Super World Sports – Tokyo Ryogoku Kokugikan 06/07/91
The one with Tenryu getting his revenge on Haku!
The only Big Fat Heels I’ve never heard of- the Colossal Kongs! And HARLEY RACE was their manager! While he was managing Vader!
Welcome back to the final Dream Matches column of 2021! And true to form, I fill it with Big Fat Guy matches! This week, we’ll be taking a look at a request that netted me TWO bizarre matches- bouts featuring the Colossal Kongs! First, we see the pair of rotund near-clones as they take on two of the Four Horsemen- Arn Anderson & Paul Roma! Then we see one in a strange JTTS match against Ric Flair of all people, as Flair tries to use his “Broomstick TV Match” template on a hopeless obesitron!
Then take another look at mid-90s Nitro mishmash bouts as Lord Steven Regal takes on a young, masked Juventud Guerrera! And we see Freddie Joe Floyd for one final time, as I’ve run out of matches of his- here he teams up with Barry Horowitz as the “Elite Jobber” team up against… the Headbangers! Yes, Freddie Joe Floyd and the Headbangers interacted! How’s THAT for a wacky “Dream Match you never knew you needed”?! Then watch the strange circumstances of WCW boldly hiring away ECW’s 911 only to use him as a piece of shit jobber, taking on Ice Train on the D-show! And then it’s a glorious Fat Guy Dream Team as the One Man Gang teams up with John Tenta against the Armstrong Brothers… sadly, it’s Tenta as The Shark, but still! This would have been a mega-team in 1990!
THE COLOSSAL KONGS (Awesome Kong & King Kong, w/ Col. Rob Parker) vs. ARN ANDERSON & PAUL ROMA:
(WCW, Oct. 24th 1993)
* Shockingly, the Kongs are a pair of Big Fat Heels I’ve NEVER HEARD OF, but were apparently in WCW for a little bit. They debuted separately, but looked similar enough that they were eventually paired up, but neither ever became anything. Rob Parker is subbing for Harley Race, said to be busy with Vader at the moment. Awesome Kong is the hairier one of the two. And they’re taking on two of the Four Horsemen, which at this point features infamous failed star Paul Roma. Roma’s in long white tights and Arn’s in manly powder-blue trunks.
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, I lead off with what is probably Blitzkrieg’s best match ever, as he takes on Juventud Guerrera on PPV. More Hossery as the Faces of Fear take on the Giant Jobber Division of Ron Studd & John Tenta at the same time! Then it’s a rare look at the 1-2-3 Kid in a JTTS match, as Damien “I was NOT a JOBBER!” DeMento takes him on! And I found one of Lash LeRoux’s early matches, up against a “long since stopped giving a fuck” Roadblock. And finally, my “King of the Ring Qualifying Matches” series continues, but with the only two bouts I could find on YouTube. No idea why 1993 & 1995 are there in their near-entirety, but this one only has a couple.
JUVENTUD GUERRERA vs. BLITZKRIEG:
(WCW Spring Stampede, 4/11/1999)
* Here’s another Blitzkrieg match- arguably his biggest, as he takes on Juventud on PPV! Juvi’s maskless and in mostly black (with silver & gold highlights), while Blitz has his best gear on- a slick black/red/silver get-up that’s not as loose as it sometimes is.
Oh man, I found some wild stuff for everyone today! VADER AND EARTHQUAKE as the mother of all Monster tag teams! In the weirdo Fake-Shoot Japanese UWF-I fed, no less!
Also, here’s a horrifying indie match between the Warlord and an ultra-green Ron Reis, plus a tag match in the storied No-Limit Soldiers/West Texas Rednecks feud. And we end things with a Saturday Night match between Eddie Guerrero & Blitzkrieg, as my “check out all the Blitzkrieg stuff on YouTube” series finally continues!
SUPER VADER & JOHN TENTA vs. GARY ALBRIGHT & KAZUO YAMAZAKI:
* Now THIS is a Fat Man Stand-Off! So Vader/Albright is the big feud in the company at this point, and Vader (the reigning champ) brings it Earthquake for a tag match. Quake is noticeably taller and wider than Vader is, in fact. Both are wearing their standard gear, though Tenta has an oddly blank upper torso, as “Earthquake” has been taken off. Albright was a big kinda homegrown UWF-I star, becoming a big name they were building up. He got pretty fat after this, but here is a barrel-chested guy in yellow, being dwarfed by the opposing team. Yamazaki has no physique, but was a shooter-type guy through most of the UWFs- feeling skipped over for title shots, he bailed for New Japan (his original company) and even sided with them during the “New Japan vs. UWF” angle, training its boys against the “Shooters”.
We live in a world where Manami Toyota gave Cesaro the rolling cradle. Life is so weird.
