Tooned In: Superfriends – Rokan, Enemy From Space and Invasion of the Fearians (1978)

When you think of the Superfriends, chances are you’re thinking of this series in particular. And for good reason. This was the season that told everyone that five years ago now felt like 50 years ago, and gone were the days of the heroes picking on comical bad guys and dealing with aliens who were all “Gee whiz, we didn’t mean to destroy the Earth, we only wanted resources for our planet!” Oh no no no, this was the Big One. This was the Legion of Doom.

(No relation.)

But they’re so memorable, even Hawk and Animal swiped the name for their wrestling personas.

The Legion was a team of DC villains led by Superman’s archenemy, Lex Luthor. The members were:

• Also Superman’s enemies, Bizarro, Brainiac, and Toyman.
• Direct from Arkham Asylum, the Riddler and Scarecrow.
• Wonder Woman’s arch rival. The Cheetah (not played this time by an SNL alumni, thankfully, but more like a knockoff of Eartha Kitt) And technically Giganta fits here too, but she was repurposed as Apache Chief’s counterpart, and given his growing powers. And she hates PUNY GOWILLAS.
• From Flash’s Rogues, Captain Cold and Gorilla Grodd.
• The renegade Green Lantern Corps member Sinestro.
• Black Manta, who will obviously not be killing Aquaman’s son on this show.
• And Solomon Grundy. He want pants too.

And the tone was a lot more serious as such. There were no teen sidekicks to be seen to offer levity. This was a union of super villains against the straight up Justice League. Even the introduction’s narrator finally confirms that yes, THIS is the Justice League of America. Topics involved hostile takeovers of the nations of the world, dissolving cities in white hot liquid light, zombies, post-apocalyptic futures, and even the presumed deaths of the heroes themselves.

But before we can get to all that, if you were watching on ABC in 1978, we do also get a “traditional” Superfriends half hour before the Challenge episodes. They’re basically the core team adventures that were the centerpieces of All-New Super Friends Hour episodes, with the Justice Leaguers and the Wonder Twins facing alien menaces, earthly monsters, and generally more heavy threats. 3 years before Superman II, this segment included an appearance by a trio of rogue Kryptonians, and we also got the Superfriends debut of Mr. “Mitselplick,” er, Mxyzptlk.

Today, however, the Superfriends face a menace from a familiar place in…

ROKAR: ENEMY FROM SPACE

A pterodactyl-like creature is seen flying through space, heading towards Earth This is Rokan, who terrorizes a “small New England village” by flapping his wings and causing destructive winds, and randomly stopping to eat things. So far, just a misplaced beast. Meanwhile… at the Hall of Justice, Gleek admires Wonder Woman’s magic lasso and tries to use his “magic tail” to trap a banana. I guess being forced to tell the truth, the banana does not want to be eaten, and monkey slapstick ensues. The Trouble Alert informs the heroes about Rokan, and Wondie joins everyone else on patrol. And oh yeah, this season, the STAR TRANSITION IS HERE! Gone is the flying SF Shield and the spinning rainbow background and zippy sound effect. Shit is getting REAL now!

Superman invokes his great friend Scott when he recoginizes Rokan as a prehistoric beast from Krypton that was frozen in an ice cap before it exploded. Rokan seems to purposely bite people’s canoe in half, finally doing something kind of villainous, and Wonder Woman tries to catch him with her lasso but his eyebeams destroy the rope. I guess then that Rokan is some kind of manifestation of chaos or something that made Diana doubt the truth…was that a thing in the 70s too? So this is a job for Superman (and he says the thing to let us know), but he can’t budge him. He then states what you probably figured out already: Rokan is a Kryptonian operating under a yellow sun, and you know what that means. Gee, I wonder what can stop him? Well, Superman is vulnerable to magic, obviously the Superfriends will use all those magic trick segments from last season. Beware the power of Aquaman’s disappearing coin, and Wonder Woman’s balancing playing cards, Rokan!

After retreating to figure this problem out, one that you probably have already, another Rokan hatches in Canada. So at this point, we realize that Rokan Prime was a she. Another Trouble Alert informs the Superfriends of this, and…

Surely you have someone else handsome, and brave, and strong to help me, Justice League?

