Brian Christopher

I always wonder how you should rate this guy’s look. I mean he’s so big he makes 300-lb. men look like small children, so he’d be a 10/10 in “Look”… but he’s so skinny and awkward looking.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time it’s another smattering of random WWF, ECW & WCW stuff, starting with a match I had no idea existed from 1992 WCW as Cactus Jack has to try and make a match work against EL GIGANTE, the most hopeless in-ring guy to ever live! Then it’s over to ECW as Stan Hansen of all people shows up, and he’s immediately put up against jobber duo Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal!

Then a very “1993 WWF” match as Tatanka takes on Mr. Hughes! WWF’s Light Heavyweight Division heats up as heatless heel Brian Christopher gets put up against his Player Two version and future tag team partner, Scott Taylor! And finally, it’s the first-ever Scaffold Match in wrestling as Jerry Jarrett faces Don Green in Kentucky- a request since Jerry has died fairly recently.

CACTUS JACK vs. EL GIGANTE:
(WCW Pro, Jan. 18th 1992)
* Oh yeah, this is the good shit- WCW in the early ’90s isn’t the fountain of “Wait, that happened?” nonsense as other promotions but MICK FOLEY vs. JORGE GONZALEZ? That will do nicely. Cactus Jack is coming down to a slow piano version of the “Funeral March” here, while El Gigante, in his black bicycle shorts, somehow looks like a giant dork despite making his 290-lb. opponent look like a small child. Gigante’s sporting a bandage on his face owing to a scrap with Vader in Japan.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time I have a hell of a brawl for you, as Terry Funk shows just why he may be the greatest seller of all time in a brutal bloodbath against the monstrous Stan Hansen in 1983 All Japan!

I’ll also get to another request, as I visit two Attitude Era matches featuring the Hardy Boyz vs. Too Cool, back when Too Cool was a reliable “Secondary Contender” team in the very heated WWF tag team ranks! Also, a sequel to one of my “Halloween Eve” reviews, as Damian 666, El Espectro Jr., Karis La Momia (a mummy!) & Halloween take on Pierroth Jr. and three Villanos! And finally, I throw in one last Kurasawa (Manabu Nakanishi in WCW) match, as I find him facing Sting in a long WCW Saturday Night contest!

STAN HANSEN vs. TERRY FUNK:
(All Japan, 1983)
* Ohhhhhhh yeah- I’ve seen very little 1980s AJPW, but Terry & Hansen were HUGE back in the day, with the crowds adoring them beyond all other foreign wrestlers. Terry had an emotional connection with the fans, while Hansen just had them in a combination of amusement and awe. The crowd absolutely mobs Terry when he comes down, but holy god to they part ways for STAN, who swings wildly and blindly. Both guys are in black trunks, with Stan dwarfing Terry- it’s so weird seeing Funk with big muscles, though- my only memories are of him as this old man. He’s still giving up a LOT of mass to the burly Hansen, though.

KING OF THE RING (Qualifying Matches) 2000:
* So I finally remembered to do another one of these, though we’re past the point where I can recall most of the angles. The name of the game this tournament is the same as last one- Make A New Star. Hopefully this “Kurt Angle” guy will prove more successful than Billy Gunn. This will be a MONSTER set, so I’ll split it up for today and tomorrow.

This tournament is unusual due to the MASSIVE roster of guys- the jam-packed company and no Russo at the time (therefore his attention span couldn’t wreck it) made for a 32-man tournament! We’ve got a huge assortment, though, as all four Radicalz (then newly-hired by the company), Chyna, Jericho & Rikishi provide serious competition, while the company’s vast tag ranks fill out slots left & right for “easy wins” or upsets- Too Cool, APA, T&A, the Hollies, Dudleys & Edge/Christian. This is a verrrrrrrrry interesting time for the company, as they put the final nail in WCW by hiring away four of their top workers, while Jericho & Rikishi had gotten over and Angle was now a completely miraculous rookie find. And what was a company based around having shitty 2-minute brawling matches now had a ton of great wrestlers all over the place, which was kind of shifting the basic style to longer matches with high spots.

