This has nothing to do with the WWE
Before the show, we see 26 men walk into the meeting room. Justice Gray escorts Bobby Bayless, who gives a packet of Fun Dip to Jobber at his request. Jobber smirks and walks away. Bobby is looking around as he still believes a Furby-like creature is going to attack him. Gray then sees Brian Bayless along with Rockstar Gary and Average Joe Everyman:
Gray: The GM is in a big meeting with representatives of the Big Man from Saskatoon and 26 writers.
Brian: Writers? Why do we need writers? Dont tell me that Bobby is trying to greenlight “Grown Ups 3”
Gray: We are having a trustees meeting to decide whether or not to bring in writers for the workers.
Brian: I never used a writer and they dont need him. This is bullshit.
Gray: Be as it may, Bobby said he pulled some strings and got you a match tonight.
Brian: Against who?
Gray: Its in the battle royal to crown the new BoD Writer’s Champion.
Brian: Really, I’m now getting demoted down the card.
Gray: I dont make the rules, I just enforce them
Brian: That you do, Justice. That you do. So, when will we find out about the writers?
Gray: Next week on BoD RAW
Brian: Can’t wait
The ex-GM walks away
Vinson is on his way inside when a man in a hoodie whacks his leg from behind with a 5-iron. The camera zooms in and THAT’S SOUP BONE!!!!! HE DONE GOT OUT OF JESSUP!!!!! The valet runs over to her man’s aid as medics check out his leg
Battle Royal For the Vacant BoD Writer’s Championship:
Brian Bayless vs. Tommy Hall vs. Logan Scisco vs. “Marvelous” Matt Perri vs. “Mr. WCW” Chris F-B
The bell rings as all the other writer’s stare down the former GM. They corner him as he tries to plead then starts fighting them off but is overwhelmed as all the other writer’s pick up Bayless and toss him to the outside, right on top of Average Joe Everyman & Rockstar Gary as Brian Bayless is eliminated. Perri sees an opening and tries to toss Scisco but that fails. Hall, sporting another mystery throwback found in his locker, this time of Tree Rollins, is beating on Chris F-B in the corner. Miss Danielle grabs the leg of Scisco and that allows Perri to knee him from behind as Danielle pulls down the ropes as Logan Scisco is now eliminated. Chris F-B is double-teamed like a rat behind Center Stage, minus the intercourse . of course. Perri now as Danielle hold down the ropes as he charges but Chris F-B steps aside as Perri flies over the top ropes as Matt Perri is now eliminated as he and Miss Danielle are in disbelief. We are down to the final two: Tommy Hall and Chris F-B in a battle of 1996 WCW reviews. One did them in 2012 as the other does them currently. Surely a battle of the past. Tommy has gained more confidence since these throwbacks magically started to appear in his locker. Both men are going back and forth as neither guy can gain the advantage. Tommy has Chris against the ropes but cannot get him over. Chris fights back and hits a Chartbuster as Tommy is out on the mat. Chris F-B picks him up and brings him near the ropes as a fan now has ran in the ring from the crowd. He slaps Chris off of the head then gets chased around and slides outside but as that happens, Tommy gets up and tosses Chris over the ropes as Chris F-B has been eliminated as Tommy Hall is YOUR NEW BoD Writer’s Champion. Hall celebrates as the fan comes closer and removes his hat and apparently fake mustache as he is revealed as……………………………BIFF KENSINGTON III!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Biff slowly claps as Tommy is shocked. Biff then asks for the mic:
“Tommy, I bet you are shocked to see me here. But I have just one thing to say………….you are welcome (goes to Hall and lightly grabs the Tree Rollins throwback). Like I told you all before, Kensington Enterprises is going to collect all of the gold and our newest client will wear the finest throwbacks from the most irrelevant athletes. Tommy, lets take you back to Mitchell & Ness as we need to get you some new threads.”
Its clear that BKIII is on a mission and right now, he is succeeding.
Folks, we regretfully inform that the Fat Otters vs. Marv Cresto & Burt Macklin match will not take place as scheduled when Caliber accidentally burned down his great aunt’s in-law apartment when he forgot to tend to his eggs on the stove and started to rant on the violence in Baltimore on Facebook instead.
