WWE Smackdown Review – 06.27.25

Smackdown tonight comes from the Kingdom Arena in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. There were apparently technical issues on the world broadcast stemming from a power outage, so let’s see how this American (delayed til it’s normal start time on USA) version of the show turns out.

Arrivals to the show include WWE Woman’s Champion Tiffany Stratton and Nia Jax, who will face Stratton in a Last Woman Standing match for the title. WWE World Tag Team Champions The Street Profits and WWE Women’s US Champion Zelina Vega also arrive ahead of their respective title matches tonight. Giulia, who will challenge Vega for her title, is also shown. Jade Cargill and Asuka are shown arriving ahead of their Queen of the Ring final at tomorrow night’s Night of Champions.

Your announcers are Michael Cole and Wade Barrett on match calls, Mark Nash on ring announcements and Jackie Redmond and Byron Saxton handling backstage chats.

Here’s KOTR finalist Cody Rhodes to start the show. The crowd is jacked and continues singing “Kingdom” long after they cut it off in the arena. Before Cody can begin to chat, here’s Cody’s KotR final opponent Randy Orton to an equally loud reception. Orton asks if the crowd watched Cody and Jey Uso tear it up in the KotR semi-final on Raw this week, and then says it will be in the running for Match of the Year at the Slammies. At this point, a banner comes up at the bottom of the screen regarding the technical issues that apparently occurred during this promo. We appear to go to handheld video for the rest of this.

Orton says while Cody wants the crown, Orton needs it. Orton says the crown can also be about redemption since he lost to GUNTHER in last year’s KotR finals. It can also be about retribution as well, since Orton lost to WWE Champion John Cena at Backlash. Orton says everyone knows he and Cody are friends but he can’t and won’t let that friendship get in the way of Orton winning, and there’s nothing he won’t do to leave with the crown. He will re-introduce Cody to the three most dangerous letters in WWE.

Cody, who didn’t get to say an actual word last week despite coming out first during that promo segment, finally gets to talk. He mentions not getting to speak last week and asks if he’s hearing Orton correctly that John Cena “embarrassed” Orton at Backlash. Cody says that between the world championships Orton and Cena have both won, neither could ever be embarrassed at this point. He remembers the good and the bad, and Cody is grateful and thankful for Orton. That being said, no matter who wins the title match tomorrow between Cena and CM Punk (a smattering of boos for that mention) Cody needs to win KotR just a little bit more. RKO will remain the three most dangerous letters even after tomorrow night, but Cody says Orton won’t be King of the Ring tomorrow night, Cody will.

Here’s Solo Sikoa and JC Mateo. Sikoa tells Mateo that he wants him to give Big Jim Uso one more chance to re-join the family by showing him what it’s like to be out there with no back up. Speaking of Big Jim, his music hits and he makes his entrance prior to commercials.

Big Jim Uso vs JC Mateo

Mateo yanks Uso up and drives him into the corner, and then follows with shoulders. Mateo clubbers away and gets warned by ref Charles Robinson to obey his count. Uso fires up with a right and some chops, but Mateo reverses an Irish whip and lariats Uso down. Cole mentions Mateo’s titles in New Japan as I continue to be amazed at this ongoing development of recognizing other companies. Uso dumps a charging Mateo to the floor and Uso hits an enziguri as Mateo tries to re-enter. Uso wants to fly over the top rope but he’s stopped by Sikoa and they have a chat as we go to commercials.

Back live with Mateo whipping Uso into the corner. Uso ascends but as he tries a cross-body, Mateo catches him and plants Uso with a side slam. Mateo hits a drop lariat and an impressive standing moonsault for two. Mateo goes to a waistlock, and as Uso breaks it up with elbows, Mateo pushes Uso into the corner and charges. Uso hits him with an elbow and ascends for a corkscrew torneo and both guys are down. Once both are up, they slug it out with Uso gaining the advantage. Uso tries a Samoan Drop but Mateo slips off and grabs Uso’s roundhouse kick attempt. Uso catches Mateo with a spinning enziguri before hitting Mateo with a hip attack. Uso superkicks Mateo who tumbles to the floor. Uso charges and hits Mateo with a tope suicida. Uso tosses Mateo back and as he goes to re-enter, Sikoa grabs Uso’s leg. Uso kicks him off and ascends, but this gives Mateo time to recover and Uso misses his splash attempt (but lands on his feet). Uso charges but Mateo catches him in the Tour of the Islands and gets the three count.

