The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 10.14.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 10.14.23

Welcome to the blog Miss Peacockery, who I hear loves women’s wrestling and I hear might be able to convince Rhea Ripley to migrate to the site before long. Fingers crossed.

Live from Toledo, OH

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Kevin Kelly & Nigel McGuinness

No cold open interviews tonight?

Adam Copeland joins us to start and breaks the feed before he even talks. Apparently it’s stormy weather in Ohio. So I have no idea what he says because the feed keeps breaking up due to the storm, but apparently it’s SPICY because we return with Christian and a security detail in the ring cutting a promo on him. And it cuts in and out with Bryan Danielson appearing and then Ricky Starks & Big Bill show up and Ricky cuts a promo while hiding behind the security guys. And Copeland makes fun of his pants and Starks is like “Oh that really sent me over the EDGE” and then I think the feed finally clears up for real and FTR join the promo party. They were banged up last week, but decided to defend the titles anyway and lost them as a result. So they’d like a fight tonight, and Danielson wants the match with Christian RIGHT NOW and it suddenly turns into a big brawl with the babyfaces taking out the security guards while the heels retreat. Two things I’m not a huge fan of: Storm-related feed breakdowns and WWE-style pile-on interview segments. This felt like it was going to set up something for later tonight, but then…didn’t.

Meanwhile, MJF goes to Boston to stand up against Jewish hate.

ROH TV title: Samoa Joe v. Willie Mack

They trade to hit each other with shoulderblocks to start and Joe wins that battle and then beats him down in the corner, but Willie fires back with an armdrag to put Joe on the floor and follows with a dive. In the midst of this burgeoning hoss fight, here’s what confuses me: All Out had an epic meat-slapping battle between Miro and Hobbs that got over huge and then they NEVER DID IT AGAIN. And Miro hasn’t even been on TV since then. Why not start booking some of these guys to go out and do some hoss fighting weekly? They exchange chops on the floor and back into the ring, where Joe drops an elbow for two. Willie with a dropkick for one as he tries a comeback, but Joe fires back with forearms. Willie with corner clotheslines and a big boot to set up a cannonball in the corner for two. Joe misses a blind charge and runs into Willie’s boot, but he comes back with the big boot and senton for two. Joe with a powerslam for two, although he didn’t quite rotate him all the way around on the landing. Willie catches a big boot and hits a stunner for two. Willie goes up and Joe brings him down with the muscle buster to finish at 9:06. Good showing for Willie Mack here, and I’d give it 0.45 Hakus on the hoss fight scale. A respectable showing of meat-slapping for both and a great opener. ***

CJ Perry joins Lexi backstage, still looking for a client to manage, and Action Andretti feels like he could benefit from her guidance.

Meanwhile, DANHAUSEN is getting ready to curse our screens again.

ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON v. Christopher Daniels

Juice and the Bang Bang Gang stall outside the ring while Tony has to protect the Collision Cowboy of the Month award given to Juice again this month. That’s quite the run of awards for him. Back in the ring, Daniels takes him down with armdrags and works on the arm. Juice puts him down with a forearm shot and blows some snot on him. Hey, Covid’s coming back again, probably not a great idea to tempt fate like that. Daniels bails to the floor and the Bang Bang Gang kindly give him some social distancing in case of Covid infection from the snot blow, so Daniels runs Juice into the railing and puts the boots to him. Daniels goes up and misses a bodypress into the ring, and Juice beats on him to take over again. Juice with the bodylock and Daniels quickly fights out of that, so Juice puts him down with the LEFT HAND OF GOD for two. Daniels with a northern lights suplex for two. Juice tries to fight back and Daniels puts him down with the STO and a death valley driver for two. Juice escapes the Angel’s Wings and slugs him down again to set up the cannonball in the corner and the front DDT for the pin at 8:28. Daniels looked much better than I remember him in his last few appearances, but really Juice should have steamrolled him here since he’s obviously winning the diamond ring deal next week. **1/2. Afterwards, Jay White finally says the quiet part out loud and proposes to Juice with a diamond ring, which Juice uses to KO Daniels. And then he reveals that he got the ring from TJ Maxx for $24.99 and it’s pure PUBIC ZICONIUM. Huge if true. Also thank god they immediately dropped the roll of quarters deal and forgot about it. And then Jay White talks as well and I mentally tune out and plan breakfast for tomorrow. I think it’ll be leftover pizza.

