Minus-Star Match Reviews: Triple H vs. Scott Steiner – WWE Royal Rumble 2003

Triple H and Scott Steiner had one of the most legendary bad matches of the 21st century. It was roundly lambasted both when it first took place and in the decades that followed. It became symbolic of Triple H at the time: that he was an overrated, overpushed bodybuilder trying to be the Ric Flair of the 21st century by having long forced epics with any opponent just like his idol.

But when it came to bell-to-bell action the closest Triple H came to Flair was having him in his corner and doing some of his dirty work. Part of that was the fact that HHH was literally too big to be Flair; another part was the fact that HHH’s opponent in this match was one of the few people on RAW less mobile than him.

On paper both HHH and Steiner should’ve done great in WWE. Two musclebound behemoths with short tempers and enough testosterone between them to knock out a horde of rampaging rhinos? That should’ve been a license to print money; instead it was a trainwreck so bad it almost destroyed one wrestler’s career and further damaged the other’s.

Going back to WWE’s past is always a good thing to do because it helps us remember bad decisions made by wrestling promoters in the hopes that they’re not repeated. With that, let’s see where things went wrong this infamous world title match.

The story

Steiner returned to WWE after an eight-year absence and was met with a roaring crowd when he did. I guess it was a combination of having the most gangster entrance music this side of Coolio and the reputation he gained over his WCW tenure but people loved seeing him…for about five minutes as he demolished two jabronis in the ring.

Once it came time for him to actually wrestle…well…things became complicated. You see, post-2000s Scott Steiner was far removed from what some WWE fans might remember. Back in the early 1990s Scott was a physical monster who was strong, agile, and adept in the ring. He was a successful amateur wrestler in college and reached the NCAA division. He was also influential for doing things no-one ever came up with. To this day when most people think of Steiner’s wrestling moves, one of three things come up: 1) the release/throwaway German suplex (something Rick came up with but was associated with both Steiners), 2) The Frankensteiner; and 3) the Steiner Screwdriver, a.k.a “HE AIN’T GETTING UP FROM THIS ONE!”

Fast forward eight years and…my God had Steiner changed. He cut his curly hair short, grew out a goatee, and gained a ton of muscle. Seriously, he didn’t just ‘get bigger’; he expanded. His body, especially his arms, looked like a create-a-wrestler with the proportions pushed to one extreme by someone trying to test a game’s graphic limitations.

Steiner’s new mass made him a ‘genetic freak’ as he called himself but it came at the cost of his mobility. He was so big that he could barely move or do anything that required much stamina. He could to power moves well and throw people around, but he couldn’t be expected to bump, roll around, or otherwise move around the ring. As if he didn’t have enough problems dealing with his muscles possibly tearing from one bad move, he also developed dropfoot syndrome, which made it difficult for him to move one foot properly…in a profession that’s predicated on locomotion and balance.

Now, these limitations could’ve been worked around if Steiner had the right opponent that could complement his strengths and conceal his weaknesses. But instead of wrestling his first big WWE match with someone that complemented him, Steiner was stuck wrestling his mirror image.

Triple H returned to WWE in January 2002 after spending months sidelined from a devastating quad injury. After he returned, fans noticed that he, too, was noticeably bigger than before. Not as big as Steiner but still sporting that bodybuilder’s physique that was said to drive Vince McMahon wild. Unfortunately for HHH, his newfound mass proved that Steiner’s limitations weren’t examples of an isolated incident. HHH had poor matches with other big men throughout the year, his only good one coming from a returned-and-reborn Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam 2002.

After that show-stealing classic, WWE went full steam ahead with the long-anticipated Brand Extension and soon RAW’s roster was gutted of main-event. Undertaker, Big Show, Lesnar, and Kurt Angle were all on SmackDown, as were up-and-comers Benoit, Edge, and Guerrero. HHH, as the newly-crowned world Heavyweight Champion, needed challengers to feud with (read: for him to run through). Unfortunately, it was at this time that stories began to emerge of HHH’s alleged backstage politicking and his relationship with Stephanie McMahon began to poison his image. Rightly or wrongly, he was starting to get serious heat with some fans over what he was alleged to have been saying and doing backstage, though nothing was ever proven definitively.

However, events that took place at the end of 2002 and into 2003 certainly painted him in a bad light. HHH allegedly buried Rob Van Dam in their world title feud. His follow-up feud with Kane led to one of the all-time worst angles in history in Katie Vick which killed Kane’s character completely to the point that he was never taken seriously or booked as anything more than a placeholder in the odd big match again. Then HHH had a 3 Stages of Hell match with Shawn Michaels at the end of 2002, but this was nowhere near the level of his historic epic with Steve Austin from the February 2001. If HHH’s underwhelming singles matches with RVD and Kane were considered either flukes or coincidences then this match proved doubters right: HHH had become so big and immobile that he couldn’t put on an entertaining match…or at least one worthy of competing with or outdoing whatever was taking place on SmackDown at the same time.

