FMW Welcome to Darkside 08/22/98 DirecTV PPV

Chiyoda TV Studio 2nd Floor
Attendance 52 (wait what)

Previously In FMW…

FMW weren’t sure if fans were taking their threat of going all-in on the Entertainment Wrestling style so it’s a *really* out-there episode this week.

We’re in a tiny studio with a setting that I think is trying to homage the WWF In Your House set as there’s garden chairs and plants. I don’t know why we’re doing this in such a small hall but it’s the least of this show’s worries.

In more positive news: A week prior to this show, ECW held their legendary Heatwave 1998 PPV. FMW’s Hayabusa would team up with M-Pro’s Shinzaki to take on Sabu & Rob Van Dam for the ECW Tag Team Championship.

The match is certainly divisive, with the general consensus being it ruled if you hadn’t seen anything better from Japan. I loved it at the time but yeah, it’s definitely no-one’s best effort. According to BAHU, Sabu picked both men up from the airport and somehow this resulted in a police car following them and taking them to the local station to make sure Sabu hadn’t kidnapped two Japanese people from the airport. This resulted in little time to prepare for the match so the fact it was even as good as it was is a miracle.

Oh and Shinzaki is clearly not a FMW wrestler so apparently to get him on the PPV, ECW had to promise to send Sabu to a M-Pro show months later. That would never happen so M-Pro would stop sending their wrestlers over there once they realised they’d been screwed. I’m sure Justin Credible pinning Great Sasuke didn’t help that relationship either.

Anyway this show starts with bikini clad women dancing in the ring to introduce the brand new red ring mat the company would use until the bitter end. Ricky Fuji then sings his entrance theme “Sexy Storm” with female backing to ensure that bitter end comes sooner rather than later.

Super Leather vs. Hido

Hido heads out to the Theme from Rocky for some reason as Ito makes sure to use a lot of English over the house mic. It’s such a weird set-up as even in this tiny setting the crowd still isn’t lit or shown on camera. These two had a brawling Chain match to set up this non-gimmicked normal match which is the worst usage of unmasked Leather possible. Hido kicks his leg a bit and we get some lengthy STFs. Oh and then a Figure Four or two. Leather pretends all that didn’t happen so he can land an Atomic Drop and brainbuster. Hido kicks him low but Leather ignores that to land a Sambo Suplex as this match is going nowhere. Leather only knew how to do one type of match so it wouldn’t matter if his opponent cut his head off, he’d still be doing crappy brainbusters. Jackhammer on the knees ends at 11:45.

Hido was only as good as his opponent, so he was the last episode of The Prisoner here.

The Gladiator Mike Awesome vs. Yoshinori Sasaki

The Gladiator had just set the world on fire with his brutal match against Masato Tanaka at Heat Wave a week prior so I can see why he’d want to take it a bit easy tonight.

Sasaki comes out to Steve Austin’s music for reasons. Gladiator viciously chops him before landing the running splash for two. Camel clutch with mustard sets up a wonderfully impressive Awesome Bomb at 1:55.

The Gladiator Mike Awesome vs. Naohiko Yamazaki

Yamazaki uses Vader’s music as I wonder what’s going on here. Awesome lands some Vader-esque clobbering blows before Yamazaki dares to sumo strike Awesome in the corner. Awesome spears the dungaree-wearing muppet before landing the Awesome Splash at 1:37.

The Gladiator Mike Awesome vs. Mr. Pogo #2

Pogo #2 enters to The Undertaker’s theme. Might as well disrespect two wrestlers who could barely walk at once. Pogo #2 sets up his top rope stunner but Gladiator clotheslines him away before landing an over-the-ropes shoulder tackle. Pogo #2 kicks out of the Awesome Splash to land a clumsy backdrop suplex before Awesome does his best to take the top rope Stunner and fail. Woeful chokeslam is enough for Awesome to German Suplex this goon and put him away with a running Awesome Bomb at 4:37.

