Tooned In: Superfriends PSAs (1977, 1980s)

Oh what the hey, the whole Patreon thing isn’t going anywhere, so may as well start to share some “new” content here.

Unfortunately, no Magic, Crafts, nor the Decoders in this set of videos. But as far as I know, they’re still out there too and are on my radar. (And in fact, I have the comp of those at the ready and will review them as well, as soon as I can!)

If you’ve followed my looks into the All-New Super Friends Hour, you know about these segments, where our heroes give their young fans life lessons between their adventures. If you care to watch along with this marathon, click on this link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au-8GohUNlo&t=12s

First up is Aquaman telling us to never swim alone. Unless your wife was seen pooping in Johnny Depp’s bed and gets canceled.

Now comes another Personal Meme. And if you want to see the contrast between this Batman and the Dark Knight, this is a shining example, no pun intended. The Batmobile drives through the countryside in broad daylight, and stops at a farmer’s market, where Batman, avenger of the night, asks for a snack like a fifth grader. Point being, eat fruits and vegetables. This one is also notable for the line “Any of them, Robin, you can’t miss!” when the Boy Wonder asks what they should try. And it was actually referenced in a Family Guy episode, the one where Chris meets Marilyn Manson. Also of note, Olan Soule’s pronunciation of “fresh” possibly gives him away as the voiceover in this McDonald’s commercial .

Wonder Woman says to never put things like pens and styrofoam cups in your mouth. She proceeds to lasso both objects away, hopefully she forced that pen to tell the truth as to whether or not it was about to run out of ink. I hate when that happens. If only Diana expressed this tip with weird puppets and a catchy jingle, then people might remember that. Or at least wacky online reviewers. Anyway styrofoam cups were fun to take bites out of and tear apart, but okay Diana, you have the wisdom of Athena, not me.

The Man of Steel makes his first appearance in this anti-smoking Health spot. Superman tells the tale of Tommy, who by his uniform plays for the Metropolis PB&Jays, and thinks smoking makes him look cool. After being tagged out, Supes tells us in no uncertain terms that smoking “makes you a LOSER.” Call Kevin Smith and rename Kal-El “Bluntman” why don’t you! By the way, Superman knew Tommy was going to have a coughing fit and tells us to just watch anyway as he falls on his face as a result? SUPERMAN IS A DICK.

Some kids are all, “Aw hell no, what up, dog?” and Wonder Woman appears rambling how she’s a computer. Not really, but same premise as the original version of that G.I. Joe segment: don’t try to pet strange dogs. Let them sniff your hand first. Um, Diana, I think dogs use another body part to smell before getting familiar with someone.

Batman and Robin teach us the Heimlich Maneuver. (Which apparently Heimlich’s estate has disavowed connection to?) At this point can I say the usual Health BGM is catchier than it has any right to be? And the “wah-wah, wah-wah” intro theme when the logo comes up? Anyway, be glad this isn’t Frank Miller’s All-Star universe, or we’d see Batman teach Robin how to puncture a hole in someone’s windpipe to allow them to breathe. Also, when you’re thirsty, don’t drink soda, “try the lemonade on a hot day like this. It’s a godsend.”

The Dynamic Duo is back for the Safety Tip, when a fuse blows in the Trouble Alert, Batman explains to not overload electrical outlets. Right now I’d worry about what disasters or super villain antics you missed while you were restoring the electricity, Bats.

There’s a fire at some kid’s home, and Peggy Lee was wrong, the whole world going up in flames is not all there is to a fire. You get visited by Wonder Woman too! She tells the boy, who didn’t have emergency numbers handy, to do just that. By apparently writing them on the wall over your phone? If I tried that, I’d have to ask the Superfriends if they could save me from being sent to my room for inking up the kitchen. And hey, shouldn’t Wonder Woman be helping the fire fighters extinguish the burning house? That seems a bit more pressing than even the lecture about phone numbers.

Superman spots two boys riding double on their bike, and saves them from a “crack” in the sidewalk that looks more like a bottomless ledge. Yet despite this, the kids are able to rattle off other bicycle safety tips, and more than Supes does.

Superman rescues a kid trying to outrun a bear. Now where was he in the 60s when young Susan Montero got mauled on the grounds of Woodstone Mansion? SUPERMAN IS A DICK. So what’s the point of this PSA? Don’t wander in strange woods alone? Don’t approach wild animals? No…it’s about what can happen if you skip breakfast. “How did you know?” the kid rightfully asks…yeah, what IS Superman looking for with his X-ray vision?

