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The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 1990

Man, what is WITH some people?  I got not one, but TWO whiny, lengthy letters from past (and I guess current) Hulkamaniacs who went to great length to basically explain how viewing these shows from a “smart” perspective ruins them because back then all people cared about was watching the good guys win and crap like that.  Hey, newsflash:  The fact that such a large group of people hit upon the internet at basically the same time and turned into what are today the “smart marks” who populate most of wrestling’s fandom proves that there was a large majority of people, much like myself at the time, who felt that the Orange Goblin was an overhyped, aging hypocrite who preached good behavior and then broke every rule in the book, who wouldn’t lay down for someone unless he was either a) Dead or b) Promised a high-profile job in return, never mind if that person had already done the job for him at 500 house shows, and who claimed friendship with Andre the Giant but made sure Andre was safely in the mid-card for the waning years of his career and wouldn’t lay down for HIM either without TWIN GODDAMNED REFEREES and interference from two people AND a fixed pinfall.  The second person also insinuated that I was “insulting the memory” of Andre the Giant by poking fun at him.  Yeah, big deal.  Andre was deteriorated as all hell by 1987 even, and he had no place in that ring anymore.  Vince McMahon was simply milking the name for a quick buck, plain and simple.  I even gave Andre props for going along with that kind of disgusting treatment, but apparently that got lost in the translation.  Anyway, both very interesting letters are available at my home base, Rantsylvania.com, and they make for an interesting read, even if both guys are totally and completely wrong on every point.

So with that out of the way…

Live from Hartford, CT

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper.  Good bye, Jesse, we hardly knew ye.

Opening match:  Mr. Perfect, Ax, Smash & Crush v. The Ultimate Warrior, Kerry Von Erich, Hawk & Animal.

The Texas Tornado was still carrying the belt around here, even though he technically dropped it to Mr. Spiffy a couple of weeks beforehand.  (2011 Scott sez:  OK, so “Mr. Spiffy” was a rare misfire, I’ll give you that.  For those not around when I was trying to get that one over, I felt that WCW signing Curt Hennig would lead them to give him the gimmick of “Mr. Spiffy”, who is pretty good at things, but definitely not “perfect” in any legally definable sense of the term.  That catchphrase never caught, I’m afraid.) 

The WWF, fearing Kerry’s suicide (and a HUGE public relations nightmare) decided to take the title off him and then that way, if he killed himself, they wouldn’t look bad.  What great guys, huh?  The Legion of Doom and Demolition had the issue at this point, and if you don’t why, you obviously weren’t around from about 1987 until that point.  You-Know-Who McMahon is the outside ref for all the matches again this year.  Animal gets pounded by the heels, and a big brawl erupts.  Warrior quickly dispatches Ax.  Interesting matchup results next:  Hawk, who sells NOTHING, against Hennig, who sells ANYTHING.  Another brawl erupts and both the LOD and Demos get DQ’d.  Well, that was CHEAP.  By this, the fourth year, the bookers were getting extra lazy by making sure people with issues didn’t job.  Ax doesn’t count in this case because he was in the process of getting phased out for good anyway.  That leaves Perfect against Tornado & Warrior.  That goes pretty badly for him, until Von Erich misses a blind charge (you’d think those guys would LEARN after 50 years of never hitting that charge into the corner) and a Perfectplex a little later ends Kerry’s night. Warrior charges in, right into a Perfectplex of his own, but this one only gets two.  That’s cool, because Warrior was still fresh anyway.  He eventually hulks up and finishes the match with the usual at 14:17.  Hennig couldn’t save this dog, but he sure gave it a try.  *1/2  Survivor:  The Ultimate Warrior.

Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart v. Ted Dibiase, Honky Tonk Man, Greg Valentine & The Mystery Partner. 

I’m sure most of you know who said partner was, but for those who don’t, this was the very historic match that produced the WWF debut of…the Undertaker.  He had Brother Love as his manager at this point.  Mark is just WAY into the character, even on his first try at it, as he drills a cold stare into the face team.  The crowd just doesn’t know what to make of the guy and sits in awe.  This wasn’t “no heat” type of silence, this was legitimate “Holy shit, what IS that guy?” silence.  Bret Hart tries his luck with UT first and gets chokeslammed.  Koko goes next, and takes a tombstone.  Bye bye, birdie.  UT then calmly tags in Valentine, giving Bret a look as if to say “I’m only doing this because *I* want to”.  Wild.  The Harts proceed to doing a mini-match with Rhythm and Blues, and that ends with Neidhart powerslamming Honky for the pin.  Dibiase gets Anvil in turn after Virgil interferes.  Dusty & Dibiase fight it out to settle their problems, then UT comes back in and the pendulum suddenly swings so violently I’m surprised someone didn’t their head ripped off, metaphorically speaking.  UT debuts the rope walk in the WWF, and it’s good enough for a pin on the Cow.  So Bret’s 3-on-1.  Man, first his brother died the day before, and then THIS.  Dusty goes running after Brother Love, and UT follows him out and gets counted out.  Cheap, but really necessary given it’s UT’s first match.  Meanwhile, Hammer goes for the figure-four on Bret and gets cradled for the pin.  Well, that didn’t take long.  So it’s Bret v. Dibiase.  Bret nails a pescado to wow the crowd.  Back in the ring and they do a nice little match, including the debut of Bret’s FAKE KNEE INJURY OF DOOM.  Bret hits a sweet cross-body, but Dibiase rolls through for the pin at 13:57.  Bret clearly mouths a naughty word on camera for effect, I guess.  Not horrible or anything.  *1/2  Survivor:  Ted Dibiase.

Jake Roberts, Jimmy Snuka, Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty v. Rick Martel, Warlord, Hercules & Paul Roma.

Jake still has his white contacts here.  Yeah, like, DON’T ASK, okay?  (2011 Scott sez:  He was “blind” at the time.  Geez, 1998 Scott, it wasn’t THAT bad…)  The Rockers stick and move on the Warlord, then Martel gets in and runs away from Roberts.  Jannetty gets cute with the Warlord again and gets whomped and pinned.  He was just asking for that one.  Roma actually hits a quasi-fameasser on Michaels as he comes into the ring.  The heels destroy Shawn and he bumps like a madman.  Snuka comes in, tries the same tactic on Martel that Jannetty did with Warlord, and the same result happens:  Martel rolls through a cross-body and gets the pin.  Don’t get cute or look what happens.  Jake ALMOST gets Martel, but gets cheapshotted (cheapshotten?) and beaten down.  Shawn gets the hot tag and does some damage.  See how Michaels & Bret Hart were now being phased in while some of the old guard were being phased out?  I think Vince had backup plans for the future, but just couldn’t pull the trigger.  Anyway, Shawn gets splatted and pinned after the Powerplex, leaving Jake 4-on-1.  He manages a quick DDT on the Warlord, but chases Martel back to the dressing room like an idiot and gets counted out.  Oh, COME ON.  The guy was freakin’ FOUR AGAINST ONE and they couldn’t even book a clean ending?  *1/2  for some nice Rocker bumping and not much else.  Survivors:  Martel, Roma, Hercules & The Warlord.

Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku & Barbarian v. Hulk Hogan, Tugboat, Big Bossman & Hacksaw Duggan.

Hey, it’s my DREAM MATCH!  Oh, sorry, it’s actually my second favorite dream match.  Every other match in the history of wrestling would be tied for first.  (2011 Scott sez:  Who doesn’t love ripping off Bobby Heenan?)  Haku goes quietly after a Bossman slam less than a minute in.  Duggan goes after Earthquake, but resorts to using the lumber and gets DQ’d.  Hulk comes in and slams Quake.  He goes for the 10 punch count but gets powerslammed, allowing him to wiggle around on the ground and do his imitation of selling.  Bravo comes in for more punishment…and gets small packaged by Hogan for the pin?!?  When do you ever see that out of the Tan Who Walks Like a Man?  Bossman comes in and leaves just as quickly after a buttdrop from Quake.  Hogan tries another slam, but Quake is…wait for it…JUST TOO FAT and Hogan falls back.  Tugboat comes in to clean up and gets SOUNDLY booed.  I mean, that was just VICIOUS.  The future Natural Disasters fight on the floor and both are counted out.  Gee, that wasn’t LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME at all, no.  That leaves Hogan v. Barbarian, and if you can’t deduce what happens from there, you have no business reading this report.  Time of the inevitable:  14:50.  Bobby Heenan, company man, takes more punishment from Hulk.  Surprisingly energetic effort from most in this.  *1/2, which is amazing considering I was warming up the hot pokers for this one.  Survivor:  Hulk Hogan.  (2011 Scott sez:  Another match with a depressingly high body count)

PS:  The Orange Goblin still sucks.

Macho King cuts a promo on the Warrior to kill some time.

 Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana & The Bushwhackers v. Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov & The Orient Express.

Let’s see, jobber, jobber, jobber, jobber, traitor, jobber, jobber, jobber.  It’s like an AWA reunion on the heel side.  And as you might surmise, we go blowing through the match at record speed.   Zukhov?  Gone.  Sato?  Gone.  Tanaka?  Gone.  That would be Santana, Luke and Santana who did the deed there, all in under two minutes.  That leaves Slaughter 4-on-1.  And then we boom-boom-boom the other way.  Volkoff takes a long boring beating and goes back to Lithuania or wherever the hell he was from that week after an elbowdrop.  Luke goes AERIAL, BABEE and misses badly and gets pinned.  Butch is just a wuss so he gets pinned after a clothesline.  Yeah, so, what was the point of this match, again?  That leaves Santana v. Slaughter as the payoff for this grueling 5 minute marathon so far.  Tito blitzes him, but gets caught.  Sgt. Slobber methodically (read:  Viscera on valium) works on Santana, but the ref is bumped.  This is me.  This is me SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE HEAD BECAUSE OF  STUPID BOOKING.   Any questions?  As you might expect, Gen. Adnan tries some shenanigans with the flag, allowing Slaughter to get the REAR CHINLOCK OF DOOM (I liked the Atomic Noogie better, actually…) but the ref really saw what happened (so what the hell is Shane McMahon there for?  Photo ops?) and Tito wins a contrived DQ at 10:43.  I’ve scraped better matches off my shoe.  (2011 Scott sez:  Why haven’t I dusted that gem off again?) DUD  Survivor:  Tito Santana.

The Gobbledegooker.  What do you say about him?  Well, see, there was this big egg that was on WWF shows leading up to this PPV, and it didn’t do anything, it just sat there and the announcers made a big deal out of it hatching at Survivor Series.  And so the show came, and the speculation started:  A new wrestler, like King Kong Bundy or Mark Callaway?  A new manager?  Anything even vaguely interesting?  No, don’t be silly, of course not.  No, when that egg hatched, it was a guy in a turkey suit who was dubbed the Gobbledegooker.  Boy, the crowd just LOVED that one.  The turkey took Mean Gene to the ring and they danced to a rock version of “Turkey in the Straw”.  The crowd booed.  This went on for TEN MINUTES before they finally pulled the plug and never spoke of this sick yolk…er…joke again.  This is generally regarded as quite possibly the biggest egg the WWF ever laid, pun intended.  Btw, the Gobbledegooker was actually a great wrestler, which is really sad.

Grand Finale Match of Ultimate Survival:  Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior & Tito Santana v. Ted Dibase, Rick Martel, Warlord, Hercules & Paul Roma (as the Beaver).

Santana goes flying right in with a forearm on the Warlord and pins him.  Dibiase ducks that same move and pins Santana.  Hogan gets beat up by the heels for a while, takes the Powerplex, kicks out, and clotheslines Roma for the pin.  Hah hah, Roma got pinned by a CLOTHESLINE.  No wonder he never main evented again.  Warrior comes in and rips Martel into little pieces, causing him to walk out on the heel team.  Dibiase loses his temper because of that and thus gets destroyed by Hogan and pinned after the usual.  Warrior getting rid of Hercules for the final victory at 9:07 is academic.  Well, that was quite the brisk little pointless mess, wasn’t it?  1/4*  This was like one of those battle royales they stick on a house show to fill up another 15 minutes and send the fans home satisfied.

The Bottom Line:

The Survivor Series was obviously outliving it’s usefulness as the “specialness” wore off and the matches got progressively worse.  A change was obviously needed, as the sharply declining buyrate for this show proved.  Fans needed a definite main event to relate to, and BOY did the WWF serve up a doozy the next year, and it proved to be the match that was the undoing of Hulkamania in the WWF pretty much once and for all.  But that’s another rant.  Thumbs down here, though, duh.

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 89

In our continuing trip back to when the WWF REALLY REALLY SUCKED, we hit Survivor Series 89, which was probably the low point, wrestling-wise, of the year.  If you don’t count No Holds Barred: The Pay-Per-View.  And really, who does?

And no, I will NOT review No Holds Barred:  The Pay-Per-View.  So just don’t even bother e-mailing me about it.

2011 Scott sez:  This still holds true today.

Live from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Jesse Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon.

Thankfully (or not, depending on your point of view), by 1989 the WWF had managed to get organized enough not to have every PPV run 4 and a half hours, and so no clipping was needed for this show.

Opening match:  Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Honky Tonk Man & Rick Martel v. Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Terry Taylor & Dusty Rhodes.

And as you can see, the unwieldly 5 on 5 format was dumped in favor of 4 on 4, which produced 5 matches instead of 4.  Good move, sez I.  Martel & Santana had the main issue (I refuse to call Bossman & the American Cow’s “feud” over the nightstick a legitimate issue) so they start.  Pretty non-descript match to start, as they run through the basics and Taylor gets to play sacrificial lamb.  Or rooster.  He was just riding out the contractual gravy train at that point anyway, collecting his pay until he could legally go ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD but the WWF.  Santana gets the hot tag and kills Martel, but tries a rollup and it gets reversed for the pin.  Geez, that makes like 140 matches between those two with that ending.  Interesting note for those of you obsessive enough to e-mail me stuff like this:  Shane-O-Mac, the most homocidal, genocidal, suicidal guy to wear a sweater vest, is the on-the-floor referee for every match, probably stuck there on the order of Daddy-O-Mac in order to learn the flow and pace of a wrestling match.  The future Sapphire is shown in the front row of the crowd, cheering on the Dream.  Taylor and Martel do a nice sequence, and AGAIN poor Terry gets killed.  Geez, he’s getting buried, we GET IT ALREADY.  He makes the mistake of talking smack to Bad News Brown, and takes a beating for it.  Gotta admire the guy for guts.  However, once again, Bad News runs afoul of a teammate (this year’s lucky winner:  Big Bossman) and walks out on his team.  But I mean, it makes sense:  What self-respecting bad-ass black guy would team with a prison guard and a guy nicknamed “Honky”?  It’s just BEGGING for a bad situation.  Ahem.  HTM & Beefcake do their usual match, with an unusual twist:  Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky lays down clean.  Martel & Beefer do a boring mini-match next, with Brutus getting the pin on a sunset flip.  Bossman is 1-on-3 now.  He dispatches Taylor without breaking much of a sweat, and speaking of breaking sweat, here comes Dusty with a bodypress for the pin and the victory at 22:00.  This was decent.  **1/4  Survivors:  Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake.

Randy Savage, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine & Earthquake v. Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart & Hercules.

Wow, a synchronized 2×4 routine! Yeah, just kill me now.  Bravo is, I believe, subbing for Barry Windham here, who I distinctly remember being part of this show but can’t for the life of me remember who took his place.  (2011 Scott sez:  See, I told you I’d suck at that Sporcle quiz!)  Bret gets BIG pops when he gets in the ring, and don’t think that wasn’t noticed.  The faces lay into Valentine for a while.  Hercules gets caught in the wrong corner, however, and flattened with a Quake splash in short order.  Buh bye.  Bret manages to schoolboy Quake from behind, which allows Garvin a splash for a two count.  Cute.  Garvin plays slug-in-peril for a while.  Duggan catches a quick tag and clotheslines Hammer for the pin.  Bret and Savage exchange a quick sequence, bringing a ray of hope into this show.  Sadly, Bravo tags in.  Sigh.  Garvin comes in and gets side-slammed and pinned.  Gee, and I thought he had it wrapped up after the GARVIN STOMP OF DOOM.  Savage & Bret tease me again by doing another couple of minutes.  Brets gets destroyed by Earthquake and does his usual amazing sell job.  Miracle tag allows Duggan to come in to get a few shots in, but then he tags Bret back in.  HUH?  And as you’d expect, Savage pounces like a vulture and finishes the injured Bret with the big elbow.  Man, what an idiot Duggan is.  Duggan is now 1-on-3.  He uses his limited brain power to temporarily outsmart the heels, but then they realize that there’s THREE of them and ONE of Duggan and proceed to getting medieval on him.  Unnecessarily cheap ending follows as Sherri trips him up and he’s counted out at 23:23.  Geez, you’ve got a former World champ, the World’s Strongest Man and a guy named after a natural disaster, and they need a GIRL to beat Duggan?  That’s just sad.  *1/2  Survivors:  Bravo, Earthquake, Savage.  (2011 Scott sez:  You know what’s even more sad?  Just look at who the three survivors and the manager are and what happened to them all.  Unfortunately they proved to be anything but survivors of wrestling)

And now, here to read a poem for us all, the Genius.