To try and make this into a halfway compelling feud (since they couldn’t risk bumping or wrestling in the build-up else either man get hurt), their feud was built on them doing random contests: arm-wrestling, bodybuilder pose-downs, and so on. In other words, WWE was trying to build up this wrestling match by having the two people involved do as little wrestling as possible.

So here you had slow and plodding Triple H talking up a big game and underdelivering because he was being more careful to avoid both another serious quad tear and a minor tear/injury that could happen at any time because his frame couldn’t support his new muscle mass. And now this man that could barely move was going to face another big muscle man that could barely move. What could possibly go wrong?

The match

This took place on January 19, 2003. It was rated * by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer. Okay, so it’s not technically a negative star match, and yet it has been lambasted, buried, and excoriated time and again for over twenty years as one of the worst matches in modern times.

After a long stare-down they start trading punches. Steiner punches HHH into a corner and hammers him with forearms. HHH reverses an Irish whip and goes for a back body drop but Steiner hits first with another forearm followed by an overhead press slam. HHH bails to ringside but Steiner chases him down and drives him into the barricade.

Steiner breaks the ref’s count to continue working HHH’s bad back until both men return to the ring. Steiner suplexes HHH over the ropes and into the ring for a two-count. Steiner follows with forearms to the kidneys followed by a hammer throw into a corner and an elbow drop. HHH counters another corner whip and goes for a kick but Steiner catches his leg and hits a back elbow. HHH gets a ropebreak to escape a Boston crab so Steiner retaliates with more elbows.

HHH counters a back body drop attempt with his single knee facebreaker but Steiner no-sells it and applies a bearhug. HHH eye rakes his way out and charges off the ropes but Steiner counters with a belly-to-belly suplex (1) for a two-count. Steiner goes for his Steiner Recliner camel clutch but Flair pulls HHH to safety in full view of the referee. I think it’s at this point that the match is starting to take an unfortunate turn.

Steiner teases going after flair but thinks better of it and maintains the pressure on HHH. He lands another corner whip and goes for a clothesline but this time HHH gets his boot up. HHH shitcans Steiner and throws him shoulder-first into the ringsteps. Back in the ring, HHH lands a swinging neckbreaker and follows with some corner stomping. As the ref admonishes HHH, Flair starts choking Steiner with his jacket.

Seconds later both guys duck clotheslines from each other and HHH hits another neckbreaker for another two-count. More stomping and choking from HHH and then, again, Flair gets an assist behind the referee’s back. HHH sends Steiner into a corner and teases a Pedigree but Steiner blocks and catapults HHH into the turnbuckles.

Steiner lands an Exploder suplex and that leads to a Tombstone switch spot. HHH lands what looks like a cross between a neckbreaker and an Ace Crusher for another two-count. He follows with a vertical suplex but gets little reaction so Flair has to wake the crowd up by being Flair. HHH goes for a diving ‘something’ off the top rope but Steiner catches him in another belly-to-belly (2). Somehow HHH gets up a hair before Steiner and then a slugfest ensues. Another corner whip spot ends with two clotheslines from Steiner and a back body drop. Three more belly-to-belly suplexes from Steiner. It’s at this point that the crowd starts turning on the match and booing Steiner. He lands some turnbuckle smashes followed by B2B #6. Steiner goes for a butterfly suplex but something goes wrong and both guys land awkwardly, which makes the crowd boo even louder.

Steiner sends HHH into a corner (seriously, again?) but HHH lands an elbow. Steiner cuts HHH off in a corner and lands a superplex for another two-count. HHH bails to ringside and Flair starts pulling him back up the entrance ramp. Steiner chases them and knocks them down with what look like the lightest forearms he has ever thrown. Flair gets in the ref’s face yet the ref doesn’t disqualify HHH or eject Flair to the back. Steiner turns around and blocks a belt shot from HHH and turns it around on him, which busts HHH open.

Steiner throws HHH head-first into various hard surfaces and then hits B2B #7. HHH tries escaping through the crowd but Steiner catches him again and throws him back into the ring. Steiner does push-ups while HHH struggles to stay conscious. Steiner punches HHH’s head wound some more as Flair asks the ref to stop the match. HHH tries a cheap trick by throwing the ref out to the floor but this is Earl Hebner of all people and he doesn’t give a fuck. He teases calling for the DQ but then concludes that HHH is being an underhanded asshat and screams ‘NO, YOU GUYS WRESTLE!’ HHH puts his hands on Hebner again but Hebner isn’t intimidated. He even tries punching the ref but Steiner cuts him off to keep the match going. My God why can’t other referees be like Earl and not collapse from the slightest tap?

