The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 11.01.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 11.01.23

Interestingly, they actually recap what happened on Collision in order to tie the shows together.

MJF joins Renee in a cold open, and he video chats with #1 bro Adam Cole in search of advice. Adam thinks that maybe he should take up Samoa Joe on his offer, but this brings out Roddy and his doofus friends, who still think MJF is obviously the devil. But then the devil cuts in and ends the interview.

Live from Louisville, KY

Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone. And maybe Jim Cornette as new booker? Maybe that’s Tony’s big announcement later.

AEW International title: Orange Cassidy v. Claudio Castagnoli

Orfange tries some kicks and shockingly gets nowhere with that, and Claudio slams him a few times to make a point. Claudio beats on him with knees and uppercuts him into the corner as Taz namedrops the Louisville Slugger. Cornette to AEW confirmed? Huge if true. Orange goes up and Claudio brings him down and smashes him with a backbreaker. So Orange rolls out of the ring to evade Claudio and annoy him, but Claudio will not be evaded or annoyed and chases him out there. Also some jackass in the crowd has a “Food is Great” sign. Man everything is so political these days. Orange comes back with dives, but Claudio presses him onto the guardrail to take over again. They fight to the top and Orange tries a powerbomb to escape, but Claudio just deadlifts him into a superplex in a freakish show of strength as we take a break. Back with a slugfest in the corner and Claudio continues throwing Orange around, but Orange dropkicks him into the post and out to the floor. Orange with a DDT to the floor, and back in with the stunner, but Claudio casually counters him into the Giant Swing to escape the DDT. Sharpshooter follows and Orange makes the ropes, but Claudio hauls him back and Orange has to power out of it. So Claudio puts him in a crossface instead and Orange teases the tap, but rolls him over for two. So Claudio nails him with a forearm for two. Meanwhile that jerk keeps pushing his woke globalist pro-food agenda in the crowd. Claudio with a swinging sleeper and Orange is fading, but comes back with an Orange Punch and Beach Break. But this time Claudio is the one who does the slow roll to escape. Claudio beats the count at 9 and Orange throws real kicks this time, but Claudio deadlifts him again, and Orange counters into a DDT for two. Orange with another punch attempt, but Claudio counters into a powerbomb, and Orange finishes him with the rana at 17:15 to retain. Back to the winning formula of Orange getting his ass kicked and then winning at the last second. Unfortunately, the really dead crowd hurt it a lot. ***1/2. But then this brings out Jon Moxley and Orange decides to give it a go, but Moxley beats him down while Claudio just kind of watches on in detached manner.

Meanwhile, MJF is looking for partners, and Wardlow finds him and issues a warning. And now MJF needs a new clipboard. Also the Acclaimed try to get the spot, but Max comes on too strong again and now they’ve wasted time hiding in the corner for NOTHING.

Meanwhile, Moxley rants about life and he’s in a bad place at the moment, so now he’s gonna beat Orange Cassidy at Full Gear, just because he can.

ROH World Six-Man title: The Hung Bucks v. Brian Cage & The Gates of Agony

Hangman stomps the Bishop down in the corner to start and the Elite clear the ring and follow with triple dives. Back in the ring, Kaun gets caught in the corner and triple-teamed, settingup a senton from Nick that gets two as we take a break. Back with Page getting a hot tag and cleaning house on the Gates. Clothesline puts Tea Leoni on the floor but Swerve interrupts and goads Page out of the ring, leaving the Bucks alone. Cage suplexes Nick into the ring and Matt gets powerbombed and chased out of the ring, leaving the Gates to finish Matt at 8:00 and regain the titles. The Bucks continue to have no heat for whatever reason and this whole title reign was utterly pointless. Oh no, they lost the Ring of Honor six-man titles, however will they feed their families now? Match kinda sucked. *1/2. And then Matt takes out his frustrations on an innocent chair. Question: Is anyone ever gonna mention that the Bucks are #1 contenders to the tag team titles ever again? Are we just gonna pretend like that match didn’t happen? Do Big Bill & Ricky Starks as tag team champions even exist outside of Collision?

Meanwhile, the Acclaimed strike out again.

Adam Copeland joins us and THAT wakes up the crowd. So he ponders teaming up with Sting and Darby at Full Gear, but Christian and his family interrupt and triple-team Copeland, because apparently he has a bed neck. Huge if true. So Sting and Darby make the save, and this allows Adam to spear Christian and accept the challenge.