Ted Dibiase, Zeus, Warlord & Barbarian v. Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts & Demolition. 

Oh, this oughta be a classic.  The Demos had regained the tag titles from the Brainbusters the week before (in TV time), but only because the ‘Busters were rapidly being shown the door and Vince needed an over team to job to that other awesome duo:  Haku & Andre the Giant.  Yeah, that’s a fair trade.  That big Hogan v. Zeus issue was still building, so they start.  For those who weren’t around way back then, there was a VERY real fear amongst smart fans that Vince would run Hogan v. Zeus as the main at Wrestlemania VI.  The big Z no-sells all of Hogan’s offense, which makes him my hero for a few seconds.  He shoves the ref and gets DQ’d.  Yeah, bring on that singles match!  Well, at least he went quick.  Hulk gets beat up by the heels for a while, then Snake & Dibiase do their thing.  They had the issue at the time, ostensibly over the Million Dollar Belt…but my secret inside sources reveal that in fact it was a big contest between them, to see who destroy their life most dramatically with drugs and alcohol, then last longest doing the bible-thumping circuit as born-again Christians.  Dibiase won that one pretty easily.  And at that point, Gorilla hits a great quote:  “I don’t care if you’ve got a Z on the side of your head or not, THAT’S NOT LEGAL”.  Try saying that one to complete strangers, just to annoy them.  Ax comes in and gets pinned after being tripped up and elbow-dropped.  Smash comes in, more boredom follows, and he gets clotheslined and pinned by Barbarian.  Man, did the Demos piss off a booker or something?  The heels work Roberts over slowly.  Hogan gets the hot tag and is double-teamed by the Powers of Pain, who are BOTH disqualified.  LAAAAAAAAAAAAME.  Jesse is nearly going apoplectic, yelling about Hebner being paid off by Hogan and giving him an easy time of it by disqualifying 3/4 of Dibiase’s team.  He’s got a point.  Anyway, it’s Hogan & Roberts v. Dibiase.  If it’s 1988, then MAYBE there’s suspense, but the Dibiase push is deader than…aw, just make your own tasteless joke.  Hogan survives the Million Dollar Dream by using that special scientific counter:  Having your partner run in and cheap shot the guy on the third drop of the arm.  What a PUSS Hogan was.  Be a freakin’ MAN and DO THE JOB for once your life, you orange freak.  Jake gets the hot tag, but Virgil runs in (with a broken arm — now THAT’S Smithers-quality toadying) and takes a DDT for the boss, which allows Dibiase to drop a fist and pin Roberts with his feet on the ropes.  And the plot thickens.  Dibiase kills Hogan until The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Away decides to start no-selling at an arbitrary and finish Dibiase with his usual at 27:28.  I *really* question the need for Hogan to win that match, considering his was ALREADY the champion and all.  I mean, if you put Dibiase over there, you pop HUGE heel heat for him and build to a pretty good blowoff for the future.  Alas, such are the dreams of fools like I.   Survivor:  Hulk Hogan.

Intermission.

Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka & The Bushwhackers v. Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect & The Rougeau Brothers.

Talk about your contrast in talent.  The faces start by providing a visual demonstration of my opinion of the lot of them:  They all bite.  (2011 Scott sez:  Hey, I love Roddy Piper!  WCW must have really soured me on him at that point.)  Pretty much a comedy match to start, with Jacques in full melodramatic oversell mode.  Superfly splash gets rid of him in short order.  Rude & Hennig have some heel miscommunication to keep the faces on offense.  Piper gets Raymond on a piledriver.  So it’s Rude & Hennig against all four faces.  Hennig gets beat up, but manages a quick rollup on Butch to even it up a little.  Rude takes out Luke with the Rude Awakening and it’s 2-on-2.  The heels now toy with Snuka for a while, with Hennig his usual great self.  The sequence can most politiely be referred to as “unreasonably lengthy” and least politely as “more boring than watching Nitro”.  Piper gets the hot tag as I struggle to remember how they booked it to get rid of Piper and Rude without anyone jobbing.  Oh, yeah, brawl to double-countout, that’s it.  You know, the transition from 80s wrestling to 90s wrestling was starting to become apparent, as the bookers didn’t want to job ANYONE to ANYONE if they could possibly help it, because it might hurt a house show gate in Podunk, MD if the fans didn’t believe that both guys in the “C level” show main event were indestructible.  You know, the more I learn about the politics of wrestling, the more the smart in me hopes I never get involved in any way.   We’re down to Snuka v. Perfect, and then the mark in me gets another little ray of hope, as Snuka wisely allows Hennig to carry him through a really nice little wrestling match.  A roll-through on a cross-body gets two for Perfect, and the Perfectplex finishes it at 21:27.  Nothing cheers me up more than watching Curt Hennig rebel against the bookers in his own way by getting over on his god-given wrestling ability.  And despite Hogan’s politicking, he used that talent to get so over that he was THAT close to being put over Hogan before it got vetoed by the Balding One.  This match, however, was just there.  *  Survivor:  Curt Hennig.  (2011 Scott sez:  I’m pretty sure this match must have been better than I’m giving it credit for.  I could be kind of a dick in the 90s)

Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty v. Bobby Heenan, Arn Anderson, Haku & Andre the Giant.

Heenan is in there because Tully Blanchard “failed a drug test” (HAH!) and got fired before the show.  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course, Tully actually DID fail a drug test, which makes you ask “How much blow did you have to do to fail a WWF drug test in the 80s?” and there you have your answer.)  Ultimate Warrior does the Steve Austin entrance, waiting until his partners get beat on by the heels, and THEN making the big save.  As a testament to how pathetically deteriorated he was, Andre gets clotheslined out of the ring by Warrior and counted out mere seconds into the match.  Yeah, there’s a GREAT choice to put the tag titles on, Vince.  No wonder you almost went bankrupt in 1990, you moron.  To put this in perspective, this was the time when Warrior was headlining house shows against Andre and winning in 30 seconds with three clotheslines.  Think Hulk Hogan will be doing the house show circuit to put over a hot newcomer when HE’S 60 years old and falling apart?  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course not!  He’ll be headlining TNA’s Bound For Glory PPV against Sting and getting Flair to take bumps for him!)

 Neidhart beats up everyone while Andre stands in the aisleway doing what can be best described as his impersonation of Rock doing his impersonation of the Big Show. (2011 Scott sez:  What the fuck was I talking about there?)  Anvil quickly takes a Haku thrust kick to the back of the head and hits the showers.  The Rockers and AA/Haku proceed to do a GREAT little mini-match, and I suddenly dream about what they had planned if Tully hadn’t been turfed.  Heenan draws HUGE heel heat by tagging in for a cheap shot and then immediately tagging out.  Then, after AA beats Jannetty into a pulp, he tags in again and gets the pin.  See, THAT’S how to be a cowardly heel.  Warrior takes out his agressions on Arn and Haku, then Shawn finishes Haku with a cross-body off the top.  Shawn gets tossed to the floor and we almost have LUCHA-BRAIN as Bobby teases a dive off the top rope, but then thinks better of it.  The Heenan Family dissention is furthered as Heenan gives Arn shit for, you know, tagging him.  Arn takes out his frustrations on Michaels, pinning him after a spinebuster.  So it’s Warrior against AA and the Brain.  Arn gets some essentially token offense, then gets splattered.  See ya.  Warrior toys with the Weasel for his own petty amusement (the best kind) then puts him out of his misery with a should tackle at 20:25.  Okay, I admit, I enjoyed watching Warrior humiliate poor Bobby and give him his just desserts.  The match falls under my usual category:  Entertaining crap.  **3/4

 The Bottom Line:

This was pretty much as pedestrian and unexceptional as they come, which was par for the course at that time.

But hey, the next year, something REALLY big happens, so there’s always that to look forward to.

Don’t bother with 89, however.

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 89

In our continuing trip back to when the WWF REALLY REALLY SUCKED, we hit Survivor Series 89, which was probably the low point, wrestling-wise, of the year.  If you don’t count No Holds Barred: The Pay-Per-View.  And really, who does?

And no, I will NOT review No Holds Barred:  The Pay-Per-View.  So just don’t even bother e-mailing me about it.

2011 Scott sez:  This still holds true today.

Live from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Jesse Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon.

Thankfully (or not, depending on your point of view), by 1989 the WWF had managed to get organized enough not to have every PPV run 4 and a half hours, and so no clipping was needed for this show.

Opening match:  Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Honky Tonk Man & Rick Martel v. Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Terry Taylor & Dusty Rhodes.

And as you can see, the unwieldly 5 on 5 format was dumped in favor of 4 on 4, which produced 5 matches instead of 4.  Good move, sez I.  Martel & Santana had the main issue (I refuse to call Bossman & the American Cow’s “feud” over the nightstick a legitimate issue) so they start.  Pretty non-descript match to start, as they run through the basics and Taylor gets to play sacrificial lamb.  Or rooster.  He was just riding out the contractual gravy train at that point anyway, collecting his pay until he could legally go ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD but the WWF.  Santana gets the hot tag and kills Martel, but tries a rollup and it gets reversed for the pin.  Geez, that makes like 140 matches between those two with that ending.  Interesting note for those of you obsessive enough to e-mail me stuff like this:  Shane-O-Mac, the most homocidal, genocidal, suicidal guy to wear a sweater vest, is the on-the-floor referee for every match, probably stuck there on the order of Daddy-O-Mac in order to learn the flow and pace of a wrestling match.  The future Sapphire is shown in the front row of the crowd, cheering on the Dream.  Taylor and Martel do a nice sequence, and AGAIN poor Terry gets killed.  Geez, he’s getting buried, we GET IT ALREADY.  He makes the mistake of talking smack to Bad News Brown, and takes a beating for it.  Gotta admire the guy for guts.  However, once again, Bad News runs afoul of a teammate (this year’s lucky winner:  Big Bossman) and walks out on his team.  But I mean, it makes sense:  What self-respecting bad-ass black guy would team with a prison guard and a guy nicknamed “Honky”?  It’s just BEGGING for a bad situation.  Ahem.  HTM & Beefcake do their usual match, with an unusual twist:  Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky lays down clean.  Martel & Beefer do a boring mini-match next, with Brutus getting the pin on a sunset flip.  Bossman is 1-on-3 now.  He dispatches Taylor without breaking much of a sweat, and speaking of breaking sweat, here comes Dusty with a bodypress for the pin and the victory at 22:00.  This was decent.  **1/4  Survivors:  Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake.

Randy Savage, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine & Earthquake v. Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart & Hercules.

Wow, a synchronized 2×4 routine! Yeah, just kill me now.  Bravo is, I believe, subbing for Barry Windham here, who I distinctly remember being part of this show but can’t for the life of me remember who took his place.  (2011 Scott sez:  See, I told you I’d suck at that Sporcle quiz!)  Bret gets BIG pops when he gets in the ring, and don’t think that wasn’t noticed.  The faces lay into Valentine for a while.  Hercules gets caught in the wrong corner, however, and flattened with a Quake splash in short order.  Buh bye.  Bret manages to schoolboy Quake from behind, which allows Garvin a splash for a two count.  Cute.  Garvin plays slug-in-peril for a while.  Duggan catches a quick tag and clotheslines Hammer for the pin.  Bret and Savage exchange a quick sequence, bringing a ray of hope into this show.  Sadly, Bravo tags in.  Sigh.  Garvin comes in and gets side-slammed and pinned.  Gee, and I thought he had it wrapped up after the GARVIN STOMP OF DOOM.  Savage & Bret tease me again by doing another couple of minutes.  Brets gets destroyed by Earthquake and does his usual amazing sell job.  Miracle tag allows Duggan to come in to get a few shots in, but then he tags Bret back in.  HUH?  And as you’d expect, Savage pounces like a vulture and finishes the injured Bret with the big elbow.  Man, what an idiot Duggan is.  Duggan is now 1-on-3.  He uses his limited brain power to temporarily outsmart the heels, but then they realize that there’s THREE of them and ONE of Duggan and proceed to getting medieval on him.  Unnecessarily cheap ending follows as Sherri trips him up and he’s counted out at 23:23.  Geez, you’ve got a former World champ, the World’s Strongest Man and a guy named after a natural disaster, and they need a GIRL to beat Duggan?  That’s just sad.  *1/2  Survivors:  Bravo, Earthquake, Savage.  (2011 Scott sez:  You know what’s even more sad?  Just look at who the three survivors and the manager are and what happened to them all.  Unfortunately they proved to be anything but survivors of wrestling)

And now, here to read a poem for us all, the Genius.

Ted Dibiase, Zeus, Warlord & Barbarian v. Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts & Demolition. 

Oh, this oughta be a classic.  The Demos had regained the tag titles from the Brainbusters the week before (in TV time), but only because the ‘Busters were rapidly being shown the door and Vince needed an over team to job to that other awesome duo:  Haku & Andre the Giant.  Yeah, that’s a fair trade.  That big Hogan v. Zeus issue was still building, so they start.  For those who weren’t around way back then, there was a VERY real fear amongst smart fans that Vince would run Hogan v. Zeus as the main at Wrestlemania VI.  The big Z no-sells all of Hogan’s offense, which makes him my hero for a few seconds.  He shoves the ref and gets DQ’d.  Yeah, bring on that singles match!  Well, at least he went quick.  Hulk gets beat up by the heels for a while, then Snake & Dibiase do their thing.  They had the issue at the time, ostensibly over the Million Dollar Belt…but my secret inside sources reveal that in fact it was a big contest between them, to see who destroy their life most dramatically with drugs and alcohol, then last longest doing the bible-thumping circuit as born-again Christians.  Dibiase won that one pretty easily.  And at that point, Gorilla hits a great quote:  “I don’t care if you’ve got a Z on the side of your head or not, THAT’S NOT LEGAL”.  Try saying that one to complete strangers, just to annoy them.  Ax comes in and gets pinned after being tripped up and elbow-dropped.  Smash comes in, more boredom follows, and he gets clotheslined and pinned by Barbarian.  Man, did the Demos piss off a booker or something?  The heels work Roberts over slowly.  Hogan gets the hot tag and is double-teamed by the Powers of Pain, who are BOTH disqualified.  LAAAAAAAAAAAAME.  Jesse is nearly going apoplectic, yelling about Hebner being paid off by Hogan and giving him an easy time of it by disqualifying 3/4 of Dibiase’s team.  He’s got a point.  Anyway, it’s Hogan & Roberts v. Dibiase.  If it’s 1988, then MAYBE there’s suspense, but the Dibiase push is deader than…aw, just make your own tasteless joke.  Hogan survives the Million Dollar Dream by using that special scientific counter:  Having your partner run in and cheap shot the guy on the third drop of the arm.  What a PUSS Hogan was.  Be a freakin’ MAN and DO THE JOB for once your life, you orange freak.  Jake gets the hot tag, but Virgil runs in (with a broken arm — now THAT’S Smithers-quality toadying) and takes a DDT for the boss, which allows Dibiase to drop a fist and pin Roberts with his feet on the ropes.  And the plot thickens.  Dibiase kills Hogan until The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Away decides to start no-selling at an arbitrary and finish Dibiase with his usual at 27:28.  I *really* question the need for Hogan to win that match, considering his was ALREADY the champion and all.  I mean, if you put Dibiase over there, you pop HUGE heel heat for him and build to a pretty good blowoff for the future.  Alas, such are the dreams of fools like I.   Survivor:  Hulk Hogan.