Steiner lands B2B #8 and this time the crowd’s not as hostile. HHH kicks out (because of course he does) so Steiner punches his head as Flair distracts Hebner again. Steiner turns his focus onto Flair for a moment but then turns around and eats a low blow from HHH. Hebner counts one, two, and – Steiner kicks out. HHH has to bust out the big guns, meaning the sledgehammer. He shoves Hebner aside and hits a sledgehammer shot to Steiner’s groin, which forces Hebner to call for the DQ.

Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion due to a Disqualification after 17:00: Triple H

Post-match, Hebner continues to get in HHH’s face and then grabs the hammer to stop HHH from hitting Steiner with it again. He pushes Hebner down and goes for an overhead hammer shot but Steiner blocks. Steiner hits both HHH and Flair with the hammer but the crowd boos loudly. Then he puts HHH in the Steiner Recliner to almost no reaction until several more refs, officials, and Eric Bischoff, all swarm him until he releases HHH. The segment ends with Steiner posing on top of HHH with the belt as boos can be heard and fans can be seen on camera giving him the thumbs down gesture.

Review

I know Jabroniville covered this match last year (he gave it a DUD) but adding another voice to the discussion about (in)famous matches is never a bad thing. What was and still is bad, though, is this match. It was completely passable for the first four minutes or so but once they started repeating corner whips I knew something was wrong. This was the ultimate example of two guys stretching something out way longer than necessary and the bad decisions both guys made here killed Steiner’s main-event career in WWE.

The match dragged on and on with both guys clearly gassed (double meaning here as they were both exhausted and unable to move from being too big for their own bodies) and unable to do anything at halfway decent speed. There was a noticeable delay between moves because both guys were physically limited and struggled to be in place when necessary. Then Steiner started spamming belly-to-bellies and it was all downhill from there. Fans hated this blatant repetition and saw that Steiner’s physical limitations were fully exposed. He looked like he was trying to keep from hurting himself when hitting his moves and it showed. He didn’t have any snap or aggression behind anything he did besides the odd slam here or there. As a result, this match didn’t feel as intense as it was all hyped up to be.

Because both guys were so limited they had to smoke-and-mirrors the shit out of it. Earl Hebner had to play a bigger role than usual as the take-no-shit referee that didn’t want to let Triple H use his usual shenanigans. And by doing what he did he actually became the most over guy in this match. Yes, that’s right: the referee was the most over guy here because he actually tried to enforce the rules and didn’t collapse from the force of a gentle summer breeze as 99% of all referees after him have done in later matches.

But Hebner wasn’t the only guy secondary character to overshadow the main players: Ric Flair did the same from ringside. He was the one who actually made the crowd react and get behind Steiner by cheating behind the referee’s back. All his wild and wacky mannerisms actually worked to get people to hate him (and by extension Triple H). But when HHH tried doing something similar he got barely a fraction of the same reactions. The way he moved and the things he did in the match didn’t scream ‘wrestling villain, boo this man’ but ‘life-sized action figure being moved by an invisible hand’. He didn’t generate heat in this match; he generated apathy. Even when he went for nut shots and weapon shots he got more groans than boos; fans cared so little about him that they just wanted this match to end.

Final Rating: ½*

This match had a few minutes of passable action that saw Steiner throw Triple H around which was satisfying to watch because HHH was such a dislikable character at the time. But that novelty wore off quickly and soon the match’s shortcomings came into full view. This went for WAY too long and featured so many repeated spots that I thought for a moment that either the WWE Network clip was broken or I was stuck in a momentary time loop. And I’m not the only one that loathed this debacle; the crowd turned on Steiner so badly for his lack of athleticism that he was never taken seriously as either a main-eventer or as a babyface.

But then again, this whole travesty could’ve been avoided in the first place had WWE not panic-booked and hotshotted Steiner into a main-event spot without checking to see if he could be medically cleared first. Sure he wrestled a few house shows but that wasn’t enough. Had this feud taken place under modern WWE then, a) it would probably be enjoyed a bit more because Steiner has tons more personality than ~50% of the main roster; and b) Steiner would’ve been kept off TV until he was medically cleared.

There have been worse matches in modern times much more worthy of scorn. Some were bad in concept and in execution. Some were laughably bad and make for good comedy. Others were terrible because they were built on the audience being stupid and lazy enough to lap up whatever content was put in front of them. This, though, was a serious match that simply dragged too long and had so much dead air you’d think it was taking place in a cemetery.

Of course, if WWE was so desperate to get any ROI for signing Scott Steiner, maybe they should’ve let him to ring intros instead.

Thanks for reading.