The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 06.09.23

The SmarK Rant for AEW Rampage – 06.09.23

Well, thankfully TSN has finally officially announced through John Pollock that they will not be carrying Collision, and instead are dumping it onto their garbage “TSN Plus” app where Rampage currently resides in streaming hell. So I guess I’m sticking with FITE via VPN. Yay. This is gonna kill the show dead in Canada before it even launches, by the way.

Taped from Colorado Springs, CO

Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone

The Lucha Bros & Bandido v. Ethan Page, Big Bill & Lee Moriarty

Page tries a delayed suplex on Fenix right away, but Rey reverses him into a cradle for two and then dropkicks him back into his own corner. Over to Bandido, who thankfully is back to his usual awesome gear, and he trades chops with Moriarty and then hits him with a spinning bodypress out of the corner and a headscissors. Next up, we get a Big Bill v. Penta showdown, but Bill goes for a chokeslam and Penta superkicks him and chases the heels out of the ring. Penta tries a dive and Bill clubs him down in mid-air. Back in the ring, Bill chokes him out in the corner, but he mises a blind charge and Penta fights off the heels and makes the hot tag to Bandido. Bill cuts him off and the heels triple-team Bandido in the corner, setting up a powerslam from Page for two. Fenix gets another hot tag and the Lucha Bros double-team Bill with superkicks to the knees and then hurl Bandido onto the other two heels on the floor. Back in, Penta gets two on Page. The Mexicans triple on Big Bill to get rid of him and we get the Fear Factor on Moriarty on the apron, the HARDEST PART OF THE RING, but Page cuts off Bandido and tries to finish. But then the Hardy Party comes out and they make Ethan put on his forearm gimmicks, which allows Bandido to hit the 21-Plex at 10:38. This crowd was DEAD for this. **1/2

Meanwhile, in QTV, QT wants ideas for Collision, but they all have ideas that have already been done. What about making an announcement that they have an announcement about an announcement? Apparently that’s been done too. At least TK has a sense of humor about how lame he can be, I’ll give him that.

Powerhouse Hobbs v. Caleb Crush

Hobbs hurls him across the ring and suplexes him onto the top rope, then finishes with the spinebuster at 1:13.

Meanwhile, Wardlow and Arn Anderson promise that things are now personal with Christian Cage, and Wardlow is gonna take out his pain on Jake Hager on Dynamite.

The Acclaimed & Daddy Ass v. Angelico & Serpentico & Dr. Luther

Max accuses SAP of standing for “Small ass penises”. Huge if true. Well not really huge I guess. Notable if true? Angelico offers a scissor to Bowens to start and gets scissor-blocked, so he hits Bowens with a cheapshot and brings in Serpentico. Caster with a pair of atomic drops and they hit Angelico with Scissor Me Timbers, but Serpentico wants into the scissoring. So that doesn’t work for him and gets clobbered by Daddy Ass. Luther comes in and he gets beat up, but comes back with a snap suplex on Caster for two. Serpentico puts the boots to Caster in the corner, but Luther charges at Caster on the floor and hits the post as FITE takes a break. And we return with Caster hitting the Mic Drop on Luther for the pin at 8:38. Yeah. *1/2

Jeff Jarrett and his crew join Renee, and Karen Jarrett demands that Aubrey Edwards answer for her conduct. So Aubrey and Mark Briscoe join us and we get the first ever Aubrey promo, as she promises to kick Karen’s ass in catering. So Mark announces that AEW will sanction a mixed trios match to settle things, with Karen & Jeff & Sonjay Dutt v. Aubrey & Mark Briscoe & PAPA BRISCOE. There is absolutely no way that match is not going to rule.

Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Nyla Rose v. Skye Blue v. Mercedes Martinez

Skye manages to chase the heels out of the ring to start, but everyone slugs it out in the ring and Marina attacks Mercedes to save Nyla, which prompts Hikaru Shida to chase her to the back. Nyla chokes out Skye on the ropes and blocks a bodypress with a powerslam for two, but Martinez makes the save. Snap suplex on Skye gets two and she tosses Skye, while Nyla is busy beating on Britt outside for like 10 minutes straight. Back in the ring, Nyla supelxes Mercedes onto the top rope and tries the guillotine, but Britt takes out Nyla and hits Mercedes with a sling blade for two. Skye makes a comeback on Britt with her kick combo for two. Britt and Skye team up with a double submission on Martinez, but Nyla breaks it up and everyone trades big moves until Skye hits a surprise Code Blue for the pin on Nyla at 9:06. Didn’t see that one coming, I’ll give them that. Match was OK. **1/4

After last week’s excellent hour of great matches, this felt like another boring hour of AEW Dark 2.0 with a burned out crowd. But that Jarretts v. Briscoes six-man is going to RULE.