Meanwhile, Dustin Rhodes is returning to Texas to win the battle royale. Well it’s good to have dreams. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard other people say, I’m too old and cynical now.

Meanwhile, Nick Wayne learns that he’s having an interview with his mom and JR on Dynamite.

Kyle Fletcher v. Boulder

I feel like this could be a bit of a style clash. Fletcher tries a headlock and gets thrown off and then press slammed. Boulder goes to the apron to set something up, but Kyle dropkicks him to the floor and follows with a dive where at least he didn’t hit the railing this week. Back in the ring, Boulder reverses a suplex attempt and goes to the top, but Kyle powerbombs him down and puts him out with a dragon sleeper at 2:48. This had moments but wasn’t really much of anything. *1/2. Fletcher has big potential as a single though and they should ride with it for a while.

Meanwhile, the Acclaimed celebrate 48 days as champions, but Max is still lusting after MJF and Bowens tries to teach him about more appropriate ways to make friends. So they let him practice on Renee and he immediately screws that up. Speaking of screwups, the JAS interrupts and they’re sick of the Acclaimed, as Daddy Magic wants a TASTE OF THE TITLES in Memphis and then they prevent poor Daniel from dancing.

TBS title: Kris Statlander v. Skye Blue

Skye’s eyes continue to get darker ala Julia Hart, which hopefully won’t take as long to pay off as Julia’s heel turn did. Kris takes her down with a headlock and they trade off that for a bit before Kris takes her down again. Skye tries her own and Statlander drops her with a back suplex and follows with a neckbreaker on the apron to take over. They fight on the floor and Skye runs her into the apron. They exchange chops and back into the ring for a delayed suplex from Statlander, so delayed they should call it the Blue Jays moving past the first round of the playoffs. Blue goes to an extended chinlock as the crowd isn’t really into this one much. Skye makes a comeback, but Statlander SWEEPS THE LEG and hits the running knee in the corner and Michinoku driver for two. Blue escapes Saturday Night Fever and hits a DDT for two, but she goes up and Kris cuts her off. Skye powerbombs her and tries a bodypress, but Statlander catches her in a powerslam and they’re both out. Skye with a sunset flip for two, but she walks into Saturday Night Fever and gets pinned at 9:18. Skye wants no part of any handshakes from Kris, so Willow comes out and makes peace. This Statlander reign feels like they’ve run out of ideas already, but the match was fine. I really wish they’d stop having Skye Blue do so many jobs, though. Letting her get a push for a bit and then immediately jobbing her to the secondary champion feels counterproductive. **1/2

Meanwhile, Kyle Fletcher calls out Kenny Omega for Wednesday. Bold move Cotton, we’ll see if it pans out.

Meanwhile, messing with the bulls apparently gets you the horns. So, I guess, don’t mess with the bulls. Not that I’d want to. Seems like pretty obvious advice to be honest. Hopefully we’ll see Rush wrestle again someday because he’s pretty awesome.

Keith Lee v. TURBO FLOYD

OUTRUNNER ALERT! This is an immediate problem because the Outrunners are tag team specialists and I don’t know if Floyd has even had a singles match in his short career. Seems kind of unfair. Keith backdrops out of a sure match finishing move, and then gets lucky with a pounce and powerbomb to finish at 1:08. Total fluke. If it was a tag match he wouldn’t be so lucky. Well, Turbo has his entire career ahead of him still.

Meanwhile, Miro is determined to destroy any man who tries to hook up with his hot wife, and presents the carcass of Action Andretti as proof.