Of course, having looked at all these matches… they’re still mostly super-short (as KOTR matches have been since 1994, to be fair), and OH GOD a ton of guys are still stuck in the “Punch & Kick” mode. Bad agenting was all around at this time, with only a handful of guys avoiding it. But it’d be a long, hard road to hit the point of improvement, and a lot of dudes who couldn’t make that transition saw their careers die. You’ll see a very high level of “the guy who loses the match does most of the offense”, probably in a way to look a bit strong or make him feel better about losing- this goes back a ways (you see mid ’90s joshi do this a bunch, too).

I’ll do the first round in one post, then see what I can find for the second round for next week.

RIKISHI vs. SHANE McMAHON:
(May 29th, RAW)
* Okay, I forget the story behind this. Shane is entered in the KOTR, but has to fight Rikishi, who is in the midst of his biggest year ever before everything went horribly wrong. Shane, in a WWF shirt & regular jogging pants, boasts about “beating the Big Show” and how Undertaker couldn’t beat him, marking him as a smart-mouthed wimpy heel.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Now, if you’re anything like me, every once in a while you wake up and go “I really want to watch a dozen Roadblock matches”, but I wasn’t sure about doing a “Best of Roadblock” column or just spreading the joy throughout multiple columns. But watching him fight Tugboat in 1991 just needs some focus on its own, you know?

Also, this week we’ll see the TV debut of some tall guy named Dwayne Johnson as “Flex Kavana”, as he teams up with Brian Christopher against Jerry Lawler & Bill Dundee in the Memphis territory, while Dwayne prepares for his WWF callup in one of the few old territories left. Also, it’s a Berzerker frenzy, as John Nord squashes both Shawn Michaels and Jim Powers in different decades! Who knows if either of those pretty boys will recover their careers?

Also, come watch Blitzkrieg fight Super Calo! With NO BOTCHING! Swear to God! Except once. Where Blitzkrieg nearly dies. But other than that it was clean!

USWA TAG TEAM TITLES:
FLEX KAVANA & “TOO SEXY” BRIAN CHRISTOPHER vs. “THE KING” JERRY LAWLER & BILL DUNDEE:
(USWA, mid-1996)
* So yes, this is the first EVER televised match for one Dwayne Johnson, as he appears in his USWA incarnation, with barely any training under his belt (he graduated college only the year before), as “Flex Kavana” (a nickname 411/Inside Pulse’s Eric S would always use to make fun of him). And he’s teaming with “Too Sexy” against the old men of the territory, Jerry & Bill, at a combined age of 970, with Bill in yellow tights and Jerry in his blue one-strap. Flex is in black trunks, Brian in white tiger-striped tights. Flex, with the same heelish tint in his voice that the Rock would later use, declares his team “Naughty by nature and violent by design”. There’s barely anyone at all in this embarrassingly-tiny red TV studio as the USWA promotion dies and dies. Lawler is actually a heel at this point.

Lance Russell and Dave Brown are doing commentary for the last episode of USWA Championship Wrestling in 1995.  They are broadcasting from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Russell and Brown inform fans that Jerry Lawler won the SMW Championship in Memphis from Brad Armstrong.  They remind fans that Bob Armstrong will not be on the show because he is banned from the studio.

Lance Russell and Dave Brown are calling the action, originating from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Brown talks with Scott Bowden, who says PG-13 are not in the same league as the Rock N’ Roll Express.  He shows footage of the feud earlier in the year between the two teams to make it seem like the Express dominated it.

Lance Russell is back from vacation and he reunites with Dave Brown in the booth to call the action from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Brown interviews Randy Hales, who announces that Bob Armstrong’s court injunction to prevent the USWA from acquiring total control of SMW is over.  From this point forward Armstrong is banned from WMC-TV5 studios.  Hales also announces a lumberjack strap match between Jeff Jarrett and Armstrong, a “loser leaves town” match between referees Gene Johnson and Frank Morrell, and a USWA tag team title match where Jesse James Armstrong and Tracy Smothers will defend against Doug Gilbert and a mystery partner.  No specific date is given for these matches since there will be no card at the Mid-South Coliseum on December 18.

