FMW Mr. Liar Presents This Is ZEN World 01/07/98

Korakuen Hall
Attendance 2,150 (Sell Out)

Previously In FMW…

This show aired the day after the previous one as FMW was taking advantage of the holidays to milk the Puro fans dry. This seems a good a time as any to talk about the Onita situation!

Onita was of course the founder and embodiment of FMW who through insane charisma and willingness to destroy his body was able to create the third biggest Puro company of the early 90s. Then Onita decided he’d done enough in wrestling and retired on 05/05/95 at the absolute peak of his popularity. He then returned on 12/11/96 which was unforgivably soon for many fans. Returning from a retirement is always a delicate business but returning before people have had a chance to miss you earned Onita the moniker Mr. Liar (something he’d lean into on many occasions, probably helping his political career). Onita would spend 1997 trying to assimilate himself back into the new FMW by having a Roman Reigns-style schedule of only appearing on the big shows and reminding everyone that he’s the dog’s bollocks.

This as you can imagine isn’t doing wonders for Hayabusa, aka the guy who was supposed to be The Ace after Onita left. But Onita is back and has made it clear that he has seniority and could give a fuck about Hayabusa or this new fangled workrate-heavy style that has kept FMW afloat after he left. Hayabusa scored his one and only pinfall victory over Onita in the December War Games but that was immediately overshadowed by Kanemura/Gannosuke turning on Onita. They would never wrestle together again and the whole situation is turning into an episode of I, Claudius.

So what is ZEN?

After defeating Kanemura at Kawasaki Stadium, Onita saw how hard his opponent cried (the pre-match stipulation saw Kanemura having to give up his W*ING name finally) and felt inspired by the passion he had. Passion this rubbish new FMW doesn’t have, of course! So Onita would “leave” FMW and along with Kanemura, Gannosuke, Kuroda Hido, & Hideki Hosaka create the ZEN stable/promotion with the intention of MAKING FMW GREAT AGAIN (meaning “Street Fights” and “Onita main eventing”). So this show is being treated the same way nWo Souled Out was treated by WCW. Except if nWo was considered a failure and only lasted a few months.

So New Blood?

Show starts with highlights of the…action we’re about to watch? Including the pin-falls? Ah but it’s set to Rock ‘n’ Roll by Led Zeppelin so that’s OK.

It’s another Samurai TV watch-with-the-lads special featuring ZEN members Koji Nakagawa & Tetsuhiro Kuroda. Both are wearing shades and pretending to be cool & miserable like Oasis.

Hayabusa & Jinsei Shinzaki vs. Kodo Fuyuki & Jado (Fuyuki-Gun)

Because this is ZEN, FMW’s Ace is curtain-jerking. Onita has booked him against Fuyuki-Gun, his least preferred guys in the company right now so suck it FMW. Except ZEN turned face like two weeks ago so I’m not sure how well this joke is going to work.

Hayabusa starts off by demonstrating how wonderful his armdrags are on Jado. Man he gets a lot of fluid motion in that one move, sailing through the air with his arms behind him before snapping at the last second to send his opponent to the floor. No wonder Ospreay dresses up as him. Asai Moonsault lands on Jado and ringside chairs. Fuyuki can’t do that so he chairshots Hayabusa (while yelling). Hayabusa tries to come back but Fuyuki absorbs the shots (while yelling) to lariat for two. Shinzaki tries to help but then goes back to watching Hayabusa take a Superbomb. Fuyuki locks in the Stretch Plumb and Shinzaki doesn’t dare interfere because he’s scared of Jado somehow. Hayabusa makes the ropes and NOW Shinzaki comes in with a diving chop. The mad Monk connects with a flying shoulder tackle but he can’t deliver the Praying Powerbomb because God is Fuyuki fat. Fuyuki has to deliver three lariats to get Shinzaki to bump, leading to Hayabusa having to save the guy who was supposed to be saving him. Jesus, Shinzaki is moving as much as the Tanooki Mario statue. Double facebuster sets up the springboard swanton/springboard knee-drop/lionsault Dream Sequence.

Jado kicks out of the 450 Splash (what?) leading to Hayabusa doing the deed and landing the Falcon Arrow but Fuyuki breaks it up (while yelling). Shinzaki holds Fuyuki outside so Hayabusa can land a wonderful Tumbling Body Fumble or whatever it was called in WCW/nWo Revenge at 15:53.

