Kato

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are calling today’s action, still broadcasting from Springfield, Massachusetts.

Vince McMahon, Roddy Piper, and Mr. Perfect are on commentary, taped from New Haven, Connecticut.  McMahon announces that Hulk Hogan regained the WWF Championship but WWF President Jack Tunney has an announcement to make about the title switch later.  Piper warns Perfect against interfering in any of his matches like Ric Flair has done against Hogan.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in the booth, concluding the tapings in Dayton, Ohio.

Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper are doing commentary, concluding the tapings from Rochester, New York.  McMahon tells fans that Randy Savage’s appeal of his retirement to WWF President Jack Tunney have failed and that, in response, Savage trashed Tunney’s office.

Jamison hears a radio announcement in Bobby Heenan’s dressing room that six “deranged lunatics” have escaped from the Stanford Sanitarium and have escaped on a yellow bus.

Sean Mooney, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Gene Okerlund are shown blowing up balloons for Randy Savage’s bachelor party.  They are tired and complaining that Heenan, who organized the party, has not done any setup work.  Gorilla Monsoon hauls Heenan onto the set, which has no audience.  Koko B. Ware, the Bushwhackers, and Jamison show up, with the Bushwhackers bringing a long sub sandwich.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I have a pretty spectacular bout from Mexico to lead off with, as all you nay-sayers shucking on El Dandy all the time will have to eat crow as he has an amazing, bloody Hair vs. Hair Match against El Satanico! I also take a look at a random WCW match, as the Road Warriors take on Dick Slater & Bunkhouse Buck in 1996. Also, my nightmare is your nightmare, as I subject you all to a SEVENTEEN MINUTE Ted DiBiase vs. Tatanka match, as the Million Dollar Man faces a green-ass Chris Chavis in a 1991 house show match that’s either a giant rib or a big test of what this kid can do (translation: nothing).

HAIR vs. HAIR MATCH:
EL DANDY vs. EL SATANICO:
(Empresa Mexicana De La Lucha Libre, Mexico, Dec. 16th 1990)
* This match is rated ****1/2 by the WON, so it seems to be El Dandy’s most jam-up match ever! I am completely unfamiliar with Satanico, but he’s been wrestling for a billion years and was about 37 here. His list of titles is as long as your arm, but I don’t know if any of these belts mean much- he’s the founder of the “Los Infernales” stable and Fandom says he’s one of the best trainers in Mexico. Dandy’s actually pretty muscular here (though he has a bad steroid belly), wearing long white tights, while Satanico has the same doughy pregnant physique El Dandy had in WCW seven years later, and he’s in a black singlet with flame designs on the legs. Satanico attacks El Dandy as soon as he hits the ring, smashing him into the post- he’s already busted open!

Sean Mooney and Bobby Heenan are this evening’s hosts.  Heenan has a tennis racquet, claiming to have been at Wimbledon as a guest of Queen Elizabeth II.

The Battle Royal: in an era of jobber vs. jobber matches making up almost all TV wrestling, this iwas the only way to get to see a TON of big stars in one place!

It’s another Dream Matches column! This time I find a Battle Royal from 1992 with a very unexpected victor! A 40-man battle royal with an incredible SEVENTEEN jobbers getting paydays, and extended runs by guys like Kato and a beyond-done Texas Tornado! Read on!

I also find some disparate stuff- Crush vs. Damian Demento from a 1992 WWF Mania, as I find an incredible smorgasbord of horrible low-grade matches on that program! Essa Rios vs. Jeff Hardy from 2000, as the Hardyz push REALLY starts to get in gear and “Team Extreme” is ready to form! WCW midcard glory as Glacier faces Lash Leroux! Then it’s a request, as we see a very young MIKE AWESOME in late ’80s WCW, as he faces the “Z-Man” Tom Zenk! And finally, some throwaway lucha stuff as Juventud Guerrera & Super Calo face Silver King & El Dandy in a match that ends in a REAL mess of miscommunication!

