Tokyo Pro Wrestling – Yoji Anjo President Inauguration Party 12/07/96

Sumo Hall
Attendance 6,891 (uh oh)

Previously In TPW…

The same week as JonBenét Ramsey’s body is discovered & Peter Andre’s I Feel You is released comes an even bigger tragedy.

We’re at Sumo Hall and NO-ONE is here.

I’ve seen bigger gatherings of smackheads in the alleys near my flat.

Orito vs. Felinito

Orito is a CMLL regular who for some reason decided to tour Japan and work for IWA Japan and Tokyo Pro. Were tickets not available for Pompeii? Felinito is the same, perhaps touring with his colleague to ensure there’d be something to eat.

Enthusiastic start sees both starting fast and promising by one-upping each other’s moves to show their familiarity. The fans that are here are appreciative until Orito backflips to mock his opponent but lands on the ropes and nearly falls over. This throws both men off as Felinito is whipped into the corner but stops near the end and backs himself up like he’s parallel parking. Crowd are laughing now. Fast-paced armdrag sequence to send Felinito outside and a decent tope gets them back on their side. A quick follow-up top rope Frankensteiner and springboard armdrag sets up a crossbody to the outside from Felinto as both men must have a plane to catch. It’s their last match in Japan so that may not be far from the truth. Felinito impressively sends himself outside in a missed yelling dive (“aaahhhh!”) until Orito lands the ORIHARA MOONSAULT that Orihara doesn’t do anymore. Frankensteiner pin ends it at 3:33.

Both men overcame a horrible start to do as many moves as quickly as possible to get out of this company while the going’s good.

Kishin Kawabata vs. Masanobu Kurisu

Kurisu is so over he tells the crowd to be quiet and they obey. Kurisu terrorizes Kawabata with headbutts and slaps but in a safe way. Kawabata retaliates with safe headbutts which causes Kurisu to come back with much-less safer ones. No wonder he’s nearly bald. Kawabata is too basic to stay on offence for an extended length of time but that’s what we get anyway until Kurisu gets as bored as the fans and twats Kawabata with a chair. Even that’s too boring for him as he begins yelling at fans and throwing chairs he just threw into the ring back out. Kawabata drags Kurisu outside and delivers a suplex on the school gym mats before both lads brawl up the entrance way for the double count-out at 7:00 like a couple of dumb-dumbs.

Kurisu is usually worth a watch even when unmotivated but this was pushing it.

Shocker & Akihito Masuda vs. Black Wazuma & Crusher Takahashi

Oh my God, Wazuma’s entrance music is The Macarena.

If you weren’t alive during the time, you would not believe the stranglehold this song had on the world. Not to be outdone, Shocker uses No Limits by 2 Unlimited as clearly someone’s bought the newest Now That’s What I Call Music! CD.

Crusher’s had a million names but I can’t remember any match he’s been in. Masuda’s not much better so I guess the idea was to mix these newbies with the established names and then something something success. They play on the mat until Shocker tags in and the difference is night and day. He’s so quick and slick he makes oil spills sick etc etc. Watching him going over the ropes and onto the apron is almost hypnotic. Seamless top rope dropkick sends Crusher and his mullet outside as Shocker teases him with a fake-out.

Wazuma tags in and Shocker tries putting him off with a front-flip taunt but Scorpio responds with a grab. Shocker escapes with The Greatest Of Ease to send Scorpio outside, follow with an over-the-ropes vault into an armdrag. He’s already overshadowing everybody else on the show, there’s no need to carry on like that. Crusher tags in as if he’ll help. Shocker wastes him with a German Suplex before allowing Masuda to deal with the walking haircut.

A spinning toe-hold is too exciting so Shocker breaks it up. Wazuma delivers a top rope splash to bring in Shocker who uses his partner as an object to bust out more arm-drags. Mastuda lands a top rope crossbody to the outside despite not being a luchadore, and everyone rolls outside to take Shocker’s giant tope.