Kind of slow and plodding, and everyone in the front row being on their phones the entire match didn’t help things. Mateo works deliberately but in a world of fierce hosses, his offense doesn’t stand out. Bronson Reed, for example, looks like he will mess you up. on sight. Mateo looks like the guy you maybe don’t want to say the wrong thing to at a barbecue after a few beers and that’s it. Jimmy eats too many pins and now I’m wondering if him and Jey might end up back together. This was inoffensive but not anything great. 1.5*

Winner – JC Mateo (Tour of the Islands)

Post match sees Sikoa talking to Uso about re-joining the family. Sikoa wants a hug, but Uso slaps him across the face before Mateo trucks Uso from behind. Mateo holds up Uso for Sikoa’s spike but here’s WWE Men’s US Champion Jacob Fatu sprinting to the ring to hit a quick pop-up Samoan Drop on Mateo before staring down Sikoa. Sikoa bails to the floor, so Fatu hits the springboard moonsault on Mateo. Fatu and Uso stare at each other, and Uso pushes Fatu out of the way of a charging Sikoa. Uso sends Sikoa to the floor with a superkick and he and Fatu stare down a retreating Sikoa and Mateo.

Backstage here’s DIY talking to Fraxiom, Los Garza, and Motor City Machine Guns about not allowing the Wyatts to win the titles from the Street Profits. Ciampa tells the group that if the Wyatts win the titles no one is going to have a shot at them for the forseeable future as Smackdown GM Nick Aldis joins the scene. Arguments ensue and Aldis finds Andrade and offers him and a partner of his choosing a match with Gargano and Ciampa because they’re annoying him. Andrade gives thumbs up.

We get a pre-tape promo from Giulia about her match with Zelina and it’s in Japanese with sub-titles. I’m glad they’re letting her speak her native tongue for almost all of this. We then get the response promo from Vega. Vega makes her entrance for the match first wearing a very elaborate snake costume as we go to commercials.

WWE Women’s US Championship: Zelina Vega (C) vs Giulia

They exchange immediate cover attempts and both get one counts. They both kick each other in the head, and Giulia gets the advantage once they both recover. Giulia hits a back suplex and ascends, but Vega leaps up and knocks her to the apron. Vega knees Giulia to the floor and ascends, but as she hits Giulia with an Asai moonsault, Vega grabs at her knee as we go to commercials.

Back live with Giulia in control as she kicks Vega in the back from the surfboard position, and that gets two. Vega bails to the floor and Giulia follows. Giulia tries to yank Vega to her feet but Vega uses downward momentum to fire Giulia into the ring steps. Vega hits a Meteora on a prone Giulia, whose back was on the ring steps, but Vega is once again clutching at her left knee. Giulia gets the advantage in a slugfest back in the ring but Vega comes off the ropes with a couple lariats and a back elbow. A reversal leads to Vega hitting double knees to Giulia’s jaw, and Vega rams her into the corner to follow up. Vega charges with double knees to the spine and ascends for a second rope Meteora that gets a long two. Vega ascends again, but Giulia recovers and kicks Vega in the head. In a VERY scary looking spot, Giulia’s double underhook suplex from the top rope gets JUST ENOUGH rotation to not paralyze Vega. Vega recovers and hits a Code Red, but Giulia gets her feet on the ropes to break up the pin attempt at two. Vega ascends again and misses a moonsault, and Giulia hits a Baisaku knee, a Kiss of Death knee, and a Northern Lights Bomb for three and the title.