Intermission.

Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka & The Bushwhackers v. Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect & The Rougeau Brothers.

Talk about your contrast in talent.  The faces start by providing a visual demonstration of my opinion of the lot of them:  They all bite.  (2011 Scott sez:  Hey, I love Roddy Piper!  WCW must have really soured me on him at that point.)  Pretty much a comedy match to start, with Jacques in full melodramatic oversell mode.  Superfly splash gets rid of him in short order.  Rude & Hennig have some heel miscommunication to keep the faces on offense.  Piper gets Raymond on a piledriver.  So it’s Rude & Hennig against all four faces.  Hennig gets beat up, but manages a quick rollup on Butch to even it up a little.  Rude takes out Luke with the Rude Awakening and it’s 2-on-2.  The heels now toy with Snuka for a while, with Hennig his usual great self.  The sequence can most politiely be referred to as “unreasonably lengthy” and least politely as “more boring than watching Nitro”.  Piper gets the hot tag as I struggle to remember how they booked it to get rid of Piper and Rude without anyone jobbing.  Oh, yeah, brawl to double-countout, that’s it.  You know, the transition from 80s wrestling to 90s wrestling was starting to become apparent, as the bookers didn’t want to job ANYONE to ANYONE if they could possibly help it, because it might hurt a house show gate in Podunk, MD if the fans didn’t believe that both guys in the “C level” show main event were indestructible.  You know, the more I learn about the politics of wrestling, the more the smart in me hopes I never get involved in any way.   We’re down to Snuka v. Perfect, and then the mark in me gets another little ray of hope, as Snuka wisely allows Hennig to carry him through a really nice little wrestling match.  A roll-through on a cross-body gets two for Perfect, and the Perfectplex finishes it at 21:27.  Nothing cheers me up more than watching Curt Hennig rebel against the bookers in his own way by getting over on his god-given wrestling ability.  And despite Hogan’s politicking, he used that talent to get so over that he was THAT close to being put over Hogan before it got vetoed by the Balding One.  This match, however, was just there.  *  Survivor:  Curt Hennig.  (2011 Scott sez:  I’m pretty sure this match must have been better than I’m giving it credit for.  I could be kind of a dick in the 90s)

Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty v. Bobby Heenan, Arn Anderson, Haku & Andre the Giant.

Heenan is in there because Tully Blanchard “failed a drug test” (HAH!) and got fired before the show.  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course, Tully actually DID fail a drug test, which makes you ask “How much blow did you have to do to fail a WWF drug test in the 80s?” and there you have your answer.)  Ultimate Warrior does the Steve Austin entrance, waiting until his partners get beat on by the heels, and THEN making the big save.  As a testament to how pathetically deteriorated he was, Andre gets clotheslined out of the ring by Warrior and counted out mere seconds into the match.  Yeah, there’s a GREAT choice to put the tag titles on, Vince.  No wonder you almost went bankrupt in 1990, you moron.  To put this in perspective, this was the time when Warrior was headlining house shows against Andre and winning in 30 seconds with three clotheslines.  Think Hulk Hogan will be doing the house show circuit to put over a hot newcomer when HE’S 60 years old and falling apart?  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course not!  He’ll be headlining TNA’s Bound For Glory PPV against Sting and getting Flair to take bumps for him!)

 Neidhart beats up everyone while Andre stands in the aisleway doing what can be best described as his impersonation of Rock doing his impersonation of the Big Show. (2011 Scott sez:  What the fuck was I talking about there?)  Anvil quickly takes a Haku thrust kick to the back of the head and hits the showers.  The Rockers and AA/Haku proceed to do a GREAT little mini-match, and I suddenly dream about what they had planned if Tully hadn’t been turfed.  Heenan draws HUGE heel heat by tagging in for a cheap shot and then immediately tagging out.  Then, after AA beats Jannetty into a pulp, he tags in again and gets the pin.  See, THAT’S how to be a cowardly heel.  Warrior takes out his agressions on Arn and Haku, then Shawn finishes Haku with a cross-body off the top.  Shawn gets tossed to the floor and we almost have LUCHA-BRAIN as Bobby teases a dive off the top rope, but then thinks better of it.  The Heenan Family dissention is furthered as Heenan gives Arn shit for, you know, tagging him.  Arn takes out his frustrations on Michaels, pinning him after a spinebuster.  So it’s Warrior against AA and the Brain.  Arn gets some essentially token offense, then gets splattered.  See ya.  Warrior toys with the Weasel for his own petty amusement (the best kind) then puts him out of his misery with a should tackle at 20:25.  Okay, I admit, I enjoyed watching Warrior humiliate poor Bobby and give him his just desserts.  The match falls under my usual category:  Entertaining crap.  **3/4

 The Bottom Line:

This was pretty much as pedestrian and unexceptional as they come, which was par for the course at that time.

But hey, the next year, something REALLY big happens, so there’s always that to look forward to.

Don’t bother with 89, however.

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 89

In our continuing trip back to when the WWF REALLY REALLY SUCKED, we hit Survivor Series 89, which was probably the low point, wrestling-wise, of the year.  If you don’t count No Holds Barred: The Pay-Per-View.  And really, who does?

And no, I will NOT review No Holds Barred:  The Pay-Per-View.  So just don’t even bother e-mailing me about it.

2011 Scott sez:  This still holds true today.

Live from Chicago, IL

Your hosts are Jesse Ventura and Gorilla Monsoon.

Thankfully (or not, depending on your point of view), by 1989 the WWF had managed to get organized enough not to have every PPV run 4 and a half hours, and so no clipping was needed for this show.

Opening match:  Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Honky Tonk Man & Rick Martel v. Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Terry Taylor & Dusty Rhodes.

And as you can see, the unwieldly 5 on 5 format was dumped in favor of 4 on 4, which produced 5 matches instead of 4.  Good move, sez I.  Martel & Santana had the main issue (I refuse to call Bossman & the American Cow’s “feud” over the nightstick a legitimate issue) so they start.  Pretty non-descript match to start, as they run through the basics and Taylor gets to play sacrificial lamb.  Or rooster.  He was just riding out the contractual gravy train at that point anyway, collecting his pay until he could legally go ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD but the WWF.  Santana gets the hot tag and kills Martel, but tries a rollup and it gets reversed for the pin.  Geez, that makes like 140 matches between those two with that ending.  Interesting note for those of you obsessive enough to e-mail me stuff like this:  Shane-O-Mac, the most homocidal, genocidal, suicidal guy to wear a sweater vest, is the on-the-floor referee for every match, probably stuck there on the order of Daddy-O-Mac in order to learn the flow and pace of a wrestling match.  The future Sapphire is shown in the front row of the crowd, cheering on the Dream.  Taylor and Martel do a nice sequence, and AGAIN poor Terry gets killed.  Geez, he’s getting buried, we GET IT ALREADY.  He makes the mistake of talking smack to Bad News Brown, and takes a beating for it.  Gotta admire the guy for guts.  However, once again, Bad News runs afoul of a teammate (this year’s lucky winner:  Big Bossman) and walks out on his team.  But I mean, it makes sense:  What self-respecting bad-ass black guy would team with a prison guard and a guy nicknamed “Honky”?  It’s just BEGGING for a bad situation.  Ahem.  HTM & Beefcake do their usual match, with an unusual twist:  Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky lays down clean.  Martel & Beefer do a boring mini-match next, with Brutus getting the pin on a sunset flip.  Bossman is 1-on-3 now.  He dispatches Taylor without breaking much of a sweat, and speaking of breaking sweat, here comes Dusty with a bodypress for the pin and the victory at 22:00.  This was decent.  **1/4  Survivors:  Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake.

Randy Savage, Dino Bravo, Greg Valentine & Earthquake v. Jim Duggan, Ronnie Garvin, Bret Hart & Hercules.

Wow, a synchronized 2×4 routine! Yeah, just kill me now.  Bravo is, I believe, subbing for Barry Windham here, who I distinctly remember being part of this show but can’t for the life of me remember who took his place.  (2011 Scott sez:  See, I told you I’d suck at that Sporcle quiz!)  Bret gets BIG pops when he gets in the ring, and don’t think that wasn’t noticed.  The faces lay into Valentine for a while.  Hercules gets caught in the wrong corner, however, and flattened with a Quake splash in short order.  Buh bye.  Bret manages to schoolboy Quake from behind, which allows Garvin a splash for a two count.  Cute.  Garvin plays slug-in-peril for a while.  Duggan catches a quick tag and clotheslines Hammer for the pin.  Bret and Savage exchange a quick sequence, bringing a ray of hope into this show.  Sadly, Bravo tags in.  Sigh.  Garvin comes in and gets side-slammed and pinned.  Gee, and I thought he had it wrapped up after the GARVIN STOMP OF DOOM.  Savage & Bret tease me again by doing another couple of minutes.  Brets gets destroyed by Earthquake and does his usual amazing sell job.  Miracle tag allows Duggan to come in to get a few shots in, but then he tags Bret back in.  HUH?  And as you’d expect, Savage pounces like a vulture and finishes the injured Bret with the big elbow.  Man, what an idiot Duggan is.  Duggan is now 1-on-3.  He uses his limited brain power to temporarily outsmart the heels, but then they realize that there’s THREE of them and ONE of Duggan and proceed to getting medieval on him.  Unnecessarily cheap ending follows as Sherri trips him up and he’s counted out at 23:23.  Geez, you’ve got a former World champ, the World’s Strongest Man and a guy named after a natural disaster, and they need a GIRL to beat Duggan?  That’s just sad.  *1/2  Survivors:  Bravo, Earthquake, Savage.  (2011 Scott sez:  You know what’s even more sad?  Just look at who the three survivors and the manager are and what happened to them all.  Unfortunately they proved to be anything but survivors of wrestling)

And now, here to read a poem for us all, the Genius.

Ted Dibiase, Zeus, Warlord & Barbarian v. Hulk Hogan, Jake Roberts & Demolition. 

Oh, this oughta be a classic.  The Demos had regained the tag titles from the Brainbusters the week before (in TV time), but only because the ‘Busters were rapidly being shown the door and Vince needed an over team to job to that other awesome duo:  Haku & Andre the Giant.  Yeah, that’s a fair trade.  That big Hogan v. Zeus issue was still building, so they start.  For those who weren’t around way back then, there was a VERY real fear amongst smart fans that Vince would run Hogan v. Zeus as the main at Wrestlemania VI.  The big Z no-sells all of Hogan’s offense, which makes him my hero for a few seconds.  He shoves the ref and gets DQ’d.  Yeah, bring on that singles match!  Well, at least he went quick.  Hulk gets beat up by the heels for a while, then Snake & Dibiase do their thing.  They had the issue at the time, ostensibly over the Million Dollar Belt…but my secret inside sources reveal that in fact it was a big contest between them, to see who destroy their life most dramatically with drugs and alcohol, then last longest doing the bible-thumping circuit as born-again Christians.  Dibiase won that one pretty easily.  And at that point, Gorilla hits a great quote:  “I don’t care if you’ve got a Z on the side of your head or not, THAT’S NOT LEGAL”.  Try saying that one to complete strangers, just to annoy them.  Ax comes in and gets pinned after being tripped up and elbow-dropped.  Smash comes in, more boredom follows, and he gets clotheslined and pinned by Barbarian.  Man, did the Demos piss off a booker or something?  The heels work Roberts over slowly.  Hogan gets the hot tag and is double-teamed by the Powers of Pain, who are BOTH disqualified.  LAAAAAAAAAAAAME.  Jesse is nearly going apoplectic, yelling about Hebner being paid off by Hogan and giving him an easy time of it by disqualifying 3/4 of Dibiase’s team.  He’s got a point.  Anyway, it’s Hogan & Roberts v. Dibiase.  If it’s 1988, then MAYBE there’s suspense, but the Dibiase push is deader than…aw, just make your own tasteless joke.  Hogan survives the Million Dollar Dream by using that special scientific counter:  Having your partner run in and cheap shot the guy on the third drop of the arm.  What a PUSS Hogan was.  Be a freakin’ MAN and DO THE JOB for once your life, you orange freak.  Jake gets the hot tag, but Virgil runs in (with a broken arm — now THAT’S Smithers-quality toadying) and takes a DDT for the boss, which allows Dibiase to drop a fist and pin Roberts with his feet on the ropes.  And the plot thickens.  Dibiase kills Hogan until The Thing That Wouldn’t Go Away decides to start no-selling at an arbitrary and finish Dibiase with his usual at 27:28.  I *really* question the need for Hogan to win that match, considering his was ALREADY the champion and all.  I mean, if you put Dibiase over there, you pop HUGE heel heat for him and build to a pretty good blowoff for the future.  Alas, such are the dreams of fools like I.   Survivor:  Hulk Hogan.

Intermission.

Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka & The Bushwhackers v. Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect & The Rougeau Brothers.

Talk about your contrast in talent.  The faces start by providing a visual demonstration of my opinion of the lot of them:  They all bite.  (2011 Scott sez:  Hey, I love Roddy Piper!  WCW must have really soured me on him at that point.)  Pretty much a comedy match to start, with Jacques in full melodramatic oversell mode.  Superfly splash gets rid of him in short order.  Rude & Hennig have some heel miscommunication to keep the faces on offense.  Piper gets Raymond on a piledriver.  So it’s Rude & Hennig against all four faces.  Hennig gets beat up, but manages a quick rollup on Butch to even it up a little.  Rude takes out Luke with the Rude Awakening and it’s 2-on-2.  The heels now toy with Snuka for a while, with Hennig his usual great self.  The sequence can most politiely be referred to as “unreasonably lengthy” and least politely as “more boring than watching Nitro”.  Piper gets the hot tag as I struggle to remember how they booked it to get rid of Piper and Rude without anyone jobbing.  Oh, yeah, brawl to double-countout, that’s it.  You know, the transition from 80s wrestling to 90s wrestling was starting to become apparent, as the bookers didn’t want to job ANYONE to ANYONE if they could possibly help it, because it might hurt a house show gate in Podunk, MD if the fans didn’t believe that both guys in the “C level” show main event were indestructible.  You know, the more I learn about the politics of wrestling, the more the smart in me hopes I never get involved in any way.   We’re down to Snuka v. Perfect, and then the mark in me gets another little ray of hope, as Snuka wisely allows Hennig to carry him through a really nice little wrestling match.  A roll-through on a cross-body gets two for Perfect, and the Perfectplex finishes it at 21:27.  Nothing cheers me up more than watching Curt Hennig rebel against the bookers in his own way by getting over on his god-given wrestling ability.  And despite Hogan’s politicking, he used that talent to get so over that he was THAT close to being put over Hogan before it got vetoed by the Balding One.  This match, however, was just there.  *  Survivor:  Curt Hennig.  (2011 Scott sez:  I’m pretty sure this match must have been better than I’m giving it credit for.  I could be kind of a dick in the 90s)

Ultimate Warrior, Jim Neidhart, Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty v. Bobby Heenan, Arn Anderson, Haku & Andre the Giant.

Heenan is in there because Tully Blanchard “failed a drug test” (HAH!) and got fired before the show.  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course, Tully actually DID fail a drug test, which makes you ask “How much blow did you have to do to fail a WWF drug test in the 80s?” and there you have your answer.)  Ultimate Warrior does the Steve Austin entrance, waiting until his partners get beat on by the heels, and THEN making the big save.  As a testament to how pathetically deteriorated he was, Andre gets clotheslined out of the ring by Warrior and counted out mere seconds into the match.  Yeah, there’s a GREAT choice to put the tag titles on, Vince.  No wonder you almost went bankrupt in 1990, you moron.  To put this in perspective, this was the time when Warrior was headlining house shows against Andre and winning in 30 seconds with three clotheslines.  Think Hulk Hogan will be doing the house show circuit to put over a hot newcomer when HE’S 60 years old and falling apart?  (2011 Scott sez:  Of course not!  He’ll be headlining TNA’s Bound For Glory PPV against Sting and getting Flair to take bumps for him!)

