The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.13.23
Live from Cincy, with a crowd that makes Saskatoon’s turnout look like Wembley. Piling on their domestic attendance problems is a tired bit but they really need to run smaller arenas because the place is dark and looks empty tonight.
Your hosts are Excalibur, Taz & Tony Schiavone
AEW International title: Jon Moxley v. Big Bill
So as noted by others, Jon Moxley has apparently decided to grit his teeth and defend the title against everyone in the promotion….ALPHABETICALLY. Mox beats on Bill in the corner to start, but Bill slugs him down and catches him with a fallaway slam. They fight to the floor and brawl out there as we take a break. Back with Moxley hitting a superplex as he has been busted open during the commercial, to the shock of all, but Bill catches him with a Bossman slam for two. They slug it out and Moxley gets a lariat for two and beats on him with elbows. He goes for the choke and Bill powers out of that, but Moxley puts him on the floor with a cutter. Starks gets involved, however, and Bill puts Moxley down with a big boot for two, as Bryan Danielson takes care of Starks on the outside. And this allows Moxley to roll up Bill for two, but Bill gets a chokeslam for two. Bill decides to flip him off and go for another chokeslam, but Mox hooks him in a triangle and Bill taps out at 11:30. Afterwards, Bill and Starks proceed with a beatdown as Starks uses a shoe like he’s Toni Storm, but Claudio makes the save and they BREAK STARKS’ NECKLACE! Monsters. Good hoss fight here as Moxley was pretty determined to get something out of Bill and mostly succeeded. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Adam Cole confronts the Kingdom, as they believe in Roddy’s neck, because he’s a WRESTLING LEGEND.
Don Callis joins us to unveil his new masterpiece, and Tony Schiavone gets acid reflux just from having to say his name. If you think about it, it’s kind of stunning that Callis went from getting fired by IMPACT to becoming one of the biggest players in AEW. So Don declares that Takeshita is the new Ace of AEW, better than even Inoki. So since Takeshita beat Omega twice in a week, he’s even better than an Ace and now he’s the Alpha. Don explains that he “never had the empathy thing”, which is an understatement, and he just likes to take things. So he reveals his new target of the Alpha: Kota Ibushi. He unveils a painting of Takeshita apparently skinning Ibushi alive with a sword. And then he sticks the screwdriver right in the BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL FACE of Ibushi! DEAR GOD NO. Oh wait it was just the painting, I’m OK. This felt like a bit of a letdown.
Meanwhile, Bryan and the BCC challenge Ricky Starks and Big Bill to a tag team match at Collision. Moxley brushes off his impending title match with Rey Fenix as “easy work” and a week off, which brings out Fenix to yell at him in Spanish.
Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy crashes a Hook promo and he doesn’t really know why he’s here, and he doesn’t know why Hook is so mad all the time. And he’s still so tired.
Toni Storm v. Nyla Rose v. Hikaru Shida v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD
This new Storm character is money. They should just put the title back on her next week. Nyla takes out Britt and Shida, which gives Toni a chance to take the spotlight and pose. Britt and Shida regroup and make up, but Storm sends them into each other and Britt bumps onto Rose on the floor, allowing Shida to follow with a dive as we take a break. Back with Storm running wild with a hip attack on Nyla, but Nyla gets a powerbomb for two. She tries a powerbomb on Shida, but Shida reverses for two and hits Nyla with the katana kick for two. Britt gets a bad looking stomp on Shida for two, but Toni rolls up Britt for the pin at 6:31 to advance. This was all during the break and didn’t have much heat. But it was the right result. *1/2. I’m pretty sure this won’t help perceptions of AEW not caring about the women’s division, though.
Meanwhile, Saraya offers congratulations to Toni but points out that she’s gone crazy and she’s going to lose everything to Saraya next week.
Chris Jericho and Sammy Guevara join us and we get a video of their friendship, and they put each other over and talk about the history between them while lightly riffing on each other. But then Sammy promises that he’s going to beat Jericho next week, and Jericho promises to punch Sammy harder than anyone else ever has, and then after that they’re gonna hug it out and then win tag team gold.
Meanwhile, MJF accuses Roderick Strong of faking his neck injury, and then promises to choke out Samoa Joe if he faces him. And he backs it up with STEINER MATH, recited word for word. What a nerd.