Welcome back to another Dream Matches column! This time, I have a wild CHIKARA match- MANAMI TOYOTA vs. CESARO!! With Mike Quackenbush and Sara Del Rey as their partners! I’ve had my eyes on for a while but was avoiding because of the length, but it turns out it’s really goddamn awesome!
And we follow that up with a very “Before They Were Stars” showdown, as John Cena as the super-lean, roided to the gills “Prototype” takes on WCW reject Chase Tatum, who has to lead the match! Back to All Japan, as John Tenta’s “oddly-skinny rookie run” has him teaming with Yoshiaki Yatsu against… Bruiser Brody and Jimmy Snuka!?! Then we cap it off with some WCW Saturday Night goodness, as Barry Darsow & John Nord take on Disorderly Conduct.
LUCHA RULES (leaving the ring counts as a tag):
MIKE QUACKENBUSH & MANAMI TOYOTA vs. CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI & SARA DEL REY:
* Okay, now THIS is an interest mix of characters- friggin’ CESARO vs. TOYOTA?!? I’m there, dude. This is CHIKARA owner Mike Quackenbush teaming up with Manami again, but in a tag team match, and their opponents are the future Cesaro as an indie darling under his real name- long, lean and already bald, in white trunks. His partner is Sara Del Rey, who… okay I don’t know jack shit about modern women’s wrestling, but I’ve heard she’s respected. She was big in Shimmer, a women’s promotion that I always found to have a very clutzy-looking style of wrestling (but I’m a puro snob when it comes to women’s stuff, and ’90s AJW casts a WIDE shadow over low-budget American indies). She also went to ROH, CHIKARA and has been a WWE trainer since 2012.
Such a dream match that somebody played it in WWE2K19!
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I find another match adding to the culmination of the break-up of the Rockers, as they take on the WWF Tag Team Champions in their final title shot!
Also up, a super-famous BUNGEE JUMP Match from the GWF in 1992. Also, a request, as the West Texas Rednecks take on… The Public Enemy? Yes, they’re back in WCW after they got chased out of the WWF by the Acolytes! Then it’s an apparently “semi-infamous” squash as Fit Finlay wrestles his normal match against Power Plant jobber Lorenzo, which is indistinguishable from Fit Finlay shooting on Power Plant jobber Lorenzo! Also one more PCO match, as Jean-Pierre Lafitte takes on Man Mountain Rock in one of the only “featured matches” Maxx Payne fought in the WWF.
WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal) vs. THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty):
(Dec. 28th, 1991)
* Way, WAY at the end of the Rockers’ run comes their last shot at the World Tag Titles, as we get a rare Face vs. Face match against the unstoppable LOD in what’s truly a Dream Match. The LOD are in the usual, but the Rockers have on some bizarre technicolor shirt & tights combos, with neon stripes going up black middles and paint-splatter and tassels making up the rest of it. Ah, but they soon doff the shirts and look more like themselves. As someone pointed out last week, the Rockers were in a weird zone where they faced nearly everyone- babyface or heel- in the tag division during their time with the WWF. I surmised it was probably because they made everyone look good. The unusual match here is a giveaway that something’s gonna happen.
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, we’ve got something weird- apparently when John Tenta was just starting out in wrestling, he was in ALL JAPAN of all places, teaming up with the Ace and weighing only 300-ish lbs., and fighting the legendary Road Warriors!
Also I found more of that bizarre Land of Giants team, as they take on… The Undertakers? Yes- it’s a pair of obese twins with a name the WWF actually bought off of them. Then wen see a “Battle of the Kings” as King Mabel decides to take out Ken Shamrock shortly after his King of the Ring victory- a shockingly good attempt at putting a guy over from MABEL of all people! And then, in a fantastically-terrible bout, come see the legendary POWER UTI, villain of Mick Foley’s first book and national hero of Nigeria, take on the worst wrestler in AEW- Doc “Super Festus” Gallows! And then we cap things off with WCW’s Wrath & Mortis vs. The Faces of Fear in a shockingly-good Hoss Brawl!
JUMBO TSURUTA & JOHN TENTA vs. THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ Paul Ellering):
(All Japan, 1987.6.8)
* Haha, oh Jesus- look at this! Baby John Tenta, fresh out of sumo and having lost a LOT of weight, is in the early stage of his pro wrestling career in All Japan as the Ace’s tag team partner, and they’re going up against the early form of the Road Warriors, in full black spike-vests and ’80s facepaint! Tenta, in his navy-blue singlet with a Canadian flag on it, is almost unrecognizable, being barely 300 lbs. and scarcely larger than Jumbo- he’s all straight lines! Even at 24 he’s lost almost all the hair on top of his head, though.