdrop suplex gets two. Kidd comes back with a headscissors into the corner and a dropkick for two. English catches him coming in with a suplex for two, but Big Cass joins us at ringside for the distraction, allowing Kidd to hit the Blockbuster for the pin at 2:40. Really fast-paced for the time given. **1/4 They really need to do something with Kidd; even a high flying tag team with someone to feud with the Ascension would be a good dynamic for him. Adrian Neville v. Corey Graves The skinny jeans and hair product are really killing the bad boy image that Graves is trying for. Neville gets a hiptoss and Graves bails right away, but catches him with a cheapshot coming in. Neville takes him down with a headlock and tosses him, following with a dive as we take a break. Back with Graves working the leg in the corner and dropping elbows for two. Neville gets a rollup for two, but Graves dropkicks the knee for two and dragon whips him for two. Back to the knee and he grinds on that for a while, and a backbreaker gets two. To the floor, where Neville escapes a piledriver and makes the comeback. Missile dropkick gets two, but the leg is still hurting and Graves clips him again. Neville fights him off and goes up, and the Red Arrow finishes at 16:10. Kind of a flat finish, but a really solid match. *** Neville is still hurting, so Bo Dallas comes out to finish the job, until HHH cuts them off by announcing that their match at the “PPV” is going to be a ladder match. DUN DUN DUN! The Pulse Basic, fun show, although it’s the end of the cycle so there wasn’t much going on this week. Next week, however, should be the senses-shattering debut of rock god ADAM ROSE, which is apparently 10 shades of awesome.