FMW Round Robin Tag League 03.29.99 DirecTV PPV

Korakuen Hall
Attendance 1,950

Previously In FMW…

Is that a fat bird? No, it’s a Round Robin.

All the tag teams involved in the Round Robin Tag Team head to the ring with their Mayor Quimby sashes.

Naohiko Yamazaki vs. Ryuji Hijikata

Oh if there’s one thing I like it’s black gear rookie matches. Hijikata takes a phantom bump from a clothesline and no-one even boos. Hijikata tries a crossbody but lands on Yamazaki’s kick and seems to genuinely wind himself. Both lads stick to power moves and the crowd starts getting very appreciative for some reason. Finally Hikikata wins with a Fisherman’s Suplex and crowd reacts very well for it at 8:18. Huh, good for them.

We get a recap of the Round Robin results from the recent tour in front of some very empty crowds.

Hideki Hosaka vs. Yoshinori Sasaki

Hooray we’re JIP! Hosaska kicks out of a chokeslam as Sasaki continues to improve. Hosaka can’t put Sasaki away with his big ass powerbombs so he continues spamming them until they do at 9:11. Eh, what it needed to be. Crowd didn’t pop for any of it.

Gedo & Ricky Fuji vs. Team Taco (Masao Orihara & Takeshi Ono)

Fuji lost to Taco last month but he was teaming with Flying Kid Ichihara so it wasn’t his fault. Don’t worry, now he has unmotivated Gedo. Team FMW land double clotheslines and elbows to show they’re a united front. Gedo accidentally hits Fuji but he laughs about it, allowing Taco to land their double stomps. Ono lands the falling-forward piledriver onto Gedo who takes it on his knees like Jeff Jarrett when he wrestled Castagnoli. God these Taco matches are weird, both of them clearly want to do more but are stuck with these lads they can’t hide their contempt for. Hot tag to Fuji who lands his trademark moves, meanwhile Gedo heads to the commentary booth to confront Jado who has differing opinions on Team No Respect. In the ring, Team Taco land a dozen moves on Fuji who kicks out of all them which is not how I view this midcard guy. Ricky ignores a sneak attack to land a Brainbuster on Orihara but then a Michinoku Driver wins it for the Tacos at 10:16. For a talented weirdo, Orihara doesn’t make it easy for people to actually enjoy his matches.

Koji Nakagawa (Team No Respect) vs. Super Leather

Leather starts this match by drinking a coffee to show he’s evil. I already consider him a heel after paying money to see Part 4.

We go straight outside with Nakagawa gigging after taking a nail toothbrush to the face. Leather brings a guardrail to use in the ring and I wonder where he got that from cos FMW weren’t using them. Nakagawa gets crotched on it while Leather yells at the ref. The crowd may not be big but they’re really loud tonight.

Leather removes his mask so he can choke Nakagawa with it. Leather seems intent on annoying the fans as much as possible as he plods directly into them so Nakagawa can launch him into a guardrail set up in the ropes. Leather is bleeding now so he wanders further into the crowd to spread whatever disease he has. I bet he had that many strains of of Hep at this point his insides looked like the dodgiest Royal Rumble of all time.

Both lads continue to brawl through the crowd and even though this is doing absolutely nothing for me, the fans are loving it. Both lads head up to the balcony and tease going over it but neither of them are Matsunaga so it’s not happening.

This goes on for frigging ages. I’ve got nothing to type about. There’s a bulldog that belongs to a neighbour near me and it’s the fattest fucking bulldog I’ve ever seen. It’s like if a bulldog ate a barrel and assumed it’s shape like in Tom & Jerry. I honestly didn’t know dogs could be that fat and not die.

Leather finally heads back to the ring to tombstone his opponent for two. After making out with his mask, Leather powerbombs Nakagawa but can’t end it. He should have used more tongue. Nakagawa finally jacknifes Leather after hitting him in the balls to end this at 18:05 (!!!!)

This was all Nakagawa letting Leather do stuff to him for eighteen godforsaken minutes in front of a receptive crowd. Leather is surviving in 1999 via his reputation like Jericho was in 2024.

FMW Brass Knuckles Tag Team Title Tournament Match

Armageddon vs. Team No Respect (Yukihiro Kanemura & Hido)

I hate that I’m typing this without irony but I’m happy to see Team No Respect’s dumb dance.

It’s the debut of Armageddon aka Three Minute Warning! They’re wearing massive workout gear and look like half the cast of The Sopranos Season One.

Rosey slams both guys with ease because he’s twice their size. Neither TNR member can take him down so they attempt drop toe holds, to which Rosey responds with clotheslines. Kanemura dodges an avalanche in the corner so Rosey bonks himself. On the outside, Kanemura gets thrown into empty chairs while Jamal DDTs Hido on the floor to bust him open.

