Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a huge “Wait, THAT happened?” match, as the BRITISH BULLDOGS face the ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS! In the AWA. And it goes… well, let’s see why this isn’t a tape trading legend, why don’t we?

Next up, I continue my look at Manabu Nakanishi in WCW, as “Kurasawa” takes his martial arts to the “Macho Man” Randy Savage in a pair of matches set six months apart- the latter of which when Kurasawa had definitely entered the job squad!

And finally, remember last week when I subjected y’all to Sgt. Craig Pittman vs. The Cobra? Well now they’re TAG PARTNERS, and their opponents are the freakin’ Faces of Fear! This one actually ends up great… if you want to see how the mechanics of wrestling work, because Pittman here is SO BAD that he actually throws off all three other wrestlers, none of whom seem to know what to do with him flailing around all weird. It’s one of the greatest examples of a wrestler being such a stiff that nobody can do anything with him.

THE BRITISH BULLDOGS (Davey-Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL EXPRESS (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson):
(AWA When Worlds Collide, 1989)
* This is a completely wild Dream Match I had no idea existed, as the Bulldogs typically existed in the WWF & Japan while the Express were mostly in the Southern companies/NWA. The Bulldogs are shredded to the gills here, just on ALL the steroids (especially Smith), while the Express are the same doughy guys they always were, absolutely dwarfed by their opponents (neither of whom were that big in the WWF). Makes you realize why they never did a run in the WWF around this time, ya know? The Express are in black & blue tights, and the Bulldogs are in their white & blue ones with the Union Jacks on the asses. Luscious Johnny Valiant is doing commentary, putting over the Bulldogs but mentioning that the Express match their experience. Legend Pat O’Connor is the ref here.

The “Two-Colored Mullet” look is really, uh, something.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! And this time, I get to torture you all with the illustrious Cobra/Sgt. Craig Pittman feud! But first! A very odd one-off (considering they shared a company for years), as it’s “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. the future Fit Finlay- back when he was the mullet-wearing Belfast Bruiser! This was back when Macho Man was still a regular wrestler on Monday Nitro and not just doing promos and beatdowns.

Also a co-headliner of sorts as the Road Warriors take on the Powers of Pain in 1988, shortly before the Warriors’ non-union Mexican equivalents bail for the WWF! And then it’s the WWF Jobber hell-zone that is Skinner vs. “Pump It Up!” Jim Powers in 1992!

But yeah, this is also the time I take a look at Sgt. Craig Pittman, who interested me a bit from the Kurasawa match I reviewed weeks ago. And turns out he sucked! Really bad! Come see HOW bad as he gets to fill tons of TV time on the D-shows with the “CIA Agent” Cobra, aka Jeff “nWo Sting” Farmer!

“THE MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE vs. THE BELFAST BRUISER:
(WCW Nitro, March 25th 1996)
* Yes, it’s MACHO MAN vs. FIT FINLAY! But it’s jobber-ish Bruiser with a brown mullet/buzzcut combo and a hideous mustache in addition to his goofy Mad Max one-shoulderpad leather jacket. They put over him using European uppercuts & smashing up Steven Regal’s face and OH MY GOD Heenan namedrops that it made Steven Regal’s face “look worse than Princess Di’s car that she smashed up” which is a reference that now reads COMPLETELY different (it was some other car accident, don’t worry!). Bruiser’s in a black singlet with “Ireland” across the front. Macho Man’s in white tights and is on the roids big-time.

Eddie Guerrero as a dorky young babyface jobber! What could be better?!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time we have a pretty varied assortment of “Wait, that happened?” matches, starting with a young rookie Eddie Guerrero being fed to NWA World Title contender Terry Funk way back in *1989*! Also I get the last Super Assassins match, as the masked Powers of Pain are fed to Lex Luger & Sting on Nitro! Then it’s the infamous era of Ahmed Johnson as the fat, washed-up “Big T” as Harlem Heat 2000 face dream match legends Disorderly Conduct! And a request- the HORRENDOUS one-off solo match of “Kizarny”, who wrestles MVP here before showing up in a battle royal and then being fired, never to darken WWE again! And also, the “Decent stars slumming it in horrible WWF gimmicks” bout as The Executioner faces Freddie Joe Floyd!

TERRY FUNK vs. EDDIE GUERRERO:
(WCW TV, Sept. 5th 1989)
* Eddie, in jobber yellow trunks, is set to be eaten alive by Funk, who is outraged that the accouncer doesn’t wait until his chaps are off before announcing him. Terry’s in those red & black long tights of his from the ’90s- Jim Ross’s commentary suggests this is right after Funk turned on Flair and piledrove him through a table. Terry actually has REALLY big arms at this point, not quite having decayed to his “middle aged and crazy” state, while Eddie’s already juicing. He’s mentione was being “The younger brother of Hector and Chavo Guerrero, and Mando Guerrero” because they were actually MORE FAMOUS than he was at this point!

