The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.23.23
“Fyter Fest”
Oh man the death of Terry Funk put a damper on my whole night. I’ll have to find something to review tomorrow. Is there anything notable on the Network I haven’t covered, I wonder? I could also dig through KrisP’s archive to see if there’s anything there as well.
Live from Duluth, GA
Your hosts are Excalibur, Tony Schiavone & Taz
The Elite v. The Gunns & ROCK HARD JUICE ROBINSON
Everyone brawls in the aisle, and sadly it appears that Card-Blade is Collision-exclusive and won’t be appearing on Dynamite. Juice tries to use a chair and the ref casually takes it away from him, so Juice hits him with the left hand and the Bang Bang Gang proceed with a free beating on the Elite. Apparently the match is a no-contest, which might be the first one in the history of the promotion unless I’m mistaken. White lays out Omega and tries the Blade Runner, but Kenny comes back with a V-Trigger, only for Takeshita to come in and destroy him with a lariat. FTR comes out to make the save and Kenny tries the One Winged Angel on Takeshita, but he escapes and that’s your hard sell for All In.
Meanwhile, MJF declares himself the Jewish version of 1992 British Bulldog if he was a good public speaker. And if he wins he’s gonna buy everyone in Wembley a drink “and make that mark Tony Khan pay for it.” So Renee shows him some footage of his relationship with Adam Cole as they have some weird production glitches. Anyway, Max declares that Adam is now his brother, and brothers fight but then hug it out.
Jon Moxley v. Rey Fenix
Fenix puts him on the floor with a dropkick and follows with a dive, and then heads back in and hits a second dive for good measure. But then Moxley curb stomps him on the floor to take over. Back in, Mox dodges the ropewalk and hits him with a corner clothesline as we take a break. Back with Moxley working the arm and then following with a piledriver for two. They collide for a double down and Fenix makes a comeback with the hooking kick and a frog splash for two. Moxley escapes from a fireman’s carry with the elbows and tries the DDT, but Fenix cradles for two. They slug it out and Fenix gets a springboard elbow and both guys are down again. So they both pop up and beat on each other with forearms until Fenix goes up and Moxley crotches him. Mox tries a superplex and Fenix blocks it, so Mox bites him in the face and brings him down with a top rope Death Rider…for two. Mox has had enough and chokes Fenix out to finish at 13:32. These guys had mad chemistry together. ****. And then Claudio comes out and goes all Joker on Fenix with a crowbar, and before Eddie Kingston can save, we get the return of Santana & Ortiz as the new friends of the BCC. Aw, glad to see that those two guys settled whatever beef they had. So they’re two of the mystery partners, and Fenix is apparently out of the match on Sunday due to injury. Never seen a guy get beaten so savagely that even his passport expired. But here we are.
Meanwhile, Eddie Kingston is pretty bitchy at Renee about her husband’s conduct.
Meanwhile, 2.0 reminds Sammy that Jericho was ready to accept Don Callis’s offer before the painting screwed things up.
Contract Signing: Chris Jericho and Will Ospreay. Will says “bruv” a lot like an extra from Snatch, and accuses Chris of doing the match just to play Wembley with his band. So then Jericho cuts a fired up promo about how he’s the one who told Ospreay to tone down his style in order to save his career years ago, but now he’s regretting it and kind of wishes he had let Ospreay end up in a wheelchair instead of joining with Callis. OUCH. So yeah, hell of a go home promo from both guys here, even though I couldn’t understand most of whatever language Ospreay was mumbling.
Meanwhile, Renee sits down with Adam Cole and shows him (and us) various clips of the up and down relationship with MJF. But he wants to stress there are NO ISSUES between himself and Max. NONE. And he storms off angrily like all normal people do in that situation. Guys I think there might actually be issues.
