The SmarK Rant for Clash of the Champions II
“Miami Mayhem” – Original airdate 06.08.88
The recent email about Clash 20 made me think that maybe I should do like Saturday Night’s Main Event and go through a full redo of the specials so everything is fully up to date. Obviously I’ve done the first one a million times already, so let’s kick it off with #2. I reviewed this show many, many years ago and don’t remember anything about it, which makes it my favorite kind of redo.
Live from Miami, FL, drawing 2400 and a 4.8 rating on TBS.
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bob Caudle
US title: Barry Windham v. Brad Armstrong
They’re using a totally different ring announcer here for some reason, who apparently thinks the champion is “Barry Wind-Ham”. Was Capetta busy or something? Barry was fresh off winning the US title tournament and becoming his most awesome self, although he still hasn’t transitioned to dressing like his dad quite yet. Windham takes him down with armdrags to start, but Brad slams out of it and Barry retreats to the floor. Back in the ring, Windham slugs away on the ropes, but Brad takes him down with a headlock and Windham bails again for some advice from JJ Dillon. That advice? “If you get bored of wrestling just find a sugar mama to take care of you!” Back in, Tony claims that Brad’s championship history with Tim Horner shows he’s “proven champion material”. Well he’s trying. Barry gets a cheapshot in the corner to take over and goes to work for a bit, but he misses a fistdrop and bails to the floor again while the director keeps cutting to the crowd for some reason. THE MATCH IS IN THE RING. Well sometimes, Barry’s been on the floor for a lot of this specific match. But you know what I mean.
Back in the ring, Brad takes him down with a headlock and works on that while they keep cutting to the crowd for no reason. It’s really not a particularly impressive crowd. Windham fights out of the headlock, but Brad cuts him off with a slam and goes back to the headlock. Finally Windham suplexes out of that and follows with a powerslam for two. Barry goes to a figure-four and gets some assistance from JJ on that while the referee is unable to see any wrongdoing, and they play off that old chestnut for a while to rile up the base. Finally the ref catches Barry using the ropes and forces the break, so Barry slugs Armstrong down again and tosses him outside. Windham slingshots him back into the ring and goes up, but he misses a flying elbow and Brad makes the comeback. Dropkick and kneelift and he goes to the top with a flying bodypress for two. Back up with another one, but Windham rolls through and applies the IRON CLAW. And that’s all for Brad at 14:04. Could have been a bit shorter but the figure-four stuff was fun and it was a good finish. ***
The Rock N Roll Express join Bob for some words after leaving earlier in the year and then leaving again by the end of the year.
Meanwhile, we’re on a boat for the official contract signing between Lex Luger and Ric Flair for the Great American Bash PPV on July 10. Unfortunately Luger suffered a paper cut from the contract and the marine commission had to stop the signing.
Meanwhile, the Four Horsemen arrive. Shouldn’t they have already been there to support Windham? Next up, Lex Luger shows up with Jim Crockett in another limo, at which point the Horsemen all jump him and destroy his nice white tux. Well he probably have seen THAT coming. Was he not paying attention the entire time he was a Horseman?
US tag team title: The Fantastics v. The Sheepherders
So after the intros, we take a break and join this one in progress, with Butch working on Bobby Fulton in the corner. Luke comes in and Tommy hits a bodypress on him for two, and Bobby dropkicks Luke to the floor. A sign in the crowd declares “New Zealand No, USA Yes!” as though New Zealand is some kind of hated enemy of the republic. I mean, sure, they produced Jay White, but other than that you can’t hold much against them. Bobby gets caught in the heel corner and the Sheepherders double-team him, but Fulton dropkicks Luke out of the ring and brawls with him out there. Rip Morgan tries to help and hits Luke by mistake, and that allows Fulton to esape and make a comeback in the ring. Rogers takes Luke down for two off a kind of STO, but Luke puts him down with a headbutt and Butch puts the boots to him for two. Rogers comes back and slams both Herders to chase them out of the ring again.
