The SmarK Rant for AWF Warriors of Wrestling – Episode 2
Well this is clearly the winner of the new content parade from the KrisPLettuce archives.
Taped from Chicagoland somewhere, sometime in 1994.
Your hosts are Mick Karch & Terry Taylor
Johnny Gunn v. Ronnie Vegas
Sounds like they should be a pretty boy tag team. Together they’re almost as young and vascular as the Outrunners!
Round 1: Vegas, who dresses like Randy Savage in 1992 if he was doing ICOPRO protein shakes for every meal but without any of the working out, attacks in the corner and beats on Gunn with forearms. Taylor: “No one here in the AWF is a slug!” Except for like 7 or 8 guys we’ve seen thus far. Gunn chases Vegas to the corner and then yanks him out by the feet and catapults him into the other corner while the announcers make lame dad jokes about Las Vegas, and Gunn finishes with a short butterfly powerbomb at 2:10. Apparently that is the move threatened last week, which is called the HOUSE QUAKE. Duly noted.
The Mighty Hercules v. Jimie V.
Herc is managed by Sheik Adnan, which hearkens back to the days when Hercules himself was a Sheik in Mid-South. Also we are really, really reaching for “star power” now. Herc is looking, shall we say, a tad doughy here, and he no-sells Jimie’s offense and then chokeslams him while we get our first mention of AWF President Paul Alperstein this week. Take a drink. Herc with a clothesline that nearly misses and he puts this geek down with a chop and then hits him with a corner clothesline. This poor kid is out there hurling himself all over the ring trying to make Herc look like he’s still a top guy, and it’s not working. Herc finishes with a powerbomb at 2:28 after not leaving his feet for the entire match. Herc’s run in New Japan didn’t exactly revive his career or improve his work.
The Texas Hangmen v. Butler Stevens & Mike Brahm
Oliver Humperdink is managing the Hangmen, which leads me to wonder why we need two heel managers in a promotion that was already bleeding money. So Killer and Psycho were in a million different rinky dink promotions in the 90s and never even got a sniff of the Big Three, which tells you how impressive they were. I believe they did some WCW TV jobs as Disorderly Conduct with an even more generic gimmick and that’s about it. The Hangmen double-team Stevens and then bring Brahm in, quickly putting him down with a corner clothesline and a double-team elbow in their corner. Psycho with a backdrop suplex on Brahm and Killer comes in with a chinlock for a bit. Belly to belly from Psycho while we discuss Alperstein for another drink, and they finish with a double-team neckbreaker at 3:50. So we’ve had three matches so far and none of them have made it to the second round, which again leads to the natural question of WHY THE HELL WE EVEN HAVE ROUNDS.
Meanwhile, Tito Santana doesn’t like the Hangmen or their manager, but he does like the round system, because it’s bringing back good wrestling as it used to be. They keep saying this thing, I do not think these words mean what they think they mean.
Hurricane Smith v. Lightning Rod
Smith is a fairly big guy like Big Bossman but without the personality or charisma or good gimmick from what I can see. He beats Rod with a big splash at 0:44. This was the first guy featured who wasn’t a recycled WCW or WWF talent, although he’s such a nothing that he doesn’t even have a Cagematch bio.
Mr. Hughes v. Bobby Bradley
We get an inset promo from Michael Hayes, who is apparently slumming it here soon. How the hell would that even happen? His back was shot in WCW and he had to retire. Hughes with the usual squash as he throws Bradley around and dropkicks him. Oh also, PAUL ALPERSTEIN. Take a drink. Sidewalk slam finishes at 2:25.
Meanwhile, let’s hear directly from the man himself, Paul Alperstein. Mr. Hughes bursts in and he’s really mad at Paul Alperstein, but Paul Alperstein fines him $3000 in Alper-bucks for attacking the jobber before the bell. That’s almost enough money to cover the drink bill by the end of this episode.
Cowboy Bob Orton v. Trevor Blanchard
The announcers speculate whether Blanchard is related to the famous family of the same name, and we get another mention of Paul Alperstein. Take a drink. Blanchard gets a couple of takedowns on Orton, but Bob slugs him down and puts the boots to him to take over. Orton with a piledriver that moves through 5 different camera cuts, and that finishes at 2:34.
Gentleman Chris Adams v. Ron Powers
Could this finally be the match that goes past the first round? Karch teases that Powers “reminds him of someone” but he doesn’t look particularly familiar. Just a generic Ron Bass type with more hair, who did some WCW TV jobs years before. Powers charges and lands on the floor, and Adams takes him down with a headlock back in the ring. Adams with an armbar on the mat and he works on that, but Powers makes the ropes, so Adams takes him down again until the first round ends at 4:00.
Second round and Adams takes him down with a cross armbreaker while we get an inset promo from Luscious Tommy Rich, which is what you get when you order Ric Flair from the marketplace on Walmart.com, and Powers comes back and hangs Adams in the Tree of Woe and chokes him out. Taylor wonders if Paul Alperstein is watching the match closely? Hard to watch much of anything closely given how much alcohol has been imbibed playing the Paul Alperstein Drinking Game. Karch notes that in the AWF, there’s parody. I think he meant parity but let’s face it, the other one works better. Powers with a chinlock and we limp into the third round while Powers works on that.
Third round and Powers threatens to go all Million Dollar Baby with the stool, but then gets talked out of it and drops Adams on the top rope instead. Powers with a suplex, but he goes up and misses an elbow, and Adams finishes out of nowhere with a superkick at 11:44. So they gave this Powers guy 10 minutes of offense on supposed top rounds expert Chris Adams, and then he didn’t even have another match in the promotion that I can find. That checks out. And really, you already went into the third round, why not go to the referee’s decision to establish how that works?
Next week: Warlord teams up with Nails and really what more do you need? Hopefully they talk about Paul Alperstein a lot so I’ll be good and sloshed by the time we get to the match. Somehow I know I have nothing to worry about in that regard.