Welcome back for more Dream Matches! This time we got to a sorta-request- a PPV match between Brock Lesnar & Rob Van Dam! Then a powerhouse bout between Scott Norton and the One Man Gang from 1996 WCW! Also, more of Freddie Joe Floyd, as he takes on a post-KOTR Steve Austin in 1996 WWF! More of High Energy, as they fight the jobber due of Barry Horowitz & Kato! The Powers of Pain in WCW as the Super Assassins against JTTS duo the State Patrol! And finally, we get the all-time greatest dream match of all: THE BEVERLY BROTHERS vs. DISORDERLY CONDUCT! Can WCW Saturday Night contain that level of star powers? Read on!

2002 KING OF THE RING FINAL:
BROCK LESNAR (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. ROB VAN DAM:
(6/23/02)
* So someone recommended I review the Vengeance match between these two, but it’s not on YouTube I think- but hey! Another KOTR match! This is the Finals to 2002’s show, during the Year of Lesnar’s Mega-Push. This tourney led to Steve Austin temporarily quitting as well as Chris Jericho turning on the IWC, ripping on fans for giving his RVD match on this same show only ***1/2 or so. Something like “If you don’t like this, then you’ll never like anything we ever give you” because he had an elevated opinion of that bout. Brock’s in black trunks and looks like absolute MONEY with that huge, bulky muscular physique, while RVD’s in great tiger-striped tights.

Steve Regal- the master of the “Disgusted Sneer” look.

Welcome back to another Dream Matches column! This one is a bit different, as I take two different WCW matches that happened multiple times and compare them- the first is a Dean Malenko/Steve Regal match that blew my mind way back in 1996 when I first checked this “Nitro” show out- it was a learning experience for a whole new type of match! And then they fought later that same year. Also, I found a weird trio of matches featuring Ice Train vs. La Parka of all people, back when he was the luchadore jobber du jour. And finally we have the bizarre “Super Assassins” (The Warlord & Barbarian under masks) as they take on the infamous American Males!

WCW TV TITLE:
LORD STEVEN REGAL vs. DEAN MALENKO:
(WCW Nitro, Aug. 8th 1996)
* Okay, so here’s a very big moment of my wrestling fandom right here. WWF was my “home-base” fed, especially since I was Canadian and WCW had crap for TV up here, but when I heard about this rival show forming, I decided to give them another chance. And this was one of the very first matches I saw in those first handful of shows (which included the famous “Rey Mysterio Lawn-Dart” incident. Regal at this point had some cred but mostly settled into this “Undercard Guy”, dominating as TV Champ, while Dean was the top Cruiserweight. Dean’s in black & purple trunks, while Regal, looking like he’s just absolutely DISGUSTED to be there, is in blue with red kneepads. Neither is holding a title at this point.

Such a dream match that somebody played it in WWE2K19!

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I find another match adding to the culmination of the break-up of the Rockers, as they take on the WWF Tag Team Champions in their final title shot!

Also up, a super-famous BUNGEE JUMP Match from the GWF in 1992. Also, a request, as the West Texas Rednecks take on… The Public Enemy? Yes, they’re back in WCW after they got chased out of the WWF by the Acolytes! Then it’s an apparently “semi-infamous” squash as Fit Finlay wrestles his normal match against Power Plant jobber Lorenzo, which is indistinguishable from Fit Finlay shooting on Power Plant jobber Lorenzo! Also one more PCO match, as Jean-Pierre Lafitte takes on Man Mountain Rock in one of the only “featured matches” Maxx Payne fought in the WWF.

WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal) vs. THE ROCKERS (Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty):
(Dec. 28th, 1991)
* Way, WAY at the end of the Rockers’ run comes their last shot at the World Tag Titles, as we get a rare Face vs. Face match against the unstoppable LOD in what’s truly a Dream Match. The LOD are in the usual, but the Rockers have on some bizarre technicolor shirt & tights combos, with neon stripes going up black middles and paint-splatter and tassels making up the rest of it. Ah, but they soon doff the shirts and look more like themselves. As someone pointed out last week, the Rockers were in a weird zone where they faced nearly everyone- babyface or heel- in the tag division during their time with the WWF. I surmised it was probably because they made everyone look good. The unusual match here is a giveaway that something’s gonna happen.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time, we’ve got something weird- apparently when John Tenta was just starting out in wrestling, he was in ALL JAPAN of all places, teaming up with the Ace and weighing only 300-ish lbs., and fighting the legendary Road Warriors!

Also I found more of that bizarre Land of Giants team, as they take on… The Undertakers? Yes- it’s a pair of obese twins with a name the WWF actually bought off of them. Then wen see a “Battle of the Kings” as King Mabel decides to take out Ken Shamrock shortly after his King of the Ring victory- a shockingly good attempt at putting a guy over from MABEL of all people! And then, in a fantastically-terrible bout, come see the legendary POWER UTI, villain of Mick Foley’s first book and national hero of Nigeria, take on the worst wrestler in AEW- Doc “Super Festus” Gallows! And then we cap things off with WCW’s Wrath & Mortis vs. The Faces of Fear in a shockingly-good Hoss Brawl!