Back in, the Sheeps cut Rogers off again and Luke goes to an abdominal stretch, but Tommy fights out of that before crawling to the wrong corner. So they cut him off again and Butch beats on him in the corner, before blocking a blind charge with a boot for two. Heel miscommunication and it’s hot tag Fulton, but Luke grabs him from the apron and immediately cuts off the comeback. Luke comes in legally and hits him in the throat with a chop for two before choking him out on the ropes. Fulton fights back with a superkick and mule kicks Butch out of the corner, before hitting a bodypress on both Herders at the same time for two. And then Tommy comes in and pins both guys at the same time for two, and then they each pin one Sheepherder for two before Luke and Butch freak out and retreat to the floor. That was a fun spot. The Fantastics go to work on Luke now and double-team the arm, but that dastardly Butch pulls down the top rope and Rogers bumps to the floor. Luke runs him into the railing for good measure and Butch hits him with his own US title. Back in the ring, but Luke hits him with a chair on the way in while the ref is still distracted. Hey, might as well! That was actually tremendous timing on Luke’s part.
Back in for real this time, and Luke backdrops him and gets two from that. Butch comes in with a double axehandle, but he hits Luke by mistake and Rogers goes to the wrong corner again. So Butch comes in and continues to beat on Rogers, but he fights back with a clothesline and then Luke cuts him off again. Butch with a knee to the gut for two. Luke goes to the chinlock but Rogers fights out of that and runs Luke into the chair this time. And it’s HOT TAG Fulton as he rolls up Luke and gets the pin out of nowhere at 17:10 to retain. Needed a bigger finish but holy cow this was a great match that I don’t even remember from before. ****. Crazy that the Sheepherders were still doing these matches in 1988 and then ended up where they did by the end of the year.
Meanwhile, Steve Williams gives his opinion on the Luger attack, once again showing why you don’t let Steve Williams do promos in the 80s.
The Garvins v. The Varsity Club (Mike Rotunda & Rick Steiner)
Kevin Sullivan is locked in a cage for this one. Apparently Ron Garvin is world-renowned as “The Fists of Stone” according to our ring announcer. But first we get another replay of the Luger attack, and when JR tells them to go to a break, they actually go to another break in the present. Don’t mess with Jim Ross I guess. Big brawl to start and everyone backs off and calms down. The Garvins double-team Steiner and Ron slugs him down for two before Jimmy comes in and works the arm. Dr. Death is on commentary here with Tony sounding like he’s a tad inebriated. I know, quite the stretch. Mike takes Jimmy down with a fireman’s carry and Jimmy gets his own to carry on with working the arm. So everyone backs off again while Sullivan keeps flashing a little piece of paper he’s carrying around in his gear, which was one of those bizarre storylines that they never bothered to pay off with anything. I think it was supposed to be something involving Precious having an abortion in the past and some kind of drama around that. Also Precious is in charge of the key to the cage for some reason.
In the ring, Rotunda works on Ron’s arm as this match is far more boring than you’d expect given everyone involved AND having a drunk Dr. Death on commentary. Ronnie gets worked over in the Varsity corner while we continuously cut to the dumb back and forth with Sullivan and Precious. Jimmy gets a hot tag and dropkicks Steiner for two. Well hot tag is relative in this case. Jimmy goes to a facelock here in this violent blood feud tag team match and the Garvins double-team Rick for a bit before Ron rolls him up for two. Ron goes for a sunset flip on Rotunda, and that gets two. Ron beats on him with chops, but Rotunda backdrops him to take over while we keep cutting back to the cage and Kevin’s paper. Maybe they’ll reveal it on paper-view? Everyone fights on the floor and Sullivan gets some shots from inside the cage, thus negating the entire point of the cage. Ron fights back with a headbutt and makes another hot tag to Jimmy and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA as Ron throws his renowned FISTS OF STONE on Rotunda to put him on the floor. But then Precious goes to the cage for some reason and Sullivan tries to steal the key from her, oh and someone gets pinned in the ring at 13:33. I think the Garvins won? Doesn’t really matter, this whole thing was boring and lame. *1/2. Also none of this went anywhere, as the blowoff at the PPV ended with Precious just choosing her husband again, and then Ron turned heel and left the promotion.
