Evan Bourne vs. Tyson Kidd

We get clips of Bourne getting demolished by Henry in the feud that was going fine until it took a hard right into a lampost. But enough about Jimmy Uso.

Christian vs. DH Smith

The Hart Dynasty are feeling confident after their win against Christian & Swagger last week. Smith uses his bigness to smother Christian as Striker plugs WWE Classics. Surprised they haven’t badly edited The Fink yelling WWE NETWORK over any out-dated expressions like “WWE 24/7” or “upcoming Uso tag title win.”

Before we start, I want to point out Ezekiel Jackson has been in the intro since the brand split in April and he’s still not shown up.

“Sometimes there’s days you never forget! And one of those days is this Sunday with Extreme Rules!”

We’re in The City (The City Of Angels) but all I see is dead wings and tonight’s main event is a six-man tag match with all the important people so fuck knows what they’re going to do for the rest of the hour.

Judgement Day 2009: Christian vs. Jack Swagger (ECW Title)

Uh oh, we’re in the European Title Match No-One Asked for slot on the PPV but luckily Christian gets a tremendous pop that is far bigger than the brand he’s representing.

We’re five days away from Judgement Day with Christian defending his title against Jack Swagger and er that’s it so let’s jump in this pool of excitement.

It’s been two weeks since the last post due to that whole “Las Vegas for Double Or Nothing” thing followed by living out my fantasy of being completely fucked up on edibles like Hunter S. Thompson. I’ve retired from them and will only do them again if the Saudis are paying for it.

We’re in MSG and the ring is set up in a weird position so the entranceway is slightly to the right making for an empty hard cam shot. This works nicely as a metaphor for ECW on Sci-Fi right now where they kind of know what they want and only get half of it.

It’s the first ECW on Sci-Fi since the Supplement Draft and the intro has already been updated with the unwanted toys like Hurricane, Ezekiel Jackson and Kozlov. Main event is the Backlash Contract Signing as Christian won the Elimination Chase on Superstars last week.

We start off with terrible news as The Miz was drafted to Raw on Monday, thus splitting up one of the great tag teams of the era and leaving the just-unified tag team division in such a state that super-teams like Jeri-Show, D-X and Jeri-Edge had to step in.

Upon hearing the news, Miz hugged Morrison then immediately left him laying, foreshadowing both men’s WWE careers.

It’s the show after Wrestlemania and Josh Mathews joins Striker on commentary with both of them looking & sounding like they’re ready to discuss men’s rights.

Christian & Finlay vs. Mark Henry & Kane

Finlay qualified for MITB by pinning The Brian Kendrick on Smackdown, which seems a tad unfair given Christian had to win a battle royal to earn his shot.

After last week’s nothing of a show the main event tonight is…MVP’s VIP Lounge. Oh good they’re being consistent.

Teddy Long welcomes Finlay & Horny to the St. Patrick’s Day episode of ECW and they immediately lose Hornswoggle quicker than a failed piss test.

Primo Colon vs. The Miz

Amazingly both men are still on the roster in 2019 with Miz demolishing Primo last week on Smackdown. They show a clip of Morrison & Miz dressing up as Ben Affleck to mock The Colons (Striker: “the punctuation?”).

Tonight, Swagger teams with Miz & Morrison in the main event to ensure the rest of the card will be like the forty minutes Tarantino could have cut out of his film but insisted on leaving in.

We’re in Nashville (birthplace of Big Kev) and Christian gets his first ECW Title shot tonight against Jack Swagger, which he earned by being Christian.

Dramatic recap of last week’s ”IT’S…CHRISTIAN” setting up this week’s main event tag match.

I’m not one for superstitions but this is how this episode starts.