Batman and Robin come to the rescue, and I’ll point out that the Bat Skijets are like cute little mini versions of the blue Batmobile. Anyway we get Quick, Robin #1 when they try to lead the monster into a canyon…only they encounter more Baby Rokans. Over in the Great Lakes, Aquaman saves a boat from more Rokans. In this season ,they double down on having characters announce what they’re going to do first. Case in point: Aquaman says “I have to stop the creature by luring it underwater!” While in the sea, he discovers more Rokan eggs and cries “Rokan!” like a bitch when one of the monsters head his way.

(Note: Aquaman has a new voice starting this season, as Bill Callaway replaces Norman Alden. I believe both have their merits, though Callaway is obviously growing into the role now)

Back at headquarters, the Wonder Twins are telling Gleek to be careful with the buttons on the Justice League computer…oooh, I wonder what’s going to happen next? Aquaman tells them to warn the others, and yep, Gleek pratfalls and malfunctions the computer panel. So of course the Wonder Twins use this as an excuse to jump into action and probably get captured. (Shape of a seagull, form of an ice gondola, by the way.) With no help on its way, it’s time to talk to fish! A net of electric eels chases off Rokan, right into the path of Zan and Jayna, and yep, they get captured. Luckily Superman and Wonder Woman come to the rescue.

After regrouping again, Rokan is now in Tokyo — kaiju, go figure — and finally they realize that, being from Krypton, only one thing can stop her : Kryptonite. Only the asteroids in space are enough to not only run off the Rokans, but the radiation can kill Superman. But…in a pretty cool moment, Superman gives a “needs of the many” speech where he says the decision is made like any Superfriend decision: the “greatest good for the greatest amount of people.” And so Wonder Woman and Aquaman go fetch the Kryptonite, as Batman and Robin fend off Rokans using the Bat Light in the copter…only it looks like they’re using a Bat Signal to censor Rokan unmentionables…

Krypton Kaiju Gone Wild, order it today for $29.95!

Rokans are now in dick mode, aiming and shooting things with their eye beams. One breaks off a skyscraper and as usual on this show, Superman catches it and instantly fixes the building by placing the broken part back on top. See? The Snyderverse didn’t even innovate ignoring collateral damage! He has a heat vision battle with one of the monsters, but has to return to the Hall of Justice when the Superfriends return with the Kryptonite. They use it to run off Rokans, but Rokan Prime as it were remains, and she dives down an erupting volcano. Batman suggests….I can’t make this up…

…and they said this show never got violent.

The rocks are dropped down the volcano, and Rokan Prime too runs away, noticeably with no Kryptonite lodged in her windpipe. Superfriends Batman can talk the talk, but he can’t walk the walk. Anyway, we return to the Hall with some Deus Ex Exposition, the Kryptonite and Rokan said to be gone and Superman is fine. Zan sees suspicious green “eye beams,” but of course it’s Gleek to make a monkey out of him. Everyone laughs, the end.

Now onto our feature…

INVASION OF THE FEARIANS

No. I am not going for the low hanging fruit. This is meant to be escapism for me and my audience.

We begin at the may-or-may-not-be-Darth-Vader-inspired Hall of Doom (again, no relation) for the weekly Legion of Doom bitchfest, with Grodd complaining about the team’s plans failing. Followed by, as usual, the new plan, given by Captain Cold, and OH MY GOD, THAT VOICE. In the premiere episode, they try to give him a shivery verbal tic, but thankfully they abandoned that and we’re left with essentially an evil, grizzled Rod Serling. So he’s been in touch with the Fearians from the planet Venus, who want the Legion to make their atmosphere like their home planet, in exchange for allowing the LOD to, you guessed it, take over the world. (OF COURSE!) But what about the Superfriends? No problem, Cold says, they’re actually going to help them. How so? Well first, Cold lures out his archenemy The Flash by using a giant freeze ray on Washington (which some say is pretty cold as it is), San Francisco (which could use some cooling down…seriously, be well everyone in LA and on the west coast…), and New York (which at the time of this writing IS cold, under 20 degree days!). Flash of course recognizes his Rogue’s doings, and comes to stop him. (Finally! Unlike letting the Superfriends deal with Mirror Master later, or leaving it up to Superman to defend his hot chocolate against Captain Cold in a commercial…)