Some kid tells his mother about crossing the street safely. And Wonder Woman…just shows up at the end to congratulate him.

Superman meets a kid whose friends abandoned him for not wanting to do drugs. Another case of the young man having it right without any super help. But he does get a super flight home. I like to think Superman then saw the kid’s friends and played an end-of-Superman II type prank on them for being bullies.

Batman and Robin are back to uncharacteristically pleasure driving the Batmobile in the day, and ON THE GRASS no less. Well they are getting a harder edge from their Wendy and Marvin episode days, when Batman scolded Robin for not minding a “KEEP OFF THE GRASS” sign. Not quite in dark and gritty territory, but we’ll take what we can get. Anyway, this time they’re at a park where they stop two kids from racing bicycles with no hands.

Wonder Woman is hanging at the carnival where this kid fails to hit the bottles with the baseball, and complains about it looking blurry. I’m going to pretend this is one of the kids’ drug-loving friends from the other short. But, Diana gives him the benefit of the doubt and tells him to visit his eye doctor.

Oh boy, yet another meme. Aquaman is poolside with twin redheads who vaguely remind me of Ursula and her intro-only clone, Fella, from George of the Jungle. So much screen grab potential. But no, apparently Aquaman is just their coach and overheard them talk about hitching a ride home, which is dangerous. Unless you’re hitching on a giant seahorse with a certain blonde superhero…

Now this one is actually semi-serious, and yet somehow just as hammy. Batman and Robin just helped in the aftermath of a car accident. When Robin asks what happened, a blonde woman appears on screen angrily and melodramatically talking about her boyfriend drunk driving because “he thought it would make him feel good.” In delivering the lesson, Batman puts his arm around said woman, like he let his Billionaire Playboy persona seep through for a moment.

Aquaman with more swimming lessons, but no young girls for him to ogle this time. He shows two boys what to do if someone accidentally swallows water, and only 2-3 frames of animation to show it. “Remember, only fish can breathe underwater!” the King of the Seas says. “Unless you’re Aquaman!” one of the boys replies; again, Aquaman was wasting his time expecting the other Justice Leaguers to find his powers cool.

And we end with one more Aquaman tip. A girl trips over a water sprinkler, and Arthur takes what he can get with any emergency vaguely involving water. Oh man, the face he makes when you stop at 8:50. I’m not sure if he’s more shocked by the girl’s fall, or for her injuring the poor sprinkler. Regardless, he puts the defiling of one of his monuments on the Land Dweller’s World aside and helps the girl clean the scrape she got on her elbow. With drinking fountain water? Not acting as wise as Neptune there, are we?

Now as an added bonus, here’s a few PSAs from the 80s episodes, that were never released on DVD or otherwise:

Samurai helps a victim of a dog attack, in the sense that it was a pro wrestling dog attack where the dog’s bite actually barely grazes the kid. Wash the wound, call the owner, and make sure the dog had its rabies shot.

A skateboarding kid has a near collision with a lady and her dog, complete with reaction closeup shots. Black Vulcan appears and tells her not to skate on busy sidewalks. Besides wearing safety gear and staying away from traffic, find a smooth surface. In your pants.

Apache Chief notices Cindy is “off her game” today, but fails to notice the kid obviously on uppers who speeds past all the bases. Like the other Superfriends, he assumes this means she skipped breakfast, and in his defense, this time she confirms it. Together they learn that cheese sandwiches are in fact acceptable breakfast foods.

Okay, they describe this as 1984 but it has the 1977 shield branding. It’s another skateboard safety PSA, when Batman and Robin save a kid who’s skate down a steep slope leads him into traffic. He even earns a “Quick, Robin!” as the heroes use the Batropes to stop his descent. Batman warns him to safely skateboard by not going down steep hills nor skating into traffic. To be fair, the kid did not plan on the latter part.

Now, this one has the 1980s branding, but could really be either. Still, Superman is using his mellower voice, so maybe? Anyway, he walks in on a girl baking : “Delicious!” she says. And Clark Ramsey adds, “And dangerous!” But actually, he was referring to the girl not asking her parents to use the kitchen appliances, nor making sure the wires weren’t in the way. And her hot pot handles were not turned in, as Bugs Bunny would also remind us.

The Wonder Twins apparently had an 80s era PSA, but I can’t find that one now. Oh well, their shorts are basically PSAs anyway.

So long, and remember, Tooned In reviews will NOT make you a loser!