Tooned In: Transformers Commercials, Part 2 (1986)

So I totally undersold the addition of Linus the Lionhearted to MeTV Toons. There is a good reason why it hasn’t been seen much since its original broadcast, because the show was apparently made of nothing but Post cereal mascots of the time. Including one still in use to this day: Sugar Bear of Golden Crisp commercials. There’s also a problematic Asian caricature among said characters, which didn’t help matters any. See also: 1990 when local stations tried to run the UPA Dick Tracy cartoons to cash in on the Warren Beatty movie, Joe Jitsu and all. That…didn’t last long. Or stopped awhile, then returned suspiciously with 50 percent less shorts.

I’m figuring we’re either going to get “best of” Linus packages as such, with as few problem characters as possible. Would explain why it was Sundays only. That or Me is going to go all out, which will either be fine, or may result in another series being Bullwinkled off the station because they underestimated the rights issues and more. Time will tell.

But back where we left off with the Transformers commercials. About 15 minutes into this link, we had arrived at 1986, and the third line of figures. We start out by meeting…

The dueling new combiner teams: the Aerialbots and the Stunticons, complete with Cullen and Welker narration. Still using the second season theme song, so we’re not quite into the ‘86 toys yet, though both were highlighted there. Interestingly enough, the two teams gave each faction support where they were previously lacking: the Autobots with more aircrafts, and the Decepticons finally get cars, unless you count any time a Minispy turned up as a Decepticon. Motormaster would predate the various Nemesis Primes as an evil truck. But more importantly, we get two more super robots out of these new additions: Superion and Menasor.

Fast forward past a few repeats, and at 17:36 we get a bunch of nondescript, honestly boring Cybertronians. But apparently these are Decepticons nonetheless, and the announcer tells us that the only way to fight them off is with a new secret weapon: the Transformers Electric Train Battle Set, by Tyco (OF COURSE!) (And no, it doesn’t want to, you guessed it, rule the world…) . It’s your typical train set, with the gimmick being you can transform each of the train’s cars into various defense modes, the highlight of which is a fighter plane. Never once, however, did any part of this vehicle transform into…I don’t know…ROBOTS? Vehicle to super vehicle was more M.A.S.K.’s thing.

Another Tyco (OF COURSE!) cash in follows: a Transformers Electric Racing track, complete with two remote control cars that have very crude robot forms that glow in the dark. These characters are called Natron and Freezon, as best as I can tell from the announcer. I wondered if somehow they got backstories and were included in any other Transformers media, as it happens with these one-shot characters and deep cuts (i.e. Enemy, and Bu[mbleju]mper). So I looked at TF Wiki and was not disappointed. Thanks to an appearance in a Transformers: Animated book, Freezon even overtakes Arcee as the first official female Transformer to appear in toy form!

And here we go! It’s officially time to meet our new cinematic heroes. The music is kind of between 1985 and 1986, but we are introduced to Kup, Hot Rod, and Blurr, who each get one-liners to give us ideas of their characters. The same is done for the Decepticons, Scourge and Cyclonus (spoiler: the new forms of Thundercracker and Skywarp…or is it Bombshell the Insecticon? That’s as messy a question as Frenzy and Rumble’s colors, honestly). Optimus Prime fights alongside the new Autobots against these updated villains, which should not happen given The Movie’s timeline, but what’s this? A new leader? At the end of the commercial, we see…sigh…Rodimus Prime. “No one can take on Decepticons like Rodimus Prime,” the announcer says. Yeah, as in, barely at all, if I remember Season 3 right. And the Robots in Disguise kid’s new gimmick is crudely morphing into Galvatron. Who’s that? Read on…

And in fact, Galvy stars in the next ad alongside Ultra Magnus. The Season 3 music is in full effect, chants included, and is my favorite version of the theme song. In an odd moment, Prime and Megatron are again the narrators, with the latter talking about Galvatron, so if you know, it’s actually him talking in the third person. Welker reprises his series role as Galvy, but way subdued. Also of note, Optimus calls Magnus a “born leader,” which fuels my thoughts that he was meant to replace him before Hot Rod was added to do the whole Luke Skywalker thing. Understandable, considering he too was a Convoy. Even so, Magnus does a LOT of the heavy lifting for Rodimus in series three, so maybe?? Like many, I enjoyed discovering that Ultra Magnus’ cab turned into a white Optimus Prime, allowing me to recreate the climax of (spoiler) “The Return of Optimus Prime.” The kids slam the figures into each other like a pair of bricks. Fun fact: Magnus and Galvatron, along with Scourge, are name dropped in an NWA New Breed promo. To continue the idea that they were from the future, Chris Champion talks about traveling to Cybertron and getting permission from the Decepticons to destroy Lasertron. Yes, he included Ultra Magnus as a Decepticon. Was this the Shattered Glass Universe?

All I have to say about the next ad is,
Optimus: “What could be more terrifying than Kup and Hot Rod stranded on an alien planet battling the merciless Sharkticons?”

Wheelie: “Wheelie say, find friends today!”