Hangman Page v. Brian Cage
They fight to the floor and Page tries a dive, but gets caught by Cage as Nana demands a broken back on the apron. Luckily for Hangman that doesn’t happen, and they head back in the ring for a rana from Page that sets up a 619, which Taz dubs “the area code shot”. But this brings out Swerve, as Nana immediately earns his pay by doing the Nana Dance, viral sensation of the internet, and Cage brings Page into the ring with a german suplex as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out, but Cage gets a powerslam and goes up for a moonsault that misses. Hangman makes a comeback, but Cage dumps him and then tries for the fallaway slam, which Page reverses to put Cage on the floor. Hangman follows with the moonsault to the floor, and back in with a crossbody for two. They fight to the apron and Cage tries another suplex back into the ring, but Page blocks that and goes for the buckshot. Cage catches him, but Page reverses to a small package for two. Deadeye finishes at 12:00. Don’t recall him ever pinning anyone with the Deadeye, at least not recently. This was pretty fun. ***. Afterwards, Page throws out the challenge to Swerve for WrestleDream. So Cage attacks, but the Young Bucks make the save and interrupt Nana’s dancing in the process. They’re probably just jealous.
Meanwhile, Daniel Garcia seems to be recruited by Don Callis for his Family. Because the dancing is MONEY.
Darby Allin & Nick Wayne v. Daddy Magic & Cool Hand Angelo
Christian quickly interrupts, allowing 2.0 to take over on Nick Wayne and double-team him. But Nick quickly fights them off and goes for the tag, only for Darby to get taken out by Hager as we take a break. Back with Wayne continuing to take the beating, but he makes the hot tag to Darby and he quickly destroys them in the corner. Code Red on Angelo gets two. Wayne’s World gets two, as Daddy Magic pulls him out to save, so Darby hits the Coffin Drop to finish at 7:41. Another one that mostly took place during the break but was mostly an extended squash for Darby with Nick Wayne hanging around. *. Afterwards, Christian complains about Nick’s mom not posting enough bikini pics to Instagram, and then challenges Darby and Sting to a tag match next week. Also I just want to say that this season of Big Brother features a cast so boring and insufferable that I long for the days of Luchasaurus on the show.
Grand Slam tournament final: Roderick Strong v. Samoa Joe
Tony accuses Strong of wearing a “gimmick brace” and Taz denies any knowledge of that phrase. Joe beats on the neck right away and Strong wisely retreats, due to his injured neck and all, and the Kingdom warns Joe about going for the injured neck and advises him to stay away from it. Back in the ring, Joe chases Strong out again, very clearly targeting his severely injured neck in a very unfair manner. Joe chases and Strong catches him from behind on the way in, but Joe just runs him down and slugs away in the corner, chopping him right in the neck! They exchange chops as we take a break. Back with Strong going after the back, stomping him down for one and then going to a chinlock. Joe powers out, so Strong goes up with a missile dropkick for two, chancing further injury to his own injured neck but valiantly fighting on. Strong goes to a neck crank and Joe fights out of that, but Joe puts him down with the big boot and senton for two. Joe with a powerslam for two. He teases a piledriver, but Strong escapes from certain paralysis via his injured neck and makes a comeback with knees in the corner and a lariat for two. Joe escapes the Stronghold and hits him with the uranage out of the corner to set up the Muscle Buster, but Joe goes after the Kingdom and that allows Strong to hit an Angle Slam and Sick Kick for two. With a broken neck no less! He tries another knee and Joe just swats him out of the air with a lariat and chokes him out to win the tournament at 11:00. Taven and Bennett immediately tend to Strong’s neck, like any good friends would do, as Joe wins yet another title shot while still holding onto the TV title. This was a braver performance than the guy who used to wrestle on one leg, except Strong is missing his NECK. ***1/4.
And with Strong in intense pain and probably in need of medical attention, this finally brings out Adam Cole to check on his supposed friend, as Strong is taken out on a stretcher as the announcers question whether it’s a legitimate injury. HE WEARS A NECK BRACE. They don’t just give those out at the corner store! But with Cole finally trying to help out Strong, this gives Samoa Joe the chance to run out like a serial killer and choke out Cole to send a message to MJF and end the show.
And then we’ve STILL got time left so they run down the Grand Slam card again to kill the last couple of minutes.
This show felt really cold and flat, and a lot of it was down to timing issues. Especially the shorter matches where they only got a minute to hook the viewer before going to a break and then doing the finish immediately afterwards. Most of this was focused on Grand Slam for next week, and then they’ve got another PPV already two weeks after THAT, and it just doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of direction at the moment outside of a couple of programs. In particular, it doesn’t feel like there’s been any more movement on the MJF-Cole storyline which was super-hot going into All In and now has kind of stalled out again. I’d call this one a skippable week, and unfortunately they’ve had more than a few of those lately.