 Neidhart beats up everyone while Andre stands in the aisleway doing what can be best described as his impersonation of Rock doing his impersonation of the Big Show. (2011 Scott sez:  What the fuck was I talking about there?)  Anvil quickly takes a Haku thrust kick to the back of the head and hits the showers.  The Rockers and AA/Haku proceed to do a GREAT little mini-match, and I suddenly dream about what they had planned if Tully hadn’t been turfed.  Heenan draws HUGE heel heat by tagging in for a cheap shot and then immediately tagging out.  Then, after AA beats Jannetty into a pulp, he tags in again and gets the pin.  See, THAT’S how to be a cowardly heel.  Warrior takes out his agressions on Arn and Haku, then Shawn finishes Haku with a cross-body off the top.  Shawn gets tossed to the floor and we almost have LUCHA-BRAIN as Bobby teases a dive off the top rope, but then thinks better of it.  The Heenan Family dissention is furthered as Heenan gives Arn shit for, you know, tagging him.  Arn takes out his frustrations on Michaels, pinning him after a spinebuster.  So it’s Warrior against AA and the Brain.  Arn gets some essentially token offense, then gets splattered.  See ya.  Warrior toys with the Weasel for his own petty amusement (the best kind) then puts him out of his misery with a should tackle at 20:25.  Okay, I admit, I enjoyed watching Warrior humiliate poor Bobby and give him his just desserts.  The match falls under my usual category:  Entertaining crap.  **3/4

 The Bottom Line:

This was pretty much as pedestrian and unexceptional as they come, which was par for the course at that time.

But hey, the next year, something REALLY big happens, so there’s always that to look forward to.

Don’t bother with 89, however.

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 88

– Live from Richfield, OH again.

– Your hosts are Jesse Ventura & Gorilla Monsoon

– Opening match:  Demolition, The Bolsheviks, The Brainbusters, the Conquistadors & The Rougeau Brothers v. The Powers of Pain, The Rockers, The British Bulldogs, The Hart Foundation & The Young Stallions.

Fast start, with everyone hitting their stuff at various points.  Bret Hart gets the first pin, small packaging Ray Rougeau after taking a beating.  A Conquistador tags in and gets killed.  Jose Luis Rivera and Miguel Perez looked basically the same so I have no way of distinguishing them.  Demolition lays a beatin’ on Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.  Triviata:  This is the only time Bret and Shawn ever tagged.  Shawn takes a spinebuster from AA for two.  Everyone gets a chance to run through their stuff as we get almost every combination of matchup.  The action is literally non-stop until Zukhov reverses a Jim Powers bodypress for the pin about 16 minutes in.  The Busters’ snobbish avoidance of the rest of their team is pretty funny.  Barbarian gets pounded on for a bit in a dull sequence.  Jannetty then sunset flips in and gets rid of Boris Zukhov and the Bolsheviks.  A Conquistador gets absolutely murdered by the faces, but keeps kicking out.  He finally escapes and tags in Tully.  Slow period follows, with Janetty coming in to pick up the pace.  Bret with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM on Tully.  German suplex, but then it’s that spot I hate where one guy, in this case Tully, lifts his shoulder and gets the pin.  The Rockers and Busters then get into a brawl and all get DQ’d.  So it’s Demos & Conquistadors v. Bulldogs & Powers of Pain.  The Conquistadors get tossed around a bunch, but keep kicking out.  Bulldogs & Demolition do their thing for a bit, then those poor Conquistadors take MORE punishment.  But the face team won’t put them away.  It backfires on them as Dynamite misses a headbutt and Smash clotheslines him for the pin.  The Powers punish the poor Conquistadors some more, but Warlord misses a charge and gets Demolish-ed.  Then just as the Demos have it won, Fuji jumps on the apron and pulls Smash out, “by accident”.  Smash is counted out, and the Demos are pissed.  They turn on Fuji, drawing a face pop, and we’re left with Powers of Pain v. Conquistadors.  The Powers dust off Fuji and bring him to their corner, then Barbarian polishes off a Conquistador for the win at a whopping 42:18.  That’s quite the opening match.  Survivors:  Warlord & Barbarian.  Slowed down too much by the end.  ***1/2   The POP celebrate with Fuji, and the Demos attack, and the fans are completely confused what to do now.

– The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, The Blue Blazer & Jim Brunzell v. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine & Bad News Brown. 

HTM shows two fatal logic flaws:

1. Using Bass and Davis again after their poor showing in 87
2. Using Bad News when he’s obviously a psycotic loner.

Well, no one ever accused Honky of being the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Davis goes out in short order via the sleeper.  CLIP ALERT!  We’re back with Brown killing Brunzell dead.  Ghetto Blaster finishes it.  CLIP ALERT!   Now it’s Sam Houston (yet another Jake Roberts relative) getting beaten on, but he moves and Hammer nails Bad News by mistake.  That’s more trouble for Bad News than he wants, so he walks out on his team.  CLIP ALERT!  Ron Bass takes out Sam Houston fairly easily.  CLIP ALERT!  Blazer misses a dive off the top rope and Hammer locks on the figure-four for the submission.  CLIP ALERT!  Beefcake kills Honky, and they both fall out of the ring for a double countout.  So it’s Warrior v. Bass & Valentine 2-on-1, and now the psycotic, Freddy Krueger-like director who’s been hacking at this match calms down and lets us see the ending.  And the ending lasts all of a minute, as Warrior pins both after double axehandle blows to the head.  Match was brutally clipped down to 8 minutes, from I believe 30 or so.  Thank god.  Survivor:  The Ultimate Warrior.

– Jake Roberts, Ken Patera, Tito Santana, Scott Casey & Jim Duggan v. Rick Rude, Dino Bravo, Harley Race, Mr. Perfect & Andre the Giant. 

CLIP ALERT!  Jesus, someone get the director a valium or something.  We cut right to Rude finishing Patera with the Rude Awakening.  CLIP ALERT!  Dino Bravo ends jobber Scott Casey’s night with the side slam.  CLIP ALERT!  Race gets pinned by Santana with the flying jalapeno.  Andre comes in right after and basically sits on him to pin him.  Duggan jumps in and ties up Andre in the ropes, allowing Jake to choke him out.  The heels work him over and…CLIP ALERT!  We magically jump to Duggan preparing to finish Bravo, but he gets hassled by Frenchie Martin and uses the 2×4 to respond, drawing a DQ.  So Jake goes 1-on-4.  Quick DDT dispatches Rude.  Andre chokes him half to death in the corner, drawing a DQ.  But Jake is gone, and Mr. P just rolls him over and pins him.  Survivors:  Dino Bravo & Mr. Perfect.  Clipped down to 8 minutes again, from 30.

– Main event:  Akeem, Haku, Terry Taylor, Big Bossman & Ted Dibiase v. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim, Koko B. Ware & Hercules.

Because when you see the Red Rooster and Koko B. Ware on opposing teams, you know it’s MAIN EVENT TIME, BABY!  Savage & Dibiase start and that’s pretty much the peak of the match, as it’s all downhill from there.  Everyone goes through the motions until Savage and Hogan double-team future boss Terry Taylor and dispatch him with the big elbow.  Everyone stops to regroup.  Akeem and Hillbilly go for a bit, and that ends quickly with a splash to get rid of ol’ Jim.  Law of the jungle says Koko should go next, because he’s next on the WWF jobber food chain.  Akeem celebrates and the face team blitzes him.  And sure enough, when Koko comes in he runs into the big boys and gets Bossman Slammed and pinned.  Well, the dead weight is gone, at least.  Hogan does the usual to Bossman but gets caught with a sidewalk slam.  The heels beat the crap out of him, which is always refreshing to see.  Hulk tags out to Hercules, who goes after Virgil like an idiot and gets pinned by Dibiase.  Savage pins Dibiase right after.  We’re left with the Twin Towers & Haku v. The Megapowers.  Boring segment as Haku uses the VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF DOOM to subdue Hulk.  Bossman hits the Slam, but misses a splash off the top and Savage gets a hot tag.  The Towers beat on Hogan outside, and Bossman is legal so he gets counted out.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  Hogan is then handcuffed to the ropes (and Woman throws hot coffee in his face and Elizabeth hits him with a shoe…oh, sorry, I’m 8 years ahead of myself there).  Akeem beats on Savage until the ref DQ’s him for excessive brutality or something.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  That leaves Haku against the Mega-Egos 2-on-1.  Ah, but Hogan is still handcuffed, so he’s able to beat on Savage for a while.  Meanwhile, in a fascinating pathos play outside the ring, Slick is busy waving the keys in front of Hogan, even though he really has no reason to even be at ringside anymore other than giving Hogan the opportunity to get the keys.  And surprise surprise, Hogan gets the keys after a Haku superkick goes astray and knocks Slick out.  He tags in, mops up, and finishes it with the usual at 29:12.  What a pile of shit that match was.  1/2*

 The Bottom Line: 

Injuries just destroyed this show, as jobbers filled in left and right and the resulting matches, aside from the good tag team Series match, sucked bigtime.  The Demo & Powers of Pain double-turn was big, the rest was meaningless time-filler.

Not recommended.

(2011 Scott sez:  I really need to get the Survivor Series Anthology set so I can do a proper review of this show, I think)

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 88

– Live from Richfield, OH again.

– Your hosts are Jesse Ventura & Gorilla Monsoon

– Opening match:  Demolition, The Bolsheviks, The Brainbusters, the Conquistadors & The Rougeau Brothers v. The Powers of Pain, The Rockers, The British Bulldogs, The Hart Foundation & The Young Stallions.

Fast start, with everyone hitting their stuff at various points.  Bret Hart gets the first pin, small packaging Ray Rougeau after taking a beating.  A Conquistador tags in and gets killed.  Jose Luis Rivera and Miguel Perez looked basically the same so I have no way of distinguishing them.  Demolition lays a beatin’ on Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.  Triviata:  This is the only time Bret and Shawn ever tagged.  Shawn takes a spinebuster from AA for two.  Everyone gets a chance to run through their stuff as we get almost every combination of matchup.  The action is literally non-stop until Zukhov reverses a Jim Powers bodypress for the pin about 16 minutes in.  The Busters’ snobbish avoidance of the rest of their team is pretty funny.  Barbarian gets pounded on for a bit in a dull sequence.  Jannetty then sunset flips in and gets rid of Boris Zukhov and the Bolsheviks.  A Conquistador gets absolutely murdered by the faces, but keeps kicking out.  He finally escapes and tags in Tully.  Slow period follows, with Janetty coming in to pick up the pace.  Bret with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM on Tully.  German suplex, but then it’s that spot I hate where one guy, in this case Tully, lifts his shoulder and gets the pin.  The Rockers and Busters then get into a brawl and all get DQ’d.  So it’s Demos & Conquistadors v. Bulldogs & Powers of Pain.  The Conquistadors get tossed around a bunch, but keep kicking out.  Bulldogs & Demolition do their thing for a bit, then those poor Conquistadors take MORE punishment.  But the face team won’t put them away.  It backfires on them as Dynamite misses a headbutt and Smash clotheslines him for the pin.  The Powers punish the poor Conquistadors some more, but Warlord misses a charge and gets Demolish-ed.  Then just as the Demos have it won, Fuji jumps on the apron and pulls Smash out, “by accident”.  Smash is counted out, and the Demos are pissed.  They turn on Fuji, drawing a face pop, and we’re left with Powers of Pain v. Conquistadors.  The Powers dust off Fuji and bring him to their corner, then Barbarian polishes off a Conquistador for the win at a whopping 42:18.  That’s quite the opening match.  Survivors:  Warlord & Barbarian.  Slowed down too much by the end.  ***1/2   The POP celebrate with Fuji, and the Demos attack, and the fans are completely confused what to do now.

– The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, The Blue Blazer & Jim Brunzell v. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine & Bad News Brown. 

HTM shows two fatal logic flaws:

1. Using Bass and Davis again after their poor showing in 87
2. Using Bad News when he’s obviously a psycotic loner.

Well, no one ever accused Honky of being the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Davis goes out in short order via the sleeper.  CLIP ALERT!  We’re back with Brown killing Brunzell dead.  Ghetto Blaster finishes it.  CLIP ALERT!   Now it’s Sam Houston (yet another Jake Roberts relative) getting beaten on, but he moves and Hammer nails Bad News by mistake.  That’s more trouble for Bad News than he wants, so he walks out on his team.  CLIP ALERT!  Ron Bass takes out Sam Houston fairly easily.  CLIP ALERT!  Blazer misses a dive off the top rope and Hammer locks on the figure-four for the submission.  CLIP ALERT!  Beefcake kills Honky, and they both fall out of the ring for a double countout.  So it’s Warrior v. Bass & Valentine 2-on-1, and now the psycotic, Freddy Krueger-like director who’s been hacking at this match calms down and lets us see the ending.  And the ending lasts all of a minute, as Warrior pins both after double axehandle blows to the head.  Match was brutally clipped down to 8 minutes, from I believe 30 or so.  Thank god.  Survivor:  The Ultimate Warrior.

– Jake Roberts, Ken Patera, Tito Santana, Scott Casey & Jim Duggan v. Rick Rude, Dino Bravo, Harley Race, Mr. Perfect & Andre the Giant. 

CLIP ALERT!  Jesus, someone get the director a valium or something.  We cut right to Rude finishing Patera with the Rude Awakening.  CLIP ALERT!  Dino Bravo ends jobber Scott Casey’s night with the side slam.  CLIP ALERT!  Race gets pinned by Santana with the flying jalapeno.  Andre comes in right after and basically sits on him to pin him.  Duggan jumps in and ties up Andre in the ropes, allowing Jake to choke him out.  The heels work him over and…CLIP ALERT!  We magically jump to Duggan preparing to finish Bravo, but he gets hassled by Frenchie Martin and uses the 2×4 to respond, drawing a DQ.  So Jake goes 1-on-4.  Quick DDT dispatches Rude.  Andre chokes him half to death in the corner, drawing a DQ.  But Jake is gone, and Mr. P just rolls him over and pins him.  Survivors:  Dino Bravo & Mr. Perfect.  Clipped down to 8 minutes again, from 30.

– Main event:  Akeem, Haku, Terry Taylor, Big Bossman & Ted Dibiase v. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim, Koko B. Ware & Hercules.

Because when you see the Red Rooster and Koko B. Ware on opposing teams, you know it’s MAIN EVENT TIME, BABY!  Savage & Dibiase start and that’s pretty much the peak of the match, as it’s all downhill from there.  Everyone goes through the motions until Savage and Hogan double-team future boss Terry Taylor and dispatch him with the big elbow.  Everyone stops to regroup.  Akeem and Hillbilly go for a bit, and that ends quickly with a splash to get rid of ol’ Jim.  Law of the jungle says Koko should go next, because he’s next on the WWF jobber food chain.  Akeem celebrates and the face team blitzes him.  And sure enough, when Koko comes in he runs into the big boys and gets Bossman Slammed and pinned.  Well, the dead weight is gone, at least.  Hogan does the usual to Bossman but gets caught with a sidewalk slam.  The heels beat the crap out of him, which is always refreshing to see.  Hulk tags out to Hercules, who goes after Virgil like an idiot and gets pinned by Dibiase.  Savage pins Dibiase right after.  We’re left with the Twin Towers & Haku v. The Megapowers.  Boring segment as Haku uses the VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF DOOM to subdue Hulk.  Bossman hits the Slam, but misses a splash off the top and Savage gets a hot tag.  The Towers beat on Hogan outside, and Bossman is legal so he gets counted out.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  Hogan is then handcuffed to the ropes (and Woman throws hot coffee in his face and Elizabeth hits him with a shoe…oh, sorry, I’m 8 years ahead of myself there).  Akeem beats on Savage until the ref DQ’s him for excessive brutality or something.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  That leaves Haku against the Mega-Egos 2-on-1.  Ah, but Hogan is still handcuffed, so he’s able to beat on Savage for a while.  Meanwhile, in a fascinating pathos play outside the ring, Slick is busy waving the keys in front of Hogan, even though he really has no reason to even be at ringside anymore other than giving Hogan the opportunity to get the keys.  And surprise surprise, Hogan gets the keys after a Haku superkick goes astray and knocks Slick out.  He tags in, mops up, and finishes it with the usual at 29:12.  What a pile of shit that match was.  1/2*

 The Bottom Line: 

Injuries just destroyed this show, as jobbers filled in left and right and the resulting matches, aside from the good tag team Series match, sucked bigtime.  The Demo & Powers of Pain double-turn was big, the rest was meaningless time-filler.