Vega’s scrappy underneath babyface offense just wasn’t enough. That underhook suplex spot was scary as hell, and Giulia has always had issues with sloppiness. Other than that, this was fine for what it was as the outcome felt sort of inevitable. Good back and forth, though. 2.25*

Winner and NEW WWE Women’s US Champion – Giulia (Northern Lights Bomb)

Cole informs us after the match that next week’s Smackdown will be TWO HOURS and I’m just so happy about that, you have no idea (the show is being taped after Raw on Monday night so there will be spoilers all week long – I’ll try to avoid them as much as I can).

We look at a highlights package of Alexa Bliss and Charlotte Flair’s recent interactions. Bliss saved Flair from a three-on-one beatdown by Chelsea Green and the Secret Hervice but Flair had no interest in acknowledging any of it. Here’s Charlotte Flair backstage as she finds Alexa Bliss. Bliss tells Charlotte she doesn’t want to be friends, she just wants to be on the same page, maybe “allies of convenience”. She tells Flair to think about it and leaves. Wade Barrett will interview Jade Cargill and Asuka after commercials.

Back live, we see highlights of Wade Barrett winning King of the Ring 2015 (over some Neville dude, whatever happened to that guy?). Barrett is in the ring with the QotR crown and he brings out Jade Cargill first. Asuka is out next. Cargill says that when people see Asuka, they get nervous, but she sees Asuka as the reason why she came to WWE because her purpose is to take the whole damn throne at Summerslam (including the title). Asuka says Cargill is strong but power is not everything as she has skills AND experience. (Stand by, Burn Unit). Asuka then goes into Japanese and ends it with “no one is READY for Asuka”. As Cargill starts to rebut here’s Ms Money In The Bank Naomi to interrupt. Naomi reminds them that while they’re fighting over the crown, she has all the power and can do whatever she wants. Naomi digs into Cargill saying how she took the tag titles from her and months of her career by injuring her. Naomi jumps on the apron to continue the chatter, and Cargill pushes Asuka aside and knees Naomi to the floor. Asuka, rightfully pissed, turns Cargill around and just wipes her out with kicks. Naomi jumps back up to continue shit-talking a downed Cargill.

Backstage here’s Nick Aldis and Raw GM Adam Pearce. They agree to finish up working on the women’s tag titles as Aleister Black enters. Black starts to talk and he’s immediately interrupted by Ron “R-Truth” Killings. Truth tells Black to “back up, dawg”. Truth wants John Cena immediately as Pearce tells him to calm down. Aldis tells Truth that Cena is here but for CM Punk and not him, so Truth leaves. Aldis apologizes to Black, but Black glares after Truth and leaves without a word. DIY make their entrance as we go to commercials.

DIY vs Andrade and Rey Fenix

Highlights of Los Garza winning the AAA tag titles are shown prior to Andrade’s entrance. The bell rings and we’re off with Andrade and Ciampa starting.

Andrade goes behind and eats a Ciampa elbow. Andrade responds with a chop and tags in Fenix. Andrade and Fenix hit double team offense on Ciampa and as Gargano charges in, he gets dropped as well. Fenix and Andrade hit double team kicks on DIY who both end up on the floor. Andrade and Fenix hit stereo crossbodies to the floor on Gargano and Ciampa respectively as we go to commercials.

Back live with Gargano tagging in as Fenix is down in DIY’s corner. He immediately tags Ciampa back in and as they try to work a slingshot Irish whip, Fenix dumps Gargano out and then superkicks Ciampa. Fenix hits Ciampa with kicks and a dropkick and as he goes to tag, Andrade is yanked off the apron by Gargano. Ciampa hits a running knee to the back of Fenix’s head and gets a two count. Ciampa chops Fenix down and taunts Andrade with the Tranquilo fist gesture. They have been talking about Jurassic World: Rebirth throughout this entire show and now there’s a picture in picture commercial for the movie as DIY clubber Fenix in the corner while Andrade is whining to the ref. Ciampa tries for a some kind of driver in the corner but Fenix recovers with some elbows. Fenix runs the top rope and kicks Ciampa dead in the jaw, and both guys are down. They both get tags and Andrade flattens Gargano with a lariat and dragon screw leg whip. Ciampa charges and eats a flying forearm as Andrade nips up to a big pop. Gargano slips a Meteora attempt but his slingshot spear is countered by Andrade into a face drop. Andrade hits a reverse tornado DDT on Gargano for two. Gargano muscles Andrade into the DIY corner and tags in Ciampa. Andrade fights his way out of a double team and ascends. Ciampa charges in as Andrade lands on his feet after a failed moonsault, and DIY hit the Shatter Machine on Andrade for two. We go to commercials.

