Tooned In : Josie and The Pussycats – A Greenthumb Is Not A Goldfinger (1970)

Perfect for inappropriate photoshopping.

Totally veering off of the superhero thing now. Instead, we are moving to the Scooby-Doo Clones department of Hanna-Barbera, a vast land indeed. This one combines the Scooby Formula of Wacky Teenagers Who Solve Mysteries with another IP : the characters from Archie Comics, or in 1970, Radio Comics (kinda like it being jarring in 1973 to see the Super Friends be attributed to “National Periodical Publications”). Their gimmick of course was being a Pop Band of Wacky Teenagers Who Solve Mysteries. And to young men like myself, a Pop Band With Hot Girls Amongst the Wacky etc. etc. Then in the next season they’d be the Etc. Etc. Etc. Who Solve Mysteries…IN SPACE!

The Pussycats crew is made up of:

Josie: she’s like Mario in Super Mario Bros. 2 : the central character, but she’d rank average in all the categories. The straight girl that brings together all the kookier characters. She’s also like Mary Tyler Moore that way.

Alan: He’s Fred, except not.

Alexandra: If Lucy Van Pelt, Starscream, and Gilligan had a throuple and somehow had a daughter, that would be Alexandra. Her main goals in life are to displace Josie and get Alan all to herself. And she often screws up everything in her attempts to do so. She is usually accompanied by Sebastian the cat, who fills the Animal Mascot Quota of this mystery-solving gang.

Alexander: Alexandra’s brother and the band’s manager. Shaggy with shades and Casey Kasem’s actual speaking voice.

Valerie: the first female African-American cartoon regular, she’s also the techie of the group.

Melody: the ditzy blonde drummer, her signature move is to make silly comments, usually punctuated by her giggle.

With our cast in place, time to move onto today’s adventure. It begins at a mysterious greenhouse…oh no, not ANOTHER Evil Plants episode. This is the hideout of Dr. Greenthumb, who plans to…you guessed it…turn plants into monsters (I feel this deserves the Raul Julia OF COURSE! too at this point). The monster plants will then kill all the other plants unless Greenthumb is paid ransom money, which will presumably lead to him…you guessed it…taking over the world. (which will ALWAYS get an OF COURSE!)

Meanwhile, stateside, Alexandra tricks Josie onto a cargo plane to the Amazon, reasoning she’ll join the rest of the group at their gig in Nashville and…you guessed it…become the new star of the Pussycats (yes, if I continue to watch, this too will be OF COURSE! worthy). Only the gang, in a hurry, boards the plane as well. The ominous stereotypical Asian soundbite from Scooby-Doo’s score plays. For a trip to The Amazon.

Cue the intro, and what kind of dance is this supposed to be?

The title of the episode is A GREENTHUMB IS NOT A GOLDFINGER, and believe me this is not the only direct reference to what they’re supposed to parody in this episode.

When the gang realizes they’re not going to Nashville, they rightfully call out Alexandra, showing more sense than the Peanuts ever did with Lucy and Charlie Brown. Why yes, I did rewatch It’s Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown, why do you ask? Instead of landing, they’re all dropped with the rest of the cargo.

Alan is really strong too. See, he’s totally not like Fred.

Melody makes a seemingly dumb comment about hitchhiking, but she winds up having a point, as she’s the one who sees a passing truck driven by Greenthumb’s native stereotype henchmen, who are ordered to bring the visitors back to his plantation. And suddenly the relation between the doctor and his goons has got a bit darker. Everyone seems oblivious to the creepy hosts except for Melody, again ahead of the curve despite being the “dumb blonde,” and Alexander, who fears the worst being the Shaggy clone. At night, Sebastian hears and sees the monster plant and uses Cartoon Animal Pantomime to warn the others. The Pussycats look through the lab’s door, and Alexandra again ruins everything just because she wants Josie’s view, so they wind up accidentally pushing the door’s open button. Greenthumb basically tells the Meddling Kids — yes, he calls them such — that they know too much, and now they must die by being forced into his monster garden. And Alexandra even has to be killed before Josie, because she insists on being with Alan’s group, who will go first. The doctor leaves the impending bloodshed behind, only for the gang to fight off the plants.