Meanwhile, we take a look at the Powers of Pain laying out the Road Warriors during the weightlifting exhibition, which was setting up an advertised scaffold match for the Great American Bash. Yeah about that. And then Tony and Bob have to explain the ridiculous Tower of Doom match, complete with a parchment from “ancient China” with a pencil drawing of the cage to visualize it. Pretty sure they didn’t have lead pencils in ancient China.
International Challenge match: Al Perez v. Nikita Koloff
They fight for the lockup to start and get into what looks like a slapfight over it, before Nikita whips him into the corner to win. Perez goes to the arm and they trade armdrags as Nikita goes to work on that. A sign in the audience clarifies that Nikita isn’t just a hunk, he’s a SUPER hunk, just in case you were confused about that. Pretty inappropriate sign for someone with a wife publicly battling cancer at the time. For shame. Perez dodges a charge and puts the boots to Nikita to take over, sending him to the floor for a cheapshot from Gary Hart. Another sign declares that, and I swear this is mostly verbatim, “Al Perez is not living in a dream, he’s in a nightmare, and that nightmare is a Russian Nightmare named Nikita”. What wrestler would possibly have time to read that sign?!? Perez slams him on the floro and suplexes him back in, but Nikita lands on top for two. So Al drops knees on the shoulder to take over again and goes to a chinlock as this show is really hitting the skids after that Fantastics match. Al goes to a chinlock while Tony describes the rough life of a pro wrestler and how they have to work out every day to be successful. See, sowing the seeds for throwing Sting under the bus a decade later even now. Perez cuts off a comeback and tosses Nikita, but he comes back in with a sunset flip and Perez kind of falls in the ropes to block. Perez with a suplex but Nikita blocks it and reverses to his own before making the comeback. I know there was obvious reasons but holy crap is Nikita checked out completely at this point. So he hits Perez with a shoulderblock and slugs away in the corner, and then sends Al flying over the top with a pounce before Larry Zbyszko runs in for the DQ at 11:57 and they all leave Nikita laying. For those keeping track, this also went nowhere. *. It seemed to be setting up a Western States title match between Nikita and Larry for the PPV but then Nikita was moved to the tag title match.
NWA World tag team title: Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson v. Sting & Dusty Rhodes
Sign at ringside: “Sting makes my (heart) zing!” Come on, they had to have been making those and handing them out to fans. I’d say that WCW would spell their own talent’s name wrong on the signs, but this was still Crockett running things for the moment at least. Sting goes after Arn’s arm to start and hits Tully with a hiptoss and flying headscissors, and it’s over to Dusty. No flying headscissors coming here I’d assume. Dusty slugs Tully down to finally wake up the crowd, and he takes Tully to the corner and beats him down with elbows as Tully bumps all over for the Dream. Figure-four is broken up by Arn and the Horsemen double-team him in the corner and send him to the floor. Back in, Tully tries a suplex, but he’s fighting the laws of physics there and Dusty hits him with a suplex and throws a dropkick. Over to Sting, who runs wild with a press slam on Tully and Stinger Splash to set up the Scorpion, but Arn breaks that up and the Horsemen double-team him on the floor to take over. Back in the ring, the Horsemen continue double-teaming him and Arn tries a suplex, but Sting blocks, so Tully comes in with a sunset flip and Arn clotheslines Sting over for two. They imported that one into the WWF with them and it was still an awesome spot. To the floor, and Arn hits Sting with a DDT on the floor, and JJ tosses Sting back in the ring for one. Not sure I’m OK with that but we’ll let it play out. Sting fights back with a backslide on AA for two but Tully tags the foot on the way by in a slick move and he saves. Sting puts him down with a stungun for the double down, but Sting makes the hot tag to Dusty with time running out on the show. He hits everyone with elbows and drops one on Arn for two and it’s BONZO GONZO, but Sting shoves the ref down and everyone brawls for the double DQ at 10:58 as Barry Windham and Ric Flair hit the ring for the beatdown. Some cool stuff from Tully & Arn here and there but this crowd was pretty uninspiring when anyone but Dusty was in the ring. **1/4. And everyone brawls to end the show because the Braves are up next and they need to get off the air.
I was thinking that this was a forgotten banger after the Fantastics match, but…nope. The crowd was pretty bad and everyone seemed a bit lethargic as a result. Recommendation to avoid.