Back live with Andrade and Gargano slugging it out. Gargano has been favoring a knee the entire match. They ascend but Gargano blocks a superplex attempt. Andrade flips down and lands on his feet, and then nails a prone Gargano with a running Meteora. Andrade ascends again and he lands on his feet on the moonsault attempt, but then drops to cover Gargano anyway and that gets two as Ciampa charges in. That was really awkward. I’m not sure if Gargano just wasn’t in the right spot or Andrade didn’t extend far enough but Barrett says Andrade double stomped him so I’ll have to wait for a replay. Fenix hits a tope suicida on Ciampa as Gargano and Andrade slug it out. Gargano runs Andrade into his corner where Fenix tags him. Fenix hits a bridging German suplex on Gargano for two. Fenix puts Gargano up in a Black Fire Driver attempt with Andrade doing something to assist, but Ciampa charges in and knocks Andrade away. Gargano rolls up Fenix for two and then hits Fenix with a poison rana before tagging in Ciampa. DIY hits the Fairytale Ending but Fenix kicks out at two. Project Ciampa on Fenix gets another long two as Andrade breaks it up. Everyone is in and Andrade hits Gargano with a back elbow before Ciampa kicks Andrade down. Ciampa drops the knee pad and charges but Andrade pulls Fenix away just in time. Fenix hits a springboard reverse kick on Ciampa and tags in Andrade. Fenix hits Ciampa with a sitout Black Fire Driver as Andrade follows with The Message and that gets three.

Man, Hunter wanted an NXT 1.0 match badly and boy did he get one here. He must really love seeing Ciampa and Gargano work long matches with tons of kickouts as much as anything in his life. The match was good even with Andrade’s ongoing awkwardness assuming you don’t care that much about selling. In the end Gargano’s “knee injury” had zero to do with the finish. Probably five minutes too long but this is the last three hour show so I’ll shut up. 3.75*

Winners – Andrade and Rey Fenix (Andrade hits The Message on Ciampa)

Post match and it looks like Andrade will have a major shiner under his right eye as he glares at Ciampa. We go to commercials.

Back live and Cole throws it to highlights from John Cena’s appearance on the Stephen Colbert show this past week. He taught the audience the “Let’s Go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants and told them they were now full on WWE fans. Cena and Punk will main event Night of Champions and Cole throws it to the “Yin and Yang” promo video narrated by Corey Graves that was shown all this week. It now includes comments from last week’s Cena “pipe bomb” promo but they leave out the part where Cena name-checked a bunch of folks who don’t work there anymore.

Ron Killings walks past Cole and Barrett and enters the ring to a pop. He wants John Cena right now, but we see that Aleister Black has entered the ring and stands behind Truth. Black flattens Truth with Black Mass and then sits to warn him that he had it coming. Black leaves as his music plays him out.

Here’s Byron Saxton with the Street Profits. Saxton asks them what the plan is against the Wyatts as Ford reminds Saxton it was four years for the Profits without the titles. Ford says they had to go through fire to get them and no one including the Wyatts is taking the titles from them anytime soon. Dawkins says the Wyatts are the threat so they approach, deal with, and eliminate that threat. B-Fab appears to tell the Profits that while she knows they have this, she’s got their back. The Profits head through gorilla and make their entrance. We go to commercials.

