Tooned In: Woody Woodpecker in Wrestling Wrecks (1953)

Still a better booker than Vince Russo, am I right?

Obviously, gotta get my mind cleared today, and I’m sorry if I got too obsessed on certain topics elsewhere. So what better way to help that than with some cartoons?

So today we’re going to a classic character: Woody Woodpecker. Growing up, Woody was one of the go-to classic characters on one of our local stations. Him, the Looney Tunes, and Popeye formed various blocks during the week. While the other station got Tom and Jerry, along with Pink Panther, Mr. Magoo, and most of the Hanna-Barbera reruns. The creation of Walter Lantz, Woody started as a side character in a 1940 cartoon starring Andy Panda, another of Lantz’s characters for Universal Pictures. You know the rest, breakout character becomes star on his own, etc. etc. Woody’s career path was not unlike Daffy Duck’s: he started out as an insane, wacky character, but those traits faded as time went on, and Woody eventually became more of a straight-up Everyperson protagonist. Even though he kept his penchant for pecking things and other characters. And his laugh of course. Oh, the laugh.

No really, if you don’t watch cartoons, you’d probably still recognize That Laugh. You may not remember his secondary laugh in earlier shorts, though, where he sounds like he was possessed by aliens. Check this video out, it can be heard a few times.

Now, this short combines Woody with what most of us if not all are probably reading the BOD for: wrestling. He is watching two typical depictions of cartoon wrestlers (big bald guys) going at it, and practicing the moves on his pet Great Dane, because I guess Woody had no younger siblings nor were Wrestling Buddies invented yet. And said Great Dane may or may not be Cuddles, a dog who has been in 1-2 other Lantz cartoons, most notably “Dig That Dog” where he infuriates his owner by burying everything in the house in the yard, ending up with burying the moon itself. Long story.

Anyway, the ring announcer who is inexplicably dressed in fencing gear, describes the next show’s card, made up of pretty much Dick Tracy rogues. And yes, there’s an “Eraser” who has the same gimmick as the one from the WB Dick Tracy parody with Daffy Duck. And then our world title match airs: Precious Percy vs. Bulldozer. The latter is yet another bald cartoon wrestler, and the former of course is a Gorgeous George knockoff, whom Woody is the biggest fan of. Unfortunately, the match keeps getting interrupted by commercials, none of which involve Fruity, Delicious Skittles nor 10-10 phone numbers. I guess now it would be ads for Netflix? Regardless, this ends up in a dog food ad showing up and (Not?) Cuddles charging the TV, wrecking it. So now Woody has to go to the show itself. He scolds the dog like he has to go attend a 2000 Monday Nitro.

Sitting in the front row next to a (say it Salem the cat) STUNT GRANNY, Woody is accidentally stepped on by Bulldozer, who gets pecked for his problems. Shouldn’t Woody get ejected right there for touching the wrestlers? Instead, he gets promoted to head booker apparently, as he flashes a script at both wrestlers who then play a game of Patty Cake in the middle of the ring. Still makes more sense than 2000 Nitro!! After a cheap shot, Woody slides a Bret Hart steel plate into Percy’s stomach, and the Patty Cake trick backfires this time.

Other Woody antics (and again, why’s a fan allowed to be this involved in the matches?!) include taking a thread from Bulldozer’s tights and tricking Stunt Granny into unraveling them, and rotisserie cooking him over a barbecue while he’s tied into the ropes. Bulldozer has enough, though, and finally drags Woody in for more punishment. It’s a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!! Percy though is slung out of the ring and arena and into a hospital MEDICAL FACILITY. So now Woody is an official competitor…so he’s Hillbilly Jim? Big Josh? Steve Blackman? Yeah, let’s go with Blackman.

He pulls out a red cape…don’t do it, Woody! Tito Santana could tell you turning into a matador is NOT a good idea. Still, he tricks Bulldozer with Who. No that wasn’t a question, he uses an anvil. With help from Stunt Granny’s yarn, he sews Bulldozer down and…wins the match AND the title? DEAR LORD THIS REALLY WAS 2000 NITRO!

Maybe if the readers don’t look carefully enough, they’ll think this IS the Nitro rant and Scott won’t have to suffer this week, so…Win?