Tooned In: Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World (1990, 1991)

It’s That’s Sports Entertoonment V…

The Mario Bros….EXPLODE!

As you may have noticed from my archive, we’ve streamlined the names of most of my articles to just “Tooned In.” Which makes sense for consolidation as well as helps the fact that not everything I do comes from MeTV Toons these days. I’ll probably just stick in mentions of where the shows come from, and other cute titles, in the articles themselves from now on.

And I forgot star ratings for my last Sports Entertoonment! Well…”Bucket” gets ** from the future, where Larry DiTillio pulled out all those Transformers reference, and from where those are the two stars Meltzer adds to anything from the Tokyo Dome. “Cheaters Never Prosper” gets **** automatically for getting Hogan to actually do the job to Sheiky Baby, but minus one for the Dusty Finish. So call it ***.

And now, real quick some “dark matches” from my (our) Piledriver review(s): Waking Up Alone and Crank It Up, the songs that got no video. In the case of “Waking Up Alone,” it got next to no play time on 10 Year Old Megabucks’ copy of Piledriver. It was the “downer” song of the bunch, so I’d always skip it. It’s the story of Hillbilly Jim (a real man of the people) being a beloved wrestler but that not dulling the pain of, well, waking up alone and away from his beloved Gertrude, the female vocalist of the ballad, who…are you ready?…is apparently none other than THIS WOMAN. And my letdown over her and Shawn not being paired after Mania 9 because we missed out on her singing “Sexy Boy” in character has just grown. “Crank It Up” on the other hand NO ONE could escape, given the long list of jobbers, low midcarders, and tryout wrestlers who got to use it for their entrances.

Now…this one was suggested during the Rock ‘n’ Wrestling review, a double shot of Nintendo meeting the world of grappling, and sadly no, there was never a Pro Wrestling cartoon. I can picture one though: the covert government agents Starman, Fighter Hayabusa, and Giant Panther fight the terrorist group P.U.M.A. led by the Great Puma himself and his right hand men, Amazon, King Korn Karn, and King Slender. The PSAs at the end have our heroes tell kids, “Because when you [whatever the lesson of the day was], A WINNER IS YOU!”

No, this is about the wrestling episodes seen in various Super Mario Bros. cartoon series, which, like Rock ‘n’ Wrestling, come by way of DiC Enterprises, they of the possibly foul-mouthed kid who’s always sleeping. Actually, we don’t know if it’s a boy or girl, so allow me to fanfic that the Kid in Bed was a girl, and since she grew up in the 80s, she grew into her teens to become a young lady who also likes sleeping and has an attitude problem: Stephanie the basement prom ghost from Ghosts. Anyway, I take it most of you don’t live in a cave, so you all know who Mario and his friends and relatives are. But just in case…

Mario was originally meant to be Popeye, but Nintendo couldn’t get the rights, so a Bluto vs. Popeye video game became a gorilla vs. a carpenter, or Donkey Kong vs. Mario, only Mario wasn’t Mario at first, he was Jumpman. He turned heel for one game (Donkey Kong Jr.), then went back to heroics, as well as from carpenter to plumber, in the next game Mario Bros., which debuted his lookalike brother Luigi. The Nintendo Entertainment System hit the US in 1985, and with it Super Mario Bros, and the rest is history. Mario and company have starred in countless video games, and are pretty much cultural icons. Which of course includes having starred in many TV shows and movies. Most of us first remember Mario and Luigi, ala Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells, on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show, but ACTUALLLYYYYY…Mario was first animated on the Donkey Kong part of Saturday Supercade (and Optimus Prime voiced him!). Mariomania peaking as it was with the release of Super Mario Bros. 3 * brought the plumber back to Saturday mornings with The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3. Odd because the cartoons don’t really acknowledge SMB1 and SMB2 (did you know it used to be a Japanese game, Doki Doki Panic? I don’t think this trivia has been spread enough…). The Super Show was like a combination of the first two games.

* – sidenote: I had my dad take me out of school early so I could see The Wizard, SMB3 sneak preview and all. True story.

Strangely enough, the one Mario series that didn’t have a wrestling episode, at least on the cartoons, was the one that ACTUALLY STARRED A WRESTLING PERSONALITY. Sure, Albano as Mario hosted live action segments with Roddy Piper, Sgt. Slaughter, and Cyndi Lauper, but nothing otherwise. So that brings us to:

TAG TEAM TROUBLE

Toad is delivering a donation of one million gold coins to the Mushroom Orphanage, the design of which is in no way suspicious or inappropriate:

Design by Prince Eric’s castle architect.