Back live with Aleister Black running into Damien Priest backstage. Priest thinks Black must feel great, but Black says no, and if Priest is Truth’s friend for real, he’ll tell him to stay out of Black’s business from now on. Priest dares Black to try Truth to his face because the outcome will be very different and Black leans in and grins to say “I’m sure it will be.” Black leaves and Priest stares after him. Here’s Carmelo Hayes ambling up to Priest. Melo thinks Priest should stay out of Truth’s thing before he ends up a casualty and Priest tells him to walk away.

WWE Men’s Tag Team Championship: The Street Profits (C) vs The Wyatt Sicks

It will be Gacy and Lumis for the Wyatts. The whole crew is with them and they sit in the aisle way as the bell sounds. Ford and Lumis start, and as Lumis does his knuckle crawl deal, Ford drops down to his level and stares at him. They slug it out and Lumis hits Ford with a big clubbering elbow. They run the ropes and Ford gets a big dropkick that sends Lumis into his corner where Gacy tags in. Ford charges in and eats a right hand from Gacy and a big spinebuster from Lumis. Lumis forgets that he got tagged and goes to cover, but Gacy charges in and hits a running senton on Ford that gets two as Dawkins breaks it up. MCMG, Fraxiom, Los Garza and DIY are all now at ringside as well. Gacy flips Ford’s leg down and they run the ropes. Gacy catches Ford with a clothesline as we go to picture-in-picture commercials.

During PIP the Wyatts continue to work over Ford. Lumis hits a double fist to Ford’s head and gets two. Gacy tags in and he and Lumis hit elbows on Ford. Lumis beals Gacy onto a prone Ford and Gacy covers for two. Gacy tags in Lumis who starts clubbering. Ford gets a sneaky rollup on Lumis for two but Lumis clobbers him with a clothesline just after that. Gacy tags back in and continues the assault. Lumis tags back in and he and Gacy hit a doubleteam backdrop suplex for two.

Back live with Lumis working over Ford. Ford escapes and hits a superkick, but Lumis responds with a lifting punch that staggers Ford. They hit each other with clotheslines and simultaneous cross-bodies leave both on the mat. Lumis tags in Gacy as Ford FINALLY manages to tag in Dawkins. Dawkins waffles Gacy with two clotheslines and then takes out Lumis with a forearm. Gacy and Dawkins run the ropes and Dawkins shows incredible agility for a big guy by leaping over Gacy before hitting him with a spinning corkscrew elbow. Dawkins hits his twisting splash, but Gacy recovers with a huge headbutt to Dawkins. Gacy tags in Lumis and as Lumis runs the ropes, Los Garza interfere and pull Lumis to the floor. Dawkins runs over Lumis with a shoulder knocking him into Los Garza. Dawkins tosses Lumis back in but DIY grab Dawkins and pull him back out. Dawkins waffles both with right hands as Los Garza charge over to attack Dawkins. Man, we went RIGHT to overbooking the shit out of this, didn’t we. The ref calls for the DQ.

What a shitty overbooked finish. Other than Lumis forgetting who was legal on more than one occasion, he and Gacy looked better this week than the last time they wrestled, but sadly that isn’t saying much. A long extended heat sequence on Ford that lead absolutely nowhere. I am grumpy with this one. 1.5^

Result – DQ (no announcement so I assume double DQ?)

Post match and everyone is fighting. DIY are attacking Lumis while Los Garza attack Gacy. Erick Rowan charges in and wipes out Ciampa and Gargano, before hitting Berto and Angel with a huge crossbody splash. Fraxiom and MCMG enter and only a four-way superkick stops Rowan as he tumbles to the floor. Frazer tries a tope suicida on Rowan who catches him, but MCMG hit double baseball slide kicks on him to send everyone tumbling. Uncle Howdy joins the proceedings to hit Sister Abigail on Axiom. Finally, the Profits are back in to take out Howdy and then Dawkins goes flying onto a whole bunch of bodies. Ford does the same thing over a ring post. Mercifully this comes to an end with the Profits glaring at Uncle Howdy.

Cole and Barrett talk over highlights from Mateo-Uso earlier. Jacob Fatu runs into Big Jim Uso in the parking lot. They seem to come to an agreement that they can work in the same space with each other.

