The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 6
Taped from Chicago, IL
Your hosts are Mick Karch & Terry Taylor
Tony Atlas v. Ron Powers
The announcers clarify that the World title tournament will indeed continue later in the show. They do note that Atlas is in for “the fight of his life” with this guy Ron Powers, although Tony immediately shoves him down multiple times “like a 5 pound sack of flour”. That’s a pretty specific simile. Powers goes for the full nelson and Atlas somehow powers out of it and reverses to his own, which gives us the spot where Powers tries to walk up the ropes and Atlas drops him on the back of his head. “This is the wrestling of the 21st century!” notes Taylor moments after they do a comedy spot from the 50s. Also first mention of Paul Alperstein, take a drink. Powers makes a comeback but runs into a boot in the corner and Atlas puts him down with a chinlock as the round expires.
Second round and Powers attacks in the corner and hits a big boot, but Atlas puts him down with a press slam and pins him at 5:42. This round system is so incredibly pointless, basically just a spot for a commercial break. Also they keep putting over Ron Powers as this great rising star, but just keeps getting used as a jobber because none of the washed up castoffs want to do a job. The whole point of bringing in the fossils from the 70s is to use their remaining name value to make new stars out of the people you actually want to push. Having the same guys going round and round with each other is exactly why this whole thing never went anywhere.
Meanwhile, Tito Santana is going to keep moving through Mr. Hughes in the next round of the tournament.
Michael PS Hayes v. Bobby Bradley
Hayes was basically retired at this point due to his back injuries but I guess Alperstein’s Alperbucks were enough to get him out one last time. Hayes literally looks like he’s wearing sweat pants after an afternoon of binging Netflix. Did we have Netflix in 1994? Pretty sure we must have. Bradley gets a couple of rollups for two, but Hayes slams him and drops an elbow before going to a chinlock. Bradley makes a comeback but Hayes hits him with the famous MICHAEL HAYES LEFT HAND and kind of falls on him with an elbowdrop for the pin at 2:50. Quite the way for Hayes to finish off his career.
AWF World title tournament, round one: Chris Adams v. The Warlord
Adams dropkciks Warlord to the floor, but Warlord comes back in and pounds away in the corner before Adams gets a bodypress for two. Adams tries a crucifix and Warlord falls backwards to counter and then slowly beats on Adams with a backbreaker for two. And he puts the boots to Adams as the round expires. And we of course are reminded that Paul Alperstein maintains all the rules, take a drink.
Second round and Warlord continues his thrilling offense with a sideslam as they keep talking about how Adams has the advantage due to being trained in the round system. Never mind that we haven’t had a single match go to the end of the scheduled rounds yet. And more mentions of Paul Alperstein, take a drink. Warlord with a bearhug and a slam, but he goes up and misses a flying nothing. Warlord hits a back suplex on him, but Adams lifts his shoulder and gets the pin at 7:00. This was just Adams bouncing off Warlord for the runtime of the match and then winning on a fluke.
Meanwhile, Ken Resnick feels like the previous match was a great demonstration of why Adams was so well versed in the rounds system. See, he didn’t want to pin Warlord in the first round, he wanted to wear him down first. Right.
AWF World title tournament, round one: Cowboy Bob Orton v. Johnny Gunn
The match is so big that we get a visit from the Macho Rooster on commentary as that bizarre running gag continues. Gunn works headlocks on Orton while the announcers stress that Paul Alperstein will back up any decisions made by the referees. Take a drink. Gunn runs Orton into the turnbuckles a few times and Orton backs off and then puts him down with a forearm to take over. Gunn with a sunset flip for two and a rollup for two, but he tries a bodypress and Orton rolls through for the pin at 4:15, which was supposed to be right on the bell for the first round but was actually way past it. I have no idea why they thought Bob Orton, who hadn’t been relevant since 1986, would be a convincing heel to push all the way to the finals of this thing.
AWF World title tournament, round one: Greg Valentine v. Jim Powers
Valentine and generic manager Rico Suave bring a mystery woman to ringside with them, who appears to be playing the Alexandra York role. This actually references a weird interview segment on the very first episode, where Valentine and Suave talked about the woman sitting at ringside during a match that didn’t actually air on that first episode. Jimmy Powers appears to have no troubles sourcing steroids despite his lack of employment elsewhere. Maybe Dr. Zahorian takes Alperbucks. Valentine takes Powers down with a pair of drop toeholds, but Powers reverses to a headlock. Valentine takes out the knee and goes to work on it before switching to a Boston crab. Powers is so inflexible that Valentine can’t hold the move, and Powers comes back with a crossbody for one as the first round ends.
Second round as Suave uses his portable phone to really hammer home the satire, and Hulk Rooster makes a cameo on commentary this time. Powers makes a comeback and Valentine puts him down with an elbow, but can’t get the figure-four because Powers can’t bend his legs without rupturing his quads. So Powers makes a comeback and tries his own figure-four, but Valentine cradles him for the pin at 7:18. Karch notes that this is because Powers is a “relative newcomer”. Very relative considering he started a decade before this.
NEXT WEEK: The quarter-finals of the World title tournament!
Well at least this tournament has given the promotion a tiny bit of direction, even though the matches are uniformly terrible and the finishes suck.