The Captain distracts him by punching down a frozen building, and we all know how that will be solved. Flash then uses his super speed to defrost everything, but unknowingly steams up the atmosphere,

In the parade of cool villain voices, Black Manta is next, and he set the Pacific Ocean on fire (so it was HIM. Again, be okay LA, for real…) and of course Aquaman is led into a fight with his rival. He uses an old anchor to hold the Manta Ship in place, but when he comes to capture his enemy, Black Manta presents the old “me or save these people” dilemma, since the fires are approaching a nearby island. Of course Aquaman decides for the “greater good of the greater amount of people” like last episode, and it’s Fish Talking Time again, as a giant school creates a tidal wave that puts out the fires. But it worked SO well, it flooded nearby cities too.

Step 3 for the LOD plan…six radioactive comets are approaching the Earth now. Samurai: “Three disasters today, it is obviously a plan.” (Sidenote: Samurai’s early voice performance is very monotone and very robotic…maybe he was at some point meant to be Red Tornado?) Somehow Green Lantern knows that it must be Sinestro. I mean, ice is Captain Cold’s calling card. Trouble in the sea has to be Black Manta. This one is a bit more vague by comparison, but okay. Hal is ambushed in space by Sinestro, who traps him in a yellow gyro that’ll spin him out of this universe and that GL can do nothing about. How do we know this? He reminds the audience, “My power ring has no effect against anything yellow!” Get used to that one too. Nonetheless, the speed trap is so fast, it turns the light blue, which Green Lantern CAN do something about. He returns, but the comets are about to collide, so what can he do about it? He…uses his ring…to MOVE THE EARTH OUT OF THE WAY. A lot has been said about this in other Superfriends reviews, so I leave it to you to think of how this isn’t as easy a solution as it seems.

Back at the Hall of Justice, the Leaguers review their goof ups. Flash admits his, but Batman has to give an Aquaman F’ed Up exposition. You know he enjoys it, Bruce seems like the type. Black Vulcan then reports that Green Lantern moving the Earth ONLY “caused the temperatures to rise even higher. (IN HIS PANTS.)” Another sidenote…his line appeared to start out as Bill Callaway saying “That’s not all”. Mistake, or is Aquaman passing the blame and glossing over his part in the scheme? The Superfriends deal with the disasters caused by the atmospheric changes while the Legion takes over, with the help of Brainiac’s world leader androids. Meanwhile, the Fearians appear to cover their end of the deal by trapping the Superfriends in an impenetrable force field. Further complicating matters is that they have only 15 minutes to reverse the environmental damage before everyone has more beach side property. To trick the Fearians, Green Lantern uses his ring to make everyone invisible (real power? Show deus ex machina power? Which one is it?) and make it look like they found a way to escape. After the Fearians return, they’re ambushed. Black Vulcan: “Now it’s time to take care of our three headed monster (IN OUR PANTS)!” After dispatching the aliens, the Superfriends go on to fix the Earth, and (off screen) stop Brainiac’s androids. They return to face off with the Legion, whom they ambush through the power of Tape Delay. No really, Wonder Woman tells them that the Superfriends sent a tape of footage “an hour earlier” while they were arriving. A PG fight breaks out, where Superman gets casually picked up by Grundy and defeats him by grabbing onto a ledge. Sinestro creates a yellow monster to stop the “Super Freaks” (w/o Rick James), and we know for sure it’s yellow from another Green Lantern whine. Wonder Woman fortunately foils it with the Magic Lasso. As per the usual for most of these episodes, Lex finds a last minute way to escape before the LOD experiences total defeat. And where the other episodes have the Everyone Laughs endings, these have the “You’ll never escape as long as there’s Superfriends” endings. With one of the heroes, this time Superman, declaring that the Legion won’t get away next time.

Now, as a bonus, I can’t resist it. I have to have a somewhat quickie look at another Challenge episode: The Secret Origins of the Superfriends. This is probably also in that Star Wars Holiday pile of cliched online reviews, but what the hey. This episode is famous for not only containing plenty of fan service for DC fans, repeating the origins for three of its best-known heroes and all, but also for the ridiculous history altering plot. Which is ridiculous not only for what is altered, but what ISN’T altered.