Jamal does Val Venis’ sexy dance to a downed opponent before dropping his dump truck on Hido. So far TNR have got absolutely nothing in to establish these two massive lads. Hido is bleeding impressively for this as he continues to get squished. Hido finally comes back by dropkicking a chair into Rosey’s face while Kanemura powers up to scoop slam both of them.

Kanemura makes the mistake of trying to double noggin knocker both lads but (say it with me) THEY’RE SAMOAN so it doesn’t work. TNR both decide the best course of action is to slam chairs to both lads and they both sell for them so good idea. A giant pile of chairs gets set up in the ring to maintain the advantage, however Jamal slams Kanemura off the top rope onto them and a brutal double powerbomb onto Hido…does not end it as Kanemura breaks it up. Both Samoans repeatedly splash Hido while disposing of Kanemura on the outside before finally a piledriver/leg drop combo ends it on Hido at 10:16.

Effective match to build up the new tag team. They were clearly working on the job and figuring out how to sell effectively considering their size but this was a good introduction to them if nowt else.

Post-match Jamal makes a female fan put his jacket on his back while he gyrates like a mad un.

It’s intermission in the hall but the PPV audience get treated to highlights of the Battlarts vs. FMW feud from 03/19/99.

Also we get clips of Tanaka & Kuroda challenging Hayabusa & Shinzaki for the AJPW All Asian Tag Titles but lose after 30:35. Wow. Match looked great.

We then get clips of Mr. Gannosuke finally getting his FMW Double Titles shot against Fuyuki. We get maybe thirty seconds of highlights of a match that Gannosuke won a two-month tournament to obtain. Huh. Match must have really sucked. Gannosuke didn’t win but he bled a lot.

FMW Brass Knuckles Tag Team Title Tournament Match

Mr. Gannosuke & Hisakatsu Oya vs. Daisuke Ikeda & Mohammed Yone

Yone starts this off hot by stomping Gannosuke’s monk hat. This starts a wild brawl on the outside where I presume Battlarts’ training fails them. Back inside Oya is a vicious prick with his chops and stretching, busting open Yone early. He tries to fight back but Gannosuke cockily rolls out the way of a spinning leg kick, pleasing the fans but annoying Ikeda into charging in like a dumb-dumb.

Oya applies a Boston Crab but releases it when Ikeda tries to interfere so dismisses him with a hand gesture.

Ikeda is getting madder and madder, not helped by Oya continuing to stretch Yone directly in front of him. Good stuff. Gannosuke tags in to continue to frustrate Ikeda who won’t stop running in. Yone finally tags out so Ikeda can vent and yell and get booed. And oh boy does he step up to the task, even teasing doing the Praying Powerbomb onto Gannosuke. He backdrops out of it to low blow Ikeda but it’s nice that the Battlarts guys are leaning into this hatred. Oya gets kicked to hell by Yone as well as taking a wonderful leg drop off the second rope and a stunning side suplex. Oya repays the favour with one of his own before Gannosuke contributes to a clothesline-side suplex combo. God that looked harsh. Gannosuke locks in his Certain Death Nirvana Hold but Ikeda breaks it up.

Oya just can’t put away Yone because both men are fuelled by hatred. Oya bounces Ikeda’s skull off the canvas but he still won’t get pinned.

Oya blocks more Ikeda strikes to lock in an Octopus Stretch and crowd are ready for it. However, Yone runs in to kick Oya in the back of the head to set up Ikeda to lariat to win at 11:30 despite the immediate protests from the FMW lads.

The Battlarts feud so far isn’t sophisticated, it’s just two sets of wrestler who do not like one another and sometimes that’s all you need. Very heated and stiff here, with a touch of camp which is always appreciated.

Kanemura and Hido run out to make sure we don’t get another forty five minute brawl like last time.

FMW Brass Knuckles Tag Team Title Tournament Match

Kodo Fuyuki & Hayabusa vs. Masato Tanaka & Tetsuhiro Kuroda

OK so Hayabusa is The Ace, and Fuyuki is his new mate now that Team No Respect are good guys. Tanaka has returned from ECW to wreak havoc and Kuroda is so close to joining the main event he can smell it.

Kuroda starts by taking Hayabusa to the mat because his time is now. He’s able to land a quick lariat to shocked applause. Tanaka tags in to kick Hayabusa so hard he needs to tag in Fuyuki. The fat yeller matches Tanaka charge-for-charge as the crowd gets hotter and hotter. Kuroda gets worked over to slow this one down just as we were stepping up so I assume we’re going long tonight. Kuroda recovers long enough to drag Hayabusa into the fans so he can bust out the Running Crowd Lariat. Not much segue there, everyone decided it was time for it to happen. Tanaka also lands a Running Crowd Elbow on Fuyuki with both men doing a polite do-si-do.