That is some Maynard G. Krebs/Lenny and Squiggy type comedic timing right there! And Welker is using his Scrappy-Doo wannabe Donkey Kong Jr. voice instead of the high pitched Wheelie voice we all know and….just know. And yes, Saturday Supercade remains on my list of Things to Do. I don’t even think Wheelie is in this ad, as it’s mostly about the Sharkticons (technically one named “Gnaw”) They even get their own lyrics in the Transformers theme! Other characters get similar treatment from here on in too.

Ultra Magnus is back with his troops, but now the Decepticons have some more automotive backup in the Battlechargers: Runabout and Runamuck, who have come to be depicted by the fandom as being like Beavis and Butt-head for some reason. They’re basically the new Jumpstarters: gimmicky motorized cars with a simple transformation.

Now for the third Decepticon combiner unit: the Combaticons. Seems like we flip flop now between the Season 3 theme and the 1985-ish one with these commercials. Anyway, the militant Cons are sent to attack Autobot City, but unlike The Movie, it can transform into the Bots’ latest giant enforcer and holy grail for kids’ birthday and Christmas lists, Metroplex. Which would have been helpful then, maybe Prime wouldn’t have had to arrive and eventually get killed (SPOILER). On the other hand, no “The Touch” moment. And yes, I know, this was explained away in the series as Metroplex’s transformation cog being missing during the movie’s events. But not to be outdone, the Combaticons combine to form Bruticus, who I cannot see without picturing his Robots in Disguise incarnation, complete with catchphrase: “Ruination…AWAKENS!” Damn those rights issues for keeping RID in obscurity, as it was a fun goofy anime dub, maybe moreso than the Unicron Trilogy.

The roles are reversed in next commercial, which is back to the S3 theme song. This time the Protectobots are approaching the Decepticon City, Trypticon…who has Astrotrain’s voice in this spot. Or is Astrotrain telling them to transform him? Fun fact: on the cartoon, Trypticon would be voiced by Brad Garrett. So Optimus brags about having this team of rescue vehicles, Megatron counters by saying Trypticon could transform into a battle station. When Optimus plays the combiner card, showing off the Protectobots turning into Defensor, Megs one-ups him by saying Trypticon can transform into a giant dinosaur! Because it was the 80s, and few things were beating dinosaurs in the eyes of young boys.

The Aerialbots/Stunticons spot repeats, only with the S3 theme and the RID kid morphing into…Ultra Magnus? Hot Spot from the Protectobots? If the former, more proof that Magnus was meant to be the next leader.

Never fear, Benjamin, it’s a commercial that Grimlock gets dialogue in. But our Dinobot friends are in a bit of trouble, since they are being, shall we say, terrorized by the FOURTH Decepticon combiner team: the Predacons. But just as our latest Autobot entry would like it, this isn’t about them, this is about Sky-Lynx. Optimus Prime explains Captain Modesty’s three modes while he bites Predaking in the pecs. A Transformer that can Purple Nurple the other toys? Sign me up! And this is our second Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘n’ Wrestling connection, since Sky-Lynx would be voiced by the same person who did Sheiky Baby’s voice.

Now the Predacons get their moment, touted as Megatron’s answer to the Dinobots. Like a Dinobot would ever be subservient to Predacons! And indeed Predaking is probably still the coolest looking combiner. Continuity snag since Skywarp is shown to exist alongside these post-movie characters, while he may or may not be Cyclonus by then.

Ultra Magnus gets a solo commercial, and his animation going against a gauntlet of Decepticons is suspiciously similar to the aforementioned “Touch” sequence from The Movie. The Prime voiceover says he is just his commander, however.

No pop culture references here, since we’re tackling a character who has plenty for both of us. The Cliff’s notes version of the movie scene where Autobots get stranded on Junkion is told, starring only Springer, the Autobot’s Triple Changer, who meets Wreck-Gar. He is good for one thing….GARBAGE! And he dares to be stupid! Oops, getting a few incarnations ahead of myself. And wait a minute…does Wreck-Gar have a DECEPTICON sticker in this commercial? Did Hasbro have a change of plans ala Zodac in the Masters of the Universe?

Meet the Autobot Triple Changers: Sandstorm and the one nowhere near his scale on the cartoon, Broadside. They start out fighting Astrotrain and Blitzwing, but with art imitating art and all, the old guard is shoved out in favor of showing off Octane, the latest member of the Decepticons’ three-mode robots.

Dinobots and Omega Supreme repeats, new music, new narration, etc. etc.

Repeat of Metroplex vs. Combaticons, but wait! A teaser appears for Transformers : The Movie! “You’ve never seen anything like it!” promises Optimus.

A couple more repeats with the movie teaser tagged onto the end.

The Sharkticon commercial does the same…only now we are closer to opening day and get some scenes, along with the question, “Does Prime die?” I think we found out what could be more terrifying than the Sharkticons. They repeat this one a few times to show the countdown to the movie until it’s now in theaters everywhere. Of note: the Wheelie bit is now gone, probably to save time, but I like to think someone got the unintentional humor/truth of that part.

Galvatron and Omega Supreme ads + Movie plug. “Does Prime die?” Long-retired social workers and school counselors from the ‘80s can tell you the answer to that.

And we’ll end for now at 30:45. I was still into the line at this point. Even with the different, more futuristic modes, they looked cool enough to me and included more “realistic” vehicles at the same time. How long does that last? Another story for another article!