At the same time, King Koopa (yes, Michael Quinn, we know, his name should be Bowser. Yes, Joe Marotta, for some reason you think he looks like WWF Oliver Humperdink) and one of the Koopa Kids arrive, with Koopa bragging he knows a way to earn easy money. Cheatsy spots Toad transporting the money bag meant for the orphans, and I will point out that Cheatsy SHOULD be Larry Koopa, but ALL the Koopa Kids names have been changed for this cartoon. Probably not surprising seeing as they’re pretty much all names for celebrities. He tells “King Dad”, speaking of easy money…I was a fan of Hot Commodity and he should have gotten a chance when he became Jason Jett in WCW, and…no, actually he’s trying to point out Toad but Koopa is having none of it. Toad is exhausted and talks deliriously before he falls asleep at the door of the orphanage, where the caretaker collects it. But when Toad wakes up and finds the money gone, he believes Koopa took it and he’ll have to re-raise the lost coins. JUST FIND A BLOCK IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM AND PUNCH AWAY. OR GO DOWN A COUPLE OF PIPES. If Mario was here, he’d tell you it always works for him. Instead, Toad notices a poster Koopa abandoned promoting a tag team tournament for the Mushroom Wrestling Federation. Luckily, Toad remembers his cousins the Mushroom Marauder and Jake the Crusher Fungus (Marauder and Crusher? Stereotypical wrestling names, check!). They kind of HAVE to join the tournament, though, seeing as they were on the poster. When signing up for the show, the Sledge Brothers (the giant Hammer Brothers relatives from SMB3) cut in line. Again, this shouldn’t matter because the Mushrooms are being advertised anyway.

So the so-called tournament is pretty much one match between the Mushrooms and the Sledges. Only Cheatsy puts a spell on Jake and Marauder so they stay asleep the day of the match. Mario, Luigi, and the Princess appear, and doesn’t understand why Toad is upset, “it’s just a silly wrestling match.” A line that can be used on a lot of the fandom, for so many reasons. More importantly, adds Toadstool (we didn’t acknowledge she was really Peach for another 6 years), was “feeding those poor mushroom orphans…” TO MARIO. He’s not going to give himself energy to rescue her every other day. Toad is totally distraught at this moment, but Mario reveals that he and Luigi will take over, recalling that he used to wrestle back in Brooklyn. OH MY GOD, SUPER DUPER MARIO IS CANON IN THE NINTENDO ANIMATED UNIVERSE! A montage of the brothers training plays to annoying singing . They work out in the Desert World, and it’s a shame the Angry Sun isn’t there, that would get Mario and Luigi to feel the burn.

Day of the match, and the Sledge Brothers’ opponents are introduced as “the Masked Masters of Mayhem,” and King Koopa makes the same mistake Jim Cornette did with the James Gang by brushing them off. When they arrive, though, all the villains instantly know it’s the Mario Bros. Mario’s mask disappearing randomly doesn’t help. Mario does some lucha flipping, and Cheatsy rigs the corner post but only causes Mario to land on King Koopa. Luigi isn’t so lucky, as he gets the Andre special into the ropes, then flung out. Princess runs out, but unlike Elizabeth doesn’t return with Hulk Hogan, who was probably pouting in his empty gym about his show being canceled five years ago. Instead, she has Starmen for the plumbers, which allows them to throw around the Sledges and handspring elbow them away from the ring. Shouldn’t they just touch them and they’d drop off the screen? They then manhandle King Koopa and his kid, and like most other cartoon wrestling matches it ends with no three count, just assuming the heroes win. Too much outlaw mudshow flippy wrestling, and no Princess Peach stripping down to a bathing suit like SummerSlam. I’m let down. ** Post-match, Toad grabs the prize money like he was about to Russo Swerve his friends, but he brings it to the orphanage, where the caretaker thanks the Princess for doubling her charity. Toad “If you’re here, then who is…’s” and pratfalls to end.