Meanwhile, Tony Khan’s BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is that…tickets go on sale for All In next month. Oh man, enough with that trope. They’ve killed the gimmick now.

Chris Jericho & Kenny Omega v. 2.0

Hopefully they can cool down the crowd after that RED HOT announcement from Tony Khan whipped them into a frenzy. I know that Jericho and Omega are hockey guys and that’s why they’re the Golden Jets, but honestly the Golden Bombers would be a more badass team name. Daddy Magic quickly gets his ass beat by Jericho and we immediately go to a break. Back with Jericho getting a hot tag and continuing to beat their asses with a double axehandle on Angelo and the Walls of Jericho. Codebreaker gets two as Daddy Magic makes the save. So Kenny destroys him and hits the dive on Jake Hager. But then Daddy hits Jericho with the bat and Parker gets one off that. Judas Effect finishes Angelo immediately after at 6:11. A complete squash. *. Afterwards, Don Callis wants to finish things ON THE STREET at Dynamite in two weeks. So they need a partner, and Jericho brings out Paul Wight to reunite Jeri-Show. This does not help their issue with the roster looking incredibly old.

Meanwhile, the Young Bucks complain to Kenny about Jericho inviting himself into their locker room, and Matt promises that Chris is gonna screw Kenny over just like Don Callis did.

AEW Women’s title: Hikaru Shida v. Willow Nightingale

Excalibur plugging John Cena’s show was a weird moment. Willow overpowers Shida to start and hits a crossbody for two. So Shida sends her to the floor and hits a crossbody to the floor as we take a break. Back with Willow making a comeback with an enzuigiri and spinebuster for two. Shida comes back with a missile dropkick and they’re both down. They fight to the top and Shida brings her down with a falcon arrow, but it only gets one. So Willow comes back with the pounce and death valley driver for two. They trade cradles for two and Shida hits a knee strike for two. Katana kick finishes at 10:00. Willow had some good momentum after the tournament win months ago but she’s been aimless since then. **1/2. Another match with a dead crowd. So this brings out Toni Storm for a performance, but Shida chases her back to the dressing room. And then the lights go out and Julia Hart appears in the ring, along Skye Blue, who blows blue mist into Julia’s face. This whole storyline is very dumb and turning Skye would have been a bad idea anyway.

Meanwhile, the Acclaimed try again with MJF and can’t close the deal, which leaves MJF with one last, best, choice: JEFF JARRETT. That should have been Tony’s big announcement.

Meanwhile, Roddy is offended that MJF didn’t even ask for his help. What a jerk!

Bullet Club Gold v. MJF & The Acclaimed

WHAT ABOUT JEFF JARRETT?!? They’re just gonna tease me with that and then leave me hanging? So MJF gets to wear pink as a condition of the tag team. Jay White and his sweet exotic accent immediately runs away from MJF, so we start with Bowens and Juice instead. Bowens hits the facebuster and chases Juice back to the corner. Over to Austin Gunn, who gets beaten down by his father and brings Jay White in. So Jay gets a cheapshot and chops Billy, but loses that battle. Over to MJF and Jay runs away again as we take a break. Back with Bowens and Daddy Ass double-teaming Colten for two, setting up Scissor Me Timbers and a contractually obligated scissor party with MJF that the Club interrupts. So the Bullet Club work Caster over outside and White gets two in the ring. The heels beat on the Acclaimed outside and run Daddy Ass into the post, leaving MJF all by himself, but Jay White still runs away even with a 4-on-1 advantage. So MJF clears the ring and chases Jay before hitting the KANGAROO KICK on Juice and a Gunn. But then Jay White hits the Blade Runner (or as Elon Musk would say, the Bladerunner, named after the main character of Blade Runner) for the pin at 13:55 to retain possession of the belt. Not much to this one and COME ON, we knew MJF wasn’t getting that belt back in a nothing show in Kentucky two weeks before the PPV. **1/4. For a while I was thinking White would walk out of the PPV with the title, but MJF has so many more challengers lined up that I can’t see it happening any more. So Jay goes for the belt shot afterwards, but Max Caster takes the bullet for MJF and gets knocked out. But he still wants a scissoring from MJF even in his concussed state, and Daddy Ass makes sure it happens to end the show.

The PPV is looking good, but the Louisville crowd was not particularly helpful in making this any kind of a good show. Plus teasing a Jeff Jarrett main event in Kentucky and then not delivering? SHAME ON YOU Tony Khan.