Not recommended.

(2011 Scott sez:  I really need to get the Survivor Series Anthology set so I can do a proper review of this show, I think)

The Netcop Retro Rant for Survivor Series 88

– Live from Richfield, OH again.

– Your hosts are Jesse Ventura & Gorilla Monsoon

– Opening match:  Demolition, The Bolsheviks, The Brainbusters, the Conquistadors & The Rougeau Brothers v. The Powers of Pain, The Rockers, The British Bulldogs, The Hart Foundation & The Young Stallions.

Fast start, with everyone hitting their stuff at various points.  Bret Hart gets the first pin, small packaging Ray Rougeau after taking a beating.  A Conquistador tags in and gets killed.  Jose Luis Rivera and Miguel Perez looked basically the same so I have no way of distinguishing them.  Demolition lays a beatin’ on Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart.  Triviata:  This is the only time Bret and Shawn ever tagged.  Shawn takes a spinebuster from AA for two.  Everyone gets a chance to run through their stuff as we get almost every combination of matchup.  The action is literally non-stop until Zukhov reverses a Jim Powers bodypress for the pin about 16 minutes in.  The Busters’ snobbish avoidance of the rest of their team is pretty funny.  Barbarian gets pounded on for a bit in a dull sequence.  Jannetty then sunset flips in and gets rid of Boris Zukhov and the Bolsheviks.  A Conquistador gets absolutely murdered by the faces, but keeps kicking out.  He finally escapes and tags in Tully.  Slow period follows, with Janetty coming in to pick up the pace.  Bret with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM on Tully.  German suplex, but then it’s that spot I hate where one guy, in this case Tully, lifts his shoulder and gets the pin.  The Rockers and Busters then get into a brawl and all get DQ’d.  So it’s Demos & Conquistadors v. Bulldogs & Powers of Pain.  The Conquistadors get tossed around a bunch, but keep kicking out.  Bulldogs & Demolition do their thing for a bit, then those poor Conquistadors take MORE punishment.  But the face team won’t put them away.  It backfires on them as Dynamite misses a headbutt and Smash clotheslines him for the pin.  The Powers punish the poor Conquistadors some more, but Warlord misses a charge and gets Demolish-ed.  Then just as the Demos have it won, Fuji jumps on the apron and pulls Smash out, “by accident”.  Smash is counted out, and the Demos are pissed.  They turn on Fuji, drawing a face pop, and we’re left with Powers of Pain v. Conquistadors.  The Powers dust off Fuji and bring him to their corner, then Barbarian polishes off a Conquistador for the win at a whopping 42:18.  That’s quite the opening match.  Survivors:  Warlord & Barbarian.  Slowed down too much by the end.  ***1/2   The POP celebrate with Fuji, and the Demos attack, and the fans are completely confused what to do now.

– The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, The Blue Blazer & Jim Brunzell v. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine & Bad News Brown. 

HTM shows two fatal logic flaws:

1. Using Bass and Davis again after their poor showing in 87
2. Using Bad News when he’s obviously a psycotic loner.

Well, no one ever accused Honky of being the sharpest knife in the drawer.  Davis goes out in short order via the sleeper.  CLIP ALERT!  We’re back with Brown killing Brunzell dead.  Ghetto Blaster finishes it.  CLIP ALERT!   Now it’s Sam Houston (yet another Jake Roberts relative) getting beaten on, but he moves and Hammer nails Bad News by mistake.  That’s more trouble for Bad News than he wants, so he walks out on his team.  CLIP ALERT!  Ron Bass takes out Sam Houston fairly easily.  CLIP ALERT!  Blazer misses a dive off the top rope and Hammer locks on the figure-four for the submission.  CLIP ALERT!  Beefcake kills Honky, and they both fall out of the ring for a double countout.  So it’s Warrior v. Bass & Valentine 2-on-1, and now the psycotic, Freddy Krueger-like director who’s been hacking at this match calms down and lets us see the ending.  And the ending lasts all of a minute, as Warrior pins both after double axehandle blows to the head.  Match was brutally clipped down to 8 minutes, from I believe 30 or so.  Thank god.  Survivor:  The Ultimate Warrior.

– Jake Roberts, Ken Patera, Tito Santana, Scott Casey & Jim Duggan v. Rick Rude, Dino Bravo, Harley Race, Mr. Perfect & Andre the Giant. 

CLIP ALERT!  Jesus, someone get the director a valium or something.  We cut right to Rude finishing Patera with the Rude Awakening.  CLIP ALERT!  Dino Bravo ends jobber Scott Casey’s night with the side slam.  CLIP ALERT!  Race gets pinned by Santana with the flying jalapeno.  Andre comes in right after and basically sits on him to pin him.  Duggan jumps in and ties up Andre in the ropes, allowing Jake to choke him out.  The heels work him over and…CLIP ALERT!  We magically jump to Duggan preparing to finish Bravo, but he gets hassled by Frenchie Martin and uses the 2×4 to respond, drawing a DQ.  So Jake goes 1-on-4.  Quick DDT dispatches Rude.  Andre chokes him half to death in the corner, drawing a DQ.  But Jake is gone, and Mr. P just rolls him over and pins him.  Survivors:  Dino Bravo & Mr. Perfect.  Clipped down to 8 minutes again, from 30.

– Main event:  Akeem, Haku, Terry Taylor, Big Bossman & Ted Dibiase v. Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Hillbilly Jim, Koko B. Ware & Hercules.

Because when you see the Red Rooster and Koko B. Ware on opposing teams, you know it’s MAIN EVENT TIME, BABY!  Savage & Dibiase start and that’s pretty much the peak of the match, as it’s all downhill from there.  Everyone goes through the motions until Savage and Hogan double-team future boss Terry Taylor and dispatch him with the big elbow.  Everyone stops to regroup.  Akeem and Hillbilly go for a bit, and that ends quickly with a splash to get rid of ol’ Jim.  Law of the jungle says Koko should go next, because he’s next on the WWF jobber food chain.  Akeem celebrates and the face team blitzes him.  And sure enough, when Koko comes in he runs into the big boys and gets Bossman Slammed and pinned.  Well, the dead weight is gone, at least.  Hogan does the usual to Bossman but gets caught with a sidewalk slam.  The heels beat the crap out of him, which is always refreshing to see.  Hulk tags out to Hercules, who goes after Virgil like an idiot and gets pinned by Dibiase.  Savage pins Dibiase right after.  We’re left with the Twin Towers & Haku v. The Megapowers.  Boring segment as Haku uses the VULCAN NERVE PINCH OF DOOM to subdue Hulk.  Bossman hits the Slam, but misses a splash off the top and Savage gets a hot tag.  The Towers beat on Hogan outside, and Bossman is legal so he gets counted out.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  Hogan is then handcuffed to the ropes (and Woman throws hot coffee in his face and Elizabeth hits him with a shoe…oh, sorry, I’m 8 years ahead of myself there).  Akeem beats on Savage until the ref DQ’s him for excessive brutality or something.  L-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AME!  That leaves Haku against the Mega-Egos 2-on-1.  Ah, but Hogan is still handcuffed, so he’s able to beat on Savage for a while.  Meanwhile, in a fascinating pathos play outside the ring, Slick is busy waving the keys in front of Hogan, even though he really has no reason to even be at ringside anymore other than giving Hogan the opportunity to get the keys.  And surprise surprise, Hogan gets the keys after a Haku superkick goes astray and knocks Slick out.  He tags in, mops up, and finishes it with the usual at 29:12.  What a pile of shit that match was.  1/2*

 The Bottom Line: 

Injuries just destroyed this show, as jobbers filled in left and right and the resulting matches, aside from the good tag team Series match, sucked bigtime.  The Demo & Powers of Pain double-turn was big, the rest was meaningless time-filler.

Not recommended.

(2011 Scott sez:  I really need to get the Survivor Series Anthology set so I can do a proper review of this show, I think)