So Lex wants to know what would happen to the Superfriends if there was no Superman or Green Lantern (ain’t got nothing on me), nor Wonder Woman. I mean, sure, Batman and Robin are total wusses in this continuity without their utility belts, and Hawkman can only fly after network S&P took his mace away and all. But Flash in the Superfriends Universe has his super speed and can save and rebuild buildings by himself, and he can sometimes fly and make himself intangible. Apache Chief can grow 50 feet tall and probably squash the entire Legion if he wanted to. Samurai and Black Vulcan are no slouches themselves. And NO, I am not going to say Aquaman, Just Aquaman. He’s had some good moments thus far in the series. Yes, to diminishing returns the less the environment and water are involved, but still. So long story short, they’d be pretty well off regardless.

But let’s humor Mr. Luthor here. So the Legion of Doom has a time machine, and they get to return to the point of when the three heroes in question will in fact be on their way to become superheroes…

Cheetah takes over Diana’s role in the Amazonian tournament to crown a new Wonder Woman, who will go to the United States and help them fight in (vaugely referenced) World War II. And here is where the situation would be interesting, nay, dire from the get-go. They imply Wonder Woman singlehandedly defeated the Axis Powers. Without her, can we say that they WON the war, meaning the LOD created a Hitler-led Earth? On one hand, the Legion would probably be behind serving a dictator, but on the other hand, what if they became the lesser of two evils eventually and had to fight off a bigger problem, maybe having to begrudgingly team up with the (remaining) Superfriends? Moot point, because this never figures in one way or another. And didn’t Cheetah become Cheetah because she was jealous of Wonder Woman? Why doesn’t she just revert to plain old Priscilla Rich?

Next, Lex Luthor replaces Hal Jordan and takes the power ring from Abin Sur. Abin Sur’s judgment of who is fearless and honest aside, I think the issue is, LEX KNEW WHO HAL JORDAN WAS? Why didn’t the LOD use this to their advantage? Kidnap Carol Ferris for ransom or something? Also, remind me…did Sinestro go rogue before Hal became a Lantern? Did one have to do with the other? If not, I guess he’s safe. Other than that, there’s obviously the intergalactic disasters that went ignored by Luthor to deal with.

But now, the grand finale….Superman. By knocking Kal-El’s pod off course, he ends up in another planet with a red sun. A byproduct of this is, hilariously and meme-worthy, a Superman Day parade in the present day becoming HAWKMAN DAY. Hanna-Barbera should have completed the trolling and make it Aquaman Day instead. Regardless…where do we begin? Bizarro should be wiped from existence, as there’s no one to make an imperfect duplicate of. Brainiac would probably find something else to do and not bother with Earth. MAYBE Toyman sticks around as he’s more of a small time crook, like that’s a big win for the LOD. But the big one here: Lex himself should NOT be a super villain at all because of this. Superboy accidentally blowing toxic fumes that caused him to lose his hair set him off on his career path, after all. And again, all the disasters and crimes in Metropolis, then Earth and other galaxies that Superman could have stopped and all. Surprised the Legion didn’t at least turn 1978 into a dystopia like we see on the last Challenge episode. Aside from most of them not existing after all this, of course.

Another ridiculous element of this episode is that the LOD, after procuring some of their enemies’ weaponry, proceed to do NOTHING with them. Cheetah now has bullet LASER proof bracelets and a magic lasso that can force anyone to obey her commands. Yet she just tosses them aside (and younger me, seeing this episode for the first time, misremembered her taking off the Wonder Woman costume in front of the entire Legion. No, she just puts her Cheetah jumpsuit over it.) But worse than that, Lex Luthor has a freaking power ring from the Guardians. You know, the device that can do anything its wearer thinks of. But no, after the “Green Luthor” gag, we never see either again.

Anyway, Legion ambushes the “weakened” Justice League, Superfriends get into LOD’s computer room and somehow find files on the now-non-existent Superfriends, go back in time in various ways…yes, even Batman and Robin have a time travel setting on the Batplane…and bring back Superman, GL, and Wonder Woman. They save the day, Legion of Doom escapes, Black Vulcan probably said things I could attach “…in my pants” to, the end.

So that’s Challenge of the Superfriends. Still can get really silly and hammy, but you could see the stakes rising for a Saturday Morning show.