B.A.

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time I hit a request from a couple weeks back, as the Hardy Boyz (then indie darlings and not WWF superstars yet) take on Sabu & Rob Van Dam in a one-time-only match! Then we get an amazing HOSS MATCH as the Steiner Brothers and Fire & Ice just got buckwild and murder each other with suplexes for six minutes on Nitro. Then it’s Andre the Giant & Giant Baba taking on Terry & Dory Funk in All Japan from 1990! And then I torture you all by featuring the No-Limit Soldiers (B.A. & Swoll) vs. Lenny & Lodi doing an offensive gay gimmick from the dying days of WCW! Finally we end with a “Dream Matches” MVP, Roadblock, taking on one of the Texas Hangmen (maybe the Disorderly Conduct guy!). Read on!

TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH:
SABU & ROB VAN DAM (w/ Bill Alfonso) vs. THE HARDY BOYZ (Matt & Jeff Hardy):
(All Star Wrestling NWA Legends Show, Feb. 11th 1998)
* Okay, huh? I’ve never heard of this, but it’s before the Hardys meant anything, as they were merely respected job guys at this point in the WWF, with their own spotfest indie promotion (OMEGA). It would be Sept. 1998 when they properly debuted as “featured” guys in the WWF, after being trained by Dory Funk Jr. for a bit. This is some All Star Wrestling show in Greenville, North Carolina. RVD was still with ECW at this point, and Sabu was suspended around this time (might be later). The camera work here is… not great. Very grainy, pixelated and stuck in one corner. Sabu’s in orange, RVD’s in light tights (I can’t tell the color), and the Hardys are in matching checkerboard baggy pants.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFP2j4aCZZk&t=348s&ab_channel=ReedBettor

Oh man, I found some wild stuff for everyone today! VADER AND EARTHQUAKE as the mother of all Monster tag teams! In the weirdo Fake-Shoot Japanese UWF-I fed, no less!

Also, here’s a horrifying indie match between the Warlord and an ultra-green Ron Reis, plus a tag match in the storied No-Limit Soldiers/West Texas Rednecks feud. And we end things with a Saturday Night match between Eddie Guerrero & Blitzkrieg, as my “check out all the Blitzkrieg stuff on YouTube” series finally continues!

SUPER VADER & JOHN TENTA vs. GARY ALBRIGHT & KAZUO YAMAZAKI:
(UWF-I, 08.10.1994)
* Now THIS is a Fat Man Stand-Off! So Vader/Albright is the big feud in the company at this point, and Vader (the reigning champ) brings it Earthquake for a tag match. Quake is noticeably taller and wider than Vader is, in fact. Both are wearing their standard gear, though Tenta has an oddly blank upper torso, as “Earthquake” has been taken off. Albright was a big kinda homegrown UWF-I star, becoming a big name they were building up. He got pretty fat after this, but here is a barrel-chested guy in yellow, being dwarfed by the opposing team. Yamazaki has no physique, but was a shooter-type guy through most of the UWFs- feeling skipped over for title shots, he bailed for New Japan (his original company) and even sided with them during the “New Japan vs. UWF” angle, training its boys against the “Shooters”.

Quoth the No-Limit Soldiers: “Hoody Hoo!”

Welcome back to another edition of wrestling’s weirdest Dream Matches! This time I have one of the most all-time “WTF?” trios matches ever, as we end up with the First Family- a band of WCW’s weakest heel JTTS guys at this point- up against the infamous No-Limit Soldiers, long after their run was dying. So it’s a true dream team of Brian Knobbs, Hugh Morrus and friggin’ LIGHTNING FOOT against Brad Armstrong and two never-was roid-monsters in 4×4 and Swoll.

Also on the docket, we have WWF Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Akeem in Versailles Stadium in France! Rocker Shawn Michaels taking on Demolition Crush in 1991- a bout that would look incredibly different only two years later and was on PPV in ’94! The Diamond Studd takes on P.N. News in his infamous “rapper” gimmick! And finally, a trip to 2011 WWE as Kevin Nash takes on Santino Marella.

THE NO LIMIT SOLDIERS (B.A., 4×4 & Swoll) vs. THE FIRST FAMILY (Brian Knobbs, Hugh Morrus & “LIGHTNING FOOT” Jerry Flynn, w/ Jimmy Hart):
(WCW Saturday Night, 09 11 1999)
* OH MY SWEET DEAR JESUS, YES!! THIS kind of bullshit nonsense is the entire reason I started this column in the first place! Look at these idiots- a fat sack of ass in Knobbs, never-was Hugh Morrus and of course LIGHTNING FOOT the super-jobber going up against one of WCW’s worst ideas, comprised of whatever guys they were paying but weren’t doing anything with. B.A. is Brad Armstrong, fresh from the jobber corps. Swoll is somewhat infamous for only ever doing anything in this angle (his wrestling career consists of AWA & New Japan in 1991 and WCW in 1999 and that’s it)- I do love how he’s called “Swoll”, which none of the announcers (Tony, Bobby, Larry & Mike being the four Caucasianiest Caucasians to ever live) explaining what the hell that name meant. 4×4 is an absolute BLIMP, looking like a legit Looney Tunes caricature of a roughneck, and didn’t make it more than a year in the business either, acting as a bodyguard for Harlem Heat 2000. This stems from a brawl last Saturday Night, and is a revenge bout between the two stables. The faces are all in camo gear while the First Family is in black (with Knobbs sporting a PINK SHIRT, which is amazing).