The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.04.84

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 02.04.84

No rant yesterday because I was at KISS here in Saskatoon, on their “Last tour ever” tour. Yeah, I know, stop laughing. But we’re back on the 1984 WWF tour now, and that one is still going for a long while.

Taped from Allentown, PA

Your hosts are Vinnie Mac & Mean Gene

BREAKING NEWS: Our advertised tag team match is scrapped because Mr. Fuji refuses to team with Masked Superstar, so Andre & Tito will have to face another team instead.

Meanwhile, Mr. Bob Backlund joins us with his family, talking about how life as WWF champion was wearing on him and affecting his family life, and it led to him getting injured and losing the title to the Sheik. And he felt like he let everyone down, but then everyone wrote it and told him that he was still the champion in their hearts, and he’s going to continue to be champion in return. Bob seriously sounded like a dead-eyed serial killer here. He totally should have gone heel years earlier because he was dead in the water as a babyface at this point.

Andre the Giant & Tito Santana v. Butcher Vachon & Rene Goulet

Holy shit, THAT is the “suitable replacement” for Fuji & Masked Superstar? REFUND. Tito fights for the lockup with Goulet and takes him down with a flying headscissors as Vince reminds us that we are not to redistribute these shows without express written consent of Titan Sports. YOU HEAR THAT, HARRY MONSOON? Tito works a headscissors on Goulet for a good long time, but runs into a cheapshot from the Butcher on the apron, and the heels double-team Tito with a double slam while Andre is OUTRAGED. Why would you make this man mad? And indeed Andre quickly tags in and lays waste to these geeks, before tagging Tito in and tossing his own partner onto Vachon for the pin at 4:20. If Andre is gonna throw you like a weapon, just go with it. Andre not only murdered those two single-handedly but then let the other guy have the pin as well.

Dr. D David Schultz v. SD Jones

SD tweaks David’s nose and goes for the hair in the corner, which is rather heelish, so Dr. D beats him down with elbows and then makes the mistake of running SD’s head into the turnbuckles, because Jones shrugs it off due to wrestling science. But then D slams him anyway and drops a flying elbow on him for the pin at 3:00.

1. Brian Blair & Eddie Gilbert v. Bill Dixon & Ken Jugan

Well that’s kind of an oddball babyface team. And Gilbert is definitely babyfaced, pre-beard and pre-Hot Stuff. They double-team Dixon and work the arm, and Blair dropkicks Dixon for one. Gilbert wrestles Jugan to the mat as the announcers discuss the car accident that was supposed to have ended Eddie’s career before he came back and went on to be a bigger star than ever. Blair cradles Jugan for the pin at 3:20. Yeah this team didn’t really work very well, unless “the Bland Babyfaces” was the thing they were going for. Going back to Memphis was the best thing that ever happened to Eddie.

Meanwhile, we get some Los Angeles interviews as Tony Atlas discusses his love for the state. Also Masked Superstar may have the antidote for Hulkamania. Also Tito Santana has won the Intercontinental title from Don Muraco in Boston on Feb 11! Muraco joins us and rants about how the film has disappeared and thus there is no proof that Tito actually won the title. So, this is apparently a shoot, as there the title switch in Boston is lost media in wrestling and still hasn’t surfaced as far as I know. Weird to have it called out already when it happened.

Tiger Jackson v. Poncho Boy

Tiger Jackson of course went on to be better known as Dink the Clown a decade after that. Tiger wins with an elbowdrop in 1:38 after surprisingly minimal shenanigans.

PIPER’S PIT! WITH SPECIAL GUEST PAUL ORNDORFF!

Apparently Mr. Wonderful was the only man with enough guts to come on the show and sit down with Roddy. That checks out. Piper is offended that Hogan goes around drinking and carousing with two women on his arms, so that “they’ll have someone else to talk to when Hulk falls asleep”, whereas Orndorff lives a clean life and doesn’t drink or smoke. So Paul explains that he wanted a manager with some brains and money and good looks, which naturally led him to a partnership with Piper. So they put each other over and the crowd HATES this. Tremendous.

The Iron Sheik v. Steve Lombardi

Some hurtful person in the audience has taken the time to print out a banner that reads “Iron GEEK” on what appears to be an Okidata printer or something. That was high tech for 1984, I’ll give them that, but the sentiment was unnecessarily mean. Speaking of geeks, Sheik drops Lombardi right on his fucking head with a backdrop driver and finishes him with the camel clutch at 1:41. But then he’s headed back to the dressing room while Sgt. Slaughter is making HIS entrance, and they immediately get into a confrontation, which prompts the crowd to chant “USA” and just like that, Sgt. Slaughter has turned babyface. Holy shit what an incredibly simple and great angle that was.

Sgt. Slaughter v. John Callahan

The crowd is so into that turn that they’re booing the jobber, and Sarge beats him down immediately with clubbing forearms and beats on him in the corner. Slaughter Cannon follows and the cobra clutch finishes at 0:50. And there you go, Sarge is off to the races.

Rocky Johnson & Tony Atlas v. Israel Matia & Bob Bradley

Atlas throws Bradley around and Rocky grabs a headlock and then counters a leapfrog sequence by stomping Bradley down. Over to Matia, and Atlas goes after his arm. But Bradley comes back in again and gets some offense on the Rock, but misses a splash and then walks into a press slam from Atlas. Big splash finishes at 2:32. Surprised Bradley never got a serious look during this Wild West era of trying new stuff.

NEXT WEEK: Andre the Giant & Ivan Putski v. Tiger Chung Lee & Mr. Fuji! Also Vince runs down some of the other appearances we’ll be getting in action, which was another new innovation of the time for him.

Man, the Slaughter turn was simple but great and I had never actually seen it before. What a great ROI these shows have turned into.