Just a highlight reel for Awesome which would sadly mark the end of The Gladiator’s FMW run. He had decided to go full time with ECW a month before as he had realised he’d hit his ceiling in FMW. Sadly because life is a cruel mistress, he’d sustain a serious knee injury weeks after this which would take him out for an entire year. Thankfully he’d return in August 1999 with a tour of AJPW before winning the ECW World Title at Anarchy Rulz a year later than planned.

Afterwards we get introduced to Shoichi Irai’s niece who is chilling with the rest of the FMW crew on the faux-garden set. I didn’t catch her name so I’ll call her Chekov’s Goon.

Shoichi Arai Presidency vs. Hosaka’s & Kuroda’s Freedom Death Match

Atsushi Onita & Mr. Pogo #2 & Yoshinori Sasaki & Shoichi Arai vs. Kodo Fuyuki & Koji Nakagawa & Yukihiro Kanemura & Go Ito 08/21/98

We’ve still got plenty of time to fill so let’s watch Onita’s return after accomplishing absolutely nothing in ECW. Team No Respect decided to attack FMW CEO Arai because he’s Onita’s friend (the only one he had left) which lead to Onita training him for this big fight which means we get the Jimmy Hart version of the Rocky theme again. I can only assume they’re doing this because of Vince McMahon getting in the ring frequently. Oh and Onita has put Arai’s presidency on the line to attempt to get his mates out of TNR. I can’t think of anything positive to say about Onita’s team-mates so instead I’ll praise Kanemura’s Mighty Ducks jersey.

Big ol’ brawl to start off with Onita doing his best to protect Arai from a beating. Ito smashes a cookie tray over his head as the crowd goes nuts. Ito shows off his surprising lucha skills on Pogo #2 as the crowd is hot for this mess. Onita piledrivers Fuyuki in the crowd but the camera doesn’t catch it. It does focus on Onita’s STUPID LIAR jersey though. In the ring, Onita piledrivers Nakagawa onto a Japanese Table that doesn’t break even after two attempts. Ow. Arai gets more beatings on the outside to ensure he doesn’t get in the way of the action in the ring, which means we miss a lot of action we only hear from the crowd reaction. Kanemura and Ito land a Total Elimination for two. Ah I take it Kronus isn’t coming back then.

Arai takes Bomb de Rougeau but Onita saves him yet again. He’s as useful as Natalya in Goldeneye 007. Arai somehow makes a comeback with a Singapore cane leading to the good guys hitting their trademarks but still being unable to put TNR away. Onita sandbags Fuyuki on a powerbomb onto chairs so TNR hold him for a Yelling Lariat for two. He sandbags them again on an assisted powerbomb but ARAI MAKES THE SAVE as the crowd goes nuts. Ito lariats him but Arai inexplicably kicks out with such strength that Ito is thrown into the air. Alright that got me. Onita Fire Thunder Powerbombs Ito and then lets Arai get the pin to humiliate Team No Respect and actually get a victory for once at 15:50.

Weak brawl with below-par production but it had tremendous heat and the ending with underdog salaryman Arai turning into ’89 Luger got a chuckle out of me.

Hosaka and Kuroda are no longer TNR’s slaves so they join in kicking the hell out of them after the bell. Kuroda even throws dropkicks despite being gagged and his hands tied behind his back.

Onita pours water on Arai, doing more to push the non-wrestler than anything he did with Hayabusa.

FMW Brass Knuckles Tag Team Titles

Kodo Fuyuki & Yukihiro Kanemura vs. Jado & Gedo

Team No Respect defend their tag titles against Team No Respect. The Pyjamas use Sabbath’s Iron Man but the big lads are introduced as The New Foot Loose. Oh come on now, that’s too much No Respect (Fuyuki & Kawada were the original Foot Loose).