Hayabusa was a joy to watch even if the match had a wonky structure with Shinzaki & Fuyuki giving the same amount of effort as an old woman hailing a bus.

Super Leather vs. Yoshinori Sasaki

Young boy Mammoth Sasaki! I didn’t realise he was on shows in 1998. Cagematch says he’s been doing it since October 1997. Then again it also says Leather has been doing this for decades so you can never take it that seriously. In fairness, he’s OK here delivering his scrappy powerhouse moves. Sasaki unleashes the sumo slaps in the corner to the sound of mild surprise. Leather shrugs it off to completely javelin Sasaki into the mat with an unintentionally brutal Brainbuster at 4:35. The cameras didn’t do a good job of capturing that move but the reaction from the visibly shocked crowd definitely did. Well Leather was always known for treating his victims respectfully.

Morimura (Ricky Fuji) vs. Pandita (Flying Kid Ichihara) vs. Mr. Pogo #2 (Mr. Pogo #2)

Everyone’s playing dress-up here for some reason, with Pogo #2 dressed up as The Sandman. He was already cosplaying as someone else with limited mobility and now he’s doing Sandman? The only way he could find someone with less mobility after him is if he cosplays as Davros.

Pandita lies down as the other two go at it. When they realise what’s happening, Pandita busts out the M-Pro jumping taunt so Pogo #2 takes a cheeky drink in the corner. Pandita armdrags Pogo #2 outside and then both lads fake cute dives to the outside.

Pandita and Pogo try to have a normal match afterwards but crowd isn’t buying it, even with Pandita busting out a second rope moonsault. Pogo #2 lands a Stunner off the top rope with Fuji assisting with a lazy footrest to eliminate the Panda faster than a slow sex drive.

Fuji sends Pogo #2 through the chairs at ringside with a Tope Suicida. Pogo #2 comes back with a sit-out chokeslam but his moves all look like he’s copying what he’s seen on TV and he doesn’t look comfortable doing any of them, so Fuji hits him with his own cane and submits him with a Sharpshooter at 7:46. Daft crap that at least didn’t overstay it’s welcome.

Masato Tanaka vs. The Great Fake (ZEN)

That’s Hideki Hosaka dressed up as The Great Nita, so it’s a knock off of a knock off.

Tanaka chops the hell out of his chest before Fake imitates Nita’s habit of making a ghost noise and twirling around. He badly mistimes a facebuster which the crowd is far from impressed with so Fake does the Crane Pose to laughter instead. This infuriates Tanaka but he’s quickly cut off by some spooky talcum powder which allows Fake to work the arm that Gannosuke injured last time. Tanaka sells by yelling at Mike Sharpe levels of loudness which the crowd get behind. Tanaka uses a chair to batter Fake around before sucking it up and delivering his trademark elbows despite the pain because he’s D*A*N*G*A*N D*A*M*M*I*T. Fake attempts to cut off Tanaka on the top rope but Tanaka falls forward into a messy powerbomb and the crowd voice their disapproval. I forgot how anal these Tokyo fans could be. Fake lands a Frankensteiner and a powerbomb with Tanaka kicking out at 2.9 and getting the crowd into it before either Tanaka lands a bad clothesline or Hosaka tries the worst Flatliner in recorded history which sets up Tanaka rolling his elbow into Fake’s mouth to prevent a Green Mist to finally end it at 13:47.

Tanaka had enough energy and believability to overcome Hosaka’s inability to go two minutes without fucking something up. He’s fake but no-one’s calling him Great.

Hangman’s Noose Ladder Match

Hisakatsu Oya (ZEN) vs. The Gladiator Mike Awesome (ZEN)

Awesome and Oya brawl in the ringside area before Gladiator makes it to the ring and are both busted open when they finally make it inside. Mike smashes Oya with a chair and runs him over with his lariat before getting a crazy high legdrop for a man in a knee-drop. Oya spots this giant weak-spot and locks in a Figure Four which allows Oya to go grab the ladder from backstage. Remember when they weren’t always under the ring? Oya lobs it at Awesome’s head for two so I guess it’s not a proper ladder match then, just a match that happens to feature a thing above the ring that you need a ladder to grab.