I have no idea if there’s any actual interest in this year’s show, but it’s always a cheap and easy way to drive traffic to the blog, so I’m gonna cram as many of the Survivor Series Retro Rants as I can into the next two weeks leading up to the show.  I’m gonna go through and hopefully add notes and make fun of myself where needed because I know a few of these don’t hold up particularly well.  So let’s start with the 24/7 redo of the very first Survivor Series! The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1987– Haven’t done this one in a good long while, but this is the UNCUT version of the show instead of the 2-hour edited Coliseum version. Plus they’ve been building up to this show on Primetime Wrestling lately, so it’s good to get the payoff coinciding with the buildup for once. – This was of course the first non-Wrestlemania addition to the WWF’s PPV lineup, and an attempt to put the screws to Jim Crockett at that. And it sure as hell worked. – Live from Richfield, OH. – Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura. Kind of funny to see all the downtime at the start of the show, with Gorilla & Jesse yakking about the rules and making their entrances, given the fast pace of shows today. The Honky Tonk Man, Hercules, Ron Bass, King Harley Race & Danny Davis v. Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat, Brutus Beefcake & Hacksaw Duggan That’s quite the babyface team, actually, compared to the relative team of mutts making up the heel side. Also kind of neat that everyone on the face side, save Duggan, drew some pretty significant money against Honky Tonk Man in the 18 months comprising his title reign. It’s also really weird seeing Savage & Steamboat teaming up just a few months after, you know, trying to kill each other and all. Back when that was something weird to see, you understand. Finkel’s overdubbed announcement of the faces (thanks to the editing of the entrance music) makes it sound like a video game. Beefcake starts with Hercules and gets pounded down, but a criss-cross leads to a quick sleeper for Brutus. Herc breaks, but Beefcake hiptosses all the heels in turn and we start over. Davis comes in and gets beat up by the Snake, as Jake works on the arm and Savage rams him into Beefcake’s foot. Steamboat comes in with the flying chop and a back kick, but a blind charge misses and Danny lets Race have a go. Shoulderbreaker on Steamboat, but he springs out of the corner with a flying chop and they slug it out. Race tosses him and Ricky skins the cat back in, so Race tosses him again and Steamboat is right back in. Race hits him with a belly to belly for two, however. Duggan gets the tag and dumps Race with a clothesline, and they brawl to the floor for a double-countout to eliminate both of them at 4:30. So next Jake slugs it out with Ron Bass and then turns it over to Savage, who knees him into the corner and follows him with a back elbow. Kneedrop gets two, and really does anyone in the business do that move any better? Savage goes after Honky and walks into a clothesline as a result, and that allows Honk to come in and pound away. Savage gets caught in the heel corner and Bass elbows him down again for two, but Savage fires back with his own and adds a backdrop to escape a Pedigree attempt. Beefcake comes in with the high knee to eliminate Bass at 6:59. Hercules pounds on Beefcake’s arm and Honky continues with an armbar, then it’s over to Hercules for more of the same. And back to Honky to really drag this down a few notches. It works way better with quick tags and fast action. Beefcake finally comes back after 3:00 of armbar and slugs Honky down, but he walks into a cheapshot from Danny Davis and gets Shaken, Rattled & Rolled out at 10:50. Savage comes in and goes after Honky again, allowing Hercules to jump him from behind and pound away in the corner, but Savage elbows Honky down and brings Jake in. He goes for the DDT, but the hair is too greasy and Honk slips out. Jake charges and hits knee, and Jesse points out again how lucky Honky is. That’s actually an interesting bit of ring psychology that you don’t see so much — the guy who is portrayed as a bad wrestler but has boatloads of dumb luck. It’s usually the underdog babyface like Mikey Whipwreck who gets that character. The heels switch off and beat on Roberts, but they make the fatal error of letting Danny Davis into the match. Short clothesline, DDT, good night at 15:07. Herc DIVES in with a clothesline and drops an elbow for two, and the heels take turns on him as Savage keeps getting sucked in by Honky Tonk. Fistdrop gets two for Honky. He goes to the chinlock, but Jake escapes with the kneelift before Hercules cuts off the tag and pounds him down again. And it’s another chinlock. That drags on until Jake escapes with a jawbreaker, and it’s HOT tag Steamboat. He fires away with chops on everyone, and heads up with the flying chop. That sets up the Macho Elbow, and he’s done at 21:00. So it’s Honky Tonk Man v. Savage, Steamboat and Roberts, and to his credit he actually gives it a go. Savage misses a blind charge and hurts the knee, but comes back with a back elbow and brings Steamboat in for more abuse. The faces just pound the living shit out of Honky at their leisure and get all their revenge, but Honky takes a bump to the floor and calls it a night at 23:38. Really, it’s non-title, Honky should have gone down to a flying chop into a DDT into the flying elbow. It’s not like you need to keep him strong since everyone considered him a joke and coward anyway. Super fun introduction to the format, although the extended armbars and chinlocks kept it from greatness. ***1/2 Survivors: Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts Leilani Kai, Judy Martin, Dawn Marie, Donna Christanello & Sherri Martell v. Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin’ Robin & The Jumping Bomb Angels Somehow losing the title has turned Moolah into a babyface. Sherri lays out Velvet and gets a clothesline, but Velvet comes back with a bodypress for two. Over to Moolah, and she pounds Sherri down. Christanello (who looks like she’s older than Moolah here) comes in and gets slammed by Velvet for two, and a victory roll gets the pin at 1:56. Good, her name was hard to type anyway. Kai lays out Velvet from behind, but gets taken down by a flying headscissors and a dropkick, and it’s over to Robin. Dawn Marie (not that one) works her over in the heel corner, but Robin gets a sloppy bodypress on Martin for two. Over to Sherri, who gets a nice dropkick. Robin comes back with a clothesline on Marie and a bodypress for the pin at 4:11. It’s Angel time, as Yamazaki comes in with a crazy bridge off a bodypress attempt and a rolling cradle into a bodypress for two. Sherri comes in and Tateno gets a huge flying armdrag, but Robin comes in and kills the momentum for her team by being herself. The Glamour Girls work her over in the corner and Sherri adds a slam, and a suplex gets the pin at 6:50. Who gets pinned with a suplex? Yamazaki is right back in with a pair of a dropkicks on Sherri, and she dodges a charging Martin before falling victim to a hairtoss. Over to Velvet, who gets a spinning bodypress for two and then brings Kai in for a catapult, and Moolah pounds on her into a dropkick. She brings Martin in, but runs into a back elbow that gets two. Moolah comes back with a cradle for two and brings Yamazaki in, but she misses a dropkick and gets worked over in the heel corner. Faceplant gets two for Sherri. Martin tosses her back to the face corner and brings Moolah in, and Moolah gets a pair of snapmares into a headlock. The Glamour Girls double-team her with a clothesline, however, and Moolah is pinned at 11:00. Martin goes with Tateno and the Jumping Bomb Angels start double-teaming the leg now, with Velvet adding a Boston crab. She turns it into a bow-and-arrow, but Sherri comes back in and takes over, dropping a leg and adding a bad looking gutwrench suplex. She tags out to Tateno and Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two (which the timekeeper mistakes for a pin) and Velvet comes back in with a GIANT SWING~! on Sherri. She finishes Sherri with a victory roll at 14:57. Huh. Martin lays her out immediately and Tateno comes back in with a sunset flip off the middle rope for two. Yamazaki follows with a butterfly suplex for two. Kai comes in and tackles her, but Yamazaki hooks her in a bodyscissors and then brings Velvet back in, and another victory roll gets two. She tries yet again and this time Kai drops her with an electric chair for the pin at 17:19. So it’s Glamour Girls v. Angels, and the Angels slam the Glamour Girls and slingshot Martin onto Kai. Yamazaki gets caught with a cheapshot, however, and Kai goes up and misses a flying splash. Tateno finishes her with a flying bodypress at 18:37, and it’s 2-on-1. Martin attacks Tateno and drops her with a faceplant off a fireman’s carry, and that gets two. Tateno comes back with an atomic drop, and Yamazaki comes off the top with a flying knee, and the Angels add a double dropkick. Flying clothesline finishes at 20:18. Very entertaining for the time period, but kind of jumpy and sloppy at times. Still, the stuff with the Angels and Glamour Girls was revolutionary for the time and well worth checking out. **1/2 Survivors: The Jumping Bomb Angels The Hart Foundation, The Islanders, The Dream Team, Demolition and The Bolsheviks v. Strike Force, The Young Stallions, The British Bulldogs, The Rougeaus and the Killer Bees Talk about your Who’s Who of 80s tag teams. Demolition’s theme song is of course so bad-ass that they use it for the entire heel side. Martel starts out with Volkoff and gets a quick rollup for two, but Volkoff boots him down and brings Zhukov in. Martel immediately dropkicks him down and follows with a bodypress for two, and it’s over to Tito, who gets headbutted. Flying forearm finishes Boris at 1:42, however. Ax immediately pounds Tito into taco meat, but misses an elbow and it’s over to Jacques. He hits a back elbow on Ax and then dropkicks Bravo, and we get some double-teaming from the Killer Bees. Davey Boy comes in and Bravo tags out to Smash, who gets triple-teamed in the face corner. Over to Dynamite for a chop exchange with Haku (now there’s an intriguing match we never really saw outside of their goofy tag matches) and the Stallions double-team Jim Neidhart. Demolition responds with double-teaming of Paul Roma and Haku adds a clothesline. Over to Powers and he gets beat up by the Demos as well, but Jacques makes the comeback before missing a bodypress and getting pinned by Ax at 5:50. Dynamite charges in and gets worked over by Tama, and then Powers gets more of the same. Neidhart and Haku double-team Powers with a body vice into a flying chop, and that gets two for Haku. Roma comes in and he also gets dominated by the heels, running into Ax’s knee. Valentine with a shoulderbreaker for two, and a suplex gets two. Bravo hits the gutwrench suplex for two, and Roma finally tags out to Blair. Smash beats on him, but misses a charge, and the Kid comes back for the faces with a clothesline for two. Now Dynamite gets stomped in the heel corner, but Demolition gets too feisty and shoves the ref for the DQ at 9:19. Bret Hart hits the Kid with the most BAD-ASS piledriver you’ll ever see, and that gets two. Bret charges and hits the post, however, and Powers comes in and pounds on Tama before walking into a clothesline. Tama misses a pump splash and Martel comes in with a backdrop and dropkick, but the boston crab is too close to the heels and Neidhart breaks it up with a clothesline to the back. That gets two. Anvil misses a charge and hits knee, and Tito comes in with the flying forearm for two, as Bret saves. Neidhart hits Tito with the megaphone and he’s gone at 12:10. Powers comes in and immediately gets pounded by the heels, and Valentine blocks a sunset flip with a shot to the head and follows by dropping the hammer for two. Anvil drops him on the top rope and Haku adds the superkick into the backbreaker for two. Anvil and Haku double-team him with an elbow for two. Powers reverses a suplex, but Hammer leverages him back into the heel corner and Bret gets a backbreaker into a Tama flying knee. There’s some crazy double-teaming here. Snap suplex gets two, and Powers finally crawls over and tags Roma. That of course does nothing, and the Harts continue the beating unabated. Valentine slams him and goes up, adding a forearm shot from the top for two. Back to Powers, which was a dumb tag, but Bret misses a dropkick and this time Dynamite gets in there. He whips Bret into the corner for two and adds a backdrop suplex for two. Back to Roma, and he’s still useless and misses an elbow. So it’s up to Blair, and he backdrops Tama and then brings Davey in for a double-elbow. He tries headbutts and it’s a draw, but Powers tags back in and gets killed by the heels again. The Harts work him over until he tags Davey back in again, and Bret takes a press slam for two. Davey hauls Haku in and powerslams him for two. Suplex into the Kid’s diving headbutt, but Kid gets the worst of that. Haku fires back with the thrust kick and pins the Kid at 19:59. That was a SWEET finish. Roma comes in again and gets a bodypress on Haku for two, and Powers hammers on Bravo before walking into an atomic drop. The Dream Team works on Powers and Neidhart elbows him down for two. Bravo comes in with a backdrop and follows with the sideslam, but he brings in Hammer instead of going for the pin. Figure-four, but Powers kicks out of it and tags Roma in, and he comes off the top with a sunset flip to block a second figure-four attempt on Powers, for the pin at 23:39. That’s another awesome finish. Neidhart attacks the Bees and gets cradled for two by Blair, and Brunzell gets a crazy high knee for two. Neidhart actually powers out of an irish whip, which you never see, and brings Bret back in. Brunzell works on the leg and the Bees proceed to double-teaming, but again they tag Roma in and he gets the crap kicked out of him. The Islanders put him down with a double elbow, but Haku misses a legdrop and brings Brunzell back in. Jim with the legdrop for two and a hiptoss for two, but Haku tags Bret back in again. Roma pounds him down and comes off the top with a fistdrop for two, but Bret slickly takes him down and stomps him to take over again. Backdrop suplex gets two. The Islanders work him over in the corner, but Roma comes back with an armdrag on Haku. Really? An armdrag at 30:00 in? Haku is so insulted that he beats on Roma a little harder and adds a standing dropkick, followed by Anvil for two. Right after Gorilla said he wanted to see Anvil do a dropkick, too! Powerslam gets two. Bret pounds away, but Roma tags in Brunzell, and they criss-cross into a collision. Brunzell goes for a slam, but Tama dropkicks them over, and Brunzell rolls through for the pin at 30:27 to knock the Harts out. Tama attacks Brunzell and chokes him down, then goes to a neck vice and elbows him down. Haku with a shoulderbreaker for two. He applies the nerve hold and Tama chops him down, then goes to his own nerve hold. Brunzell comes back with a sunset flip on Haku for two, but Haku gets a suplex for two. Brunzell finally tags Powers, and he comes in with a backdrop on Haku, into a Roma powerslam for two. The Islanders lay him out for that and double-team him, but Haku misses a blind charge and Blair is the last man left to tag. Haku immediately nails him and brings him into the heel corner for double-teaming, as the Islanders just aren’t going to die here. Tama gets the back elbow, but misses an elbowdrop and it’s back to Brunzell. Slam for Haku and the dropkick gets two on Tama, but the Bees don masks and switch off, as Blair sunset flips Tama to finish at 37:14. Gotta love that finish. This one doesn’t have quite the legendary pedigree of the ’88 tag match, but it’s filled with non-stop action and all sorts of crazy dream double-teaming goodness, plus several A-1 finishes and a great storyline. ****1/4 Survivors: The Killer Bees and the Young Stallions Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase gives us a speech about Thanksgiving from his limo, introducing a montage of clips of him abusing fans. Kicking the basketball away from the little kid is just awesome. Luckily, the poor kid who got to kiss Dibiase’s sweaty feet would recover and go on to be Rob Van Dam. Honky Tonk Man comes out to cut another promo to really drag out the wait for the main event. Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Paul Orndorff & Ken Patera v. Andre The Giant, One Man Gang, King Kong Bundy, Butch Reed & Rick Rude. Muraco starts with Rude and they slug it out, which leads to Rude getting double-teamed in the face corner. Orndorff comes in and gets a kneelift, and it’s over to Hogan for the clothesline and elbows. Bam Bam adds a running splash and a press slam, and Patera comes in, which allows Rude to tag Reed in. Patera cradles for two and Muraco adds a dropkick, as does Orndorff. Reed misses a blind charge and Hogan drops the leg at 3:03. Now that’s a dominating performance. So Andre is in and Hogan conveniently tags out to Patera, then whines about it for 15 minutes. If you’re so hot for Andre, why not just tag back in again? Patera pounds on Bundy instead of Andre, and puts him down with a clothesline, but Gang comes in and gets into a slugfest with Orndorff. Paul runs into a knee, however, and Rude hammers him with forearms. Orndorff comes back with a clothesline and the Boogie Woogie Elbow for two, and it’s over to Muraco for a clubbing clothesline. Rude uses the old thumb to the eye and brings the Gang in, but he misses a splash in the corner and Muraco tags Patera. Patera with a nice bodypress for two and hits a high knee in the corner, but Gang goes to the eyes and Patera gets stuck in the heel corner. Gang holds a front facelock and pounds him on the ropes, then falls on top of him with a clothesline for the pin at 8:52. Hogan comes in and gets a corner clothesline on Gang, and he and Bigelow add a double-boot. Gang and Bigelow collide, however, and Gang tags to Rude while Bam Bam tags Orndorff. Orndorff with the suplex and elbow on Rude, and a backdrop sets up the piledriver, but Bundy breaks it up and Rude pins Orndorff with a handful of tights at 10:25. Muraco immediately attacks while Rude is posing, and Bigelow suplexes him to set up a high knee from Hogan, and a Muraco powerslam puts Rude out of his misery at 11:13. They announcers were right, Rude was having a rough night. Bundy misses a kneedrop on Muraco and Don goes to work on the leg and tries to slam Gang, which results in Gang falling on top for two. Gang whips Muraco into Andre’s head, and the 747 splash finishes at 12:59. Hogan of course whines about that, too. Bam Bam comes in and tries a sunset flip on Gang, but gets sat on. Bundy gets a clothesline which Bigelow sells like Marty Jannetty, and that gets two. Gang pounds on Bammer and chokes him out on the ropes, as does Bundy. Gang elbows him down and Bundy throws some mean forearms to put him down, and that gets two. Bam Bam tries to crawl for the tag, but Andre comes in, and that brings Hulk in. He fires away on Andre and they trade chops in the corner, but Hulk gets the advantage and rams Andre into the turnbuckles. Bundy trips him up, however, and Hulk gets preoccupied with Bundy and Gang and gets counted out at 18:11. It’s your own fault, Hulk. And of course he bitches and moans about that, too. So that leaves Bam Bam by himself against Andre, Bundy and Gang, which doesn’t seem like great odds. Bammer tries it anyway, clotheslining Bundy down and dropping an elbow for two. Headbutt gets two. Dropkick and he goes to work on the leg, then dodges the Avalanche and slingshots in for the pin at 20:46. Gang takes the next shot, choking Bigelow out on the ropes and pounding on the neck, and a clothesline gets two. Bigelow slugs back, but Gang runs him into Andre’s boot and goes up. Flying splash misses and Bam Bam gets the pin at 23:06. However, he’s done, and Andre casually comes in and beats him into silly putty and pins him with the suplex thing at 24:21. A valiant effort by Bam Bam Bigelow. I really dug this match and you could tell everyone was fired up for it. **** Dig the tag team continuity from the faces here and the super pace by the super-heavyweight standards. Survivor: Andre the Giant. Really, the babyfaces winning the other three matches should have foreshadowed that result. And of course, whiny baby Hulk Hogan won’t even let him have his moment of glory, as he runs in and attacks Andre after his totally clean win over Bigelow. Jesse tells it like it is, saying that Hogan should have taken his defeat like a man and just stayed in the back. Actually much better than I remember it being, as it’s aged well as a show and features a strong one-two punch at the end that makes it a classic.