No, not The Weed again!

The Plants vs. Pussycats battle ends when Alan flings one through the glass, allowing himself, Alexander, and Alexandra to escape. The use the dead plant carcasses to disguise themselves. Meanwhile, Valerie MacGyvers Melody and Josie out of their room using drums and guitar strings. They meet up with the others, and Valerie and Josie attack Alexandra thinking it was another monster plant.

The Justice League can’t punch anyone, but Josie and the Pussycats can. It’s not fair.

Josie realizes it is indeed Alexandra, to which she replies, “Who did you expect, Scooby-Doo?” Oh, a lot of people probably did. But unlike Mystery Inc. (allegedly), the Pussycats want out “of this kooky weed factory.” Greenthumb’s henchmen give chase, but Josie and company luck into a boat nearby and make their escape…only to be faced next by the headhunters the villains are in cahoots with.

Dodgy Stereotypes : LEVEL UP.

They are caught, and when Alexander wonders what they’ll do, Josie shows the answer in the form of two heads of victims who probably beat them at Dr. Mario. Why yes, I’ll follow the Angry Video Game Nerd’s lead and insert “AND THEN HE SHRUNK MY HEAD!” into inappropriate moments. Alan plans to prey on their superstition with magic tricks. Oooh, I wonder if Wonder Woman or Aquaman taught them any? The tricks involve chants like “Dunk-a-Donut” (it’s the 21st century, just “Dunk-a” suffices now…), and Melody using insulting caveman speak before destroying the chief’s watch. When Alexandra not really being able to fly is exposed, another chase ensues with more borrowed Scooby music. There’s an awkward fadeout before commercial…wonder if something WORSE than what was retained was cut out? Anyone with DVDs or similar know?

I mean, what can be Too Hot for MeTV Toons? Look at what this guy is cooking!

The Pussycats return to Greenthumb’s lab, planning to radio for help, for which they need the key to the room the radio’s in. In the meantime, Valerie and Alexander place a MacGyver booby trap in the lab, including “everything but the kitchen sink.” Alex pulls in a sink, and even he knows how cliched the joke is, as he literally asks himself, “Why am I laughing?” Josie tries to get a sleeping Greenthumb to tell where the key is, only it’s now Melody’s turn to Gilligan the plan when she yells for him to wake up and tell them. Melody, you used up all your good will spotting the truck and knowing when danger was near. So now it’s time for our MUSICAL CHASE SEGMENT. If you’ve watched, you guessed it, Scooby-Doo, you know what this is. More pursuit and the danger/slapstick therein, but this time it’s set to some 70s pop. Well, it makes sense here, since Josie and the Pussycats ARE a music group. With the help of a vehicle that looks like Roller from the Optimus Prime toy and a yak, the henchmen are stopped by the time the song ends, which incidentally was a story about the singer using voodoo to get the romance she wants. Not as random as the song about loving an ostrich from that one Scooby episode.

Left alone, Greenthumb threatens to activate all the plants at once, but Valerie’s rewired console plays havoc with him :

A fitting end to a scientist consumed by…Arrogance.

He is taken away by the authorities, and the band suddenly decides to put on a show for the plants. Hey, we get the girls in their catsuit costumes, I can’t complain. Alexandra again complains she should be the star, and the monster plants end up forcing her to dance with them and for Gleek to make a monkey out of her, or something. Anyway, of course everyone laughs, the end.

Unlike My Three Sons on the main MeTV, no Viacom “pinball” logos are kept on this show.

Well, it’s a Scooby wannabe show, but it has a few different wrinkles and characters? And girls in catsuits.