Kama

Still the most bitching entrance in wrestling history, probably.

I think it was Scott Keith who mentioned that WCW had such a bad PR department that they had a man dresses as a giant skeleton who hit people with chairs and then danced atop the chairs, yet failed to market him to children. And that anyone who failed in such a thing had no business promoting ANYTHING, much less wrestling.

So on that note, we have a new Dream Matches column, this time showcasing what Scott’s talking about as La Parka is set up as one of Goldberg’s many victims! Also more of the Best of Ice Train, as he and fellow “forgotten big guy” Roadblock fight on the D-show! Then one of the all-time lowest-tier matches ever, as the former “Squire” Dave Taylor fights MEAN MIKE of Disorderly Conduct! Also, a pair of 1995 WWF matches, as Bam Bam & Henry Godwinn take on Ted DiBiase’s teams- first Tatanka & Kama, then Sid & Kama, in successive B-shows. Good ol’ 1995 WWF! If you think any shows TODAY suck, take a look at ’95!

Then we end things with me looking at Mid-South of all things, as my search for One Man Gang matches sees him teaming with Ravishing Rick Rude against Bruiser Brody and the Missing Link… with the latter two being BABYFACES! Oh, and also a request, as Dustin Rhodes faces Bobby Eaton, with both guys being totally washed up in the dying days of WCW.

WCW US TITLE:
BILL GOLDBERG vs. LA PARKA:
(WCW Nitro, June 1st 1998)
* This is an epic one- La Parka is beloved online, but to WCW he was just a chair-wielding jobber, so here he is to be sacrificed to Goldberg on a Nitro in Washington, DC. And HOLY SHIT is Goldberg over, with the full regalia, fireworks and his bitching theme song and everything. And he hits the ring like a twitchy madman and the fans are going nuts already.

Mabel vs. Savio Vega ending a PPV. This was so bad it feels like a hard-boiled noir detective should be doing narration over it.

KING OF THE RING QUALIFYING MATCHES (1995):
* Back for more King of the Ring Qualifiers- technically still part of my “Dream Matches” column, haha. And with a special edition of everyone’s favorite wrestling standby: FANTASY REBOOKING!!

This year’s King of the Ring was very well-represented on YouTube. This is the most infamously bad tournament in history, which is hilarious, as “on paper” it looks to be the biggest one ever- while most tourneys are foregone conclusions or are full of mid-level guys, this one had Lex, Owen, Razor, Shawn and even the UNDERTAKER wrestling, with a ton of matches having equal stars. So the disaster that was the ’95 KOTR is a true epic. Come watch as the long national nightmare of Savio Vega in a prominent role begins, plus how NOT to create a new Monster Heel.

Previous tournaments re-legitimized ex-champion Bret Hart and gave credibility to Owen for his feud with Bret. A third tournament could either legitimize another would-be champion (Shawn Michaels, in this case), or set up a challenger for Diesel, who’s coming out of a feud with Psycho Sid. It looks like Bob Holly beating Mantaur is not on YouTube, but I found the rest.

MABEL (w/ Mo) vs. ADAM BOMB:
(WWF In Your House, May 14th)
* This was a strange decision- putting the first KOTR Qualifier on the first-ever In Your House PPV as a throwaway bout. Mabel had just recently turned heel, while Bomb was spinning his wheels as a directionless babyface after splitting with Harvey Whippleman last year. Bomb’s in the red & yellow gear as usual (he only briefly wore other colors), while Mabel’s in black & purple.

And it’s time for more Dream Matches- this one actually featuring a GOOD match! Sabu vs. The Lightning Kid! LIGHTNING FOOT in the WWF! And a weird 2007 6-Man Tag with DOINK of all people in a WWF ring with Kane & Eugene as partners. Ric Flair versus a jobber luchador, and one of the laziest Indie Show matches you will ever witness.

A reminder that WWF-owned videos are not kosher to post here- these are all on YouTube, however.

SABU (w/ Oliver Humperdink) vs. THE LIGHTNING KID:
(NWA Grandslam ’93)
* Yes, this is one of the famous indie tape-trader dreams, featuring Sean Waltman (pre-1-2-3 Kid) versus SABU. Sabu, in pink Prince of Persia pants, goes after the announcer before the match to play off his “crazy person” gimmick, while the Kid, in his WWF gear with “L. Kid” printed on his ass, looks like a 14-year old.

