The SmarK Rant for WWE Main Event – 10.03.12

The SmarK Rant for WWE Main Event – 10.03.12

This was a recommendation from WWE Network guru and #1 Rhea Ripley stan Miss Peacockery, and man was this show 11 years ago already? So yeah, this original concept for the show was a relatively short-lived thing on some channel called Ion TV where they got a TV deal and then both sides apparently tired of it fairly quickly (about a year into the deal) and WWE turned it into just another international recap show that aired on Hulu in the US. It’s still around today but basically just as a dumping ground for dark matches and tryouts.

Hey, it uses “Diamond Eyes” by Shinedown as the theme so at least it’s got a banger of a theme. During my obsession with Rock Band Blitz back in the day I used to do that song over and over trying to 100% it. Also yes I love Shinedown so shut up.

VIDEO GAME UPDATE: I decided to start playing the original Red Dead Redemption on Xbox backwards compatibility to spite the stupid Rockstar $50 “re-release” on PS4 and Switch, since it was in my catalog already from the 360. And it also looks way better on Xbox One S. And dammit now I’m hooked on that game again, although the lack of certain RDR2 quality of life features that I got so used to is really bugging me out.

Taped from Tulsa, OK.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & The Miz

CM Punk takes us back to his early days, as we get a montage of early footage and recap his rise to WWE champion. Apparently he can be a little hard to get along with? Totally new information.

Meanwhile, Matt Striker tries to interview Punk about his upcoming champion v. champion match tonight against Sheamus.

Meanwhile, Sheamus is gonna put his boot down Punk’s throat. And then we get a video package about Sheamus and his love of fightin’, fella.

Champion v. Champion: CM Punk v. Sheamus

TOO MANY LIMES. Why are there so many limes? Did we ever discover the answer to that question? So Punk was in his neverending feud with John Cena at this point, which ended when Cena was injured and Punk suddenly had no opponent. Sheamus works a headlock to start, but Punk beats on him in the corner to escape. Sheamus quickly goes up and Punk crotches him and sends him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Punk doing the forearms on Sheamus but he’s not Irish enough to pull it off, so Sheamus necks him to escape and puts the boots to him in the corner. Punk takes him down and drops a knee on him to take over again, then runs the shoulder into the corner. Sheamus fights back with the axehandles and he’s BUILDING MOMENTUM with a powerslam for two. But Punk catches him with a high kick and gets two off that as we take another break. Already? We’ve had like 5 minutes of wrestling so far.

Back with Sheamus hitting a battering ram from the apron for two. Sheamus goes for the Brogue, but Punk hides in the ropes and pulls off the turnbuckle pad in the process, earning himself the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus with the White Noise for two. Sheamus goes to work on the knee and tries the Cloverleaf, but Punk fights out of that and comes back with the knee in the corner and flying elbow. That gets two. Fun fact: That elbow was apparently popularized by Macho Man Randy Savage according to Michael Cole. I learned something today! Punk with the GTS, but Sheamus catches the leg and turns it into the Cloverleaf. Once again, I must ask why no one ever called this the Four Leaf Clover? Punk makes the ropes but walks into the backbreaker, and then Sheamus tries the Brogue and runs into the exposed turnbuckle pad, allowing Punk to get a surprising clean pin at 18:10. I would have bet good money on a DQ finish here. A very simple and pleasantly worked match to kick off the new show. ***1/4.

Afterwards, Sheamus does not think Punk is worthy of respect and he’s not going to make excuses for his loss, but he’ll be coming back again for Punk. From what I can see they had a rematch on RAW a couple of weeks after this, which Sheamus lost again, and that’s it for notable interactions between them.

Meanwhile, CM Punk responds to the mounting pressures from the WWE Universe to face John Cena in the Hell in a Cell match. WHO TALKS LIKE THIS? Heyman rightly calls the interview an idiot and tells him to get lost.

Next week: Randy Orton v. The Big Show!

Meanwhile, Big Show is going punch Orton really hard next week.

Zack Ryder & Santino Marella v. Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel

This is some kind of tournament for #1 contendership to the tag team titles, although they didn’t flash the brackets for long enough that I could pay attention and remember who won and if I cared. Gonna say probably not. Gabriel works a headlock on Santino and it’s over Ryder, who of course is doing pretty well for himself these days, and he gets double-teamed by Kidd & Gabriel. Kidd with a leg lariat for two and Gabriel slingshots in with a sunset flip for two. Kidd springboards in with a flying elbow for two. Kidd needs to teach Punk how to throw one of those. Kidd with a Code Red on Ryder for two. Zack comes back with the Broski Boot and brings Santino in for the Cobra, which finishes Kidd at 4:00 and they advance to the next round. Some nice stuff from Kidd as usual but there was nothing here otherwise. **

A very pleasant and watchable first show, as Vince obviously wanted to make a big first impression on Ion before pulling the plug on the show as he inevitably would. However Miz on commentary is like the equivalent of a mayo and white bread sandwich, which is weird for someone who plays an abrasive jackass so effortlessly most of the time. I liked the effort to make the main event on the Main Event seem like a main event, though.