JUMBO TSURUTA & JOHN TENTA vs. THE ROAD WARRIORS (Hawk & Animal, w/ Paul Ellering):
(All Japan, 1987.6.8)
* Haha, oh Jesus- look at this! Baby John Tenta, fresh out of sumo and having lost a LOT of weight, is in the early stage of his pro wrestling career in All Japan as the Ace’s tag team partner, and they’re going up against the early form of the Road Warriors, in full black spike-vests and ’80s facepaint! Tenta, in his navy-blue singlet with a Canadian flag on it, is almost unrecognizable, being barely 300 lbs. and scarcely larger than Jumbo- he’s all straight lines! Even at 24 he’s lost almost all the hair on top of his head, though.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today, it’s a kind of Giant-themed day by accident, as I went looking for Ron Reis’s stuff and found this bizarre Andre/Baba tag match as well! So come see a weird WWF/All Japan bout as Andre & Giant Baba take on Demolition! Also, come see ERIK WATTS make his “Dream Matches” debut wrestling a knock-off Kamala! Plus Ron Studd versus a jobber Chavo Guerrero Jr., then a couple years later as Ron becomes “Reese” of the Flock and takes on a washed-up ex-WWF guy in The Barbarian! And Earthquake in rare chocolate-brown gear against Rubbish Ronnie Garbage!

ANDRE THE GIANT & GIANT BABA vs. DEMOLITION (Ax & Smash):
(WWF/AJPW/NJPW Wrestling Summit April 13 1990)
* Good heavens! A wild interpromotional show, with an ungodly tired-looking Andre teaming up with the aged Baba in Japan against the Demos! Andre adored both guys in real life so he’ll probably be pretty generous to them, but, uh… neither guy on his side is in any position to be carrying a match. Andre’s in blue, with an obvious brace in his gear, while Baba’s in red and looks like he just got dug out of a mass grave. Looking at this card, I really gotta watch the whole thing.

“You know the Texas Tornado’s the only guy I know who can hide his own Easter eggs?”.
-Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich

WWF SUMMERSLAM SPECTACULAR 1991:
* Did you ever know that the Orient Express once had ALL THREE members fighting in a match at the same time? I sure didn’t! Yet here it is tonight! I’m oddly more excited for that than anything else on here- another prelude to a big PPV, in this case being SummerSlam ’91. Also up: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter for the WWF Title! Hawk vs. Brian Knobbs! Bret Hart vs. The Barbarian! Virgil versus a mystery man of Ted DiBiase’s choosing!

Vince makes a timely Annette Funnicello reference (who in their target audience would get THAT?) and Bobby Heenan’s in a ridiculous early ’90s “beach bum” get-up. Some douchebag fan has a whistle and they blow that sucker REPEATEDLY at certain points during the show.

The Nasty Boys: The Rocksteady & Bebop of the wrestling industry.

It’s a shock and a tragedy that I can’t find any solo matches between these two.

And we’re back with more of wrestling’s wildest Dream Matches! Can you withstand the power of Yoko & Booger working the world’s softest match with Mo & Mabel? More Booger, as he wrestles Rick Martel in a battle of opposites! Also watch the Dungeon of Doom’s B-Team crush High Voltage, Joe Gomez & The Renegade! Speaking of “Plain Old Rick”, watch his last match as he fights Wrath during his “Goldberg” Run! And did you know that Terry Taylor had the world’s most forgettable run in the WWF during 1992-93? True story! He takes on Jim Powers!

As always, these are all readily available on YouTube.

YOKOZUNA & BASTIAN BOOGER (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo, w/ Oscar):
* An Oakland, California house show gets this AMAZING Dream Match, featuring four huge fat guys (when Mo is the Cruiserweight, you know a match will be good). Yoko was actually WWF Champion at this time, apparently. He tosses his salt right on a ring attendant and shoves the announcer after announcing the faces, then he & Mabel won’t get out of each other’s faces, practically squashing Hebner between them- dude has gotta be ribbing these guys. The terrible video and sound transfer has robbed us of Oscar’s famous diction, sadly.

Live from Philadelphia, PA

Airdate: October 25, 1992

Attendance:  7,000 (4,800 paid)

Hosted by Jim Ross & Jesse “The Body” Ventura

Can Chono/Rude II live up to the hype? How will Simmons fare against Barbarian? What will be the result of “Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal” and will Sting give Roberts his comeuppance? Let’s find out!

Thunder
Date: March 29, 2000
Location: Astro Arena, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 5,727
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

This show is pretty much worthless given what’s coming in a few weeks. Therefore, it’s just another week of meaningless Thunder so at least it’s a regular show. The promotion is so dull at this point that there’s only so much they can do to make this last night before the reboot interesting. Let’s get to it.