Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, and Jim Neidhart are in the booth, doing the last taped broadcast from Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
And we’re back with more of wrestling’s weirdest side-matches. This time some stuff Maffew showed me- possibly the greatest disparate bunch of dudes ever, all from a one-night tag tournament in Tenryu’s WAR promotion in Japan! Even better, there’s Buddy Rogers vs. Haystacks Calhoun from 1961, and Antonio Inoki versus the famous “Fat Motorcycle Twins”.
KOJI KITAO & EL GIGANTE vs. TYPHOON & THE GREAT SHINJA:
(One-Night Tag Tournament, Wrestle Association R, Japan, 12.08.1995)
* Maffew got this one for me, so you can blame him, lol. Gigante you know as the most hopeless wrestler ever; Kitao is infamous for the 1991 match where he & Earthquake shot on each other, and was a failed yokozuna-level sumo (promoted just to “have a native Sumo at the top level”), retiring in disgrace after never having won a tournament and feuding with his stable bosses (sumo is dirty as FUCK, though). Typhoon is from the WWF, and… Earthquake’s partner, so that’ll be interesting. The Great Shinja is Akio Sato of the Orient Express (in the shittier original version), and was also Hakushi’s manager Shinja in the WWF. Gigante’s in red shorts, Kitao’s in a white gi, Typhoon’s in his WWF gear (and pretty much exactly the same size as Kitao), and Shinja’s in a white shirt & pants that just make him look like someone’s dad who just wandered into the ring.
It’s time for more Dream Matches! Some of which are unironically good! We start off with one of the most infamous combinations of poor workers in history, and go from there.
Note: I skip YouTube links for the WWF-owned stuff, since I believe it demonetizes the blog.
EL GIGANTE vs. NAILZ:
(New Japan Pro Wrestling, 1994 G-1 Climax)
* Wearing black shorts and with a curly mullet, the 7’7″ Jorge Gonzalez was given a “Freak Show” match or two in New Japan, and here his opponent is a real shocker- NAILZ, fresh from being fired by the WWF for attacking Vince McMahon in a dispute over money (told hilariously here by Bret Hart). This is, quite literally, the worst match I can imagine putting together- Nailz was an absolutely horrendous worker whose offense consisted of choking with one hand and choking with two, and he’s up against probably the worst professionally-trained wrestler in the world. A guy as big as Nailz not even coming up to a guy’s collarbone is a pretty astounding sight, I will admit.
–Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan are in the studio for today’s telecast. Okerlund does his best to describe how the monster truck battle between Hulk Hogan and the Giant will play out at Halloween Havoc.
–As part of the Halloween Havoc Control Center WCW Champion Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart do a taped promo where they promise to do whatever it takes to defeat the Giant at Halloween Havoc.
–Gene Okerlund and Bobby Heenan are doing the studio duties for today’s broadcast. Heenan says that there is going to be a big parade in Bucksnort, Tennessee to honor Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck’s tag team title win on WCW Saturday Night.
–Heenan goes through a long story about how he was tending to a sick waitress at a Mexican restaurant after Bash at the Beach so that is why he could not pay for Okerlund’s dinner after Okerlund correctly predicted that Hulk Hogan would beat Vader at the pay-per-view.