BoD Heavyweight Championship Match
Jobber123 vs. Jef Vinson (Champion)
The door to the cage is locked as this match. The match can be won only by escaping the cage. Jobber, fresh off of a Santa Cruz Warriors win over the Fort Wayne Mad Ants today, looks to get his title back. Vinson is hobbled after getting accidentally knocked out earlier tonight. Jobber spears Vinson down to start and pummels away, much like Darington Hobson did in the paint today for the Santa Cruz Warriors. Vinson gets tossed into the cage as Jobber opens up the gash on his forehead as the champ is bleeding buckets. Jobber takes out his souvenir James Michael McAdoo bobblehead and digs it into Vinson’s head. This is just a bloodbath, folks. Jobber picks up Vinson for a powerslam then rams him into the cage repeatedly. My god, this is a massacre. Jobber knees Vinson in the face repeatedly then stops only to drop an elbow. The mat is bloodstained as Jobber now climbs up but stops and walks over to the turnbuckle. He leaps off the top for a leg drop but Vinson musters up all the strength he has and rolls out of the way. Both men are down as Vinson is trying to pick himself up. Jobber gets up first then darts over and boots Vinson in the ribs. Jobber collects himself and tries that again but Vinson clotheslines Jobber’s leg. Both guys are down again. They get up and this time Vinson blocks a punch and hammers away. Vinson is now in control as he is using everything he has to attack Jobber. He rams Jobber into the cage and then grinds his head into it like he is grating cheese. Vinson tosses Jobber into the corner and starts throwing haymakers. The BoD JumboTron 100 is now showing random GIF’s in support of the champ. Backstage, the camera cuts to GM Bobby Bayless, who is eating Dunkaroos and drinking Five Alive while he watches the classic film starring the Fat Boys, “Disorderlies.” Back to the match as both guys are trading chops as the crowd goes nuts. Jobber tries an Irish whip but it gets reversed as he flies into the cage. Vinson charges but Jobber sidesteps him and pushes Vinson into the cage. Jobber then picks up Vinson and yells at the ref, who is standing outside of the ring so he can see whose feet hits the ground first. The ref but while that happens, a man in a hooded sweatshirt runs out. Jobber slams Vinson down as the hooded man creeps up behind the referee. Jobber smiles as the man reveals his hood then the smile turns to outrage as the man behind the hood is revealed as…………………………………PARALLAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jobber yells “What did you do to Soup Bone!!!!!” Parallax looks straight ahead as Vinson gets up and knocks Jobber down. Vinson sets for the TKO but Jobber escapes the tries the Razor’s Edge but Vinson gets out of that. Jobber boots Vinson in the gut then hits a snap suplex but in midair, Vinson twist himself around and lands on his feet then immediately hits a snap suplex of his own as both men are down as the crowd goes nuts. Wade Michael Meltzer holds up a ***** sign while Dock Muraco just woke up from a nap at ringside, meaning this match has reached the ****1/2 mark. Parallax stands outside as the keeper of the cage of sorts as both men make it to their feet. They start climbing the cage then start brawling halfway to the top. These two are sporting crimson masks at this point yet continue to climb while beating on each other. They are at the top of the cage as Jobber kicks Vinson in the shins to stop his momentum as he swings his other leg over the cage. Jobber looks to climb over and get to the floor but Vinson grabs his other leg . Vinson will not let go as he attempts to yank Jobber back over and does as he has him over his shoulders and seems to be going for a TKO OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He tries but Jobber blocks the move temporarily buy grabbing on to the side of the cage. BoD stars are now heading out on the ramp to watch as they are witnessing a classic. Jobber swings himself over and is now brawling with Vinson at the top corner of the cage. Vinson throws an uppercut that staggers Jobber but loses his footing as they both are in danger of falling down. Vinson, who has been dealt with another obstacle tonight will have to overcome it in order to retain the belt. Both guys now hold themselves up and try to climb out to the floor. Jobber then pulls out something from his trunks as the camera zooms in and its one of the Fun Dip packets that he swiped from the GM. He opens it up then throws the sugary crap into the eyes of Vinson. Jobber seizes the opportunity and swings over the other side of the cage as he smiles, knowing the title is just 30 feet down from him. Jobber begins climbing down the cage as Vinson is half-blinded. Jobber is almost halfway down but Vinson is now over the top. Jobber is almost there as Vinson wipes the purple powder from his eyes and sees Jobber almost near the floor. Jobber is just several feet away as Vinson scurries down and leaps…………………………he dives straight down and pushes off of Jobber’s shoudlers and flips himself over and lands on his feet!!!!!!!!!!!!! VINSON DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE OVERCAME THE ODDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jobber is outraged and its not over the backcourt play from the Santa Cruz Warriors either. Parallax stares down Jobber, who stares him down again. Vinson grabs his belt from his valet and raises it in the air. The crowd is buzzing as Wade Michael Meltzer holds up a ***** sign. Dock Muraco disagrees but was awake. Vinson nods over at Parallax, who looks at him then backs away as he heads through the crowd. Folks, we are out of time.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO BoD RAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!