Tornado tag match: Darby Allin & Nick Wayne v. Swerve Strickland & AR Fox
Swerve brawls to the floor with Darby while Fox takes out Nick in the ring. To the ring for the implosion senton from Fox and he throws Nick’s bloodied shirt at Mrs. Wayne in the front row for good measure. Swerve drops Wayne on the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING, and they try stereo suplexes, but Nick fights them off and hits a double cutter on the floor, followed by Darby hitting a double coffin drop as we take a break. Back with them fighting in the crowd, and Wayne tries the Wayne’s World in the ring, but Swerve counters him into a double-team neckbreaker that gets two. Darby saves and tosses Swerve for a dive into the desk, but then Fox hits him with his own dive. They put Darby in his own chair and Swerve hits a diving Swerve Stomp off the apron to take out Darby, leaving Nick alone in the ring. Fox with a corkscrew brainbuster for two. Fisherman’s buster gets two. Swerve with the leaping kick for two. Wayne won’t stay down, so they hit him with a double boot in the corner and Fox goes up with a 450, which misses, and Wayne cradles Fox for the pin at 10:00. Really fun party match but why beat the Moguls before the coffin match? ***1/4. And indeed, Swerve is very disappointed in Fox, because this was a test and he FAILED. Like a loser. So Nana fires him from the Mogul Embassy and Brian Cage lays him out with the Drillclaw. Well that’s why they lost then. And then Darby immediately forgives Fox and welcomes him back into his heart. So Darby wants to know the new partner…and it’s CHRISTIAN CAGE. OH MY GOD THAT CRAZY BASTARD TONY KHAN UNIFIED THE DARBYVERSE. He pulled it off! Collision and Dynamite together again! Also Christian gets the promo of the week by pointing out that Nick Wayne had a father…who died. And also he’s never heard of Buddy Wayne so he couldn’t have been very good. We should never doubt Tony Khan again. This was like an episode of Seinfeld where they had all the subplots intersect by the end. But with more dead father jokes.
Meanwhile, FTR sits down with the Young Bucks, and the Bucks don’t feel like they need to win because FTR needs to beat them. And FTR are just gonna be the guys that the Bucks named on their YouTube show. That’s pretty savage.
Ruby Soho v. Skye Blue
Ruby attacks and Skye runs her into the railing outside, but Ruby cuts her off in the ring and puts the boots to her. Ruby with the chops in the corner, but Skye chases her to the apron and hits her with a knee to the floor. Skye with a crossbody as we take a break. Back with Skye hitting a crossbody in the ring for two and a neckbreaker gets two before they trade cradles for a bunch of near-falls. Skye catches her with Skye-Fall for two. Backslide gets one, but Ruby hits the riot kick and Destination Unknown for the pin at 7:40. Decent TV match. **1/4.
Meanwhile, Renee chats with Roderick Strong and his new pals. And then TSN cuts it off out of nowhere and we go to the House of Black video package instead.
The Acclaimed hit the ring and call out the House of Black for disrespecting Billy Gunn’s boots. So the House answers and beats the hell out of them, but Daddy Ass returns to chase them off. And now they’ve GOT HIS ATTENTION and they’re hurt his kids, so he’s back for one more time at Wembley…as Bad Ass Billy Gunn. Glad we’re actually getting a payoff and they should probably switch the titles there.
Also I guess Jack Perry got bumped to Collision. Considering I had barely checked on the time and discovered that it was suddenly 1:45 in during the Acclaimed segment, I’m not surprised. They’ve packed a LOT of stuff into this one.
ROH Tag team titles: Aussie Open v. The Hardy Boyz
Man after this crazy show this feels like kind of a bizarre choice for a main event. Hardys with Poetry in Slow Motion on the Aussies and they clear the ring. They fight on the floor and we take a break. Back with Davis working a facelock on Jeff, but Matt makes the comeback and hits Fletcher with the Side Effect, before running into an elbow in the corner. Matt with a superplex into a splash from Jeff, and that gets two. Matt slugs away in the corner but gets powerbombed, and they hit Jeff with their double-team cutter out of nowhere and pin him at 8:11 to retain. Nothing much to this one. **. Clearly they were trying to go home in a hurry but the Hardyz move at half speed all the time now and it ended up running long as a result. And Aussie Open promises NO DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES and NO KANGAROO KICKS, which brings out Better Than You Bay Bay for the final staredown and brawl, as Mark Davis escapes the DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE, but Cole tries a superkick on Fletcher and misses…and MJF catches the kick and teases a shot with the diamond ring before hugging it out again.
Well this was definitely out of a Tony Khan cocaine-fueled fever dream at times but DAMN did they put the work into hyping All In. I think the beginning of the show ended up going way over time and they had to play catchup all night as a result, though. But if this barrage of hype didn’t make you want to order the PPV then you’re probably better off doing something else on Sunday anyway. Maybe watch some Terry Funk matches? I dunno, you do you.