Back inside, Kuroda & Tanaka continue working over Hayabusa’s leg because they naively think this will prevent him from diving around. Fuyuki keeps trying to help but he’s so bad at it you’d think he was about to re-turn heel. Tanaka locks in a Figure Four on the chubby yodeller as Hayabusa has been in an ankle lock for about three minutes. Tanaka locks in the Mexican Surfboard/Dragon Sleeper combo as he must have enjoyed those Super Crazy matches while he was in ECW.

Hayabusa continues to get worked before finally palm striking his foes away to tag in Fuyuki! Who immediately runs into a lariat from Kuroda. Aye cheers pet. Fuyuki shrugs it off to lock in a Stretch Plumb, with Hayabusa blocking an interfering Tanaka before taking out the first row with a tope con hilo.

Tanaka’s built different so he does manage to run back in to halt a charging Fuyuki with a well-timed basement dropkick. Tanaka keeps landing great chops and elbows because his strikes rule. Scoop slam on Fuyuki sets up a few dives off the top rope from both rising stars but he kicks out regardless. Hayabusa springboards Kuroda outside before landing a typically beautiful Asai Moonsault. You know, because of having his leg worked over for ten minutes. Fisherman’s Buster won’t put away Kuroda and neither does a brutal Dragon Suplex. All head and neck there. A not-dead Kuroda prevents Hayabusa with following up with something off the top rope to land a lariat for two. Tanaka charges in to take a German Suplex but (say it with me) YOU CAN’T GERMAN SUPLEX TANAKA. Instead, a flying clothesline from Kuroda helps Tanaka powerbomb Hayabusa but it won’t end the match.

Tanaka busts out his desperate reverse superplex but Hayabusa somehow kicks out of that. Crowd are clapping and stomping their feet now. Kuroda starts no-selling German Suplexes so he can lariat Hayabusa, fighting through the pain and managing to collide…for two. Crowd are screaming now. Straitjacket suplex won’t shut up Hayabusa which can only mean it’s time for another lariat. Tanaka tries to German Suplex on Tanaka but see earlier note. Fuyuki tags in to completely fuck up a powerbomb on Tanaka twice. He’s selling, I guess. Superbomb connects on Tanaka with no-one reacting to the move or the kick-out. Huh. Yelling Lariat lands HARD on Tanaka and the crowd is back now. 450 Splash won’t put away Tanaka because he’s hard, and he lands a wonderful elevated stunner which Fuyuki has to break up afterwards…so he gets an elevated stunner too! Surprisingly easily executed considering his size. Reverse Powerbomb/DDT combo only gets two on Hayabusa who is running on fumes now. Tanaka lands the Diamond Dust but that damn Fuyuki breaks up the pin attempt. Hayabusa somehow recovers enough to land a Falcon Arrow with a frantic Tanaka ushering Kuroda to break up the pin.

Palm strike misses on Tanaka who lands THE RUNNING ELBOW THIS IS IT no it isn’t it as Hayabusa kicks out. Fuck. Kuroda and Fuyuki land lariats at the same time so Fuyuki can fall down cos he’s spent. Tanaka helps him by landing The Running Elbow into a Kuroda Lariat but even that won’t end this. Fuyuki blocks another lariat but Kuroda simply waits a second and lands another. Another frigging Running Elbow on Fuyuki won’t end the match and…the bell rings to signal the 30:00 time limit has expired AH BASTARD.

The idea was to have Tanaka and Kuroda appear on the same level as the headliners and this worked very effectively. Hell, the young uns outshined Fuyuki for most of the contest. Felt very much like a Four Pillars tag match and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Tanaka grabs the mic and sounds pissed off. Hayabusa is more positive because he has a new friend he can trust unlike all those other ones he’s had that have betrayed him after a few weeks.

Foreshadowing is a narrative device.

Notes…

Onita Pro ran a show in Nagasaki on 03/05/99 that featured Tanaka & Kanemura that would end up as FMW’s last cooperation with Mr. Liar. The show sold out, thanks guys.

Onita would attempt to bring in original FMW referee Ted Tanabe after claiming the NJPW referee was biased in his match against Kensuke Sasaki and that’s why he DQ’d him after he threw fire in his face. This didn’t go anywhere but it’s funny seeing that kind of angle in Japan.

Also Onita would go back to college after promising his mum he’d graduate. Aw.

Overall: Eh, having a Round Robin tournament must have made sense to boost attendance for the house shows but it’s not a terribly rewarding thing to watch when you only get a few of the matches on TV. Battlarts, Armageddon and the main event are grand but FMW sure is taking it’s time getting to the big stuff in 1999.

Next Week: Hayabusa & Shinzaki defend the AJPW All Asia Tag Titles in FMW!

I’ve been Maffew