One year later, and Nintendo finally had enough of being told by Sega what it Nintendidn’t, and unleashed its bid into the 16-bit world, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Of course, first thing’s first, it got a Mario game too: Super Mario World. And the next season of the cartoon updated accordingly. It had a bop theme but that’s where a lot of the good things I have to say end. For one thing, they double down on the Dinosaur Island stuff and make the entire Mushroom Kingdom into a prehistoric society of cavemen and of course Mario’s new dinosaur companion, Yoshi, who somehow manages to be even more annoying than Toad. His baby voice actually achieved minor fame in the wrestling universe, as crank callers to Vince Russo’s radio show in New York tended to annoy him by imitating “Yoshi the Little Green Dinosaur.” And the cartoon got a wrestling episode of its own:

ROCK TV

It begins with King Koopa deciding he hasn’t done anything to torment the cave people lately, so he remembers something he picked up when visiting “the real world.” Yes, speaking of Russo, the SatAM Mario tried to establish that Earth and not the Mushroom Kingdom was “real.” He recalls a family entranced by the TV, and particularly a Wheel of Fortune clone. Ah, so his plan is to make all the cavemen obsessed with game shows, and grow up to be snarky, know-it-all, online bullies. Only thing is, TV hasn’t been invented yet. Again, are the Mario crew time travelers? Did they acknowledge this on the cartoon? I thought Dinosaur Land/Island was just part of the Mushroom Kingdom in the game. Is this another case of delusion like “Bedrock” in the Hanna-Barbera universe?

Anyway, Koopa has built a giant TV frame and masks himself as “Robby Rockwell,” the head of Rock TV (also the name of TKO, except at WrestleMania when it counted, am I right??). He promises the cave people entertainment from shows like Mister Koopa’s Neighborhood and World Dinosaur Wrestling Federation, which becomes important later, otherwise I wouldn’t bother with this episode. A knockoff Ice, Ice Baby (or a knockoff of a knockoff of Under Pressure) plays as he promises videos with the likes of Vanilla Ice Age. Yes, it is Bedrock! They know modern celebrities but have to create prehistoric analogs for them to keep up the charade!

Vanilla Ice Age’s theme goes with everything…

“Rockwell” offers Koopasonic TV’s for anyone interested, for a 10-coin down payment and one coin per minute. And shockingly, even Mario buys into it! Never mind we’ve seen Koopa unmasked at least twice, and the televisions has his name on them, Luigi tries to dissuade him by recalling the $1295.31 bill from calling a Santa Claus 900 number (it was to call Santa…sure…) But Mario acknowledges what I mocked Toad for in the other cartoon, and admits he can get coins anywhere there’s a ? block in this world anyway. Luigi furthermore argues that they can’t trust Rockwell because “His lips aren’t moving!” Mario: “Maybe he watched too many cartoons!” (insert “Get it?” rimshot here. And is Koopa a fan of Fleischer Popeye, then?) Turns out that Rock TV involves Magikoopas hypnotizing the viewers, and Koopa eventually uses it to convince the cave people to bring him the Mario Bros. Once they do, he forces them to star on All-Star Prehistoric Tag Team Wrestling!

Whatever you do, Morton, DON’T BACK UP.

Big Mouth Koopa is the ring announcer, and gives long winded announcements for Tyrannosaurus Twins, then gets into a Scott Steiner type insulting announcement of Mario and Luigi. As Mario gets twirled with one arm (another cartoon wrestling trope), the other Twin, an orange, blonde guy, attacks Luigi from behind like the cheaters people like him are, brother. While trapped in holds, Mario remarks, “I dunno how these guys do it on TV without getting hurt!” Perhaps he should go to Sabrina: The Animated Series and have a chat with Salem the cat. Again, the Princess makes the save but can’t reach the ? Blocks above. Yoshi gives her boosts as annoying music begins again. Figures this is the only music the reruns could retain without worrying about rights issues. One block creates a bunch of Mario clones who distract everyone, and if this wasn’t made into a power in the games, it should have. But eventually the Princess finds the Super Feather that gives Mario his cape powers. He uses the spin attack from the game, and manhandles the other Tyrannosaurus, allowing Luigi to hit a splash for the pin…which Mario counts. So we get an actual count, but they had to remind me of the Megamaniacs having Jimmy Hart count their own pin. But at least Mario didn’t break kayfabe like other cartoon characters, so good for him to being dedicated to the presentation. Still, just * 1/2.

Well there is only one way to end this article, so here you go!