Nia Jax makes her entrance as we go to commercials.

WWE Women’s Championship – Last Woman Standing: Tiffany Stratton (C) vs Nia Jax

Mark Nash does the in-ring announcements as Stratton gets a big pop. Jax trucks Stratton before the bell sounds and we’re off. Jax runs Stratton shoulder-first to the corner before yanking a turnbuckle pad off in another corner. Stratton dumps a charging Jax to the floor before hitting Jax with a baseball slide. Stratton heads out and starts clubbering before Jax drops her with a headbutt. Jax goes to do something with the ring steps, and Stratton recovers to send Jax head-first to the steps. Stratton runs the apron but as she drops Jax pulls the ring steps in front of her and Stratton hits THE CORNER OF THE STEPS right in the belly area. The ref is immediately concerned but Stratton seems to be okay. Jax clears the announcer table as Stratton charges over with punches. Jax hoists Stratton up and backdrops her on the table for a five count from the referee. We go to picture-in-picture commercials.

During PIP Jax pulls out some tables as Stratton struggles to her feet. They slug it out and Jax wipes out Stratton with a forearm. Jax goes for the kendo sticks that are always just in front of the announce desk as I continue to wonder why people store kendo sticks under wrestling rings. THEY ARE ACTUAL WEAPONS TEAM WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Jax measures Stratton for a shot, but Stratton recovers to kick the kendo stick out of Jax’s hand. Stratton clubbers and then grabs the kendo stick and goes to work. Jax shrugs most of it off and grabs the stick out of Stratton’s hand. Jax whales Stratton in the ribs with a shot and starts stalking her around the ring. Jax hits Stratton again with the stick and then runs her head-first into the barrier which gets a six count from the ref. Jax gets chairs from under the ring once again allowing Stratton to recover. Jax has the kendo stick and Stratton once again kicks it out of her hand. Stratton grabs the stick and goes to work with five stick shots mostly to the butt and midsection region. Stratton poses arms out with the kendo stick as Jim Fullington whips a beer at his television somewhere in South Philly. The ref counts five.

Back live with Stratton ascending for a cross body, and then going to the other corner to ascend again. Stratton hits a swanton and the ref’s count reaches four. Stratton kicks a sitting Jax in the head before hitting s shotgun dropkick. Stratton wants her moonsault but Jax springs up and puts Stratton on her shoulders. Jax drops Stratton onto the previously-exposed turnbuckle face-first which gets an eight count. Jax dumps Stratton to the floor and then rams her face-first into the ring steps for an eight count. Jax runs Stratton into the barricade and then dumps her on the table she set up on the floor. Jax walks the apron, salutes the crowd, and drops straight down on Stratton through the table. The ref counts to nine before Stratton makes it to her feet. Jax pulls out another table as the ref counts to eight on Stratton. We go to picture-in-picture commercials again.

During PIP Stratton has recovered and grabbed one of the kendo sticks. Stratton clobbers Jax with the stick up the ramp but Jax steals it away and goes to work. Jax drags Stratton all the way up the ramp before dumping Stratton to the ground on the giant stage. Jax charges Stratton who slips it, and Jax wipes out a video board. Stratton hits her with a kendo stick shot and goes backstage to retrieve a rolling cart. Stratton wipes out Jax with the cart and stalks Jax down the ramp. Stratton hits Jax with a forearm and runs her into the post. Stratton stops to set up a table that’s right next to an already upright table as I’m very confused. This OF COURSE gives Jax time to recover and she trucks Stratton before running her into the barrier a couple of times. Stratton is fed up and grabs a chair from the timekeepers area as the 9000th commercial for Jurassic World airs (DID YOU KNOW T-REXES CAN SWIM NOW?!). Stratton hits Jax in the belly with the chair, and then in the back as Jax crumples over.

