Elijah Burke — page 4

Kane vs. Elijah Burke

We get this match even before we get told where we are (Biloxi, MS) so we must be getting a loaded (with WM hype) show.

We’re sold out in Chicago so the crowd should be loud.

We’re in Tucson, AZ and our main event is CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke vs. Shelton Benjamin and OH SHIT IT’S THIS MATCH, rev up the GIF making machine. But first here’s some dude’s sign.

We’re in San Diego, CA and Ric Flair is here to talk about being inducted into the Hall Of Fame but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to retire (he wasn’t kidding) but Elijah Burke interrupts to say he’s the new Flair. (yeah, David). Shelton Benjamin shows up to remind us all Burke & Benjamin are still a thing and to tell Flair he’s the NEW Gold Standard. It ends with Flair getting attacked until CM Punk makes the save. Basic set-up for tonight’s main event, highlight was some guy excited for Tim.

Last week Chavo succeeded in winning the ECW Title from CM Punk in a No DQ match with help from his La Familia Edge. Tonight in Reading Chavo celebrates with a CHAMPIONSHIP FIESTA.

ECW On Sci-Fi #81 12/25/2007

This is a retrospective episode with highlights of Lashley’s feud with The McMahons, New Breed vs. Originals and Morrison vs. Punk. It ends with with Tazz kicking Joey Styles into a Christmas Tree so this GIF saved you an hour.

Kevin Thorn’s shitty new look has already been added to the intro.

Nice of them to bother but his last televised match is next week.

Let’s start by covering that Survivor Series match that ECW on Sci-Fi spent all of one match hyping.

I’m nursing what may be the Wrestlemania X7 of hangovers so this recap is unofficially endorsed by Fireball Whiskey, Bonnie Tyler and bad decisions. We’re in Bakersfield, CA, home of Korn, Adema and er Vincent Brothers.

We’re in Long Island New York and we have spooky graphics because IT’S HALLOWEEN MOTHERFUCKERS and we get the long-awaited Monster Mash Battle Royal!

We’re in the United Kingdom (no city mentioned but it’s Birmingham), our main event is a handicap tag match and I’m looking forward to seeing which UK wrestler makes a jobber appearance.

Posting this earlier than usual because everyone’s going to be talking about McGregor vs. Mayweather tomorrow so might as well get this in now.

The lame version of DON’T QUESTION MY HEART brings us to Atlanta, GA and our main event is finally The Boogeyman vs. Big Daddy V!

We’re in Minneapolis, MN and Armando Estrada proudly introduces us to the new ECW Champion: CM Punk. Punk recognises Armando’s brown-nosing and gifts him the new CM Punk shirt (the one that looked like a bunch of tattoos). Armando puts it on, thanks Punk and introduces his opponent this Sunda–OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT ELIJAH BURKE AGAIN.

Well if you were expecting a fun write-up, don’t bother clicking the ”more” bit.

Let’s take a look at the relevant news from Powerslam Magazine before we watch this episode because WWE’s reputation was declining quicker than Rickety Cricket in Always Sunny:

Same intro but Manson’s gone (yay!) and been replaced by Don’t Question My Heart by Saliva. It’s an early version of the song though and sounds like The Deftones are belting it out. The proper version stuck around for years and was very hummable. Even Mike Adamle used the ”don’t question my heart” line in a promo and you know Adamle’s high standard.

We have enough plot for a dramatic video recap of last week! Punk won a Three Way Dance last week to get a shot at John Morrison tonight in a Fifteen Minutes Of Fame match. If he wins, he gets a shot at the title at Summerslam. Simples.

We’re in Youngstown, Ohio and THIS IS THE NEW SHIT is back in the intro, so we can have more Manson discussion. Despite enjoying his music, I’ve always been annoyed at him daring to put out Smells Like Children as a full-priced album (that I paid full-price money for) when it was three covers, three remixes and some shit. I don’t care if you recorded Portrait Of An American Family, I’m glad Dita Von Teese left you.

State of WWE right now:

Great American Bash 2007 was this Sunday and had a bit of a rocky build. So Kane vs. Edge was scheduled but Edge ended up injuring his left pectoral muscle after Kane attacked him during the Mardi Gras celebration on the July 10 Smackdown. Edge was forced to vacate his title on the Smackdown before the PPV and a Battle Royal was held to crowd the new champ which was won by The Great Khali (who held the title upside down). The injury to Edge had the unexpected positive of avoiding the fallout from the upcoming Pharmacy Probe steroid scandal he was named in.

Also the announced Khali vs. Batista match was changed to Kane vs. Khali vs. Batista after Kane and Batista went to a non-finish on the same episode of Smackdown after Khali blundered in on their Number One Contender match. The good news was no-one was injured in the process, the bad news was the match happened.

We’re in Laredo, Texas and we still have the Manson intro that inspired so much discussion last week in the comments. Marcus Cor Von is still in the intro and Mechanical Animals was Manson at his best just for ”Yesterday I was a nihilist, today I’m just fucking bored.”

Backstage, a representative for Johnny Nitro declares this is the last time you’ll see Nitro on ECW. Tazz & Styles freak out because he’s the ECW Champ, he can’t leave. Unless you’re Lashley.