Gado & Jedo are wearing their flame gear that resembled Public Enemy’s oversized jerseys too much for my liking. Gedo and Kanemura mesh well as they’re both quick for their size. Fuyuki is simply big for his size so Gedo had to eye rake him in order for Jado to tangle with his yelling bollocks. Fuyuki is able to be scoop slammed and superkicked by Gedo which is why this match ends up being so decent, as both big lads are eager to bump for their opponents to keep this competitive. Fuyuki tags to take his own damn Superbomb but it can’t put the large lad away. Neither can follow-up Brainbusters or Frog Splashes so Kanemura DDTs Jado on the garden/beach décor to set up Fuyuki’s yelling lariat at 13:09.

Decent workmanlike match designed to put over Gedo & Jado with the tag champs only able to retain their titles by the skin of their teeth.

Post-match Go Ito steals Irai’s niece who we’ve just been introduced to earlier in the night.

Darkside Hayabusa vs. Koji Nakagawa

Because of being brutalised by Nakagawa at the previous event, Hayabusa decides now is the best time to turn into DARKSIDE HAYABUSA here with new gear, mask and music. The silver colour and bird aesthetic are giving off Griffith from Berserk vibes.

The goofy horns take away from it somewhat.

Hayabusa walks around looking scary while Nakagawa is in no hurry to lock up. Ito yells at him to stop being a wuss and it’s successful advise as Hayabusa allows himself to be punched. Hayabusa starts to no-sell eye rakes cos he’s evil now but because of his evil nature he’s reluctant to start doing any of his trademark offence so he kicks Nakagawa in the balls instead. Koji tries to use his fork but Hayabusa blocks it with his nefarious mouth before using the fork himself. Koji’s bleeding so Hayabusa licks him with his nasty tongue before a heinous facebuster. More odious low blows follow as this is going at a snail’s pace. A vicious snail at that. Hayabusa goes up top but both men are on different pages as Kofi tries to crotch him but Hayabusa jumps off beforehand but still misses a stationary target, followed by both men unsure what to do next until Koji kicks him in the dick. Good God.

Koji throws a table at Hayabusa but he ignores the pain due to the strength of his depraved head. Koji takes a backwards bump off the apron onto the concrete that the camera misses because even when people are trying this match isn’t helping. Hayabusa has issues with the table which threatens to collapse before he lands a Quebrada to a prone Koji…which doesn’t break it so he sentons the hell out of it instead with his flagitious back. Hayabusa stabs Koji with half a table as Koji blades some more to make up for this match being so bad. Hayabusa misses a top rope fork stab as Koji sprays mist into his eyes again, but Hayabusa sprays his OWN opprobrious mist to set up the Falcon Arrow. Hayabusa stops the pin himself to continue stabbing Koji but the ref tries to stop him so he gets hit with a treacherous fist. Ito tries to attack Hayabusa but he slips on the ropes and OH MY GOD END THIS MATCH. Ito takes a tombstone but as Hayabusa attempts something off the top rope, the lights go out and when we come back, Hayabusa has been laid out with Koji finally ending this at 21:10.

Long, slow and using blood to hide limitations? More like HHHayabusa. Maybe Hayabusa’s worst ever match as he’d later explain his movement and vision were restricted with the new mask design which explains why he was fucking up everything. And to top it off, the new gimmick loses in it’s debut. Perfect storm of shite here.

But who could have attacked Hayabusa? (spoiler: it was Mr. Gannosuke but FMW would drop this angle quickly and pretend this show didn’t happen.)

Overall: No more Mike Awesome and a terrible Hayabusa main event? Oh wow what an easy recommendation.

Having said that, this show was the kind of really out-there weird crap wrestling that no-one was doing until HUSTLE came around so I can see the appeal if you love Puro sleaze or if you smoke a lot of weed.

Next week: The run of mid shows continues as little bitch Nakagawa has the best match of the night somehow.

I’ve been Maffew