The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.28.84

The SmarK Rant for WWF Championship Wrestling – 01.28.84

Unfortunately at this point the YouTube playlist I’m working from drops Wrestling at the Chase and replaces it with All Star Wrestling, so we’ll likely just stick with the main show for a while.

Taped from Allentown, PA

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mean Gene

BREAKING NEWS: Hulk Hogan is the new WWF champion! And we’re gonna see the match NEXT.

WWF Title: The Iron Sheik v. Hulk Hogan

Let us take you back to Madison Square Garden on January 23, with Hulk taking over Bob Backlund’s rematch and changing wrestling. And Hulk attacks right away and puts Sheik down with an elbow before clotheslining Sheik with his own robe and choking him out with it. Hulk with the Axe Bomber and a kneedrop and he spits on the Sheik and hits him with the big boot for two. Another Axe Bomber and an elbowdrop gets two. Hulk charges and hits the corner, allowing Sheik to go to work on the back, and a backbreaker gets two. Hulk fights up, so Sheik puts the boots to him with the loaded toe to set up a boston crab. Gut wrench suplex gets two. Sheik decides it’s time to HUMBLE the Hogan and puts him in the camel clutch, but Hulk powers out of it, rams him into the turnbuckles, and drops the leg to win his first World title at 5:30 as the building explodes. And somewhere Verne Gagne was like “Man, why didn’t I think of that?” Also, it’s amazing that they were able to sell out MSG since no one could have possibly known who Hogan was, what with him only competing in smoky bars and such before this.

Tito Santana v. Bill Dixon

Minor note, as here on the first show post-Hogan, we’ve now switched to the familiar font and graphics style for the names that we came to know for the next decade or so. Dixon beats on Tito in the corner, but Tito slugs back and backdrops him, then quickly polishes him off with the flying forearm at 1:20.

The Wild Samoans v. Steve Lombardi & SD Jones

Afa beats on Lombardi with headbutts and puts the boots to him, then follows with a samoan drop. Lombardi bails to the floor and Sika greets him with a shot to the post, so SD Jones helps him to the back to seek medical attention. Jones comes back with Rocky Johnson to provide backup now, and they brawl with the Samoans and make a comeback, and then Tony Atlas hits the ring as it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and the idiot ref finally calls for the bell at 4:00 to throw the match out. Man this brawl was so heated that I bet even their KIDS are gonna be fighting each other years later! I mean if they can get approval from SAG-AFTRA. Whatever that is.

Hopefully that kindly Dr. Zahorian will be able to help Lombardi out backstage.

Next up, Atlas and Johnson are happy to continue fighting with the Samoans in the name of AMERICA. Wait, isn’t Samoa part of America?

Meanwhile, Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff join Mean Gene in advance of the next MSG show on Feb 20. Also he notes that Hulk Hogan is a BIG DUMMY and he bleaches his hair! Huge if true. Piper is not the person sitting at home, drinking champagne and watching Boy George like Hulk is. He’s from the mean streets! Also Tito Santana doesn’t understand why the ref stopped his match with Don Muraco, but it’s not going to happen again.

And now, for the first time, the “Victory Corner” segment is retired because the magazine is now the WWF Magazine, and now the interview segment is now PIPER’S PIT! So Roddy goes on an epic rant about nothing right away and the publisher is like “OK but what do you bring to this magazine?” You’re about to get bulldozed by history, pal, that’s what Piper brings to it.

Greg Valentine v. Frankie Williams

So now the Hammer joins the party after leaving Crockett. In reality his NWA contract was up in November but it took him three months to warm up enough to sign the WWF contract. Valentine takes him down with a legsweep and beats on him with elbows in the corner and then takes him down with a deathlock and goes to work on the leg with that. Figure-four finishes at 2:10. Didn’t even mess up his hair!

Paul Orndorff v. Tony Garea

Paul beats on Garea in the corner, but misses a charge and hurts his arm, allowing Garea to go to work on it. Orndorff slams out of it, but misses an elbow and Garea goes after the arm again. So Paul beats him down while Gene reads a TELEGRAM from Bob Backlund, wishing Hulk Hogan the best as World champion. Was it delivered by telegraph or horse? Piper runs interference and Orndorff puts Garea down and finishes with a diving knee at 2:50.

Meanwhile, more discussion of the MSG show on Feb 20, which was a hell of a show by the way. It’s on the Network. In this case, Hulk Hogan stops by and YOU KNOW SOMETHING MEAN GENE, he’s arm-wrestled a rhinoceros and taken down a Sherman tank with his bare hands, so he’s pretty well prepared for Paul Orndorff.

1. Brian Blair v. Charlie Fulton

Well Blair didn’t exactly shift the paradigm but he’s another new name making his debut. Really though once we’ve had the murderer’s row of Paul Orndorff, Roddy Piper and Greg Valentine all debuting, it’s hard to top that. Blair takes him to the mat with some wrestling stuff, but Fulton gets a headlock briefly. Blair quickly slugs out of that and puts him down with a back suplex, then gets an abdominal stretch rollup to finish at 3:13.

NEXT WEEK: Prepare to have your socks knocked off, as Andre the Giant & Tito Santana face Masked Superstar & Mr. Fuji! I’ll have to make sure I’m not wearing socks, just to be on the safe side.

NOW THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. Right in the childhood feels.