Shocker dropkicks Wazauma and tries to pin him following a little jump, but instead Wazuma puts him on his shoulders with Shocker turning that into another beautiful armdrag for a two-count so close the fans boo the kick out. Wazuma’s top rope leg drop gets broken up by Matsuda enabling him to bust out the almost-mythical La Magistral which is cruelly broken up by Crusher. As the two mids brawl on the outside, Wazuma annihilates Shocker with the tumbleweed to blow the roof off the commentator’s booth to end it at 11:54.

A match of two halves with Shocker and Scorpio working beautifully together but the other two could have been portrayed by dogs for all they contributed. Still the best thing on the show by a country mile.

Abdullah The Butcher vs. Ryo Miyake

Abby gets attacked as he heads into the ring and that’s all the offence for Ryo as Abby sticks him with a fork as expected but at least Ryo’s blade job is impressive. And then Abby pins him with a fat elbow at 4:06.

Nothing here as expected from Abby but fair play for Ryo for bleeding so much that I can’t take a pic and get for fear of getting the BOD demonetized.

Wait then HARLEY RACE of all people shows up to throw some punches at Abby. What the fuck is he doing here?

Referees separate them and Abby backs down as the commentators compare him to Mike Tyson. Race then receives a very polite applause from the fans that bothered to turn up. I had no idea this happened. I guess he heard KABUKIIII was booked and flew himself over.

TWA Junior Heavyweight Title

Masao Orihara vs. Flying Kid Ichihara

Kid is out of his depth here. Even when he was good he wasn’t good-good. Orihara dropkicks him outside immediately so he can Asai Moonsault…the guard-rail as Kid dodges so he can land his own whilst also smashing the guard-rail so it doesn’t feel left out.

What a way to run a railroad. Kid attempts to work over Orihara’s arm with head-butts but the mad man is disgusted with that and proceeds to punch Kid in the face and spit on him. Orihara is 75% attitude at the best of times but he seems peeved at the whole guard-rail thing. Orihara delivers a powerbomb and showboats until Kid Dragon Screws him to set up a Single Crab. Orihara is alright with his legs being worked over so he lets Kid get it in. Orihara recovers so he and Kid can completely fuck up a spinning headscissors as neither are on the same page when they try and do anything more complicated than “submission hold.”

Both seem unsure of what to do next so Orihara decides he should kick Kid a bunch until he manages a moonsault off the second rope with all the smoothness of a badger’s arse. An annoyed Orihara pushes away his attempt at a top rope dropkick in response. Orihara manages his deadly Spider German Suplex but Kid recovers remarkably fast to dodge the moonsault and mostly miss a kappo kick, noticed by everyone still watching. Orihara still takes it because I suspect he’s given up, so Kid delivers a decent Superplex. Kid’s moonsault lands on knees but Orihara’s La Magistral ends up in the ropes so he has to try again in the middle of the ring which thankfully is kicked out of. Both men start going for pin attempts and then Orihara finishes off Kid after two powerbombs at 10:32.

This would have been OK if Orihara wrestled at Kid’s level but Orihara has to be Orihara so this fell apart at the seams. Like, if Crash Holly wrestled The Great Sasuke then you know Sasuke would come to Crash’s level, he wouldn’t be expecting Holly to also land swantons onto concrete like he does. Weak match and a fitting end to the TWA Junior Heavyweight Title.

Takashi Ishikawa & The Great Kabuki & Daikokubo Benkei vs. Kodo Fuyuki & Jado & Gedo

KABUKIII. Ishikawa finally realised he’s not the big star he’s been thinking he is so isn’t main eventing for a change. Gedo takes a moderate battering from the old & fat lads until Ishikawa decides because it’s Sumo Hall he should bust out an over-the-ropes dive and instantly injures his leg about a minute into his own company’s biggest show and is unable to stand up.

He bravely rolls back inside before realising he’s really hurt and can’t stand up so everyone starts brawling to buy time. Benkei and Fuyuki ram against one another while everyone finds something to do as poor Ishkiwa is stretchered out on a table because they don’t have a stretcher. This is the company all the other Puro indies were worried about taking over. The Gunners just about manage a Triple Team Superbomb on Benkei and pin him after a lariat at 7:05.