–A video package hypes today’s Savio Vega-Bob Backlund main event.  Savio says that he is going to put spice on Backlund’s chicken wing, whatever that means.

–Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, and Bob Backlund are doing commentary and they are taped from Salisbury, Maryland.

–Vince McMahon recaps Shawn Michaels collapsing on last week’s show, taking the chance to remind fans that bad things can happen inside of the squared circle.

–McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are still in Richmond, Virginia.

–A video package shows the outcome of the Smoking Gunns-Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid match at In Your House 4 and how the Kid apologized to the Gunns later.  Razor and the Kid warn the Gunns that they are coming after them in today’s rematch.

–Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, and Jim Ross are today’s broadcasters and this is the third of four taped episodes from Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.

–Todd Pettengill recaps Ahmed Johnson slamming Yokozuna on last week’s show and hypes tonight’s big contests.

–Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix are tonight’s commentary team and they are still in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada.

–Vince McMahon recaps parts of In Your House 4, noting how WWF Champion Diesel and Bret Hart brawled at the end of the show and how Razor Ramon became a four-time Intercontinental champion.

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are live from Brandon, Manitoba, Canada.  According to thehistoryofwwe.com, the tapings drew 2,000 fans.

–Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, and Jim Ross are calling today’s action and they are still in Valparaiso, Indiana and on the campus of Valparaiso University.

–Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, and Jim Ross are doing commentary and they are live from Saginaw, Michigan.  Lawler predicts that Owen Hart will become the new Intercontinental Champion, while Ross predicts that Yokozuna will win the Intercontinental title.

–Vince McMahon recaps how Henry Godwinn has been on a “slopping spree” in recent weeks and chronicles his battles with the Million Dollar Corporation.

–McMahon, Jerry Lawler, and Jim Ross are in the booth and concluding the tapings in Erie, Pennsylvania.

–Clips of the end of last week’s British Bulldog-Razor Ramon match are shown, along with the 1-2-3 Kid’s challenge to Razor Ramon for a match on tonight’s show.

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are concluding the tapings in Canton, Ohio.  This is our last RAW before In Your House 3.

–A video package recaps Hakushi’s recent problems with Skip and hypes their match on today’s show.

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are calling the action and they are taped from Erie, Pennsylvania.  In a weird taping quirk, most of the September Superstars tapings took place in Erie except for the September 9 episode, which was taped in Canton, Ohio along with several Monday Night RAW episodes.

–Vince McMahon recaps the events of the Shawn Michaels-Razor Ramon ladder match at SummerSlam and how Sid looks to “tear down the Heartbreak Hotel” tonight while Ramon faces the newly turned British Bulldog.

–To kick off the “new fall season” of Monday Night RAW the company abandons the intro that RAW used for the better part of two and half years and replaces it with an introduction of wrestlers battling on the top of Titan Towers in Connecticut.  The highlight is Shawn Michaels dancing atop a platform and then diving on top of Kama.  Later footage from this opening would be used for D-Generation X’s Titantron video in 1997.

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are live from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  McMahon announces that 18,062 fans are in attendance, setting a record for the Pittsburgh Civic Arena.  According to thehistoryofwwe.com, this was the reported attendance figure with 17,000 of those fans paying to attend the show.

–Footage of the end of RAW where Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels had an altercation after Ramon saved Michaels from a beatdown at the hands of Sid.

–Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix are doing commentary and they are kicking off a new set of tapings in Portland, Maine.  According to the historyofwwe.com the tapings drew a crowd of 4,683 fans.

–A video package recaps last week’s tag team title match between Owen Hart & Yokozuna and Razor Ramon & Savio Vega.  Also, WWF Champion Diesel and Sir Mo cut dueling promos against each other for their match, with Diesel saying that he is going to welcome Mo to the “castle of coolness.”

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are concluding the tapings in Louisville, Kentucky.

–Vince McMahon hypes today’s Shawn Michaels-Skip main event.

–McMahon and Dok Hendrix are in the booth and they are taped from Evansville, Indiana.

–A poor knock off of the Monday Night Football theme plays us in with a chorus of “In Your House, In Your House, tonight!”

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are in the booth, both dressed in country music-like attire, and they are live from Nashville, Tennessee.

–Irwin R. Schyster and Shawn Michaels cut dueling promos against each other for tonight’s main event, with Michaels saying that he is going to do what lots of Americans want to do in slapping around the tax man.

–Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are doing commentary and they are concluding the tapings in Danville, Pennsylvania.