Dave Brown and Corey Maclin are calling today’s action from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Bob Armstrong comes out with Downtown Bruno, who is in a wheelchair and wearing a cervical collar.  Before Armstrong says anything important the show cuts to commercial.

Final reminder to vote in the Doomies.  Polls close Saturday!  https://blogofdoom.com/index.php/2021/01/04/seventh-annual-doomie-awards-poll/

Dave Brown and Corey Maclin are doing the announcing duties, returning to the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Corey Maclin is going solo today for this episode, taped from the Nashville Fairgrounds in Nashville, Tennessee.  The temporary switch out of the WMC-TV5 studio is nice because this venue is bigger and has more energy.  You can also see cigarette smoke wafting from the crowd on numerous occasions too as this was a time before indoor smoking bans.  And in a weird aesthetic, the promotion uses a white picket fence for a guardrail.

Lance Russell and Corey Maclin are in the booth for today’s show, which is a special “on the road” broadcast because of repairs being made to the WMC-TV5 studio.  The matches on this show come from the November 13 card in Memphis.

Footage of Ahmed Johnson beating Jerry Lawler for the USWA Unified World Championship in Memphis is shown.

Lance Russell and Dave Brown are in the booth, broadcasting from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Lance Russell and Dave Brown call today’s action from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee

Brown interviews Richard Lee, a longtime Tennessee manager to worked for Nick and George Gulas in the 1980s and then started working for Jerry Jarrett in 1985. He was best known for managing the Moondogs, who he hypes as the most violent team in the territory. On today’s show he is returning after being gone for three years and brings with him Moondog Cujo, a man he claims is going to bring more violence to the USWA.

Lance Russell and Dave Brown are reunited in the booth for today’s show from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Russell interviews Downtown Bruno, who complains about what Doug Gilbert and Miss Texas have done to Brandon Baxter over the last few weeks.  Bruno says that he will be taking Baxter’s place as an ally of Smoky Mountain Wrestling.  He also complains about the recent treatment of Bob Armstrong.  This brings Armstrong out and he shakes Bruno’s hand before running down the USWA.  Armstrong hypes his son Jesse James and Tracy Smothers as his biggest weapon.

The announce crew shakeups continue as today’s broadcasting team features Lance Russell, back from his Hawaii vacation, and Corey Maclin.  They are doing today’s show from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Russell interviews Bob Armstrong, who lists four conditions to end the USWA-SMW feud.  These are that the fine on his son Jesse James Armstrong should be lifted, Brian Christopher should be suspended for attacking him on last week’s show, Maclin should apologize for anti-Armstrong comments he has made in the past (and Maclin’s facial expression when this condition is read is great), and promoter Randy Hales should announce that he is a coward and leave the USWA forever.  Armstrong’s deadpan delivery during this segment made this an excellent segment.

Dave Brown and Corey Maclin are doing the announcing duties against today and they are broadcasting from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Brown and Maclin comment on pictures of the hospital elimination match in Memphis between Brian Christopher and Miss Texas against Jesse James Armstrong and Brandon Baxter.  They emphasize that Texas was busted open during the match.

The set of announcing musical chairs continues on this week’s telecast with Dave Brown and Corey Maclin calling the action from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Lance Russell is back in the studio this week, calling the matches with Dave Brown.  They are broadcasting from WMC-TV5 in Memphis, Tennessee.

Russell interviews the Heavenly Bodies and Brandon Baxter.  Dr. Tom Prichard says that the Bodies are not happy that PG-13 is getting a crack at the WWF Tag Team Championship this week in Memphis.

Dave Brown and Corey Maclin are doing commentary for today’s show, coming from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.

Brown and Maclin inform viewers that Billy Jack Haynes and Tracy Smothers are gone from the USWA after losing “loser leaves town” matches on the latest Mid-South Coliseum show.

Doug Gilbert delivers a promo vowing to win the USWA Southern Heavyweight Championship on today’s broadcast.

Dave Brown and Corey Maclin are today’s announce team and they are calling the show from the WMC-TV5 studio in Memphis, Tennessee.