BATTLE ROYAL:
(Bret Hart, The British Bulldog, Sgt. Slaughter, Rick “The Model” Martel, “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, I.R.S., The Nasty Boys, “El Matador” Tito Santana, “Texas Tornado” Kerry Von Erich, Virgil, High Energy, Skinner, The Beverly Brothers, The Berzerker, Kato, Jim Powers, Barry Horowitz, Jumping Jim Brunzell, Duane Gill, Joe Milano, Rick Johnson, John/Tom Star, J.K. Goodman, Chico Martinez, Bob Bradley, Bruce Mitchell, Bob Knight, Terry Davis, Joe McMullen, Al Tucker, Barry Hardy, Nick Danger, Scott Palontonio?)
(WWF Prime Time, July 6th 1992)
* Okay, so while Scott Keith HATES Battle Royals, I LOVE them. I mean, in an era where your weekly main event was like Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Koko B. Ware, seeing THIRTY GUYS in one match? That was incredible! Plus it was fun to see guys go out almost in the exact order of importance. This one’s a real mish-mash of the most “1992” acts possible, including Kato as a singles act, the Beverlies, High Energy & Skinner. I don’t recognize most of the seventeen (!) jobbers, but there’s a pudgy short guy in a red singlet who is AMAZINGLY bad-looking, and Johnson is some huge, ripped dude. Bruce & Bob look like a tag team in matching black tights & white boots. LOL some asshole fan on the right is grabbing all the babyfaces by the arm and not letting go, resulting in a bunch of dudes (Virgil, Kerry) spinning around, probably giving him an earful.

Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan are in the booth, starting a new taping cycle from Syracuse, New York.  According to thehistoryofwwe.com, the tapings took place on November 20.

Welcome back for more Dream Matches! This time we got to a sorta-request- a PPV match between Brock Lesnar & Rob Van Dam! Then a powerhouse bout between Scott Norton and the One Man Gang from 1996 WCW! Also, more of Freddie Joe Floyd, as he takes on a post-KOTR Steve Austin in 1996 WWF! More of High Energy, as they fight the jobber due of Barry Horowitz & Kato! The Powers of Pain in WCW as the Super Assassins against JTTS duo the State Patrol! And finally, we get the all-time greatest dream match of all: THE BEVERLY BROTHERS vs. DISORDERLY CONDUCT! Can WCW Saturday Night contain that level of star powers? Read on!

2002 KING OF THE RING FINAL:
BROCK LESNAR (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. ROB VAN DAM:
(6/23/02)
* So someone recommended I review the Vengeance match between these two, but it’s not on YouTube I think- but hey! Another KOTR match! This is the Finals to 2002’s show, during the Year of Lesnar’s Mega-Push. This tourney led to Steve Austin temporarily quitting as well as Chris Jericho turning on the IWC, ripping on fans for giving his RVD match on this same show only ***1/2 or so. Something like “If you don’t like this, then you’ll never like anything we ever give you” because he had an elevated opinion of that bout. Brock’s in black trunks and looks like absolute MONEY with that huge, bulky muscular physique, while RVD’s in great tiger-striped tights.

“You know the Texas Tornado’s the only guy I know who can hide his own Easter eggs?”.
-Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich

WWF SUMMERSLAM SPECTACULAR 1991:
* Did you ever know that the Orient Express once had ALL THREE members fighting in a match at the same time? I sure didn’t! Yet here it is tonight! I’m oddly more excited for that than anything else on here- another prelude to a big PPV, in this case being SummerSlam ’91. Also up: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter for the WWF Title! Hawk vs. Brian Knobbs! Bret Hart vs. The Barbarian! Virgil versus a mystery man of Ted DiBiase’s choosing!

Vince makes a timely Annette Funnicello reference (who in their target audience would get THAT?) and Bobby Heenan’s in a ridiculous early ’90s “beach bum” get-up. Some douchebag fan has a whistle and they blow that sucker REPEATEDLY at certain points during the show.

The Nasty Boys: The Rocksteady & Bebop of the wrestling industry.