I have no idea if there’s any actual interest in this year’s show, but it’s always a cheap and easy way to drive traffic to the blog, so I’m gonna cram as many of the Survivor Series Retro Rants as I can into the next two weeks leading up to the show.  I’m gonna go through and hopefully add notes and make fun of myself where needed because I know a few of these don’t hold up particularly well.  So let’s start with the 24/7 redo of the very first Survivor Series! The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1987– Haven’t done this one in a good long while, but this is the UNCUT version of the show instead of the 2-hour edited Coliseum version. Plus they’ve been building up to this show on Primetime Wrestling lately, so it’s good to get the payoff coinciding with the buildup for once. – This was of course the first non-Wrestlemania addition to the WWF’s PPV lineup, and an attempt to put the screws to Jim Crockett at that. And it sure as hell worked. – Live from Richfield, OH. – Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura. Kind of funny to see all the downtime at the start of the show, with Gorilla & Jesse yakking about the rules and making their entrances, given the fast pace of shows today. The Honky Tonk Man, Hercules, Ron Bass, King Harley Race & Danny Davis v. Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat, Brutus Beefcake & Hacksaw Duggan That’s quite the babyface team, actually, compared to the relative team of mutts making up the heel side. Also kind of neat that everyone on the face side, save Duggan, drew some pretty significant money against Honky Tonk Man in the 18 months comprising his title reign. It’s also really weird seeing Savage & Steamboat teaming up just a few months after, you know, trying to kill each other and all. Back when that was something weird to see, you understand. Finkel’s overdubbed announcement of the faces (thanks to the editing of the entrance music) makes it sound like a video game. Beefcake starts with Hercules and gets pounded down, but a criss-cross leads to a quick sleeper for Brutus. Herc breaks, but Beefcake hiptosses all the heels in turn and we start over. Davis comes in and gets beat up by the Snake, as Jake works on the arm and Savage rams him into Beefcake’s foot. Steamboat comes in with the flying chop and a back kick, but a blind charge misses and Danny lets Race have a go. Shoulderbreaker on Steamboat, but he springs out of the corner with a flying chop and they slug it out. Race tosses him and Ricky skins the cat back in, so Race tosses him again and Steamboat is right back in. Race hits him with a belly to belly for two, however. Duggan gets the tag and dumps Race with a clothesline, and they brawl to the floor for a double-countout to eliminate both of them at 4:30. So next Jake slugs it out with Ron Bass and then turns it over to Savage, who knees him into the corner and follows him with a back elbow. Kneedrop gets two, and really does anyone in the business do that move any better? Savage goes after Honky and walks into a clothesline as a result, and that allows Honk to come in and pound away. Savage gets caught in the heel corner and Bass elbows him down again for two, but Savage fires back with his own and adds a backdrop to escape a Pedigree attempt. Beefcake comes in with the high knee to eliminate Bass at 6:59. Hercules pounds on Beefcake’s arm and Honky continues with an armbar, then it’s over to Hercules for more of the same. And back to Honky to really drag this down a few notches. It works way better with quick tags and fast action. Beefcake finally comes back after 3:00 of armbar and slugs Honky down, but he walks into a cheapshot from Danny Davis and gets Shaken, Rattled & Rolled out at 10:50. Savage comes in and goes after Honky again, allowing Hercules to jump him from behind and pound away in the corner, but Savage elbows Honky down and brings Jake in. He goes for the DDT, but the hair is too greasy and Honk slips out. Jake charges and hits knee, and Jesse points out again how lucky Honky is. That’s actually an interesting bit of ring psychology that you don’t see so much — the guy who is portrayed as a bad wrestler but has boatloads of dumb luck. It’s usually the underdog babyface like Mikey Whipwreck who gets that character. The heels switch off and beat on Roberts, but they make the fatal error of letting Danny Davis into the match. Short clothesline, DDT, good night at 15:07. Herc DIVES in with a clothesline and drops an elbow for two, and the heels take turns on him as Savage keeps getting sucked in by Honky Tonk. Fistdrop gets two for Honky. He goes to the chinlock, but Jake escapes with the kneelift before Hercules cuts off the tag and pounds him down again. And it’s another chinlock. That drags on until Jake escapes with a jawbreaker, and it’s HOT tag Steamboat. He fires away with chops on everyone, and heads up with the flying chop. That sets up the Macho Elbow, and he’s done at 21:00. So it’s Honky Tonk Man v. Savage, Steamboat and Roberts, and to his credit he actually gives it a go. Savage misses a blind charge and hurts the knee, but comes back with a back elbow and brings Steamboat in for more abuse. The faces just pound the living shit out of Honky at their leisure and get all their revenge, but Honky takes a bump to the floor and calls it a night at 23:38. Really, it’s non-title, Honky should have gone down to a flying chop into a DDT into the flying elbow. It’s not like you need to keep him strong since everyone considered him a joke and coward anyway. Super fun introduction to the format, although the extended armbars and chinlocks kept it from greatness. ***1/2 Survivors: Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts Leilani Kai, Judy Martin, Dawn Marie, Donna Christanello & Sherri Martell v. Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin’ Robin & The Jumping Bomb Angels Somehow losing the title has turned Moolah into a babyface. Sherri lays out Velvet and gets a clothesline, but Velvet comes back with a bodypress for two. Over to Moolah, and she pounds Sherri down. Christanello (who looks like she’s older than Moolah here) comes in and gets slammed by Velvet for two, and a victory roll gets the pin at 1:56. Good, her name was hard to type anyway. Kai lays out Velvet from behind, but gets taken down by a flying headscissors and a dropkick, and it’s over to Robin. Dawn Marie (not that one) works her over in the heel corner, but Robin gets a sloppy bodypress on Martin for two. Over to Sherri, who gets a nice dropkick. Robin comes back with a clothesline on Marie and a bodypress for the pin at 4:11. It’s Angel time, as Yamazaki comes in with a crazy bridge off a bodypress attempt and a rolling cradle into a bodypress for two. Sherri comes in and Tateno gets a huge flying armdrag, but Robin comes in and kills the momentum for her team by being herself. The Glamour Girls work her over in the corner and Sherri adds a slam, and a suplex gets the pin at 6:50. Who gets pinned with a suplex? Yamazaki is right back in with a pair of a dropkicks on Sherri, and she dodges a charging Martin before falling victim to a hairtoss. Over to Velvet, who gets a spinning bodypress for two and then brings Kai in for a catapult, and Moolah pounds on her into a dropkick. She brings Martin in, but runs into a back elbow that gets two. Moolah comes back with a cradle for two and brings Yamazaki in, but she misses a dropkick and gets worked over in the heel corner. Faceplant gets two for Sherri. Martin tosses her back to the face corner and brings Moolah in, and Moolah gets a pair of snapmares into a headlock. The Glamour Girls double-team her with a clothesline, however, and Moolah is pinned at 11:00. Martin goes with Tateno and the Jumping Bomb Angels start double-teaming the leg now, with Velvet adding a Boston crab. She turns it into a bow-and-arrow, but Sherri comes back in and takes over, dropping a leg and adding a bad looking gutwrench suplex. She tags out to Tateno and Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two (which the timekeeper mistakes for a pin) and Velvet comes back in with a GIANT SWING~! on Sherri. She finishes Sherri with a victory roll at 14:57. Huh. Martin lays her out immediately and Tateno comes back in with a sunset flip off the middle rope for two. Yamazaki follows with a butterfly suplex for two. Kai comes in and tackles her, but Yamazaki hooks her in a bodyscissors and then brings Velvet back in, and another victory roll gets two. She tries yet again and this time Kai drops her with an electric chair for the pin at 17:19. So it’s Glamour Girls v. Angels, and the Angels slam the Glamour Girls and slingshot Martin onto Kai. Yamazaki gets caught with a cheapshot, however, and Kai goes up and misses a flying splash. Tateno finishes her with a flying bodypress at 18:37, and it’s 2-on-1. Martin attacks Tateno and drops her with a faceplant off a fireman’s carry, and that gets two. Tateno comes back with an atomic drop, and Yamazaki comes off the top with a flying knee, and the Angels add a double dropkick. Flying clothesline finishes at 20:18. Very entertaining for the time period, but kind of jumpy and sloppy at times. Still, the stuff with the Angels and Glamour Girls was revolutionary for the time and well worth checking out. **1/2 Survivors: The Jumping Bomb Angels The Hart Foundation, The Islanders, The Dream Team, Demolition and The Bolsheviks v. Strike Force, The Young Stallions, The British Bulldogs, The Rougeaus and the Killer Bees Talk about your Who’s Who of 80s tag teams. Demolition’s theme song is of course so bad-ass that they use it for the entire heel side. Martel starts out with Volkoff and gets a quick rollup for two, but Volkoff boots him down and brings Zhukov in. Martel immediately dropkicks him down and follows with a bodypress for two, and it’s over to Tito, who gets headbutted. Flying forearm finishes Boris at 1:42, however. Ax immediately pounds Tito into taco meat, but misses an elbow and it’s over to Jacques. He hits a back elbow on Ax and then dropkicks Bravo, and we get some double-teaming from the Killer Bees. Davey Boy comes in and Bravo tags out to Smash, who gets triple-teamed in the face corner. Over to Dynamite for a chop exchange with Haku (now there’s an intriguing match we never really saw outside of their goofy tag matches) and the Stallions double-team Jim Neidhart. Demolition responds with double-teaming of Paul Roma and Haku adds a clothesline. Over to Powers and he gets beat up by the Demos as well, but Jacques makes the comeback before missing a bodypress and getting pinned by Ax at 5:50. Dynamite charges in and gets worked over by Tama, and then Powers gets more of the same. Neidhart and Haku double-team Powers with a body vice into a flying chop, and that gets two for Haku. Roma comes in and he also gets dominated by the heels, running into Ax’s knee. Valentine with a shoulderbreaker for two, and a suplex gets two. Bravo hits the gutwrench suplex for two, and Roma finally tags out to Blair. Smash beats on him, but misses a charge, and the Kid comes back for the faces with a clothesline for two. Now Dynamite gets stomped in the heel corner, but Demolition gets too feisty and shoves the ref for the DQ at 9:19. Bret Hart hits the Kid with the most BAD-ASS piledriver you’ll ever see, and that gets two. Bret charges and hits the post, however, and Powers comes in and pounds on Tama before walking into a clothesline. Tama misses a pump splash and Martel comes in with a backdrop and dropkick, but the boston crab is too close to the heels and Neidhart breaks it up with a clothesline to the back. That gets two. Anvil misses a charge and hits knee, and Tito comes in with the flying forearm for two, as Bret saves. Neidhart hits Tito with the megaphone and he’s gone at 12:10. Powers comes in and immediately gets pounded by the heels, and Valentine blocks a sunset flip with a shot to the head and follows by dropping the hammer for two. Anvil drops him on the top rope and Haku adds the superkick into the backbreaker for two. Anvil and Haku double-team him with an elbow for two. Powers reverses a suplex, but Hammer leverages him back into the heel corner and Bret gets a backbreaker into a Tama flying knee. There’s some crazy double-teaming here. Snap suplex gets two, and Powers finally crawls over and tags Roma. That of course does nothing, and the Harts continue the beating unabated. Valentine slams him and goes up, adding a forearm shot from the top for two. Back to Powers, which was a dumb tag, but Bret misses a dropkick and this time Dynamite gets in there. He whips Bret into the corner for two and adds a backdrop suplex for two. Back to Roma, and he’s still useless and misses an elbow. So it’s up to Blair, and he backdrops Tama and then brings Davey in for a double-elbow. He tries headbutts and it’s a draw, but Powers tags back in and gets killed by the heels again. The Harts work him over until he tags Davey back in again, and Bret takes a press slam for two. Davey hauls Haku in and powerslams him for two. Suplex into the Kid’s diving headbutt, but Kid gets the worst of that. Haku fires back with the thrust kick and pins the Kid at 19:59. That was a SWEET finish. Roma comes in again and gets a bodypress on Haku for two, and Powers hammers on Bravo before walking into an atomic drop. The Dream Team works on Powers and Neidhart elbows him down for two. Bravo comes in with a backdrop and follows with the sideslam, but he brings in Hammer instead of going for the pin. Figure-four, but Powers kicks out of it and tags Roma in, and he comes off the top with a sunset flip to block a second figure-four attempt on Powers, for the pin at 23:39. That’s another awesome finish. Neidhart attacks the Bees and gets cradled for two by Blair, and Brunzell gets a crazy high knee for two. Neidhart actually powers out of an irish whip, which you never see, and brings Bret back in. Brunzell works on the leg and the Bees proceed to double-teaming, but again they tag Roma in and he gets the crap kicked out of him. The Islanders put him down with a double elbow, but Haku misses a legdrop and brings Brunzell back in. Jim with the legdrop for two and a hiptoss for two, but Haku tags Bret back in again. Roma pounds him down and comes off the top with a fistdrop for two, but Bret slickly takes him down and stomps him to take over again. Backdrop suplex gets two. The Islanders work him over in the corner, but Roma comes back with an armdrag on Haku. Really? An armdrag at 30:00 in? Haku is so insulted that he beats on Roma a little harder and adds a standing dropkick, followed by Anvil for two. Right after Gorilla said he wanted to see Anvil do a dropkick, too! Powerslam gets two. Bret pounds away, but Roma tags in Brunzell, and they criss-cross into a collision. Brunzell goes for a slam, but Tama dropkicks them over, and Brunzell rolls through for the pin at 30:27 to knock the Harts out. Tama attacks Brunzell and chokes him down, then goes to a neck vice and elbows him down. Haku with a shoulderbreaker for two. He applies the nerve hold and Tama chops him down, then goes to his own nerve hold. Brunzell comes back with a sunset flip on Haku for two, but Haku gets a suplex for two. Brunzell finally tags Powers, and he comes in with a backdrop on Haku, into a Roma powerslam for two. The Islanders lay him out for that and double-team him, but Haku misses a blind charge and Blair is the last man left to tag. Haku immediately nails him and brings him into the heel corner for double-teaming, as the Islanders just aren’t going to die here. Tama gets the back elbow, but misses an elbowdrop and it’s back to Brunzell. Slam for Haku and the dropkick gets two on Tama, but the Bees don masks and switch off, as Blair sunset flips Tama to finish at 37:14. Gotta love that finish. This one doesn’t have quite the legendary pedigree of the ’88 tag match, but it’s filled with non-stop action and all sorts of crazy dream double-teaming goodness, plus several A-1 finishes and a great storyline. ****1/4 Survivors: The Killer Bees and the Young Stallions Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase gives us a speech about Thanksgiving from his limo, introducing a montage of clips of him abusing fans. Kicking the basketball away from the little kid is just awesome. Luckily, the poor kid who got to kiss Dibiase’s sweaty feet would recover and go on to be Rob Van Dam. Honky Tonk Man comes out to cut another promo to really drag out the wait for the main event. Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Paul Orndorff & Ken Patera v. Andre The Giant, One Man Gang, King Kong Bundy, Butch Reed & Rick Rude. Muraco starts with Rude and they slug it out, which leads to Rude getting double-teamed in the face corner. Orndorff comes in and gets a kneelift, and it’s over to Hogan for the clothesline and elbows. Bam Bam adds a running splash and a press slam, and Patera comes in, which allows Rude to tag Reed in. Patera cradles for two and Muraco adds a dropkick, as does Orndorff. Reed misses a blind charge and Hogan drops the leg at 3:03. Now that’s a dominating performance. So Andre is in and Hogan conveniently tags out to Patera, then whines about it for 15 minutes. If you’re so hot for Andre, why not just tag back in again? Patera pounds on Bundy instead of Andre, and puts him down with a clothesline, but Gang comes in and gets into a slugfest with Orndorff. Paul runs into a knee, however, and Rude hammers him with forearms. Orndorff comes back with a clothesline and the Boogie Woogie Elbow for two, and it’s over to Muraco for a clubbing clothesline. Rude uses the old thumb to the eye and brings the Gang in, but he misses a splash in the corner and Muraco tags Patera. Patera with a nice bodypress for two and hits a high knee in the corner, but Gang goes to the eyes and Patera gets stuck in the heel corner. Gang holds a front facelock and pounds him on the ropes, then falls on top of him with a clothesline for the pin at 8:52. Hogan comes in and gets a corner clothesline on Gang, and he and Bigelow add a double-boot. Gang and Bigelow collide, however, and Gang tags to Rude while Bam Bam tags Orndorff. Orndorff with the suplex and elbow on Rude, and a backdrop sets up the piledriver, but Bundy breaks it up and Rude pins Orndorff with a handful of tights at 10:25. Muraco immediately attacks while Rude is posing, and Bigelow suplexes him to set up a high knee from Hogan, and a Muraco powerslam puts Rude out of his misery at 11:13. They announcers were right, Rude was having a rough night. Bundy misses a kneedrop on Muraco and Don goes to work on the leg and tries to slam Gang, which results in Gang falling on top for two. Gang whips Muraco into Andre’s head, and the 747 splash finishes at 12:59. Hogan of course whines about that, too. Bam Bam comes in and tries a sunset flip on Gang, but gets sat on. Bundy gets a clothesline which Bigelow sells like Marty Jannetty, and that gets two. Gang pounds on Bammer and chokes him out on the ropes, as does Bundy. Gang elbows him down and Bundy throws some mean forearms to put him down, and that gets two. Bam Bam tries to crawl for the tag, but Andre comes in, and that brings Hulk in. He fires away on Andre and they trade chops in the corner, but Hulk gets the advantage and rams Andre into the turnbuckles. Bundy trips him up, however, and Hulk gets preoccupied with Bundy and Gang and gets counted out at 18:11. It’s your own fault, Hulk. And of course he bitches and moans about that, too. So that leaves Bam Bam by himself against Andre, Bundy and Gang, which doesn’t seem like great odds. Bammer tries it anyway, clotheslining Bundy down and dropping an elbow for two. Headbutt gets two. Dropkick and he goes to work on the leg, then dodges the Avalanche and slingshots in for the pin at 20:46. Gang takes the next shot, choking Bigelow out on the ropes and pounding on the neck, and a clothesline gets two. Bigelow slugs back, but Gang runs him into Andre’s boot and goes up. Flying splash misses and Bam Bam gets the pin at 23:06. However, he’s done, and Andre casually comes in and beats him into silly putty and pins him with the suplex thing at 24:21. A valiant effort by Bam Bam Bigelow. I really dug this match and you could tell everyone was fired up for it. **** Dig the tag team continuity from the faces here and the super pace by the super-heavyweight standards. Survivor: Andre the Giant. Really, the babyfaces winning the other three matches should have foreshadowed that result. And of course, whiny baby Hulk Hogan won’t even let him have his moment of glory, as he runs in and attacks Andre after his totally clean win over Bigelow. Jesse tells it like it is, saying that Hogan should have taken his defeat like a man and just stayed in the back. Actually much better than I remember it being, as it’s aged well as a show and features a strong one-two punch at the end that makes it a classic.

