The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.30.23
Live from Chicago, IL
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
Apparently the show was rearranged due to hurricane issues messing with the booking so this will be an adventure I’m sure.
Jon Moxley v. Komander
Moxley puts him down with a big boot right away and smashes him into the turnbuckles before slugging him down. Komander fights back with a headscissors and Mox bails to the floor, so Komander hits him with a rather high crossbody out there. Back in, he goes up and Moxley cuts him off with the back rakes, but Komander puts him down and tries a Sky Twister Press, which misses. We take a break and return with Komander making a comeback with kicks and a short DDT. Lung blower gets two. Komander goes up with a ropewalk 450 and that hits Moxley’s knees, and then Mox hits the lariat and piledriver for two. Rear naked choke and armbar finish at 8:44. Feels like we missed a big chunk of the match in the break but this was a fun semi-squash win for Mox. **1/2
Meanwhile, Orange Cassidy isn’t the same guy who started in AEW 4 years ago. Now he’s the guy who apparently punches people with glass on his hands.
Meanwhile, the Young Bucks are embarrassed about losing to FTR at All In, but FTR pops in and wants to know why they were disrespectful after the match. But before they can hash it out, Bullet Club Gold stops by and issues a challenge for All Out. This’ll probably be a pattern tonight, but although I’m sure an 8 man with these guys will be good, that’s a Collision main event, not a match on a $50 PPV. Why not do a rematch with FTR and the Bang Bang Gang for the tag titles?
Meanwhile, Toni Storm is still not dealing with her title loss very well. Wembley went TITS UP and she’s mad enough to throw another shoe at Renee.
Chris Jericho joins us, and he puts over All In and wants to bring out Sammy Guevara to make amends. So he apologizes and thanks him for his help against Ospreay, but then wonders if maybe Sammy couldn’t have hit him a little bit harder with the baseball bat? So Sammy gets all annoyed about that for some CRAZY reason, and complains about having to leave his pregnant wife at home to watch Jericho’s back. A match seems imminent, but instead Jericho offers a reunion of Le Sex Gods next week against FTR for the tag team titles.
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley isn’t about bark, he’s about bite.
New Japan Strong Openweight title: Eddie Kingston v. Wheeler Yuta
Yay another title. Eddie gets some shots in the corner, but Yuta goes after the arm and works on that. TSN actually keeps going through the PIP break this time, as Yuta bites him in the corner and puts the boots to him. Yuta goes up and Eddie clubs him down and to the floor. Back in, Yuta with a german suplex for two. Eddie with a Saito suplex for two. Yuta with an Angle Slam for two and he puts the boots to Eddie, but Kingston fights him with a half and half suplex. Eddie with a pair of backfists and that finishes at 7:18. This was kind of a weird clash of styles and didn’t work for me. **
Meanwhile, MJF and Adam Cole discuss their main event, and MJF is ready for a week off.
Meanwhile, Sammy is interrupted by Don Callis, who discusses dealing with a sociopath like Jericho, but Sammy tells him to get lost.
Oh damn, the OUTRUNNERS are on Rampage this week! Might have to watch that one. Oh also there’s another tournament starting next week, because of course there is.
Adam Cole (Bay Bay) joins us for story time, and he reveals that MJF’s neck is in bad shape after their ROH tag team title win. But then Roderick Strong and his new friends interrupt and Strong is still salty about his own neck injury. So Mike Bennett relates his history with Cole and accuses him of forgetting his own history and only caring about himself. But Cole tells them to step off and accept that MJF is his best friend, but Strong declares that he’s entering the #1 contender tournament and winning the AEW title so he can do what Cole couldn’t.
Kris Statlander & Hikaru Shida & Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Nyla Rose, Marina Shafir & Emi Sakura
Sakura hits Shida with the corner splash right away, but a second try is reversed into a rana and Shida follows with a missile dropkick. Over to Britt with a slide blade for one, but the heels take over as we take a break. Back with Shafir trying a victory roll on Statlander but Kris drops her facefirst for two. Everyone brawls in the ring and Britt superkicks Shida by mistake, which allows Nyla a chance to chokeslam Britt. Kris sends everyone to the floor and follows with a dive. Back in, the Saturday Night Fever finishes Shafir at 7:18. Match was a complete mess and had nothing to do with anything. *1/2 Afterwards, Ruby Soho hits the ring and steals the TBS title. Well that’s a kind of build up, I guess.
Meanwhile, I guess it’s Samoa Joe v. Shane Taylor for the TV title at All Out. I mean…the match will be good I’m sure, but who really cares about that?
Meanwhile, Don Callis directs Takeshita to hit Kenny Omega in the many varied weak spots on his body.
The Acclaimed join us for their ribbon cutting ceremony. So they use a giant pair of scissors to cut their ribbon, and unveil their brand new custom hot pink Trios titles.
I don’t wanna be that way but I’m not really seeing a main event for All Out on Sunday based on the card they’ve put together. I mean, I imagine it’ll be the Moxley match because the one constant is Moxley bailing out Tony Khan when Punk flakes out and/or gets suspended and/or injured. But this is legit the first AEW PPV where I would absolutely would not order it if wasn’t for review purposes. There’s nothing here that interests me enough to spend money at all.
International title: Orange Cassidy v. Penta El Zero
They trade strikes to start and Orange sends him to the floor and tries a dive, but Penta hits him with a press slam out there as we take a break. Back with Orange hitting a tope, but Penta fights back in the ring and tries a suplex from the apron. Orange reverses that into the stunner, but he goes up and Penta boots him down. Backstabber gets two. We take another break and return with Penta working the arm, but Orange fights back with a destroyer, and they each hit one of those in a wacky exchange. Penta counters the Orange Punch into the Made in Japan for two. They fight to the apron and Penta hits the Fear Factor on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, but that only gets two. So he snaps the arm and hits another Fear Factor in the middle, but that only gets two again, and Orange reverses to the Mouse Trap for the pin to retain at 17:02. This seemed good but to be honest the show was really dragging for me by this point and I wasn’t into it at all. ***. And then Orange does a promo afterwards and has a staredown with Moxley. Yeah whatever.
Maaaaaaaaan this was counterproductive. Like, I was actually kind of interested in seeing what they’d do with All Out going into this show, and I came out of it barely even wanting to order the show now. Like, Shane Taylor v. Samoa Joe on an AEW PPV? Apparently Tony also announced some random ass Kingston & Shibata v. Claudio & Yuta tag team match as well? I don’t even want to watch the ROH TV show and now we’re getting those matches crammed onto already-overstuffed AEW PPVs as well? All In was wonderful but running this a week later is a horrible idea and I guess we’ll at least discover the baseline for PPV orders after this one because I can’t see anyone seriously convinced to part with $50 based on the crappy lineup announced at the last minute tonight.