A Hindenburg-level disaster once Ishikawa injured himself. For the owner and booker to injure himself during his first move at the biggest show that no-one’s attended, karma must exist and Ishikawa was at least Gadhafi in a previous life.

Yoji Anjo & Shigeo Okumura vs. Tarzan Goto & Mr. Gannosuke

It’s the late 90s, it’s a Japanese indie so it’s time to pretend Tarzan Goto is still a headliner. He’s a siren for small companies to crash their boat into once they sail into the deep sea of debt.

Goto bum-rushes Anjo so he can break a chair over his head and deliver the fall-forward piledriver onto a ringside table. Well he’s played all his hits so we can skip the rest of his set now. Anjo makes a comeback immediately to ground and pound Goto. Okumura & Gannosuke tag in to do their best with the little credibility they have. A chunky second-rope moonsault gets no reaction but a little dropkick from Gannosuke does. Goto gets bored of that and throws Okumura into Anjo’s corner so he can tag in. Anjo hams up his annoyance, generating something resembling crowd reaction.

Anjo and Goto go shot-for-shot which Goto wins and Anjo becomes more and more annoyed at Goto’s lack of selling so he starts sticking him until he has no choice but to sell. Anjo starts banging Goto’s head across the turnbuckle but Goto mocks it by banging his own head against it and yelling. Anjo NOPES out the ring and knocks over a cameraman in the process for the biggest pop of the night.

Anjo makes fun of Goto’s fatness before immediately tagging out in the second biggest pop of the night. It’s not a good sign when the crowd are actively cheering the annoying heel. Goto sends Okumura into the corner so he can tag out but Anjo jumps off the apron instead. Goto demonstrates why Anjo is getting more love being a dick than Goto because his offence is so repetitive and plodding. Another chair gets broken, another series of headbutts and another silent crowd follow Goto battering Okumura. Okumura gets powerbombed onto a table and even that gets little reaction despite the commentators yelling about it.

Anjo finally tags in and kicks everything in the tits before locking in the Ground Cross 200 on Gannosuke. Goto of course stops that to lariat Anjo. Gannosuke thinks he can take on Anjo who promptly ignores his offence to German Suplex him and…tag in his nearly-dead mate. Oh. Well, I’ll guess I’ll make like the crowd and wait for more Anjo then. Okumura lands some well-executed moves on Gannosuke but it’s not what the crowd want. Bridging German Suplex is broken up by Goto so Gannosuke can deliver a backdrop suplex and tag in Goto for EVEN MORE PLODDING REPETITIVE OFFENCE. Thankfully Okumura connects with a flying lariat but then Goto goes back to pretending he’s Tenryu because he’s wearing black-and-yellow to shrug off everything and lariat Okumura’s head off. Anjo tries to save but Gannosuke drags him outside so Goto can finish with the Brainbuster at 17:13.

All that build for that finish? The crowd wanted Anjo’s antics so Tokyo Pro gave them Goto cosplaying as a star. Anjo was clearly annoyed at the complete lack of willingness Goto had to take anything offensive so stopped trying half-way through the match so well done Goto, enjoy your empire of dirt.

Breaking news!

Yoji Anjo immediately resigned from his position as the new president of Tokyo Pro Wrestling after the main event.

Overall: Yikes. With the amount of stars on this show you’d think it couldn’t be THAT bad but oh how wrong you’d be. Everything but the Scorpio tag was low effort or terrible or catastrophic and the crowd was non-existent. Treat this like a Jericho segment and avoid at all costs.

Aaaand that was it for Tokyo Pro, as having the worst-attended Sumo Hall show in history was enough to take them out for good. Every wrestler would scramble for the nearest lifeboat and no-one brought up this company’s existence ever again.

Until Ishikawa brought it back briefly in 1997 but Samurai TV didn’t deem anything worth broadcasting.

If only they’d thought that a few months ago.

Next week: WAR says goodbye to UWF-I!

I’ve been Maffew.