Tooned In: Superfriends Crafts and Magic (1977)

As promised, we also have a compilation from The All-New Super Friends Hour of the crafts and magic tricks the Justice League showed us. Get your construction paper and household items ready!

Ironically, this is in honor of Superman having a new movie out, because he doesn’t get to appear in any magic segments since, of course, he is vul…wait? He…what? You’ll see what I mean soon. Spoiler: that’s one joke shot to hell. Oh well, I can still get my “Why wasn’t Zatanna on this show so SHE could do the magic tricks?” diatribe in. Answer: probably because ’70s SatAM S&P felt she was too occult for the Superfriends. And because of the fishnet stockings, can’t forget the stockings.

Of course, you can watch along here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNjmbQSzJNA

First up is Wonder Woman with a “dandy” craft. Hopefully it’s to spruce up the barren classroom this kid is in, as it has one shelf of books, a desk, and not much else. HGTV wasn’t a thing yet, so we have to settle for a “spinning pencil top,” created by tracing a circle on a piece of cardboard, cutting out said circle, making a colorful design using crayons, then poking a lead pencil through the middle to make it spin. Thankfully the Joker wasn’t around for this one, I hear he can get a bit too creative with pencils. The top will even draw lines on a piece of paper!

Wondie’s back, this time in the Superfriends Magic Theater to present the Magic Coin Mystery. By covering a glass with paper and placing it all over a coin, it vanishes. What manner of sorcery is this? The kind that involves cutting out the same color of construction paper on the table and using it to line the rim of the glass so it blends in and makes it look like the coin underneath is gone. Wonder Woman says it’s time for herself to disappear, and since the show is inconsistent with what her powers are, maybe she can?

It’s Aquaman time…he’s here on the Crafts end of things and of course he’s only relied on to create party favors…for the Wonder Twins’ party. He makes a “sun rattler,” a funny face drawn on twin paper plates glued together, with dried beans in the middle to take care of the rattling element. Okay I can buy this as something Marvin would want at a party, not even the Wonder Twins. Then again, Marvin? Invited to a party? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And Aquaman too performs double duty on the magic stage, and I have to say, I don’t know what they’re going for. Something about a newspaper causing a thin wooden board to be broken by a stick. Never mind that the two items are as best as I could tell kept separate. But I for one believe in the King of the Seas, let’s see what he has to say. Ah, unlike the first part, Aquaman puts the paper on part of the board before breaking it. So it broke because the paper weighed it down? Figures Arthur would be left with what could barely be called a “magic trick.” AQUAMAN GETS NO RESPECT.

And the man of the hour, the toast of the silver screen, Superman has arrived! He finds an old telescope in a pirate’s chest, and in one super breath describes it as a beautiful antique…then brags how he doesn’t need it with his x-ray vision. No kidding, Lori Lemaris probably agrees. He also finds the chest contains glue, paint, straws, and thread spools. Clark, I think you stumbled upon the remains of an old pirate counterfeiting business, meant to duplicate supposed valuable seafaring telescopes. Yet he encourages kids to do the same with these items? SUPERMAN IS A DICK.

Another Wonder Woman magic trick, now she is making a glass of water stand on a playing card. You can too, if you cut half of another card and glue it to the back of the card you’re using to make a hidden stand. Your parents won’t be happy to make this discovery on poker night, though.

Aquaman’s turn again, and they can’t be bothered to give him a different kind of trick, since this one too involves coins “disappearing”. AQUAMAN GETS NO RESPECT #2. Wax up your middle finger, that way the coin sticks there when you close your hand. I hear Aquaman was tempted to show his teammates exactly where the coin was after they saddled him with this lame segment.

Another Magic segment and…WHAAAAA? SUPERMAN? Well, Kal-El is here to face his fears over the occult and illusion, I guess, to present us “Scissor Sorcery.” That’s what your mom called it! So what he does is cut the ends of an envelope and slips a cardboard strip into it, and lo and behold, after cutting the envelope the cardboard survives! Is cardboard and newspaper the Adamantium of the Hanna-Barbera DCU? Could the Superfriends’ troubles have been all gone if they just put the Legion of Doom inside cardboard boxes, or wrapped them like wine glasses in pages from the Daily Planet? TUNE INTO THE ALL-NEW SUPER FRIENDS HOUR TO FIND OUT! Also, vandalizing someone’s mail is, how shall I say this, a dick move for Superman, but how likely is he being a dick? Anyway, turns out that he really didn’t stick the cardboard IN the envelope, but in two slots cut behind it. “Magic? Not really! But that’s the trick!” So Superman is breaking kayfabe on his own show too? Introducing Russo Booking to the Superfriends = SUPERMAN IS A DICK. On the bright side, since it was “fake” magic, I can continue my meme about Superman Fears Magic after all!

One last Craft segment, and this stars the Caped Crimefighters. Batman having brushes with Zatanna, Ra’s al-Ghul, and other occult figures, and being the modern-day Houdini as a master of escape, would make him fit the Magic segments better though, no? Regardless, Batman and Robin pull up to I assume Wayne Manor, 1) In broad day light and 2) one of the bushes has a bat logo at its base. Giant neon sign saying “I’M BATMAN” with an arrow pointing at the estate not seen. Oh, and reversed colored logo sighting. Robin is extolling the virtues of their portable Bat Radios, and Batman chimes in saying the kids can make their own two-way radio. It’s the typical “tie two paper cups to a string” deal. Now I see why Bruce has Lucius Fox create all his gadgets.

That’s all, time for me to disappear along with Wonder Woman (just ducking down behind his desk, but that’s on par with the slight of hand seen here, so…)