I have no idea if there’s any actual interest in this year’s show, but it’s always a cheap and easy way to drive traffic to the blog, so I’m gonna cram as many of the Survivor Series Retro Rants as I can into the next two weeks leading up to the show.  I’m gonna go through and hopefully add notes and make fun of myself where needed because I know a few of these don’t hold up particularly well.  So let’s start with the 24/7 redo of the very first Survivor Series! The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1987– Haven’t done this one in a good long while, but this is the UNCUT version of the show instead of the 2-hour edited Coliseum version. Plus they’ve been building up to this show on Primetime Wrestling lately, so it’s good to get the payoff coinciding with the buildup for once. – This was of course the first non-Wrestlemania addition to the WWF’s PPV lineup, and an attempt to put the screws to Jim Crockett at that. And it sure as hell worked. – Live from Richfield, OH. – Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse Ventura. Kind of funny to see all the downtime at the start of the show, with Gorilla & Jesse yakking about the rules and making their entrances, given the fast pace of shows today. The Honky Tonk Man, Hercules, Ron Bass, King Harley Race & Danny Davis v. Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, Ricky Steamboat, Brutus Beefcake & Hacksaw Duggan That’s quite the babyface team, actually, compared to the relative team of mutts making up the heel side. Also kind of neat that everyone on the face side, save Duggan, drew some pretty significant money against Honky Tonk Man in the 18 months comprising his title reign. It’s also really weird seeing Savage & Steamboat teaming up just a few months after, you know, trying to kill each other and all. Back when that was something weird to see, you understand. Finkel’s overdubbed announcement of the faces (thanks to the editing of the entrance music) makes it sound like a video game. Beefcake starts with Hercules and gets pounded down, but a criss-cross leads to a quick sleeper for Brutus. Herc breaks, but Beefcake hiptosses all the heels in turn and we start over. Davis comes in and gets beat up by the Snake, as Jake works on the arm and Savage rams him into Beefcake’s foot. Steamboat comes in with the flying chop and a back kick, but a blind charge misses and Danny lets Race have a go. Shoulderbreaker on Steamboat, but he springs out of the corner with a flying chop and they slug it out. Race tosses him and Ricky skins the cat back in, so Race tosses him again and Steamboat is right back in. Race hits him with a belly to belly for two, however. Duggan gets the tag and dumps Race with a clothesline, and they brawl to the floor for a double-countout to eliminate both of them at 4:30. So next Jake slugs it out with Ron Bass and then turns it over to Savage, who knees him into the corner and follows him with a back elbow. Kneedrop gets two, and really does anyone in the business do that move any better? Savage goes after Honky and walks into a clothesline as a result, and that allows Honk to come in and pound away. Savage gets caught in the heel corner and Bass elbows him down again for two, but Savage fires back with his own and adds a backdrop to escape a Pedigree attempt. Beefcake comes in with the high knee to eliminate Bass at 6:59. Hercules pounds on Beefcake’s arm and Honky continues with an armbar, then it’s over to Hercules for more of the same. And back to Honky to really drag this down a few notches. It works way better with quick tags and fast action. Beefcake finally comes back after 3:00 of armbar and slugs Honky down, but he walks into a cheapshot from Danny Davis and gets Shaken, Rattled & Rolled out at 10:50. Savage comes in and goes after Honky again, allowing Hercules to jump him from behind and pound away in the corner, but Savage elbows Honky down and brings Jake in. He goes for the DDT, but the hair is too greasy and Honk slips out. Jake charges and hits knee, and Jesse points out again how lucky Honky is. That’s actually an interesting bit of ring psychology that you don’t see so much — the guy who is portrayed as a bad wrestler but has boatloads of dumb luck. It’s usually the underdog babyface like Mikey Whipwreck who gets that character. The heels switch off and beat on Roberts, but they make the fatal error of letting Danny Davis into the match. Short clothesline, DDT, good night at 15:07. Herc DIVES in with a clothesline and drops an elbow for two, and the heels take turns on him as Savage keeps getting sucked in by Honky Tonk. Fistdrop gets two for Honky. He goes to the chinlock, but Jake escapes with the kneelift before Hercules cuts off the tag and pounds him down again. And it’s another chinlock. That drags on until Jake escapes with a jawbreaker, and it’s HOT tag Steamboat. He fires away with chops on everyone, and heads up with the flying chop. That sets up the Macho Elbow, and he’s done at 21:00. So it’s Honky Tonk Man v. Savage, Steamboat and Roberts, and to his credit he actually gives it a go. Savage misses a blind charge and hurts the knee, but comes back with a back elbow and brings Steamboat in for more abuse. The faces just pound the living shit out of Honky at their leisure and get all their revenge, but Honky takes a bump to the floor and calls it a night at 23:38. Really, it’s non-title, Honky should have gone down to a flying chop into a DDT into the flying elbow. It’s not like you need to keep him strong since everyone considered him a joke and coward anyway. Super fun introduction to the format, although the extended armbars and chinlocks kept it from greatness. ***1/2 Survivors: Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts Leilani Kai, Judy Martin, Dawn Marie, Donna Christanello & Sherri Martell v. Fabulous Moolah, Velvet McIntyre, Rockin’ Robin & The Jumping Bomb Angels Somehow losing the title has turned Moolah into a babyface. Sherri lays out Velvet and gets a clothesline, but Velvet comes back with a bodypress for two. Over to Moolah, and she pounds Sherri down. Christanello (who looks like she’s older than Moolah here) comes in and gets slammed by Velvet for two, and a victory roll gets the pin at 1:56. Good, her name was hard to type anyway. Kai lays out Velvet from behind, but gets taken down by a flying headscissors and a dropkick, and it’s over to Robin. Dawn Marie (not that one) works her over in the heel corner, but Robin gets a sloppy bodypress on Martin for two. Over to Sherri, who gets a nice dropkick. Robin comes back with a clothesline on Marie and a bodypress for the pin at 4:11. It’s Angel time, as Yamazaki comes in with a crazy bridge off a bodypress attempt and a rolling cradle into a bodypress for two. Sherri comes in and Tateno gets a huge flying armdrag, but Robin comes in and kills the momentum for her team by being herself. The Glamour Girls work her over in the corner and Sherri adds a slam, and a suplex gets the pin at 6:50. Who gets pinned with a suplex? Yamazaki is right back in with a pair of a dropkicks on Sherri, and she dodges a charging Martin before falling victim to a hairtoss. Over to Velvet, who gets a spinning bodypress for two and then brings Kai in for a catapult, and Moolah pounds on her into a dropkick. She brings Martin in, but runs into a back elbow that gets two. Moolah comes back with a cradle for two and brings Yamazaki in, but she misses a dropkick and gets worked over in the heel corner. Faceplant gets two for Sherri. Martin tosses her back to the face corner and brings Moolah in, and Moolah gets a pair of snapmares into a headlock. The Glamour Girls double-team her with a clothesline, however, and Moolah is pinned at 11:00. Martin goes with Tateno and the Jumping Bomb Angels start double-teaming the leg now, with Velvet adding a Boston crab. She turns it into a bow-and-arrow, but Sherri comes back in and takes over, dropping a leg and adding a bad looking gutwrench suplex. She tags out to Tateno and Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two (which the timekeeper mistakes for a pin) and Velvet comes back in with a GIANT SWING~! on Sherri. She finishes Sherri with a victory roll at 14:57. Huh. Martin lays her out immediately and Tateno comes back in with a sunset flip off the middle rope for two. Yamazaki follows with a butterfly suplex for two. Kai comes in and tackles her, but Yamazaki hooks her in a bodyscissors and then brings Velvet back in, and another victory roll gets two. She tries yet again and this time Kai drops her with an electric chair for the pin at 17:19. So it’s Glamour Girls v. Angels, and the Angels slam the Glamour Girls and slingshot Martin onto Kai. Yamazaki gets caught with a cheapshot, however, and Kai goes up and misses a flying splash. Tateno finishes her with a flying bodypress at 18:37, and it’s 2-on-1. Martin attacks Tateno and drops her with a faceplant off a fireman’s carry, and that gets two. Tateno comes back with an atomic drop, and Yamazaki comes off the top with a flying knee, and the Angels add a double dropkick. Flying clothesline finishes at 20:18. Very entertaining for the time period, but kind of jumpy and sloppy at times. Still, the stuff with the Angels and Glamour Girls was revolutionary for the time and well worth checking out. **1/2 Survivors: The Jumping Bomb Angels The Hart Foundation, The Islanders, The Dream Team, Demolition and The Bolsheviks v. Strike Force, The Young Stallions, The British Bulldogs, The Rougeaus and the Killer Bees Talk about your Who’s Who of 80s tag teams. Demolition’s theme song is of course so bad-ass that they use it for the entire heel side. Martel starts out with Volkoff and gets a quick rollup for two, but Volkoff boots him down and brings Zhukov in. Martel immediately dropkicks him down and follows with a bodypress for two, and it’s over to Tito, who gets headbutted. Flying forearm finishes Boris at 1:42, however. Ax immediately pounds Tito into taco meat, but misses an elbow and it’s over to Jacques. He hits a back elbow on Ax and then dropkicks Bravo, and we get some double-teaming from the Killer Bees. Davey Boy comes in and Bravo tags out to Smash, who gets triple-teamed in the face corner. Over to Dynamite for a chop exchange with Haku (now there’s an intriguing match we never really saw outside of their goofy tag matches) and the Stallions double-team Jim Neidhart. Demolition responds with double-teaming of Paul Roma and Haku adds a clothesline. Over to Powers and he gets beat up by the Demos as well, but Jacques makes the comeback before missing a bodypress and getting pinned by Ax at 5:50. Dynamite charges in and gets worked over by Tama, and then Powers gets more of the same. Neidhart and Haku double-team Powers with a body vice into a flying chop, and that gets two for Haku. Roma comes in and he also gets dominated by the heels, running into Ax’s knee. Valentine with a shoulderbreaker for two, and a suplex gets two. Bravo hits the gutwrench suplex for two, and Roma finally tags out to Blair. Smash beats on him, but misses a charge, and the Kid comes back for the faces with a clothesline for two. Now Dynamite gets stomped in the heel corner, but Demolition gets too feisty and shoves the ref for the DQ at 9:19. Bret Hart hits the Kid with the most BAD-ASS piledriver you’ll ever see, and that gets two. Bret charges and hits the post, however, and Powers comes in and pounds on Tama before walking into a clothesline. Tama misses a pump splash and Martel comes in with a backdrop and dropkick, but the boston crab is too close to the heels and Neidhart breaks it up with a clothesline to the back. That gets two. Anvil misses a charge and hits knee, and Tito comes in with the flying forearm for two, as Bret saves. Neidhart hits Tito with the megaphone and he’s gone at 12:10. Powers comes in and immediately gets pounded by the heels, and Valentine blocks a sunset flip with a shot to the head and follows by dropping the hammer for two. Anvil drops him on the top rope and Haku adds the superkick into the backbreaker for two. Anvil and Haku double-team him with an elbow for two. Powers reverses a suplex, but Hammer leverages him back into the heel corner and Bret gets a backbreaker into a Tama flying knee. There’s some crazy double-teaming here. Snap suplex gets two, and Powers finally crawls over and tags Roma. That of course does nothing, and the Harts continue the beating unabated. Valentine slams him and goes up, adding a forearm shot from the top for two. Back to Powers, which was a dumb tag, but Bret misses a dropkick and this time Dynamite gets in there. He whips Bret into the corner for two and adds a backdrop suplex for two. Back to Roma, and he’s still useless and misses an elbow. So it’s up to Blair, and he backdrops Tama and then brings Davey in for a double-elbow. He tries headbutts and it’s a draw, but Powers tags back in and gets killed by the heels again. The Harts work him over until he tags Davey back in again, and Bret takes a press slam for two. Davey hauls Haku in and powerslams him for two. Suplex into the Kid’s diving headbutt, but Kid gets the worst of that. Haku fires back with the thrust kick and pins the Kid at 19:59. That was a SWEET finish. Roma comes in again and gets a bodypress on Haku for two, and Powers hammers on Bravo before walking into an atomic drop. The Dream Team works on Powers and Neidhart elbows him down for two. Bravo comes in with a backdrop and follows with the sideslam, but he brings in Hammer instead of going for the pin. Figure-four, but Powers kicks out of it and tags Roma in, and he comes off the top with a sunset flip to block a second figure-four attempt on Powers, for the pin at 23:39. That’s another awesome finish. Neidhart attacks the Bees and gets cradled for two by Blair, and Brunzell gets a crazy high knee for two. Neidhart actually powers out of an irish whip, which you never see, and brings Bret back in. Brunzell works on the leg and the Bees proceed to double-teaming, but again they tag Roma in and he gets the crap kicked out of him. The Islanders put him down with a double elbow, but Haku misses a legdrop and brings Brunzell back in. Jim with the legdrop for two and a hiptoss for two, but Haku tags Bret back in again. Roma pounds him down and comes off the top with a fistdrop for two, but Bret slickly takes him down and stomps him to take over again. Backdrop suplex gets two. The Islanders work him over in the corner, but Roma comes back with an armdrag on Haku. Really? An armdrag at 30:00 in? Haku is so insulted that he beats on Roma a little harder and adds a standing dropkick, followed by Anvil for two. Right after Gorilla said he wanted to see Anvil do a dropkick, too! Powerslam gets two. Bret pounds away, but Roma tags in Brunzell, and they criss-cross into a collision. Brunzell goes for a slam, but Tama dropkicks them over, and Brunzell rolls through for the pin at 30:27 to knock the Harts out. Tama attacks Brunzell and chokes him down, then goes to a neck vice and elbows him down. Haku with a shoulderbreaker for two. He applies the nerve hold and Tama chops him down, then goes to his own nerve hold. Brunzell comes back with a sunset flip on Haku for two, but Haku gets a suplex for two. Brunzell finally tags Powers, and he comes in with a backdrop on Haku, into a Roma powerslam for two. The Islanders lay him out for that and double-team him, but Haku misses a blind charge and Blair is the last man left to tag. Haku immediately nails him and brings him into the heel corner for double-teaming, as the Islanders just aren’t going to die here. Tama gets the back elbow, but misses an elbowdrop and it’s back to Brunzell. Slam for Haku and the dropkick gets two on Tama, but the Bees don masks and switch off, as Blair sunset flips Tama to finish at 37:14. Gotta love that finish. This one doesn’t have quite the legendary pedigree of the ’88 tag match, but it’s filled with non-stop action and all sorts of crazy dream double-teaming goodness, plus several A-1 finishes and a great storyline. ****1/4 Survivors: The Killer Bees and the Young Stallions Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase gives us a speech about Thanksgiving from his limo, introducing a montage of clips of him abusing fans. Kicking the basketball away from the little kid is just awesome. Luckily, the poor kid who got to kiss Dibiase’s sweaty feet would recover and go on to be Rob Van Dam. Honky Tonk Man comes out to cut another promo to really drag out the wait for the main event. Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Paul Orndorff & Ken Patera v. Andre The Giant, One Man Gang, King Kong Bundy, Butch Reed & Rick Rude. Muraco starts with Rude and they slug it out, which leads to Rude getting double-teamed in the face corner. Orndorff comes in and gets a kneelift, and it’s over to Hogan for the clothesline and elbows. Bam Bam adds a running splash and a press slam, and Patera comes in, which allows Rude to tag Reed in. Patera cradles for two and Muraco adds a dropkick, as does Orndorff. Reed misses a blind charge and Hogan drops the leg at 3:03. Now that’s a dominating performance. So Andre is in and Hogan conveniently tags out to Patera, then whines about it for 15 minutes. If you’re so hot for Andre, why not just tag back in again? Patera pounds on Bundy instead of Andre, and puts him down with a clothesline, but Gang comes in and gets into a slugfest with Orndorff. Paul runs into a knee, however, and Rude hammers him with forearms. Orndorff comes back with a clothesline and the Boogie Woogie Elbow for two, and it’s over to Muraco for a clubbing clothesline. Rude uses the old thumb to the eye and brings the Gang in, but he misses a splash in the corner and Muraco tags Patera. Patera with a nice bodypress for two and hits a high knee in the corner, but Gang goes to the eyes and Patera gets stuck in the heel corner. Gang holds a front facelock and pounds him on the ropes, then falls on top of him with a clothesline for the pin at 8:52. Hogan comes in and gets a corner clothesline on Gang, and he and Bigelow add a double-boot. Gang and Bigelow collide, however, and Gang tags to Rude while Bam Bam tags Orndorff. Orndorff with the suplex and elbow on Rude, and a backdrop sets up the piledriver, but Bundy breaks it up and Rude pins Orndorff with a handful of tights at 10:25. Muraco immediately attacks while Rude is posing, and Bigelow suplexes him to set up a high knee from Hogan, and a Muraco powerslam puts Rude out of his misery at 11:13. They announcers were right, Rude was having a rough night. Bundy misses a kneedrop on Muraco and Don goes to work on the leg and tries to slam Gang, which results in Gang falling on top for two. Gang whips Muraco into Andre’s head, and the 747 splash finishes at 12:59. Hogan of course whines about that, too. Bam Bam comes in and tries a sunset flip on Gang, but gets sat on. Bundy gets a clothesline which Bigelow sells like Marty Jannetty, and that gets two. Gang pounds on Bammer and chokes him out on the ropes, as does Bundy. Gang elbows him down and Bundy throws some mean forearms to put him down, and that gets two. Bam Bam tries to crawl for the tag, but Andre comes in, and that brings Hulk in. He fires away on Andre and they trade chops in the corner, but Hulk gets the advantage and rams Andre into the turnbuckles. Bundy trips him up, however, and Hulk gets preoccupied with Bundy and Gang and gets counted out at 18:11. It’s your own fault, Hulk. And of course he bitches and moans about that, too. So that leaves Bam Bam by himself against Andre, Bundy and Gang, which doesn’t seem like great odds. Bammer tries it anyway, clotheslining Bundy down and dropping an elbow for two. Headbutt gets two. Dropkick and he goes to work on the leg, then dodges the Avalanche and slingshots in for the pin at 20:46. Gang takes the next shot, choking Bigelow out on the ropes and pounding on the neck, and a clothesline gets two. Bigelow slugs back, but Gang runs him into Andre’s boot and goes up. Flying splash misses and Bam Bam gets the pin at 23:06. However, he’s done, and Andre casually comes in and beats him into silly putty and pins him with the suplex thing at 24:21. A valiant effort by Bam Bam Bigelow. I really dug this match and you could tell everyone was fired up for it. **** Dig the tag team continuity from the faces here and the super pace by the super-heavyweight standards. Survivor: Andre the Giant. Really, the babyfaces winning the other three matches should have foreshadowed that result. And of course, whiny baby Hulk Hogan won’t even let him have his moment of glory, as he runs in and attacks Andre after his totally clean win over Bigelow. Jesse tells it like it is, saying that Hogan should have taken his defeat like a man and just stayed in the back. Actually much better than I remember it being, as it’s aged well as a show and features a strong one-two punch at the end that makes it a classic.