Minus-Star Match Reviews: Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell – TNA Victory Road 2009

I’m doing something a bit different this time and revisiting one of the WORST matches in modern times. It’s certainly a bold statement to call something the worst ever or to go out of your way to give something a bottom-of-the-barrel rating.

Usually it’s hard to take such ratings seriously; after all, people said similar things about good matches that had bad finishes or storylines that simply had the wrong person winning in the end. With that in mind, let’s take a look back at an infamous match to see if it really was as advertised.

The story

Jenna Morasca was never a professional wrestler. She was a model and had done some TV acting but she had never received a modicum of wrestling training. Yet at some point she was brought in as part of the Main Event Mafia storyline and was revealed as the group’s financial backer. But it wasn’t long before she was bickering and then fighting with the other woman in the group, Sharmell. Marvel at this tapestry of clever writing and promotion.

These constant disagreements led to a match being announced. But instead of Morasca using her vast wealth to pay Awesome Kong to wrestle on her behalf (if she could fund the entire MEM then clearly she could afford to pay Kong to kick Sharmell’s ass), Morasca paid Kong to train her. Yes, she paid the monster of the Knockouts division to train her to wrestle instead of beating her enemies up.

So here was Sharmell, the wife of veteran wrestler Booker T, who had SOME wrestling knowledge, going into the ring against someone who had none. You can guess how this was going to go.

The match

This match took place on July 19, 2009. It was rated -**** by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer while the MINUS FIVE STARS meme came from Bryan Alvarez before they merged their publications together.

The clip in question starts with Sharmell’s entrance as her second Sojourner Bolt is already in the ring. Sharmell comes out first wearing both a sequined dress and knee-high wrestling boots, which is a combination straight out of Paris Fashion Week. Then out comes Awesome Kong looking miserable, probably aware of what’s about to happen. Finally, out comes Jenna who slithers into the ring and gives viewers an idea of what a proctologist’s daily grind looks like. This entrance disgusts Sharmell and Bolt while Kong appears to be dying inside.

The “match” starts with trash-talking as Jenna shakes her hips. They lock-up and a light kneelift drops Jenna to her knees. Sharmell hits a light forearm. Jenna sends her into the ropes and Sharmell faceplants her. Sharmell hits some of the softest and most gentle moves you’ll ever see and they’re enough to drop Jenna like a stone. An elbow gets Sharmell a two-count so she applies a camel clutch. She stops that soon after and sends Jenna into the ropes but Jenna ducks and runs across the ring (not in a straight line, mind you) and hits a “crossbody” press with zero air for a two-count.

Sharmell paintbrushes Jenna and applies a double-arm stretch while standing on her hair. A “boring” chant can be heard above all the other noise in the venue. Jenna hits a jawbreaker out of nowhere and goes to the ropes but Bolt trips her and she, as Vinny once said in the F4W review for this match, “falls to the earth unmoving, as though she had been shot in the face with a large gun.”

Kong chases Bolt around and into the ring which gets the ref’s attention. The ref admonishes Kong while Bolt & Sharmell stomp Jenna as she sells all of this like death. The fans in the front few rows are being exceedingly polite as the will Jenna on when she kicks out at two again. Sharmell gets Jenna in a corner but Jenna “hits” back with the weakest and phoniest strikes ever seen. I can’t even call them strikes; she just flails her hands like a toddler in Sharmell’s general direction.

Jenna follows with a spear and more pathetic flailing which leads to the ‘catfight over the referee’ spot which gets no reaction. He pulls the catfight apart and Jenna has a piece of Sharmell’s extensions in her hand. Bolt jumps onto the apron and Sharmell accidentally knocks her down. It looked like Kong was supposed to catch her but she doesn’t even try to do so. Jenna hands Kong those extensions and the referee backs Jenna off. Kong hands the extensions to Sharmell and lands a throat thrust that Sharmell sells like death. Then Jenna gives Sharmell a quick lap dance and covers her with her crotch to win and bring this travesty to an end.

Winner after 5:49: Jenna Morasca

Review

Yes, this is as bad now as it was fifteen years ago. It’s the perfect reminder of why untrained and unathletic people shouldn’t get into wrestling. It takes a long time to grasp even the simplest concepts, as Morasca showed here. She couldn’t run in a straight line. She couldn’t jump to hit a crossbody. She couldn’t land a single strike without looking completely out of her depth. She had zero coordination, awful timing, and no idea how to sell. Simply put she had no reason to be in the ring. Sharmell had nothing to work with here so it’s no wonder that this match fell flat the moment the bell rang.

The question, though, is whether there’s anything to laugh at here. That depends on what you find funny; if you’re into awkward humor or get a kick out of seeing something embarrassing or cringey then you might get a chuckle out of this. If not then this is just dreadful. It’s one of those things that gets worse the more you watch it. Even if you were to numb your senses with your poison of choice then this wouldn’t be funny. It’s just a terrible match that proved that the people running TNA at the time had no idea what they were doing and just wanted to make quick use of a ‘star’ regardless of the negative impact it would have.

Final Rating: -*****

It isn’t hyperbolic to say that any person reading this who has watched wrestling for any length of time would be able to have a better match than this. This was awful then and it’s awful now. It’s a waste of ten minutes including entrances. It’s the worst women’s match I’ve ever seen and worth every joke, insult, and condemnation it’s ever gotten.

But even something as wretched as this can have a silver lining. No matter how badly things might be for you, at least you’re not Sharmell, Awesome Kong, or Sojourner Bolt having to watch the profession you’ve dedicated your body and life for be turned into a complete sham. We saw their expressions during entrances and during the ‘action’; one can only imagine what went through their minds and what came out of their mouths once they got backstage.