Oya takes a ladder-assisted splash before we clip ahead to Oya grabbing the noose and immediately using it on Gladiator in the form of a choke. Oya ties it around the tope rope and sets up a Pogo-style choke over the ropes but Awesome big boots him and attempts a Marc Mero TKO but drops Oya mostly on top of his own head. This is a mess. Oya backdrops out of a Powerbomb with Awesome lucky to not land on his own head again before Oya backdrops Awesome on top of Oya’s own head. What the fuck is happening. Oya recovers from braining himself to attempt the rope choke again but Awesome springboard shoulder tackles him away. Awesome Splash only gets two as so far everything else has been more effective than the noose. Awesome Bomb gets two so Mike delivers a Running Awesome Bomb and that can’t stop the Oya. Awesome instead finishes with the Pogo-style Noose choke over the ropes, except he leaves so much slack in the rope that it’s obvious to everyone Oya’s not being choked so no-one reacts at all to the finish at 18:24.

Two usually reliable wrestlers stuck in a shite gimmick match. Horrible stipulation that didn’t compliment either man’s strengths and went on forever. Big shame.

Atsushi Onita & Koji Nakagawa & Tetsuhiro Kuroda (ZEN) vs. Mr. Gannosuke & Yukihiro Kanemura & Hido

This is for the Number One Contendership to the FMW Six Man Street Fight Tag Titles currently held by Hayabusa, Hisakatsu Oya & Masato Tanaka.

Onita of course is the only one to get his entrance televised as he instantly brawls with Gannosuke in the crowd and the fans go WILD at the sight with the camera shaking from the intensity of it all. Onita is an egotist but he is right that his fans love him more than FMW fans.

Kanemura and Kuroda go at it in the ring with Kanemura having no issues low blowing his foe. Camera keeps cutting to Onita brawling and the crowds are going rabid at the site or Mr. Liar. Kanemura bops him on the head with a chair and the boos are vicious. Hido handcuffs Nakagawa to the ropes to make him even less useful than he was already. Kanemura splashes Kuroda through a table. Gannosuke takes a piledriver from Onita but he doesn’t respect selling and joins Kanemura in kicking his face off. These two were perfect foil for Onita because he’s more than happy for them to be stupid and disrespectful because Onita will sell for anybody if it makes him look good.

Onita gets choked and takes a sweet modified 3D for two, all while the crowd is yelling “ONITTAAAAAAA”. Onita and Kuroda take Spike Piledrivers before Kanemura and Gannosuke use (OF ALL THINGS) the FBI’s kiss-then-double-elbow combo. The kiss makes it more effective. All three lads deliver a Praying Powerbomb to further annoy and disrespect the crowd but Kuroda bravely saves Onita and religion. Gannosuke decides to use the Hangman’s Noose on Kuroda without going up a ladder first, which allows Onita to grab half a table and start thwacking people with it.

Crowd of course loves that and starts singing the ONNNITAA ONITTAAA song. Kuroda also comes back by lariating the bad good guys and because he’s tagging with Onita the crowd love him too. Kanemura breaks up a Double Underhook Suplex on Onita to massive boos. Onita retaliates with Fire Thunder Bombs on everyone but I can’t remember him winning a match with only one so they get kicked out of. Great Fake sprays mist on Hido and releases Nagakawa who immediately gets kicked in the dick. Ha! Gannosuke nearly pins him with the Fire Thunder Driver but Kuroda saves again, with Fake spraying Hido in the face again to allow Nakagawa to win with the Gannosuke Clutch at 13:31.

Onita’s still doing matches like this decades later and will probably be doing it when he’s 90. Structure here was fine with Onita taking the necessary beating to rev up the crowd before the comeback occurred with the surprise of Nakagawa getting the pin. FMW was enthusiastically pushing newer talent to the top during this time so it makes sense, it’s just surprising to see Onita go along with it. A win’s a win I guess.

Post-match Fuyuki-Gun show up to help attack Onita’s crew before heading to the back to announce their alliance with Gannosuke & Kanemura to become the new big evil stable TEAM NO RESPECT who will be dominating things in FMW for the next few years so better get used to them.

In a startling coincidence, this marks the time that Fuyuki would start having more influence in the booking. I’m as shocked as you are.

Overall: Very fitting that the show designed to get FMW back to it’s roots was as much of a mess as the shows were in 1991. The show from yesterday was far better but I guess if you want to watch an OK Hayabusa match and a white-hot Onita brawl then yeah go for it.

Next week: Six Man Tag Team Title Action!

I’ve been Maffew.