Back live and now Jax has the chair. Jax hits a LOUD chairshot to Stratton’s back, followed by some chair thrusts to Stratton’s midsection. Jax drags Stratton to the corner and hits Annihilator, followed by an Annihilator onto a chair as the ref counts to nine. Jax immediately hits Stratton in the ribs with a kendo stick and then sets up a table in the ring. Jax moves the table into position and hoists Stratton on her shoulders as Jax ascends. Stratton slips out and powerbombs Jax through the table as both are down. They both get to their feet at nine and here’s Naomi with the briefcase. As Naomi tries to cash in, Stratton kicks the case out of Naomi’s hands. Stratton hits Naomi with the briefcase and then hits Jax with it before dropping Jax on top of Naomi. Stratton hits the Prettiest Moonsault ever right on the back of Jax’s legs. Jax beats the count at nine and elbows a charging Stratton. Jax tries to suplex Stratton on to the two tables on the floor but Stratton slips it and hits two forearms and a briefcase shot to send Jax through both tables. The ref counts to ten and Stratton retains.

Long, slow, plodding garbage brawl. Stratton could be doing so much more than this and I sincerely hope this is IT for her and Jax for awhile. Move Jax over to Giulia so they can be sloppy together. If it’s Stratton and Jade Cargill at Summerslam I’d be okay with that. Naomi is starting to look like a major goober with a briefcase problem. I guess we’ll see what’s next for everyone but I’m not sure this did anyone any favors. 2*

Winner and STILL WWE Women’s Champion – Tiffany Stratton (briefcase shot sends Jax through two ringside tables)

Cole reminds everyone of the early start time for Raw on Monday night, which is 6 PM Eastern/3 PM Pacific. Cole then runs down the card for Night of Champions. John Cena and CM Punk will join us after commercials for a chat.

Back live and here’s WWE Men’s Champion John Cena as I’m wondering if tonight and tomorrow count for separate appearances on his countdown tour. Cena gets his special announcement from Mark Nash to a decent pop. Cena asks Riyadh to get used to this because it’s what a winner looks like. Cena is a winner and Punk is a loser because Cena has outmaneuvered because Cena is a genius. Night of Champions is a formality and Punk can’t do anything about it.

Here’s CM Punk coming out to “Basic Thuganomics” dressed as that era’s version of Cena complete with sideways backwards hat, Chicago Cubs jersey, jorts, and chain around his neck. Punk holds up knuckle rings that say “Drug Free” as Cena looks baffled. Punk says it’s Basic Punkanomics. Cena plagiarized his pipe bomb so now he’s stealing Word Life. Punk rhymes promo with saying Cena moves in “slow mo” and The Shelter this ain’t. Punk says Cena is a Temu Macklemore with Mackle-less rhythm. Punk brings up Cena’s remarks about him burying talent and says Cena’s “buried more talent than the Undertaker” and WOO GET THAT BURN UNIT UP AND FUNCTIONAL BECAUSE YOU JUST TOOK A SHOT A CALAWAY PAL. Punk says if Cena hadn’t gotten his look together he wouldn’t be a wrestler, he’d be a [puts on shitty Boston accent] “Boston mall cop”. Punk says Cena’s a “fish belly Hulk Hogan but more problematic” and well I guess WE’RE SHOOTING HERE BROTHER. Punk says Cena works for DC now, he’s a superhero, but to Punk he’ll always be The Marine. “We can all see Cena now, and we’re looking at a washed up bum.” DAYUM. Punk says tomorrow night Cena is going to lose to Kendrick, because Cena is his Drake. Punk drops the microphone and does the “you can’t see me” wave at Cena. “Cult of Personality” kicks in as the credits come up and Punk celebrates in the crowd.

Okay, so full credit to them for cobbling the show together despite the obvious problems with the Cody-Orton segment. The only match I’d go out of my way to see would be the Andrade/Fenix-DIY match and if you’re not into the NXT 1.0 style you can avoid that one too. The tag title match finish pissed me right off, the long slow plunder brawl between Tiff and Nia did no one any favors and made Naomi look even worse somehow. Giulia and Vega was okay but had a wildly scary spot, and Mateo-Uso was just to get to the post-match angle. A very skippable show tonight as we FINALLY go back to two hours next week and my sanity returns.

Thanks for reading, y’all be cool.