Meanwhile, we learn about Mistico in advance of his match with Rocky Romero next week on Rampage. We seriously need a goddamned flow chart to follow the history of Mistico/Sin Cara and the various Dragon Lee family members. They’re worse than the damn Bloodline to keep track of.

TNT title: Christian Cage v. Bryan Danielson

Christian is on the run of a lifetime right now but Bryan defending the TNT title every week on this show against his dream opponents would top it. Nigel reveals that Christian was absent last week because he was doing charity work for children without fathers, and “offered to give Nick Wayne’s mom a hefty donation”. Huge if true. They trade takedowns to start and Christian controsl with a headlock, but Bryan reverses for two and Cage makes the ropes. Bryan take him down and goes for the arm quickly, but Christian makes the ropes and bails to the floor. During the break portion, JR mistakenly says “Edge” when talking about Adam Copeland, so luckily they weren’t on TNT at that point. Christian chokes out Bryan on the ropes and beats on him with chops, but Bryan fires back with his own. Then it gets personal as Bryan puls up the turtleneck and chops on Christian’s bare chest, which is pretty rude.

Bryan takes him down and wraps him up in the bow and arrow hold, which gets two. Christian bails to the apron, so Bryan runs him into the railing and beats on him outside before heading back into the ring for another submission hold. That gets two, but Cage pokes the eyes and puts him down with an armbar takedown. Christian works the arm as the crowd is very rude to him, but Bryan runs him into the corner and goes up for a diving headbutt that misses. Christian gets two off that. Bryan hurts his arm on the landing, so Christian goes to work on that while Nigel declares Christian to be VIRILE. Nick Wayne’s mom would certainly agree I’m sure. Christian dumps Bryan and they fight on the apron, where Bryan gets run into the turnbuckles before Christian drops him with a hammerlock slam on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING. Back in the ring, Christian demands the countout victory, but the front row fans help him up and he makes it back in to beat the count. So Christian tosses him again and the fans help him up again and BY GOD this is exactly where we need Stunt Grannies back in wrestling. That is a spot that is crying out for an angry old lady to help up the babyface and threaten the heel. They’re in Memphis next week and Jeff Jarrett exists so I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY that we better have at least one Stunt Granny in the front row for that show.

Christian rams the bad arm into the table and back into the ring as they fight on the top rope until Bryan headbutts him back to the mat. Bryan with the diving headbutt, which busts Christian open. They slug it out and Danielson wins that with headbutts because the arm is injured, and then he comes back with the clothesline and kick combo. Christian bails to the floor, so Bryan hits him with a dive. Back in, Bryan with a flying knee from the top for two. Cage with a rollup, but Bryan rolls through that and takes him to the top rope for a rana. Cage reverses that for two, however. Cage necks him on the top rope after a thumb to the eye, and follows with a frog splash for two. Christian with the Killswitch but Danielson counters out of that and beats on him with kicks. Cage with the inverted DDT to set up a spear, but he runs into Bryan’s knee for two. It’s time to KICK HIS FUCKING HEAD IN and he tries the knee, but Christian counters with the spear and Killswitch for two. Another spear misses and Bryan hits the bu saiku knee for two as Tony is losing his shit. Lebell lock but Christian makes the ropes, so Bryan reapplies it but can’t sink it in due to the arm injury. And this brings Big Bill out to take the ref as Ricky Starks hits Danielson with a tag title, and Christian falls on top for the pin at 25:18 to retain. An awesome match with kind of a shitty finish that didn’t quite ruin the match but sure put a damper on it. ****1/4. And Christian’s family of flunkies attacks afterwards, but FTR and Adam Copeland hit the ring to save and everyone brawls before the babyfaces clean house to end the show.

This was essentially a one match show, in that they really only advertised one match, but it delivered! Joe v. Mack was also quite good but bringing in Willie Mack at this point is kind of pointless when they’ve got a million other guys just as good who aren’t doing anything. Rest of the show was just kind of there and felt like an afterthought after the enormous hype of the Tuesday Night Wars.